He made me so mad

Rose Red Wrote:
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> did to what your husband did.
>
> My husband read me the riot act for reacting badly
> at a post-baptism party to the new dad asking me
> when I was going to have kids. Why do people
> think it's their business? Now he's mad at me for
> saying never. He knew how I felt about this when
> he proposed. Now I feel the marriage is in
> jeopardy if I don't cough up some maternal
> instinct. I'm 40! I'm supposed to have a
> mongoloid?

Rose, many may not like my answer as I have said this to a man who had a wanna-breed live-in who was giving him the ultimatum of a baby or the end of the relationship. It did not matter how the fellow was paying all of her bills. Some said I was 'crazy' and harsh...but you have to ask yourself if you want to continue living with a man who is angry at you for not wanting to breed. Your concerns of the marriage being in jeopardy should send you warning signs. Do you really think this man will be a "happy" husband if you do end up having a baby even if the child is healthy? Many women caved only to find their husbands fooling around as the guys felt a woman's body ruined by pregnancy no longer got their peckers up and, of course, leaving the cunt work to her. Is this guy really worth it??? Him reading you the riot act says a lot about this Class A Jerk.

Rose Red, that's not good news. I went through the same thing, and in the end, after giving me six months of BS, he finally came clean and said he wanted to breed. That was the day his ass went out the door, and while it was tough, I've never regretted it. Why would I? He knew how I felt from our second date, and he would never come clean with me because he knew exactly what would happen. He was right. At the time, he was 41. If he manages to find someone to breed with, he's still gonna be paying for school while he's trying to retire.

This is your choice. Why would you choose to wreck your body, up-end your life, lose your career and be saddled with a parasite for the rest of your life? No guy is worth that. Stick to your guns, and know that you have support.

Catabat Wrote:
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> Rose Red, that's not good news. I went through the
> same thing, and in the end, after giving me six
> months of BS, he finally came clean and said he
> wanted to breed. That was the day his ass went out
> the door, and while it was tough, I've never
> regretted it. Why would I? He knew how I felt from
> our second date, and he would never come clean
> with me because he knew exactly what would happen.
> He was right. At the time, he was 41. If he
> manages to find someone to breed with, he's still
> gonna be paying for school while he's trying to
> retire.

Ain't it something how these trifling men KNOW damned well what a childfree woman wants from the beginning of the relationship...yet acts all banshee-faced when the mate refuses to shit out a brat??? In their 40's, these asses seem to whine for babies. Most of them seem to seek out dumb bunnies in their 20's when the gals their own age refuse to be a broodmare for their fucking egos.

> This is your choice. Why would you choose to wreck
> your body, up-end your life, lose your career and
> be saddled with a parasite for the rest of your
> life? No guy is worth that. Stick to your guns,
> and know that you have support.

Exactly! After a woman fucks up her body, ruins her life, and ends a career, the may-an is usually nowhere to be found. These guys find they do not like fucking a woman who has a body messed up by pregnancy and childbirth. They gag at stretch marks even though it was for their baaay-bee. Rose Red, I know I have strong opinions but it has come from years of shit from those who say the same crap your husband has been feeding you. I am 44, sterilized, got rid of sorry-assed men, and never looked back.

Bell_Flower is another one who knows what she is talking about in her post.

bell_flower Wrote:
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> Welcome aboard, Rose. We are glad to have you
> here.

Thank you! It is such a relief. It makes me mad I can't go to any of the meet up b/c of the husband....

>
> Is your husband upset because you mentioned
> personal matters (although you were the one who
> was asked, not vice versa) or is he upset because
> you don't want kids?

Both. But the new father asked me- I didn't volunteer it...

>
> It sounds like your husband needs a big smack with
> the clue bat. There is nothing worse, IMHO, than
> an over-40 man with baby rabies especially
> because: 1. it's not his body being ruined; 2.
> most duds stay around for the Kodak moments and
> phone in the rest.

That's totally him. He doesn't deal on the cat box!!!!

>
>
>
> Turned out, not only did he want a kid, he was
> cheating with a married woman who had fertility
> problems. He and she were having some kind of
> 'let's leave our uncaring spouses and have a
> baybee" fantasy.

Oh, god. I'm sorry.
>
> He lied to me until the bitter end and when I
> discovered his affair, I kicked his ass to the
> curb and moved on. It was really rough because it
> was my second marriage, but there are worse things
> than being divorced twice/ Being married to a
> lying, cheating WannaBreed is but one of those
> things.

My second marriage too. If I'd stayed married to #1 I'd have eaten a bullet.

>
> When I was in limbo, where he was whining about
> baybees but wouldn't tell me what was really going
> on, those were by far the hardest three months of
> my life. (He was really sneaky with his affair. I
> hired a detective and it still took 3 months to
> bust his ass.)

#2 thinks a baybee will save our marriage. Right.

>
> You didn't ask, but my recommendation is to cut
> your losses. When I got my own place the sense of
> relief was wonderful. No more tiptoeing around
> his moods, etc. No more whining. I firmly
> believe the kid issue is something you can't
> compromise on. Better to go your separate ways.

I agree but am in so much debt I need to save some cash, kill a few c/cards and figure out plan B. (he owns his own business and i do the bookkeeping for the household so I can divert funds without notice.)

>
>
> Your husband sounds like a selfish turd. Anyone
> who wants their partner to crank out a kid they
> don't want has serious problems.

That's not the half of it......

>
> As a postscript to my story, I found a wonderful
> NMNK man who dotes on me. My ex did not marry his
> whore, mostly because her husband found out about
> the affair and she went back to him.

Yay! that makes my day.

>
>>
> Although I was hurt at the time, the dude did me a
> favor. I didn't have to listen to his whining,
> wishy-washy Wanna Breed ass. And let me tell you,
> his desire to have a kid was totally irrational.
> He would have been a disaster as a father: he had
> poor impulse/emotional control, and he was a drama
> queen, high maintenance kind of person.

Perhaps they are related...

>
> And as far as your friends go, they probably have
> a shitty marriage and need a chyyyyld as a
> distraction.

The husband is italian. It's practically a job requirement. She did it to shut him up.

It seems like the couples who are
> the most desperate to have a baybee and endure all
> these medical procedures have the shittiest
> marriages. At least, that's been my experience
> IRL. The wives, particularly, are insecure. They
> know that a kid is the best way to hook into a
> man's wallet, or they just want a socially
> acceptable reason to drop out of the work force
> and suck off some mayn.

She produced an heir, so she can hit the showers......

k-man Wrote:
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> Rose Red, I agree with Bell_flower's advice to
> you—and I'm not one to advocate divorce lightly.
> Your husband is likely to give you more and more
> grief about sprogging, and this situation with the
> family members who want you to take vacation to
> see the baby, etc., is just the beginning. If you
> aren't already, you probably soon will be
> miserable with him. Life's too short.

I think it's too late but I need an escape hatch. working on it.

Techie Wrote:
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> Rose Red Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> >
> > My husband read me the riot act for reacting
> badly
> > at a post-baptism party to the new dad asking
> me
> > when I was going to have kids. Why do people
> > think it's their business? Now he's mad at me
> for
> > saying never. He knew how I felt about this
> when
> > he proposed. Now I feel the marriage is in
> > jeopardy if I don't cough up some maternal
> > instinct. I'm 40! I'm supposed to have a
> > mongoloid?
>
>
> Stand your ground Rose Red. You got all the
> winning cards. He cannot force you to sprog. Men
> do not birth kids. Their bodies will not suffer
> from it. They should not pressure a woman into
> it. Same goes for women - they should not
> pressure a men into fatherhood. It's a sad ending
> in a majority of cases.
>
> Your hubby is probably lost. In some cases,
> parents ask themselves what would it be like to be
> CF. Some CF, sometimes, could ask the opposite.
> Usually CF will walk away vomiting, parents walk
> away with tons of regrets. Let him brew, most men
> I know will choose CF over breeding any day. Most
> fathers that I know are there against their
> wishes. They are only there because that was what
> it took for them to be with a woman. If they
> could be with a woman and stay CF, that girl can
> pretty much name her own price, and price has very
> high limits. Demand is high, the supply is low.
> He has a CF wife, that is very rare in today's
> market. The sooner your hubby catches on, the
> quicker he will be kissing your feet and the
> ground you walk on. If he messes up, he will be
> sorry. You will have the last laugh if he leaves
> and choses to breed. You will not be sorry, he
> will be.


you made some great points.

I really don't want to be a thread hog, but you guys are so wonderful. I can't believe someone understands.

The sad thing is that during my 1st marriage i went to my gyn (at 22) and asked to have it snipped. He saiod i was too young to make that decision......

I wouldn't get mad at your hubby for something like that.

For a few reasons:

1. breeders would just love to see a childfree couple fighting - misery loves company
2. they will probably make assumptions that you guys are on the rocks
3. they'll think it's a one-sided decision

Just tell them that having kids has all the appeal of having a pet alligator. That usually shuts them up.

Just to respond to Merc's statement...
"I think, and i stress to say *I* think this. That men would never talk about that subject, because it doesnt affect them. Men never ask other men do you want kids, or not often."
Yeah, they probably don't talk about it too often, but they do talk about it. Now that we're married, DH has been getting the ol "when you having kids for my kids to play with" line from his bandmate - a stay at home dad.
Why he even asks is beyond me, as it's patently obvious to everyone I know that I have the maternal instincts of Patsy on Ab. Fab. The way it's told, it all just sounds like alpha male posturing, which is something this guy does all the time. "When are you going to prove your dick works as good as mine?", "look, I'm two up on you now" kind of b.s. Fortunately, DH is never adverse to saying "You know we don't swing that way, so stop trying to invite us to your family orgy"

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

i did say not many, "Men never ask other men do you want kids, or not often." Perhaps in the UK we talk about it less, could be a cultural thing.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein