Need some free, neighborly advice
Posted by Rotten Kid
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Need some free, neighborly advice July 03, 2008 |
I am a regular poster and most of you will probably be able to figure out who. I need suggestions on what to do to/about my next-door neighbor, who happens to be a relative. There have been altercations in the past, one of which involved restraining orders and ultimately resulted in me receiving a small settlement after filing a case against her for defamation of character.
So, I'll describe the situation in a top-down format. First, please look here:
Her driveway is on the right, mine is on the left. You can barely see the light-colored roof of my house through the vegetation. You can see that it is the gate associated with HER driveway that sticks out and blocks the sidewalk. This will become important in a moment.
DH and I wake up to find a parking ticket on my windshield. For parking on the sidewalk. Yes, there apparently IS a city ordinance against that, but we were not parked "on" the sidewalk the way you normally would think of it; our car was parked in the driveway, but stuck out onto the sidewalk. We have parked like this for years, and my aunt parks her car(s) like that too. So what does the gate have to do with all this? My grandparents live in the house on the OTHER side of me, and my two aunts are at war with each other. For reasons beyond the scope of this discussion, I am on speaking terms with the other aunt, not the one next door. Due to circumstantial evidence, I have deduced that it was my aunt-next-door that called the police at 11:30 PM (DH got home shortly after 11:00) and told them that my car was in the way because of the old lady who needs to walk on the sidewalk. But she parks her car(s) like that, and leaves her fucking gate open like that, and *I* have a $50 parking ticket which of course I'm going to contest!
But I need help thinking of a way to punish her for this. I have thought of the usual things, messing with her cars, etc. and I need something more elegant. It can't involve poison or anything bad for the critters, and it shouldn't be hazardous to deploy (hence, no pouring aqua regia on anything). Of course, it shouldn't be traceable back to me, either, at least not that anyone could prove. The best I can come up with is to take some garden clippers and go along the edge of her fence and cut plants close to the ground, so it doesn't get noticed for a few days and by then it's all dried up. i have also thought about ordering food delivered there, but most places have caller ID now. I also thought about ordering subscriptions of hard-core porn delivered to the house, but that can be traced unless one goes to great lengths like getting a money-order to pay for it.
Ideally, I am looking for a way to get back at her where she doesn't even realize it. i did this once in college to a girl I didn't like for certain reasons, I got utilities and a credit card in her name and used them for years, then I moved and closed everything and paid the credit card, and I don't think she ever noticed and it never cost her any money, and I could have ruined her credit but I actually did her a favor by paying all those bills on time. That is the kind of thing I would LIKE to do this time, although I can hardly expect to do as well. I would settle for ruining my aunt's credit, but I only expect to ruin her day.
So, I'll describe the situation in a top-down format. First, please look here:
Her driveway is on the right, mine is on the left. You can barely see the light-colored roof of my house through the vegetation. You can see that it is the gate associated with HER driveway that sticks out and blocks the sidewalk. This will become important in a moment.
DH and I wake up to find a parking ticket on my windshield. For parking on the sidewalk. Yes, there apparently IS a city ordinance against that, but we were not parked "on" the sidewalk the way you normally would think of it; our car was parked in the driveway, but stuck out onto the sidewalk. We have parked like this for years, and my aunt parks her car(s) like that too. So what does the gate have to do with all this? My grandparents live in the house on the OTHER side of me, and my two aunts are at war with each other. For reasons beyond the scope of this discussion, I am on speaking terms with the other aunt, not the one next door. Due to circumstantial evidence, I have deduced that it was my aunt-next-door that called the police at 11:30 PM (DH got home shortly after 11:00) and told them that my car was in the way because of the old lady who needs to walk on the sidewalk. But she parks her car(s) like that, and leaves her fucking gate open like that, and *I* have a $50 parking ticket which of course I'm going to contest!
But I need help thinking of a way to punish her for this. I have thought of the usual things, messing with her cars, etc. and I need something more elegant. It can't involve poison or anything bad for the critters, and it shouldn't be hazardous to deploy (hence, no pouring aqua regia on anything). Of course, it shouldn't be traceable back to me, either, at least not that anyone could prove. The best I can come up with is to take some garden clippers and go along the edge of her fence and cut plants close to the ground, so it doesn't get noticed for a few days and by then it's all dried up. i have also thought about ordering food delivered there, but most places have caller ID now. I also thought about ordering subscriptions of hard-core porn delivered to the house, but that can be traced unless one goes to great lengths like getting a money-order to pay for it.
Ideally, I am looking for a way to get back at her where she doesn't even realize it. i did this once in college to a girl I didn't like for certain reasons, I got utilities and a credit card in her name and used them for years, then I moved and closed everything and paid the credit card, and I don't think she ever noticed and it never cost her any money, and I could have ruined her credit but I actually did her a favor by paying all those bills on time. That is the kind of thing I would LIKE to do this time, although I can hardly expect to do as well. I would settle for ruining my aunt's credit, but I only expect to ruin her day.
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Re: Need some free, neighborly advice July 03, 2008 |
Well, I'm a vengeful Scorpio so I'll offer my thoughts. 
First, do anything physical at night and dressed in dark clothes she can't recognize. Also, walk around the block and come from the other direction and go back that way, just in case she does have cameras. I must say, though, I would frown on doing anything that leaves physical things behind or anything obvious. Nothing traceable.
I would call the city EVERY SINGLE TIME her gate is open. She can receive a violation for that. Pretend you are an elderly lady that uses a cane/walker/wheelchair and tell them you have to maneuver into the street because of the gate. Refuse to give your exact address but say you live on the same street. Be sure to sound victimized and not like a cranky neighbor.
Round up is good to dump around on the ground to kill vegetation. Be careful not to get it on any leaves or it will be obvious. This way, they'll just wonder why the shrubbery died.
The subscription thing is excellent, mail any cards back from the next town over. Call and request information for anything you can get a number for, an have it sent to her house. She'll be inundated with junk mail from them selling her address, and unsolicited phone calls.
As far as ordering anything for delivery to her house, use *67 before dialing the number to call anywhere. *67 blocks your phone number from EVERYBODY. You have to do this each time you want to make a blocked call. BETTER YET, GO TO A PAY PHONE. You can still do the *67 thing from a pay phone.
Be careful NOT to order anything like a credit card in her name or whatever, in this day and age, there is probably a stiff penalty for that if you get caught.
Have fun!
First, do anything physical at night and dressed in dark clothes she can't recognize. Also, walk around the block and come from the other direction and go back that way, just in case she does have cameras. I must say, though, I would frown on doing anything that leaves physical things behind or anything obvious. Nothing traceable.
I would call the city EVERY SINGLE TIME her gate is open. She can receive a violation for that. Pretend you are an elderly lady that uses a cane/walker/wheelchair and tell them you have to maneuver into the street because of the gate. Refuse to give your exact address but say you live on the same street. Be sure to sound victimized and not like a cranky neighbor.
Round up is good to dump around on the ground to kill vegetation. Be careful not to get it on any leaves or it will be obvious. This way, they'll just wonder why the shrubbery died.
The subscription thing is excellent, mail any cards back from the next town over. Call and request information for anything you can get a number for, an have it sent to her house. She'll be inundated with junk mail from them selling her address, and unsolicited phone calls.
As far as ordering anything for delivery to her house, use *67 before dialing the number to call anywhere. *67 blocks your phone number from EVERYBODY. You have to do this each time you want to make a blocked call. BETTER YET, GO TO A PAY PHONE. You can still do the *67 thing from a pay phone.
Be careful NOT to order anything like a credit card in her name or whatever, in this day and age, there is probably a stiff penalty for that if you get caught.
Have fun!
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