I'm convinced that breeders beget breeders (parents on the board, step inside)

So some of you may remember me talking about my relative thats 21 and pregged out.

Well I have a hypothesis about this whole mess I'd like to share.

The focus throughout this girl's life from the time she was a child up until now has centered around children, childbearing, childrearing. It's like a form of brainwashing.

Where to start... well, growing up the girl is inundated with breeder toys, now I know little girls like to play dolls and such, but dolls don't have to be about babies and breeding necessarily. But yes, this is how her moother started her out, lots of focus on feeding and caring for plastic babies as a kid.

Then in late teens, early adult hood, the career focus, all about kids. Helping kids, watching kids, looking after kids, etc. She was at the community college for a while and her focus of study was some kind of kid related thing. No intellectual interests.

I can't stand her mother, and she's getting exactly what she deserves for being such a goddamned breeder and numbing this child's mind with goals and aspirations of diaper duty.

So I guess, parents who are friends of the childfree, I don't think you are going to be like this breeder, but you see where I am going with this... too much of this baby worship stuff and you'll get what you ask for. A lot of these girls nowadays are getting pregnant, like my relative, because they want something to do, or someone to love them.

I think it's worse for girls than for boys. I have a boy, and most of his toys and playtime revolve around activity, superheroes, cars... you know, "boy stuff." When I look at girls' toys at the store, it's all kitchen sets, baby dolls, and princess crap.

I haven't noticed it being hard to keep the whole "you must have kids" mentality away from my child, but that could be because it was never an issue in my own life. I grew up reading books, riding my bike, climbing trees, watching the occasional cartoon, and playing K'Nex with my brother -- I was never pushed to play "mommy and baby" or whatever crap is supposed to pass for amusing. With that kind of childhood under my belt, I literally have no idea what to do with kids who want to play "I'm the mommy."

The one time it was kind of an issue, I inadvertently pissed a friend off: My son randomly came up to me and informed me that one of his firebird toys was "his baby," and I blurted out, "I guess we can't go to the park today, then, because you're going to have to do all the work taking care of your 'baby'!" I had a friend over at the time and she told me that I was teaching my son "horrible values" and left. C'est la vie.

All that aside? I see your point, and it's a troubling one. When kids aren't faced with any other option than "grow up and have your own kids," how will they ever know that there are other choices? And how can they ever make a good, solid, prepared decision to have kids? They can't. They just pop 'em out by "accident," and then wonder why their lives suck. Parents need to teach their kids that there's an entire world out here that doesn't revolve around motherhood, fatherhood, or babies -- and that it's a world they can be part of.

The more I think about this, the more it pisses me off. The thing is, when parents are pushing a you-must-breed agenda on their kids, it means they're using those kids to validate THEIR OWN choices. That is not a parent's job; it is, in short, trashy breeder behavior. It's a parent's job to teach and present options so that their child can make responsible decisions that lead to a productive life -- not use the kid as sorry validation for a lifestyle choice that they obviously regret.

In cases where grandparents/friends/whoever pushes the breeding crap on kids, it is the PARENT'S job to step in and say, no, wait, there are MANY other wonderful choices you can make! Let's say that Grandmoo is getting a little rabid and starts telling SonnyBoy, "Oh, I can't wait until you have your own children!" In that case, the parent should step in and say something like, "Or you might not have children! Lots of people don't, and if you want to be a doctor/lawyer/environmental crusader/whatever, you might choose not to have kids to give more time to your own life." Not doing so is lazy parenting that begets a cycle of ill-informed, irresponsible, excessive breeding, in my opinion. And it makes me mad.

Sara Wrote:
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>
> The one time it was kind of an issue, I
> inadvertently pissed a friend off: My son
> randomly came up to me and informed me that one of
> his firebird toys was "his baby," and I blurted
> out, "I guess we can't go to the park today, then,
> because you're going to have to do all the work
> taking care of your 'baby'!" I had a friend over
> at the time and she told me that I was teaching my
> son "horrible values" and left. C'est la vie.
>

So you are a bad parent for teaching your boy that if he has a baby he's got to stick around and take care of it?

You are better off without breeder friends like that Sara.

My parent friend has already had "the talk" with his boy. Basically, son, if you want your freedom, you have to make sure you always supply the condoms and use them without fail.

I don't see this kid growing up to end up getting some girl pregnant. He'll be dating girls without a great deal of interest in that simply because he's been told by his dad to run and shown the consequences.

They've got some horrific breeder neighbors, and my friend, although these neighbors annoy the shit out of him, believes they serve to solidify everything he's been teaching his son about forgetting the condom or trusting the girls to provide them.
lol

My mother did all that crap with the baby dolls, play kitchen stuff and all that crap, but when I got old enough to pick out my own stuff, I opted for books and toys that were more intellectually oriented. I had a few dolls but they were adult dolls and nowhere did breederific shit like "Ken and Barbie have a baybee!" enter into the picture. DW's mum tried some of that on her but in neither case did it rub off.

That crap of gender specific toys is bullshit anyway. No wonder most breeder women don't have any intellectual accomplishments--how the hell much intellect does it take to change diapers, cook prepackaged food and pop em out every year or so?

The gender specific breeder toys marketed to girls have always made me sick. The baby dolls with bottles, little stoves with an array of Betty Crocker cake accessories, and I have even seen entire play kitchen sets complete with refrigerators, ovens, sinks, dishes, etc... which is ridiculous. All of that pales in comparison though to a giddy fundie breeder and her loving analogy about how girls are just naturally maternal that I read once.

She said that her four girls can't sit at the dining room table when it's set and not end up pairing the fork and spoon together as a couple and playacting that the knife is the preacher and hold a wedding ceremony. Then apparently the sugar cubes she keeps in a dish on the table become their "babies". They also mock breastfeed their dolls. Yeah, I am sure that behavior is innate and not learned. What an idiot.

I had loads of gender-specific toys and activities when I was little, but none of it 'worked' on any sort of maternal instinct.

I loved the kitchen set and as an adult I love gourmet cooking. Barbies were great because I used to make clothes for them, and I used to love dress-up, and as an adult I'm so into cool clothes. Animal stuff was my favourite and I adore animals.

I did have a few baby dolls, and although I thought they were cute I never took a 'mommy' part with them -- never pretended to feed them, change them or care for them. I'd pick them up by the head. My mom always knew from watching me play that I'd never want kids.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Add to this the key element - religion.

People who are religious - especially fundie Christian religious - are conditioned from an early age to breed, just as they are conditioned to accept "on faith" things that, to a rational mind, are questionable at the very least... .

If just one generation of humanity could be spared early childhood inculcation in magical thinking/beeeeeeelief, not only would religion as it exists today virtually disappear, but so would run-amok breeding!

married with rabbits Wrote:
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> I have a friend who got pregnant at 16 because she
> wanted someone to love her.

>
> I am very naturally maternal, and I don't like
> kids.

Teens who get repugnant because, as they say, "I need someone to love me" are pathetic. They need a good reality check, as in babysitting first, because fresh crotchturds are very demanding and not at all loving.

I am also very naturally maternal, as long as I care for cats or other pets--not brats.

Keep working more hours, CF people! Millions of breeders depend on us.

I don't think it's strictly true that breeders beget breeders. People are wired the way they're wired. When I was a kid, I got a lot of dolls from various breeder adults but was never that into them. I liked styling their hair, then I'd get bored and chop it off and then I'd cast them aside because there was no more hair to play with. My mother never let me live down the fact that she gave me a Raggedy Ann doll on my first birthday and that I just "pushed it away". But I was "maternal". I just didn't feel maternal toward the dolls; more toward my stuffed animals (kitties specifically). This has extended into my adulthood. I've always had animals.

I think ALL girls (and even some boys, if possible) should be forced into "babysitting duty" throughout their teens. I did a TON of that all through my teen years, and I learned firsthand how boring, exhausting and repetitive it is with kids. I never understood why a teenager would want a kid. I always thought "I'M a kid. Why do I want one??"

You can try to raise kids to be cf, but I've learned in my limited experience that you don't push them too hard in any one direction because it can (and in my case, usually will) send them headlong down the opposite path. I just want my daughter to know that it's a CHOICE, and that there are many, many ways to have a fulfilling life.

This is an interesting topic. I was one of those little girls that had A LOT of dolls and played with them often (until I was 13!). I had Barbies, too, but preferred playing "house" with my dolls.

Now that I have decided to be childfree, I look back and wonder why I gravitated toward the baby dolls and all things domestic. Could it be because my mom was a SAHM most of my life? Her whole identity seems to be wrapped around being a mom first, then a wife. For a while, my mom provided babysitting services in our home to several neighborhood families, so there were always lots of kids in the house. The kids were brats, very manipulative and whiny for attention. The most vivid memory I have of my mom's babysitting days was when she went upstairs to check on a sleeping toddler and found him sitting up in his playpen, covered in his own poo. He'd woken up, undone his diaper, and smeared its contents all over the playpen and himself--he even had it in his hair. YYYYUCK.

I'm the oldest of three and an only daughter ("Take care and watch over your baby brothers")--I wonder if that had any impact on my childhood play. I don't know for sure, but I think the idea of breeders begetting breeders has merit. For the longest time, I was the only granddaughter on my dad's side, so whenever there was a family get-together, I was herded into the kitchen with the rest of the women, and as you can imagine, the talk there focused on "mom stuff".

Kind of sad if that's all a little girl sees and hears.

I think there is merit to the whole breeders-begetting-breeders school of thought. My dad's family is a classic example. My dad has two siblings-a brother and sister. Dad's the eldest, sis is the baby. My grandmother (who is the most baby-rabid person I've ever had the misfortune to know) always pushed baby dolls, play kitchens, you name it on my aunt, who promptly married at 18 and sprogged at 19 and 21. My dad married later at 23, he and my mother didn't have me until he was 30, and they stopped-one was quite enough, thanks. My uncle was a bachelor until his late 40's-something unheard of in my hometown. Now, my aunt's daughter did have one kid fresh out of high school, but after a shotgun wedding her and her husband have chosen to raise their son as an only child-much to my grandma's consternation. As for me? Hubby and I are in our late 20's (about to be 30's for hubs), with no rush at all to have kids, and you better believe it sticks in gran's craw But then again, she should have seen the writing on the wall when I killed my 'Baby Alive' doll she gave me at the tender age of four, and gave the one and only Barbie she gave me a purple mohawk!

Mean Person Wrote:
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> I don't think it's strictly true that breeders
> beget breeders. People are wired the way they're
> wired. When I was a kid, I got a lot of dolls from
> various breeder adults but was never that into
> them. I liked styling their hair, then I'd get
> bored and chop it off and then I'd cast them aside
> because there was no more hair to play with. My
> mother never let me live down the fact that she
> gave me a Raggedy Ann doll on my first birthday
> and that I just "pushed it away". But I was
> "maternal". I just didn't feel maternal toward the
> dolls; more toward my stuffed animals (kitties
> specifically). This has extended into my
> adulthood. I've always had animals.
>
> I think ALL girls (and even some boys, if
> possible) should be forced into "babysitting duty"
> throughout their teens. I did a TON of that all
> through my teen years, and I learned firsthand how
> boring, exhausting and repetitive it is with kids.
> I never understood why a teenager would want a
> kid. I always thought "I'M a kid. Why do I want
> one??"
>
> You can try to raise kids to be cf, but I've
> learned in my limited experience that you don't
> push them too hard in any one direction because it
> can (and in my case, usually will) send them
> headlong down the opposite path. I just want my
> daughter to know that it's a CHOICE, and that
> there are many, many ways to have a fulfilling
> life.


Oh boy, you just made me remember some of my past. It makes me sweat from fear! Basically in my teen years, my relative had a kid. I got stuck babysitting it enough times to make want to vomit. It was boring, smelly, I hate my life type of a job. When I begged my mother to please stop arranging this and what did I do to deserve this, she told me that is what happens when people do not use condoms. She was so blunt but so truthful. My relative hated my mom for being so blunt but I knew she (my mom) spoke no less than truth! She still describes all "accidental" pregnancies as an act of total idiotism.

Let me tell ya, I hated babysitting so much, so was fearful, I could not even imagine getting some girl pregnant! In fact, later on, my mother and I never really had a "talk" about me being careful and not getting girls pregnant. She was very certain that I have learned a lesson well and that I would not do something stupid. She was right.