the inevitable

Well, it's finally happened. Good friend whom I've known for 8 or 9 years had a kid. I became friends w/her mainly b/c, at the time, I felt kinda bad for her. She was dorky and from another country, so she didn't fit in very well and had only her husband around. Her husband was pals w/my boyfriend at the time, which is how we met in the first place.

Anyway, she turned out to be a pretty good friend for the most part, except that she was sometimes capable of passive aggression and smugness when it came to certain lifestyle topics (i.e. religion. She and her husband exchanged smug, knowing glances when I said I wanted to have more Jewish people in my life. They're Buddhist, so you'd think they'd be more open-minded). She respects the fact that not everyone's path to fulfillment involves having children. Nevertheless, I finally had to force myself to go visit her last weekend, 2 mos. after baby was born. I had to force myself b/c I was trying to be a good friend. Quite frankly, I don't give a flying fuck that she had a baby.

Now, she knows DAMN WELL how I feel about kids and the like, but towards the end of the visit she had to slip in a "I noticed you didn't ask to hold the baybeeee" like it was some kind of SURPRISE to her, or some shit. That made me feel like I had to defend myself so I said something to the effect of "It's not my thing" or some such. Don't think I'll be calling her anymore!

"I noticed you didn't ask to hold the baybeeee", is that some kind of Moocow code for "I can see you're a psychopath with a deep seated hatred of the human race"?

If you came over to see her new car, would she be angry if you didn't actually ask if you could get in and drive it?

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Well, I'm not FOND of the human race for the most part; it's chock-full of dumbasses, as I don't need to tell you. But that's beside the point. I'm certainly not a psychopath, I just don't like children and have ZERRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO interest in babies, and SHE KNOWS THAT! She just expected me to fall head over heels because it's hers! She was just trying to force the issue! So fuck her!

Dump her ass now, TXGal. Trust me, the little pokes and jabs you receive for not liking the baby will not stop.

Yeah, why is it that friends say that they "accept" that you don't like/want kids, but as soon as they pop one out you're supposed to change your mind? Do they honestly think they're exempt? That's the height of narcissism if you ask me...

TXGal, I also suggest you dump her ass. She doesn't want you to just hold the fresh crotchdump, she will also expect you to babysit it. When you tell her that you don't want to, you'll get the same bullshit.

Keep working more hours, CF people! Millions of breeders depend on us.

"I noticed you didn't ask to hold the baybeeee"

This is galling. As if you should want to hold the smelly squalling thing. Bleh. And it's passive-aggressiveness at its finest. As if anyone in their right mind wouldn't fall all over themselves for this rare and wonderful chance--give me a break.

I've seen this too, and what Feh mentioned in another post. Seems the more you say you aren't interested in a baybee, the more the parent seems to try to push it on you. As if there is nothing you can do about it, it's a human, you haaaaave to hold it.

I had this happen a few years ago at a picnic. We were in a group and new moo breeder had her kid there. Keep in mind, I just met this woman, but she knew the people I was with. Everyone was ga-gaaing over the freshly hatched loaf except me.

She goes to me, "Oh here, you look like you love babies," and held the kid over to me to hold it. I took a step backward, turned away and said, "Not on your life, get that thing away from me." The looks I got from her were priceless.

KFLL, I woulda done the same thing! How the fuck does she figure that the one person there who doesn't give a rat's ass "looks like you love babies?" Maybe on HER planet...

People are so barftastic!

KidFreeLuvnLife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've seen this too, and what Feh mentioned in
> another post. Seems the more you say you aren't
> interested in a baybee, the more the parent seems
> to try to push it on you. As if there is nothing
> you can do about it, it's a human, you haaaaave to
> hold it.
>
> I had this happen a few years ago at a picnic. We
> were in a group and new moo breeder had her kid
> there. Keep in mind, I just met this woman, but
> she knew the people I was with. Everyone was
> ga-gaaing over the freshly hatched loaf except me.
>
>
> She goes to me, "Oh here, you look like you love
> babies," and held the kid over to me to hold it.
> I took a step backward, turned away and said, "Not
> on your life, get that thing away from me." The
> looks I got from her were priceless.

:yr

TX, that was a pretty nasty thing to do- throw the kid at you. I's lose her # too since there seems to be another agenda here.

TXGal Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well, it's finally happened. Good friend whom
> I've known for 8 or 9 years had a kid. I became
> friends w/her mainly b/c, at the time, I felt
> kinda bad for her. She was dorky and from another
> country, so she didn't fit in very well and had
> only her husband around. Her husband was pals
> w/my boyfriend at the time, which is how we met in
> the first place.
>
> Anyway, she turned out to be a pretty good friend
> for the most part, except that she was sometimes
> capable of passive aggression and smugness when it
> came to certain lifestyle topics (i.e. religion.
> She and her husband exchanged smug, knowing
> glances when I said I wanted to have more Jewish
> people in my life. They're Buddhist, so you'd
> think they'd be more open-minded). She respects
> the fact that not everyone's path to fulfillment
> involves having children. Nevertheless, I finally
> had to force myself to go visit her last weekend,
> 2 mos. after baby was born. I had to force myself
> b/c I was trying to be a good friend. Quite
> frankly, I don't give a flying fuck that she had a
> baby.
>
> Now, she knows DAMN WELL how I feel about kids and
> the like, but towards the end of the visit she had
> to slip in a "I noticed you didn't ask to hold the
> baybeeee" like it was some kind of SURPRISE to
> her, or some shit. That made me feel like I had
> to defend myself so I said something to the effect
> of "It's not my thing" or some such. Don't think
> I'll be calling her anymore!


TX, that was a pretty nasty thing to do- throw the kid at you. I'd lose her # too since there seems to be another agenda here, and in other areas.

Oh, and Peppertree: Yes, her behavior is totally narcissistic. I was talking to her once, several years ago, about the option of adopting, why more ppl don't do it. Her response? "I can understand wanting a child of your own." And another time I asked her, point-blank, what her reasons were for having a kid. She said she loves children (she's in a PhD program to be a school psychologist) and wants to raise one, watch it grow, etc. But what she REALLY meant to say was, "Only MY DNA is good enough for me to raise."

IMHO, ANYBODY who INSISTS on giving birth and then couches the argument as an act of altruism, is the EPITOME of narcissistic.

Rose Red: I am not ever going to call her. If she decides to contact me, that's her problem. Maybe, she'll get it through her thick skull, and maybe she won't. But she blew it. !No mas!