Here it is:
I confess: I am saying NO to YES
Created on 2008-07-18 12:15:18
I confess, I started off the summer with a commitment to myself (and unbeknownst to them...my family) that I would loosen up and try to say YES more often than I did during the school year.
I confess, I started off the summer with a commitment to myself (and unbeknownst to them...my family) that I would loosen up and try to say YES more often than I did during the school year. It worked for a few weeks - and my life was punctuated by affirmatives: "yes, you can buy one box of sugar cereal each.", "Yes you can watch just one more show.", "sure, you can put the dog on the raft in the pool." But as the lazy days of summers continued on, my children took advantage of my good nature and undermined my plan to be agreeable.
The erosion of my happy plan to be a "yes MOM" began with my teetering-on-the-edge-of-adulthood 17 year old daughter asking me if she could take a trip to Europe with her bestfriend. Now a post high school graduation Euro-trip wasn't out of the question as we'd been discussing this all year - she'd actually planned a trip and cancelled it. But this request was a doozy: she wanted to leave for Europe the NEXT day to take a whirlwind trip through 4 countries. Sure, she had a job she was committed to for the next 6 weeks, but they would understand - this was an opportunity of a life time!
I have to admit that for several hours during a long negotiation involving tears and expletives (tears, hers; expletives, mine) I was tempted to acquiese. But ultimately - after many pow wows with her dad, I held my ground that 1) it was RIDICULOUS to think about leaving for Europe with 24 hours notice - even if her friend was able to pull this off thanks to indulgent parents and more importantly, 2) she had a job - her first real paying job. I said no and I stuck to it -- even after she threatened to NOT speak to me for the remainder of our last few months together before she left for college.
In sequential order - my other two kids pushed the pendulum from Yes to No, but without as much vitriole as my eldest. My 10 year old wanted to stay up WAY past her even later summer bedtime to watch yet another reality show -- I think it was Project Runway for hairdressers or was it the Real World with dogs? Honestly, I'm not sure. But all I knew was that if she stayed up till 11pm, she would be heck on wheels the next day. No. Nope. Not happening. She too, threatened the silent treatment.
My 7 year old was next - with a more bizarre request for me NOT to drive him to camp in an outfit, which to him, resembled my pajamas. I confess to often rolling from my late afternoon sweatpants and t-shirt into bed and then out of bed in the am to start my day again. But on this particular morning, I hadn't slept in this ensemble - I had actually showered and put it on! He wouldn't let up - insisting that I was wearing my pjs, that he'd seen me sleep in this before, that I absolutely COULD NOT walk him into camp in what I was wearing.
Again, as in most arguments with my kids, the easy way out would be to give in. But fortified by two previous "wins" with the others, I offered proof to my son that I was not in sleepwear by doing what I knew would shut him up - I showed him my bra strap and said "See??? I'm wearing a bra under this! I don't sleep in a bra!" Being a little boy - the word bra - let alone the item itself - was enough to end the conversation and he reluctantly backed down.
Looking back on my original plan to say "Yes to Yes" - I realize that it was as much for me as it was for them. "Yes" is easier - much easier -than the litigious conversations that follow "No." But I'm happy to say that despite threats of silence and pouting, my teenager was fine the next day, and honestly, I think relieved that I'd laid down the law. As for the other two munchkins, their recovery was swift too.
So much for being agreeable this summer -- probably more often than not, I'm saying NO to YES.
Granted I'm Happy to see she held her ground, but I like how the kyds even thought of giving Mom the silent treatment as if that is some punishment for their mom, I would be like, good, who cares? Then, you can whine and ask for more garbage. And, the 7 y.o. telling his moo what to wear! Of course we all have felt embarrassed by our parents but short of having a horn come out of her head, I couldn't tell my mom what to wear to drive me somewhere. And, he must see people of all ages wearing sweats, so what is his problem? Could you imagine his reaction if it was the 50's, or 60's or earlier and the moo had jumbo pink curlers and a scarf over her head to drop him off! THese brats are outta this world.