I don't think self-concept can be divorced from societal concept for one's respective identity group clearly and entirely. When the topics are such charged ones as women's bodies and beauty, it's hard to see how we could be sure to have come to conclusions that are entirely free from societal influence, especially when they more-or-less fall in line with societies' concepts of how women should be.
I can tell you that if I lived as a hermit, I would not give a flying fuck how I looked. I'm pretty sure I would care about hygiene because I don't like how being dirty, smelly or just unwashed feels, but I would absolutely not paint my face, pluck my eyebrows, do my hair for more than hygiene and practical purposes or dress to look appealing. I'd be happy using a mirror only to check for signs that my health is off. That's all I would need in regard to 'looks'. Anything more I do now is because it is expected of me as a woman by society, and I need to live in it.
There have been times when I didn't have the time and energy to do much about my appearance. I was always clean and fully dressed. Basically all that is expected of men. But I can tell you - I got treated much worse. I do more now, but it does take time, and I resent it because it's not a productive and worthwhile thing to spend my time on grooming beyond what is needed for hygiene reasons. My day only has 24 hours - I'd love to spend what little time I have to myself more productively and not waste my energy. But I also want to be treated well. And as a woman, I'm not treated well if I don't go above and beyond. (I'm not one of those people who can get up and look ready to walk the red carpet, but there are few people like that anyway. Most spend hours upon hours on grooming.)
And that's part of the point of the beauty imperative, isn't it? Making women do unpaid work to just be 'enough'. To always have them do more for the same result (being treated reasonably well, in this case). All the unpaid time I spend on hair and even little makeup before I leave the house is really work that society requires of me if I want to be seen and treated as (almost, I
am a woman after all) fully human and worthy of being taken seriously. And then there's the part of repairs duing the day and then taking it down afterwards. It all takes time and effort, it's not paid, and it's only done to not be treated as 'less-than'. Men can just shower and put clothes on. Dressing well or being stylish are a plus for them (sometimes), but it's not a basic requirement at all. They're all set being clean and showing up.
I find it irrefutable that the concept of femininity, more than masculinity, is a production. You add things, you can't just be without exposing yourself to the repercussions that being incongruent with a societal concept brings for those who aren't in a position of power. And that production takes time and effort
and it costs money. The production is increasingly outsourced. Beauticians (eyebrows, anyone?), hairdressers,
nail salons and spa treatments of all places. Preemptively: yes, men go to all of those places. Not as many, it doesn't cost them as much when they do because they 'need' to have less done, and, most importantly, it doesn't harm them if they don't, with the possible exception of never getting their hair cut. Wrinkles help rather than harm them: rather, they're seen as distinguished, experienced. Compare that to the default 'old hag' for women.
The beauty imperative is just another way to control women, and it's no coincidence that it started becoming ever more extreme just at the time that women successfully pushed for more rights. Now, the societal imperative is trying to hide in plain sight by personalisation and the myth of individual preference: billions of individual women wanting to look 'their best' 'for their partners' or 'for themselves'. 'How can you blame them, lay off them!!'. Admittedly, going for the easier target is a lot less work than taking a long, hard look at expectations and self-concepts.
The concept of female beauty has become blown way out of proportion and gone to extremes. No make up, not dressed fashionably enough? Slob! Not going to extremes to hide signs of normal (!) aging? She lets herself go! If that's paired with a bit more weight, it's taken as a sure sign that she's lost the plot. Well, maybe she decided not to follow the plot in the first place.
Healthy living and the current concept of female beauty do not match up and in many cases, they're at odds with each other. There's the extreme thinness, harmful beauty products and the stress associated with literally keeping up appearances.
The best thing to be said for women who expect women to conform to current beauty standards is that they're damned if they do and damned if they don't, so there's really no choice. Except that perhaps they could keep their mouths shut if all they're doing is reinforcing sexism. And therefore, I can't get behind proactively telling women to 'stay hot' for their husbands. (Btw: only for husbands?) If people must take up an issue, this is a very strange and questionable choice.