Thanks for this info, kman; hadn't heard it all laid out so clearly before -- that the moment you step into a caregiving role you're fucked every which way to Sunday, especially if something happens to that person and you're on the hook. I imagine that many caregivers caring for a non-relative are also setting themselves up for lawsuits from the actual family members who weren't at all involved during the caregiving period, but who might suddenly remember how wonderful mom or dad was after something happens to them -- and sue that caregiver for negligence. Crazy.

And kudos to you, Kman, for your own wonderful generosity of time/money/spirit looking after your own mom and stepdad. You're a hero for sure!

One thing I've been seeing in this current situation is how I have a real problem being vampirized by others; meaning, I never wanted kids and the ensuing 18 years plus of them draining my life blood; caregiving can be exactly like that with an adult. Right now there are two of us constantly at the mercy of this person's bathroom trips, which can be anywhere from every four hours to every five minutes (since the docs keeping insisting on the periodic use of major laxatives to usher on bowel movements; that becomes 24 hours of absolute hell for everybody.)

The things I miss most are:

* Getting to go outside -- ever - for more than five minutes, and then having to be within earshot anyway
* Having time to do anything outside the house except for extremely difficult to arrange two hour periods to literally RUN and try to hit the bank and grocery store and pharmacy
* Getting to work (I immediately went bankrupt from these five weeks of non-work; having your own business will tend to leave zero flexibility for time off for emergencies)
* Just being in my own space; you miss the little things like being able to wander outside randomly to look at the sunset or think two thoughts of your own without constantly having your energy dominated by that other person

We're working to ensure that this doesn't happen up ahead post-surgery; but I don't think my parents really understand that no means no on my part; had to have a firm discussion with them about worst case scenarios and what we might have as options. Fun times! Bleah.

And yeah, it really is vampirism; and I could NEVER do this to someone I love, child, lover, or friend; so it's a good learning experience in that regard. You realize see that it's not right to require this from somebody; you're essentially turning them into your full-time slave and that's just not cool.