Breeder logic - spend enough time with kids and you'll want one!

My MIL is on a serious project to get Mr Yummy to change his mind about having kyds. She thinks that if he "sees the light" he'll dump teh ebil nasty CF bitch and shack up with a moo-in-waiting.

We can laugh about this, because we know it's not going to happen, ever.

So her latest bright idea is to try and engineer situations where he has to look after nephew. This is difficult, of course, because we live 200 miles from ugly babby, so if she knows we are visiting, she has now taken to calling BIL and SIL and trying to get them to visit when we do, and saying "oh, Mr Yummy would just love to babysit while we go out and do x"

I'm doing a charity run not too far from the inlaws in a few weeks, with a couple of other friends who live not far away from there, so she decided to spring on OH that she was going to take BIL and SIL out to lunch and shopping for the new house, so he was going to be looking after sprog. OH said no, of course, because he intends to be supporting me and our friends at the race. She said he could take him with - in a fucking strap on baybee carrier! OH told her hell would freeze over before he wears a baby in public, so that was the end of that.

However, we are going down for wedding preparations before BIL and SIL tie the knot - we said we'd help, but made it clear that it would be with stuff like catering, decorating etc, not childminding - the wedding is at SIL's parents' place, they run a small hotel, so they will be around and would be more than happy to mind the sprog, since they are uber-breeders. But MIL decides to try and engineer so she takes BIL and SIL somewhere leaving Mr Yummy in charge of brat. When he again said no, he isn't comfortable with that, she wails "But if you never spend any time with children, you'll never understand how wonderful they are! Of course you won't want any if you never experience them!"

BIL and SIL, fortunately, think MIL's antics are slightly comical - they are not particularly offended that we don't want to spend much time with the baby. They are aware we are not "baby people" and that our interaction with nephew should be on our terms, thankfully. But will MIL ever give up! :headbrick

This could be a really good movie, except this one has a happy ending so I don't see Hollywood producing it.

Sorry your moo-in-law is so bay-bee demented and so mean to you. She isn't respecting her son's choices, both in choosing you and choosing to be CF. She's not respecting that he, as an adult, knows his own mind better than she knows his own mind. He doesn't need to be around da chyuldrens to know he doesn't want any...he knows his own mind full well and knows what he wants and doesn't want. Why is moo-in-law so desperado to have more baybeez around? Can't she just focus on the one she's got, and maybe pressure the BIL and SIL to have more instead of harassing you two? Good on your OH, who sounds like a supportive gent, to stand up to his moo and put your relationship first.

Funny, I spent years being a sunday school teacher and several more a summer camp counselor. Only thing I learned was that I hated the little shits and never wanted to spend time around kyds again.

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seamstress
Funny, I spent years being a sunday school teacher and several more a summer camp counselor. Only thing I learned was that I hated the little shits and never wanted to spend time around kyds again.

Yup. When I was a student at uni, I did a few stints working with kids, one on a summer language school and one at a playscheme in the holidays. Hey, I needed the money. Didn't half make me think twice about whether I'd want to have them myself - they were smelly, dirty, hard work, and mostly a pain in the ass.

Whenever people used to say to me "oh that must be so rewarding working with children" I'd look at them like they had a screw loose!

When people try those pressure techniques it is best to use simple firm language with consequences, same as dealing with a small child.
Example:
"There will be no more discussions or manipulations regarding children. If you do it again, we will leave immediately and not communicate with you for a month."

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seamstress
Funny, I spent years being a sunday school teacher and several more a summer camp counselor. Only thing I learned was that I hated the little shits and never wanted to spend time around kyds again.

While I was probably never really gung ho about having kids, two summers as a day camp counselor sealed the deal at age 20 that I would be CF. The second summer as a counselor included being the day camp's first computer specialist and that was very good for my resume after I finished college a few years later and looked for a real job.

oh deegee, surely you don't want a reaaal job having chyyldrunnn

(running like hell)

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I dunno about that theory. The more time I spend with kyds, the more I want to get away from them. They really get my anxiety up with their running around and screaming.

I don't spend a whole lot of time with them at all, except during famblee functions. By the end of those, however, I'm ready to come home to my peaceful environment.

Yup, spending time with kyds has the opposite effect on me. It's more like, "When the fuck can I get home, and where can I go to have a smoke?"

Ever since I was a kid myself, I’ve hated other kids. They were loud, they stunk, they were mean to me, and a group of kids once tormented me by poking me in the legs with sharp sticks. That was one of the many things that made me not want kids. The older I got, the more I hated them. I’m 28 now, and over the years my hearing has gotten really sensitive. Loud noises hurt me, and as we all know kids are noisy as all hell. Oh, and they stink something awful.
So your moo-in-law is wrong. The more I spend time with kids, the more I want to get away from them.
And if she is so desperate for children, she should become a foster parent or volunteer with children in her community. Unless she's the type who only likes baybeez.

In the UK right now cinemas are showing this Volkswagen ad which features a man driving a car with a screaming baby in the back:

Link- WARNING: SCREAMING BRAT

I saw this earlier in the week and it seriously got my hackles up, I actually winced at the noise and just steeled myself until the ad was over. To me the sound of a baby crying really is the worst noise in the entire world (hence my username) and I couldn't imagine having to hear it several times a day, being driven spare while I worked out what to do to stop it. I know we're supposed to be hard-wired to find it annoying and impossible to ignore, but to me that just explains exactly why it's so annoying and why having to deal with it in one's own home should be avoided.

THIS Volkswagen ad on the other hand fills my heart with joy- I wish cinemas would just run this one instead, forever:

Woofwagen!

Woofing I don't mind- I'd happily adopt every one of those four-legged furbabies!

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screaming sausage
In the UK right now cinemas are showing this Volkswagen ad which features a man driving a car with a screaming baby in the back:

Link- WARNING: SCREAMING BRAT

Ugh I just HAD to go and watch this didn't I?

Volkswagon's aren't exactly cheap, so I could imagine the amount of debt a famblee would get themselves into purchasing one of these. I also caught the exhasperated, exhausted look on Duh's face ..... wait, was that a hint of regret?


That's reality when you have brats...glad it will NEVER be me!

Your MIL is an idiot, and from what you've described everyone is onto her and her manipulations. At least your BIL and SIL are reasonable humans about it. Wonder what MIL would think if, next time everyone's in the room and she tries to engineer babbysitting "opportunities", everyone pointed out that they're onto her.

All that being around kids does is firm up what the person already feels/thinks about children. I work with them during the day, and I'm very good at it. And I need the rest of my life to not really involve them. Working at summer camp confirmed this. So by the time I was done with college, I knew where I was on the whole kids continuum.

Another way to put it: you won't make a CF person into a parent by exposing them to kids any more than you'll make a gay person straight by sending them on dates with the opposite gender.

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screaming sausage
I saw this earlier in the week and it seriously got my hackles up, I actually winced at the noise and just steeled myself until the ad was over. To me the sound of a baby crying really is the worst noise in the entire world (hence my username) and I couldn't imagine having to hear it several times a day, being driven spare while I worked out what to do to stop it. I know we're supposed to be hard-wired to find it annoying and impossible to ignore, but to me that just explains exactly why it's so annoying and why having to deal with it in one's own home should be avoided.

It just makes me want to stop the sound, and not by placating it. I sort of wonder how we're still around as a species.

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Funny, I spent years being a sunday school teacher and several more a summer camp counselor. Only thing I learned was that I hated the little shits and never wanted to spend time around kyds again.

During high school I had a seasonal job working at a Santa booth. You read that right: A Santa booth.

Most days I hated the parents just as much as I hated the kids. It pretty much solidified my CF stance.

Did someone say screaming kids?

I'll see your VW and raise you a Jimmy John's ~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crp237On1sA

If there's anything in the known Universe that'll inspire you to nuke your own Uterus or Testes - it is this.

@ S. Sausage - I just watched the "Woofwagen" one - SO AWESOME! wink

I'm with you guys. Exposing me to children will not make me want them. On the contrary, being around even well-behaved kids just cements my childfreedom even more. When I was forced to babysit my toddler cousin - usually on short notice - it put my desire to not breed beyond one hundred percent. And my cousin wasn't a bad kid or a tard either - she was a regular kid. I just don't like being around kids or holding them or having to interact with them when they're under the age of 11 or teens, and even at those "favorable" ages, I just kind of put up with them, at best.

I think your MIL needs a hobby. Forcing your husband to interact with kids isn't going to make him want them more. Even if he did want them, making a person interact with someone else on your terms is going to just make them resentful anyway. When someone forces you do do something - even if it's something you want to do - you'll quickly learn to hate it. In this case, the person doesn't want to be exposed to brats, so how exactly is being forced to deal with something they don't like supposed to make them adore it? Even if Mr. Yummy was a wannabreeder, this shit could easily drive him away from breeding because it's happening on somebody else's terms rather than his.

What do the kid's parents have to say? Does MIL think they'd want someone who is uncomfortable around kids watching their kid? I don't mean due to any ulterior motive because I know there isn't one, but just, "He doesn't like kids, Ma. Why do you want him to be around kids so much?" It's a waste of time. You can't make an atheist convert to Catholicism by forcing them to go to church; you can't make a cat hater a cat lover by throwing them in a room full of cats and locking the door behind you; you can't make someone who hates coconuts love them by shoving coconut down their throat for days at a time. If they don't like something, don't push it on them. Then again, breeders have never made any fucking sense.

Maybe breeders are desperately hoping it's true that you get to like them the more time you spend with them, because they can't stand being around their own kids. Lots of PNAs say otherwise.

I am thankful BIL and SIL don't push it. They aren't sociable types, so I can imagine they'd hate an endless parade of famblee wanting to come and visit and fawn over the loaf. We are also very different to them - different interests, hobbies etc, and we never socialized together before they had a kyd. I remember when I first met them, they looked at me like I had two heads. They are always polite and civil (apart from when SIL went through her bridezilla phase, but since she had the loaf, she seems less bothered about having the perfect wedding) but we just aren't friends, because we're too different and have so little common ground.

This is another thing of MIL's, bemoaning the fact that her boys moved away and are more interested in doing their own thing than being "family oriented". But you put Mr yummy and his bro together, after the pleasantries, there's just awkward silence. He only asked OH to be best man because he doesn't really have any friends, just work colleagues and people he games with over the internet.