Entry 1107 - Knowing yourself

I concur with you, CFADinNY - those women were never truly childfree if they decided to become parents when they were faced with an unplanned pregnancy. It's women like these who make the real childfree people seem like a great big joke and will feed the fire of such bingoes as "You'll change your mind".

i knew i was cf, but it took my gf being late to realise how terrifying the idea of me having a kid was. i am totally, completely CF, and have started the paperwork and the saving of money to get a vasectomy, NO WAY IN HELL am i ever gonna have a kid. 100% i KNOW now. in some people this is a crisis moment, the final decision. in my case definatly came down the right side of the equation

G,day CFAD

Yes I can understand your frustration.I honestley think the childed people just do not understand us.Because most people have kids the ones that dont trully cannot comprehaend how we feel.
Its quite patronising though isint it?

I respectfully disagree. Hindsight is 20/20, as the expression goes. It's easy to look back and say, "Oh, that person was never CF", but the point is, that person genuinely believed they were CF at the time, so therefore they were. Obviously they are no longer CF once they have the kid, but if they want to say they used to be CF and later changed their minds, who are we to judge that?

By your logic, that would mean I'm not truly CF because in my teens and 20s I used to think someday I would have kids.

good point cf scorpio.People can and do change their minds all the time.People change sometimes and sometimes everything is not set in concrete and things just happen

These so-called CF who get pregnant and decode to keep the brat, were never true CF. I would abort in a second if I ever got pregnant accidently! No remorse! I have been on the pill for 10 years this month and I have never gotten pregnant! But pills are not 100%. The chances are slim 'cause I take it everyday at the same time, don't mix risky antibiotics or other at risk medication and am extra careful. My mom was on the pill for 15 years and also never got pregnant! So if it happens DH and I already agreed to abort!!!!

Some people who don't want kids change their minds. Some folks who want kids change their minds. And then there are those who don't change their minds. I think the problem is that these moos are trying to use anecdotal evidence to support their idiotic assertion that someone who says she is childfree is childfree until she is "blessed" (Pff) with a mistake. They can't get their minds around the fact that there are people who don't ever want kids. Ever! Maybe they think "childfree" means free from children at the moment. No, that would be "childless."

Breedah logic, it hurts mah head.

People can be child free and change their minds...As I said before things happen and people change.I think decent parents with childeren really dont care if a child free person has children or not.Its really not that big of a deal.

I guess they just dont "understand" it because we are hardwired differentley and they have always had that "urge" that I as a childfree woman will never understand.

we are all different and unique - some of us will change our minds but alot of us are 100 percent at peace with our decision and are happy with our lives secure in the knowledge we are doing what is right for us.

Ugh, I've always known I'd be CF. I had one abortion regret-free and I'd have another in a heartbeat. I can't imagine changing my mind. In my opinion, changing my mind would be like hanging myself with a nice, tight noose.

I disagree that the term "childfree" should be used to describe someone who said he/she didn't ever want children at some point, then had an oopsie and decided to keep it. The word childless works just fine.

But that's smaller issue here. What's really rantworthy is the attitudes of those dumbass Moos. Do you notice in their tiny little minds, there is never a scenario where a woman is childfree? "You don't know if you are *really* childfree unless you are confronted with an unexpected pregnancy."

So I guess by these womben's terms, I am not *really* childfree (even though I have a tubal ligation) because I've never been pregnant. (Thank the merciful heavens.)

Of course, in their little worlds, any woman who finds herself pregnant will be magically Carried Away by the experience. Of course she'll want the baybee and everything will be sunshine and roses.

That's what pisses me off. Hey Moos! Not everyone wants to shit out a loaf. Keep your misery to yourself.

I agree with CF Scorpio, nour and Blossom. A person should be allowed to change their position on whatever the issue is at hand. Generally people change their minds due to increased access to more information, or possibly a change in life circumstance. For a depressing example, my Dad (who paid for my abortion when I got knocked up) used to be a big ol' friendly liberal goombah until, for some reason, he started listening exclusively to Fux News. Now he's annoyingly intolerant.

I don't think it's right to just force people to stay in their chosen holes for their entire lives...I also don't think it's right for anyone (like most moos) to assume that they know your mind better than you do. I would think logically a person who defined themselves at one time as childfree then, for whatever reason, has a child...well, they're simply no longer childfree, but childed. I dunno, it just seems kind of weird to me for anyone to say "you are this way, you must never change your mind".

Thank you all for your opinions on this. I've been argueing with a teen moo about this and she still believes that women can change their mind and still have that title of CF - at least up until the part they embrace the part of becoming a parent.

I continue to feel insulted because it insinuates that CF women don't know their mind - that they indeed, will possibly change it if faced with an unplanned pregnancy. As a CF woman, I live this life, embrace it, love it and protect it and will do anything to ensure that I remain this way, including abortion. A woman who called herself CF who then decides to become pregnant and become a parent was never CF to begin with.

Perhaps there are differing opinions on what constitutes being CF. For me, it is the total and complete exclusion of ever having children. Just the mere though of any part of parenting or pregnancy sickens me.

There is no need to feel insulted by this young womans remarks....
I am sure you know your own mind and you are ceartian about your childfree status and if you are 100 percent at peace with that then thats great.Who gives a damm what other people think.You are happy and healthy and you have a great job so let them think what they want as you know you better than anyone.

Childfree women when faced with a pregnancy generally do what they have to to keep their lifestyle the way they like it but sometimes people do change their minds and who are qwe to judge??

I have been in the clothing industry for 12 years since I left school and I have decided to go back to university to study social work.This is a complete change of mind concerning my career direction and it affects a big part of my life but I know nobody in my industry is "insulted" because I am not taking anything away from them I am just doing what is right for me because I have changed and the same goes for a childfree woman who changes her mind about children.I dont get the big deal about this and why some of you have taken offence to people changing their minds on this issue.

This is my opinion only and I respect that you all dont share it I just wanted to put my perspective on it thats all.

No--I am not offended and thank you for your point of view. It is something that I am thinking about lately.

Good I am glad you are not offended as I think you are a pretty cool lady and I would not want to offend you.I can see it from your view though....I believe in my heart I wont change my mind about kids....I am so not cut out for it and yea its bloody frustrating hearing people say Oh but you would be a great mum.

When people go on like that I just let them go off on their own little tangent - its their issue not mine.I am happy and I am free to do what I want(well most of the time lol...) and this is the lifestyle I have chosen and I love it.

I believe it is frustrating for you because you know what you want out of life and alot of people just dont "get it" you are very lucky to know for sure what you want because alot of people dont.I am still at 30 struggling with my career but shit happens...

"I know nobody in my industry is "insulted" because I am not taking anything away from them I am just doing what is right for me because I have changed and the same goes for a childfree woman who changes her mind about children.I dont get the big deal about this and why some of you have taken offence to people changing their minds on this issue."

Where did I take offense to someone who changes their mind? People should be able to live their own lives.

My beef is with the terms. If someone tries to tell me, oh, "I was once childfree like you," I'd say something because he/she is most definitely not like me. If someone gets knocked up and decides to keep it, that someone decided to keep the baybee because he she was ambivalent or because they could go either way. I am not like that, and that is why I want to use the term childfree to describe me.

This whole thing is not about "judging others" (and you say this as if it's a bad thing...we make judgements everyday) it's about defining how things are FOR ME.

That person and I won't ever have the same life because I will not ever have a child. If I have to go out of state or leave the country or find a back alley hack and die in the process, I won't have a child.

That is quite different from someone who says, well, if Gawd or Fate or whatever caused me to get pregnant, I might keep it. Completely different.

And frankly, Blossom, one could argue this "judging" angle both ways. Are you not judging CF people and calling us whiners because we want to use a term other than childless? You're telling us our concerns are "no big deal." What's wrong with wanting another term when the old term doesn't apply?

I have no right to judge anybody Bell flower and I try not to because I dont want to be judged....I am childfree by choice and please do not put words in my mouth.I did not at any stage call anybody "whiners" and yes I still say your concern is no big deal...

there are bigger things going on in the world at the moment than to be arguing over the deffinition of what the term "childfree" means.

I am glad you are defining things for you that is a good thing for YOU but for others they might look at this from a whole different perspective.Thats ok isint it?

As for a person saying to you "oh I was once childfree" Who are you to say they were not? Maybee they were really happy being childfree but over time or whatever they re - evaluated what they wanted out of life and indeed changed their mind about it and I think alot of these people make good decent parents because unlike breeders they thought alot about being a parent and why they wanted to be a parent bla bla bla....

I know you dont agree with me but that is okay.I respect your opinion so lets just agree to disagree so to speak.

Nobody is saying that other, bigger problems don't exist, but this board exists for the purpose of childfree issues, so here we are.

I believe the word childfree needs to exist, and I'm glad it does.

The reason is this:

The word childLESS connotes that you are without something, that you are lacking something. It is not a desired state.

Let me give you a parallel example. What do you call a woman who is not married? You call her "single." You don't call her "husbandless."

To me, the word "childless" sounds just as ridiculous as "husbandless." It's one thing if you consider yourself "husbandless" and are okay with that term, but I wouldn't be because I don't feel that a woman is less of a person by not having a husband. I wouldn't want to be known as "husbandless."

And yes, we can agree to disagree. Actually this has been helpful to me because I'm sorting out what I think about the term.

It sounds like we have had different experiences, you and I. (I'm not putting words in your mouth. I'm trying to see what you are saying...please correct me if I am wrong.) I would like to think that someone who said they didn't want children EVER and then changed his/her mind would be a good parent. The ones I've known, however, preach like only the annoying, newly converted can: The "I used to be childfree like you" grates on me because it's often followed with "then I saw the error of my ways, just like you will." (Oh, barf.)

IRL I occasionally use the term "nonparent" or "childless by choice" because the 'by choice' takes the sting out of the world childless. It conveys that I like it that way.

Oh yeah, and I wanted to add, there are CF people who feel passionately about the word CF. When you say it's not a big deal, I'm surprised more people aren't chiming in to say they feel otherwise.

Hey, rabid CFers, where are you?

Bell Flower I never once mentioned the word childless in my posts....
and I agree with you childfree is a good termonology for a person who does not wish to have a child.

I guess alot of people dont feel "passionate" about a word.....rather I think they feel passionate and proud of their childfree status.

I for one am proud to be childfree as we all should be.I respect everyones choices and that includes changing ones mind.

When the moos try and convert you I dont think most of them are doing it with malice....they are just happy with their lot and think you would be aswell....

I guess its kinda like a religious person bible bashing you...They mean well but they are annoying.

just take it all with a grain of salt - in other words when they go on like that just laugh to yourself secure in the knowledge that you have made the right choice for you.

i knew i was childfree (lower case), but it took a shock my gf being late (she isnt pregnant now thank god) when i became CHILDFREE (CAPITAL LETTERS). i am still getting the snip, but this focused my childfree to CHILDFREE.