Common questions that first time expectant fathers ask
Posted by kidlesskim
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Common questions that first time expectant fathers ask August 29, 2008 |
Courtesy of paternityangel and disneyfamily sites.
Am I The Real Father?
Most men, even if only for a fleeting moment, will ask themselves this question. This fear is based on a sub-conscious belief that they are too inadequate to have created something so incredible as a child of their own. Don’t dwell on this one, move on…
Will I Do A Good Job At The Birth?
Like it or not, men are generally pretty squeamish. A fear that many have before the birth is that they will not be able to handle all of the blood and bodily fluids that will be around. They fear that they may faint or throw-up. In reality this almost never happens. True! You may not like the blood, but you will probably be too concerned with your partner and child to let it have much of an effect on you.
Of course, until you actually see your partner with her feet in the stirrups, then you will never really know how you feel about it all.
But I Don’t Even Like Children, So How Can I Cope With This?
This is not a stupid question. What many first time fathers know about children is restricted to the lives of young boys, and that’s only because they were one themselves. Many men fear the unknown elements of new children, especially if it is going to be a young girl (for which there is minimal experience).
The best way to look at this is probably to remember that for the first child, both you and your partner are learning how this all works, so do as much as possible together or share the load and laugh about it over dinner whilst you swap hints and tips. You may not like children in general, but you will certainly love yours.
What if my wife loves the baby more than she loves me?
"She will, but in a totally different way," Dr. Panaccione says. "You will find that you experience a different kind of love than you ever thought possible. There's room for both, but don't try to compete. You won't win this one."
But we agreed that our relationship would always come first, and we would never let the kids come between us. How can we do this?
"It's a nice fantasy, but there is simply no practicality to this," Dr. Panaccione says. "Your baby is literally between you as she nurses at your wife's breast. Then, she continues to be the center of your universe as you meet her every basic need....
d
What about our sex life? My wife's too tired to give me any attention.
Dr. Panaccione says. "Tired is the operative word here." (that's all they said)
I have to get up and go to work in the morning. When do I sleep?
"This is something to negotiate with your wife," Dr. Panaccione says..... " You may agree to sleep in another room during the work week in order to be rested enough and then take feeding duty all weekend.
"Be sensitive that you are both sleep-deprived," she says. "'It's more important that I get some sleep because I have to go to work' just won't fly."
And finally, from the "It's Too Late Now, but I'm Going to Ask Anyway" file:
'What if I'm not ready to be a dad? I'm not sure I'm ready to take on so much responsibility.
"It's hard to get ready for something you have no clue about until you are in the midst of doing it," Dr. Panaccione says. "Once you begin, you will be in training for the rest of your life.
"Being the alpha-male, a new dad thinks of the responsibilities of providing for his family, and making a commitment to someone forever and ever," Dr. Panaccione says. "It's different from marriage vows because your wife already knew how to feed herself and change her own diapers. Bringing a new life into the world is the scariest and the best thing you'll ever do."
Having a baby is like no other experience on earth..........."
Am I The Real Father?
Most men, even if only for a fleeting moment, will ask themselves this question. This fear is based on a sub-conscious belief that they are too inadequate to have created something so incredible as a child of their own. Don’t dwell on this one, move on…
Will I Do A Good Job At The Birth?
Like it or not, men are generally pretty squeamish. A fear that many have before the birth is that they will not be able to handle all of the blood and bodily fluids that will be around. They fear that they may faint or throw-up. In reality this almost never happens. True! You may not like the blood, but you will probably be too concerned with your partner and child to let it have much of an effect on you.
Of course, until you actually see your partner with her feet in the stirrups, then you will never really know how you feel about it all.
But I Don’t Even Like Children, So How Can I Cope With This?
This is not a stupid question. What many first time fathers know about children is restricted to the lives of young boys, and that’s only because they were one themselves. Many men fear the unknown elements of new children, especially if it is going to be a young girl (for which there is minimal experience).
The best way to look at this is probably to remember that for the first child, both you and your partner are learning how this all works, so do as much as possible together or share the load and laugh about it over dinner whilst you swap hints and tips. You may not like children in general, but you will certainly love yours.
What if my wife loves the baby more than she loves me?
"She will, but in a totally different way," Dr. Panaccione says. "You will find that you experience a different kind of love than you ever thought possible. There's room for both, but don't try to compete. You won't win this one."
But we agreed that our relationship would always come first, and we would never let the kids come between us. How can we do this?
"It's a nice fantasy, but there is simply no practicality to this," Dr. Panaccione says. "Your baby is literally between you as she nurses at your wife's breast. Then, she continues to be the center of your universe as you meet her every basic need....
dWhat about our sex life? My wife's too tired to give me any attention.
Dr. Panaccione says. "Tired is the operative word here."
(that's all they said)I have to get up and go to work in the morning. When do I sleep?
"This is something to negotiate with your wife," Dr. Panaccione says..... " You may agree to sleep in another room during the work week in order to be rested enough and then take feeding duty all weekend.
"Be sensitive that you are both sleep-deprived," she says. "'It's more important that I get some sleep because I have to go to work' just won't fly."
And finally, from the "It's Too Late Now, but I'm Going to Ask Anyway" file:
'What if I'm not ready to be a dad? I'm not sure I'm ready to take on so much responsibility.
"It's hard to get ready for something you have no clue about until you are in the midst of doing it," Dr. Panaccione says. "Once you begin, you will be in training for the rest of your life.
"Being the alpha-male, a new dad thinks of the responsibilities of providing for his family, and making a commitment to someone forever and ever," Dr. Panaccione says. "It's different from marriage vows because your wife already knew how to feed herself and change her own diapers. Bringing a new life into the world is the scariest and the best thing you'll ever do."
Having a baby is like no other experience on earth..........."
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