Attachment parent discussion: Alternatives to saying, "NO!"

mmmkay, This bunch doesn't believe in telling a child "NO!", because they think that won't solve the underlying cause of the misbehavior of the child. Here's some of their discussion about it.



"discipline means to teach. you teach her not only that it hurts, but also give her an alternative. "please dont bite mommy, that hurts, here, heres a pillow if you feel like biting."


I've been having great success with all my little ones with not saying "no" at all...instead I take their little hands and move them gently over the person they're hitting (me or a brother) and say "gentle". My 14 month old (now 15 months old) was hitting the 7 month old on the head over and over again pretty often. I just moved his hand in a petting position on the baby every time he did it (usually trying to catch his hand before it landed) and said, "gentle"..


"If you have a biter you need to be constantly on the alert. You need to intervene and tell the toddler that biting hurts. If he's being rough (hitting pullling hair) "be gentle" using a soft voice and take the toddler's hand and model "gentle", "love the kitty."


"For some children, the frustration is not being able to express themselves. Why not give them one of those hotel front desk bells. Everytime they try to bite or hit, have them ding the bell. Then you can become aware of the problem and make yourself available to hear them out."


"My son (2.5) has been going through a hitting phase recently. I REALLY hate it when he hits me and I've been on edge for the last few weeks anyway... since then, I've adopted a new policy - if he hits me I (very, very gently) hold both his hands and look directly at him and I say, "STOP. You may not hit me. It hurts and I don't like it. We don't hit people in this house."


"DS only hits or bites me when he's tired and needs a nap. It took me a while to figure out that it was caused by tiredness. Now if he comes up to me and smacks me across the face, I put him to bed. He just goes right to sleep. It's the wierdest thing. He just can never admit when he's tired. Oh well."


"At this phase about all you can do is provide information ("that hurts!") and redirect. With slightly older toddlers and children, I think its also important to model how you want a child to react to others hitting or biting them -- move away from the child so you don't continue to get bitten or hit. You don't have to move far, just out of range."


"...that, combined with explanations and "If you want to bite, you can bite on this toy." should really help."


"You can't MAKE a child stop hitting or biting. There is no "discipline" technique that forces them to cut it out."


"...Sometimes I have to hold her awhile until she's finished expressing her anger and frustration by crying or tantruming. If she resorts to kicking or hitting me, I'll put her down in a safe place and sit nearby talking quietly. I don't punish, because punishment is pointless with a toddler......"


"Biting
what worked for me was giving my child a biscuit or other food that was appropriate for biting on, while telling them, "kisses for sister, biting for [insert food]".


"...babies bite when they are frustrated and don't have the communication skills to convey that frustrationITA. Sign language has helped immensely with communicating needs/wants, and it is also great for older children, when they hit puberty and have melt downs, to be able to sign to you what they need."

The word 'NO' hurts everyone's feeling.
But you have to say 'NO'.

Also the word 'NO' is a form of dicipline.

And the word 'NO' solves the problem.

NO kids, NO breeders, NO burden.

Un-dangnab-believable.

"You can't MAKE a child stop hitting or biting. There is no "discipline" technique that forces them to cut it out."

Ohhhhh reeeallly? I think a good smack on the bottom would work wonders to quell these horrible behaviors. What's with all the BITING? WHY are the parents allowing that?! All this "gentle" crap does nothing to enforce sensible limits of behavior which I think kids need, just IMO.

What if the kyd wants to beat up or worse, EAT the moo?

Yeah, Id like to know what is UP with all the BITING? When I was growing up, biting was considered bad behaviour, to be corrected immediately. Try "no", you idiot Moo bitches! Too bad if the little fuckers don't like it...and if they don't straighten up and fly right, spank their ass til they need a pillow to sit on! Trust me, when I was doing something my mum thouht was wrong, I got a good smack or two on my ass and I cut it out straightway so I didn't get smacked again.

Moos today make me sick.

These cows are brain-dead.

The giveaway is when they say their brat is 'into' hitting them, or 'into' biting, or 'into a stage' where they punch, kick, bite, etc.
Which means they're doing this shit repeatedly. Which means that all this redirection baloney is not working.

What they're forgetting is that their brats are REJECTING their efforts. How bad is it going to get til they unleash on these little turds? Do they have to draw blood or something?

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

"...babies bite when they are frustrated and don't have the communication skills to convey that frustrationITA. Sign language has helped immensely with communicating needs/wants, and it is also great for older children, when they hit puberty and have melt downs, to be able to sign to you what they need."


While I think that sign language would be a good thing for everyone to know since it would enable them to communicate with deaf people, it's unnatural for a hearing child to express his anger in sign language, rather than verbally. If a 13 y/o child is having a "meltdown", then they should be able to express themselves verbally rather than resorting to some sort of "Nell" lingo. What if they have one of these non verbal "meltdowns" at school or another public place and one minute they are conversing normally and the next they are throwing a tantrum in sign? I think it's abnormal for a hearing child with verbal skills to communicate his anger in sign, but everything else verbally. What if they are a 30 y/o executive one day doing a presentation in front of a group of potential clients and they get angry about a question and start some sort of sign language breakdance right on the meeting room floor? What if they get angry at a traffic cop while they had been speaking with him and then suddenly, they start signing away like mad? It's just not normal and will cause all kinds of social interaction problems in the future.

I just hope they are referring to traditional and standardized "sign", because if it's some made up jibberish only known to kyd and moomie, it's going to be even worse.

Stupid fucking moos.

There is an alternative to saying NO. It's called spanking.

I read about this "alternative" and "redirection" shit a lot on moothering.commode, and it's pretty damn clear this crap doesn't actually work...otherwise, there wouldn't need to be eleventy billion stupid women asking how it works. It doesn't. Kids' minds aren't developed enough to comprehend reasoning - it's not an insult, it's the truth. A kid's attention span is about 1/10 of a second long, and by the time one of these cushy spineless parents explains to Junior why hitting/biting/killing is bad, the kid has decided a speck of dust or a pile of shit on the floor a few feet away is the most interesting thing in the world and what Momma is saying is just going in one ear and out the other.

This is why spanking is a fine way of dealing with bad behavior. It can be executed in that 1/10 of a second Junior is paying attention and it lets them know that when they act up, they'll feel pain as a result. It's very simple. It's kind of like how a person might spray a cat with water when it misbehaves...it's not meant to cause insufferable pain to the cat, but just enough discomfort to get the cat's attention so it will stop what it's doing. Spanking a kid is basically the same thing. I don't know when or why spanking was ever construed as evil or abusive, because it fucking works.

kidlesskim Wrote:
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> "DS only hits or bites me when he's tired and
> needs a nap. It took me a while to figure out that
> it was caused by tiredness. Now if he comes up to
> me and smacks me across the face, I put him to
> bed. He just goes right to sleep. It's the
> wierdest thing. He just can never admit when he's
> tired. Oh well."

So here we've taught the brat that if he's tired and needs to sleep, he just has to hit moomy. Nice.

> "Biting
> what worked for me was giving my child a biscuit
> or other food that was appropriate for biting on,
> while telling them, "kisses for sister, biting for
> ".

WTF? I only give my pets treats to enforce good behavior, and your brat gets them for biting his siblings??

I just wonder how one of these kids would react if, when it misbehaved, you picked it up and yelled as loud as you could right in its face..
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

the brain goes out with the afterbirth

kidlesskim Wrote:
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> If he's being rough
> (hitting pullling hair) "be gentle" using a soft
> voice and take the toddler's hand and model
> "gentle", "love the kitty."

Great, so she lets the kid torture the cat. I don't even want to think about what the brat does when the moo is out of the room.

>Now if he comes up to
> me and smacks me across the face, I put him to
> bed.

WTF!! These people are nuts!

> ""Biting
> what worked for me was giving my child a biscuit
> or other food that was appropriate for biting on,
> while telling them, "kisses for sister, biting for
> ".

Now that is just ridiculous to reward biting with food. Pretty soon the kid will weigh 500 pounds.

It's just so namby-pamby and mealy-mouthed. And it's teaching the kid that there is no punishment for biting and hitting other people. I think Mom had better git on the stick and teach that to him now with a few judicious spanks when warranted--'cause otherwise, he'll get it taught to him later by someone not as solicitous of his welfare.

clematis Wrote:
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> It's just so namby-pamby and mealy-mouthed. And
> it's teaching the kid that there is no punishment
> for biting and hitting other people. I think Mom
> had better git on the stick and teach that to him
> now with a few judicious spanks when
> warranted--'cause otherwise, he'll get it taught
> to him later by someone not as solicitous of his
> welfare.


LOL, Yeah, really. I seriously doubt that a stocky little bully of a classmate will get bitten and say, "Okay little friend, play nice. It's not friendly to bite people and biting hurts. Here, bite on this fruit roll up I brought for lunch instead". That kid will no doubt get his ass kicked and could possibly be seriously injured if he goes around biting the wrong person, smacking them across the face, or hitting them over the head. I know that if anyone were to strike at me my first instinct would be to defend myself with whatever I may have handy. His next victim might not be as nice as his moomie or as helpless as his 7 month old brother.