I'm rarely an optimist, and know my friends would change after having their kid...I just figured they'd become BETTER, you know? Ach, whatever, now I know and I can start finding different things to do when they invite me over for MouthBreatherson's birthday, and their second baby shower, and on...and on...and on...Yeaaaa, I got to stand over here now, sorry I can't make it.
The other breeders and empty nesters at the party were rich with bingos and self-delusion. I had the displeasure of being trapped with them as they literally had me corraled on the front porch bingoing me when they found out I'd just gotten married, and that I know how to do old fashioned stuff like sewing, growing and preserving food, hanging clothes on a laundry line and reusing stuff. "Wow" the Duh says, "Your husband made quite a catch. When are you going to have children?"
F. "Never"
D. "Really?"
F. "Really."
D. "You know, I've heard they've made great advances in IVF"
F. "And your point is?"
D. "If you're having a hard time..."
F. "I don't believe in doing things I have no desire to do"
D. "Really? But you're so talented, you could..."
F. "I'm not talented, I have learned skills anyone can master"
D. "So you should have a child to teach them to"
Then the Empty Nester Duh jumps in...
END "Yes, children are the future, they need good teachers"
F. "Riiiiight. Good teachers have a desire to teach. Bad teachers don't. I don't, therefore I'd be a bad teacher"
D "But you're so smart"
F. "Yes, that's why I'm not having children I don't want"
END "What if everyone thought that way?" (Did they read a bingo list, or what?)
F. "Then only people who actually wanted to do the work of raising a person to be a productive human would do it and there would be hardly any abused or neglected children in the world"
D & END - gaping stares
F. "Excuse me, I need to start drinking now."
PWND! They didn't talk to me for the rest of the party, and for that I was glad.
"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me