Also from TMC...

Here it is:


I confess: I am saying NO to YES
Created on 2008-07-18 12:15:18

I confess, I started off the summer with a commitment to myself (and unbeknownst to them...my family) that I would loosen up and try to say YES more often than I did during the school year.

I confess, I started off the summer with a commitment to myself (and unbeknownst to them...my family) that I would loosen up and try to say YES more often than I did during the school year. It worked for a few weeks - and my life was punctuated by affirmatives: "yes, you can buy one box of sugar cereal each.", "Yes you can watch just one more show.", "sure, you can put the dog on the raft in the pool." But as the lazy days of summers continued on, my children took advantage of my good nature and undermined my plan to be agreeable.
The erosion of my happy plan to be a "yes MOM" began with my teetering-on-the-edge-of-adulthood 17 year old daughter asking me if she could take a trip to Europe with her bestfriend. Now a post high school graduation Euro-trip wasn't out of the question as we'd been discussing this all year - she'd actually planned a trip and cancelled it. But this request was a doozy: she wanted to leave for Europe the NEXT day to take a whirlwind trip through 4 countries. Sure, she had a job she was committed to for the next 6 weeks, but they would understand - this was an opportunity of a life time!

I have to admit that for several hours during a long negotiation involving tears and expletives (tears, hers; expletives, mine) I was tempted to acquiese. But ultimately - after many pow wows with her dad, I held my ground that 1) it was RIDICULOUS to think about leaving for Europe with 24 hours notice - even if her friend was able to pull this off thanks to indulgent parents and more importantly, 2) she had a job - her first real paying job. I said no and I stuck to it -- even after she threatened to NOT speak to me for the remainder of our last few months together before she left for college.

In sequential order - my other two kids pushed the pendulum from Yes to No, but without as much vitriole as my eldest. My 10 year old wanted to stay up WAY past her even later summer bedtime to watch yet another reality show -- I think it was Project Runway for hairdressers or was it the Real World with dogs? Honestly, I'm not sure. But all I knew was that if she stayed up till 11pm, she would be heck on wheels the next day. No. Nope. Not happening. She too, threatened the silent treatment.

My 7 year old was next - with a more bizarre request for me NOT to drive him to camp in an outfit, which to him, resembled my pajamas. I confess to often rolling from my late afternoon sweatpants and t-shirt into bed and then out of bed in the am to start my day again. But on this particular morning, I hadn't slept in this ensemble - I had actually showered and put it on! He wouldn't let up - insisting that I was wearing my pjs, that he'd seen me sleep in this before, that I absolutely COULD NOT walk him into camp in what I was wearing.

Again, as in most arguments with my kids, the easy way out would be to give in. But fortified by two previous "wins" with the others, I offered proof to my son that I was not in sleepwear by doing what I knew would shut him up - I showed him my bra strap and said "See??? I'm wearing a bra under this! I don't sleep in a bra!" Being a little boy - the word bra - let alone the item itself - was enough to end the conversation and he reluctantly backed down.

Looking back on my original plan to say "Yes to Yes" - I realize that it was as much for me as it was for them. "Yes" is easier - much easier -than the litigious conversations that follow "No." But I'm happy to say that despite threats of silence and pouting, my teenager was fine the next day, and honestly, I think relieved that I'd laid down the law. As for the other two munchkins, their recovery was swift too.

So much for being agreeable this summer -- probably more often than not, I'm saying NO to YES.




Granted I'm Happy to see she held her ground, but I like how the kyds even thought of giving Mom the silent treatment as if that is some punishment for their mom, I would be like, good, who cares? Then, you can whine and ask for more garbage. And, the 7 y.o. telling his moo what to wear! Of course we all have felt embarrassed by our parents but short of having a horn come out of her head, I couldn't tell my mom what to wear to drive me somewhere. And, he must see people of all ages wearing sweats, so what is his problem? Could you imagine his reaction if it was the 50's, or 60's or earlier and the moo had jumbo pink curlers and a scarf over her head to drop him off! THese brats are outta this world.

Gee how utterly terrible it would be to get the silent treatment from your teenager. Wow. It might mean you don't have to hear her stupid squealing and sarcastic guffaws and pissing and moaning constantly and hyperbolic stories that go nowhere such as "AND-SO-I'M-LIKE-YEAH-BUT-NO-BUT-YEAH-BUT-NO-AND-HE'S-LIKE-WHAT-AND-I'M-LIKE-OHMYGOD-AND-HE-LIKE-TAKES-THE-GUM-OUTTA-HIS-MOUTH-AND-LIKE-THROWS-IT-LITERALLY-AND-I-JUST-LIKE-SCREAMED-AND..." Boy how's a parent supposed to live without THAT?

And as for actually taking seriously any sartorial comments made by a 7 year old, goes to show she needs her head examined. Does her 7 year old wear tshirts with cartoon characters on them? Silly looking gym shoes? Baseball caps? Nuff said.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Here's the part that got me:

I have to admit that for several hours during a long negotiation involving tears and expletives (tears, hers; expletives, mine) I was tempted to acquiese. But ultimately - after many pow wows with her dad, I held my ground that 1) it was RIDICULOUS to think about leaving for Europe with 24 hours notice -

Fuck this noise! No long convos or numerous "pow wows."!!!
That's a big efffin NO. There should not have been a discussion. What a DUMB indulgent bint!
This moo just doesn't want to parent: Note how she decides to be a YES mom! This is ridiculous! What kid isn't going to take advantage of this?

I grew up in a time when a parent would not give into a mere child or teen because of the tears or blow-ups. Also, "no" meant "NO". A mother or father did not have to explain the "no", either. If a kid was dumb enough to ask why s/he could not do something. the parent usually just said, "Because I said so." There was no need to explain or justify anything. Just as a boss can change the rules, so can a parent. Tell that today's stupid parent!

Sounds like she just learned her little lesson in parenting.

I agree with Krishna. "No" requires no explanation--or didn't, when I was a kid. The idea of having pow-wows about a simple disciplinary matter is absurd. This lady is out of control. Or not in control, I should say. Silly, ridiculous woman.

Parents today, for whatever reason, think they "owe" it to their kids. Um, NO. YOU are the parent, YOU make the rules.

If they don't like it, I'm sure there's a nice cozy foster home waiting somewhere with an awfully "friendly" daddy.

I had a friend who would go pick up her 5th grader every single time she called from school saying she was not feeling well, had a headache, or her period was bothering her. OK, I can see the mom getting the girl when the cramps were bad. I know too well about that but many a times the daughter used the menses ALL OF THE TIME to get out of school. I tried that ONCE when I lived with my grandpa in 10th grade. He was not used to dealing with this stuff as a single man for many years. Grandpa wisely said, "Every day, girls have to deal with this. You are going to school." In the years I've been working since I was 17 (I'm 44), I only called out ONCE due to cramps.

My friend's daughter got her moo to get her one Friday saying she was not feeling good...but then it was because she wanted a Mommy/Daughter Day. Heck, the girl sees her moo every single day when she gets home from school and on weekends. I do not see this woman any longer since I moved. I am certain her older child is not going to do well in school unless some guidelines are set. How about, "You ARE staying at school today!" There are no boundaries. The girls are moved around a lot as they see their own mother act out as an adult. The time I was with her mother, I saw that smug Cheshire Cat look the girl had for being able to hoodwink her way out of school again.

When I was a kid, you had to be pretty sick to get out of going to school. The sniffles did not do it. Nor did menstrual cramps unless it was really painful. H#ll, we still had to do PE on our periods unless we were in swimming. Parents did not allow B*S excuses from their kids to miss school. Maybe that is why the schools were a little better back then...

clematis Wrote:
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> I agree with Krishna. "No" requires no
> explanation--or didn't, when I was a kid. The idea
> of having pow-wows about a simple disciplinary
> matter is absurd. This lady is out of control. Or
> not in control, I should say. Silly, ridiculous
> woman.

Seconded- No means no. I'd be delighted if my kid blackballed me for the summer- if child welfare showed up because they were running the streets, a brief stint in a foster home might do the trick.

Here too! I suffered migraines from an early age and that was the only time, outside of a strep throat or fever, that I was allowed to stay home. And with my mom, there was no faking a migraine. LOL

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
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> Here too! I suffered migraines from an early age
> and that was the only time, outside of a strep
> throat or fever, that I was allowed to stay home.
> And with my mom, there was no faking a migraine.
> LOL


Man I feel for ya... Thank God those bastard headaches have pretty much departed along with my monthly 'friend'. Guess hormones do more than they are supposed to.
Of course, there is the classic.. "Know how to make a hormone?".. "Refuse to pay her??"
I know, me bad,