Adventures in Smothering

I've been slacking on these, haven't I? Well let's see what kind of a smorgasbord the cattle over on Smothering have cooked up for us this time around.

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Infertility funnies

Guy is asking about vasectomy reversal. Posting this for the last comment, which is in response to someone asking why men don't just abstain during fertile days instead of getting a vasectomy. "Maybe they prefer a week of recovery to years of daily charting?" Even on Moo sites, there are some people who understand that not everybody wants fucking kids.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/1549009-vasectomy-reversal-questions.html

"TTCing" Moo is "terrified" of having a planned loaf. Her first three pregnancies were unplanned and two ended in miscarriage (or, more likely, late periods since she "miscarried" at 5 weeks and 6 weeks) and her kid that survived her apparently hostile uterus was an Accident, Tee Hee^TM. Moo also almost bled to death while sluicing her current kid. She's concerned about many things, all of which are legit concerns: bleeding to death, being tremendously sick, other life-threatening complications that could leave her husband raising two kids alone, whether or not her kid will like being a sibling and a few others. All these worries, yet she's still trying to get herself in pig. First comment right out of the gate is to seek counseling for anxiety. Well if you're that fuckin' scared of having another kid, DON'T HAVE ONE. Why's this so hard to comprehend?! If she's so worried about having another brat, why's she even trying?
http://www.mothering.com/forum/178-trying-conceive/1565001-terrified-have-baby-2-a.html

Moo who is doing IVF bitches about the cost and wants to know where she can get the drugs cheaper online. But but but, I thought having baybees was the most wonderful, fulfilling and worth it thing to do with your life, so shouldn't that mean that these poor childless souls should be thrilled to fork over four grand per IVF cycle in pursuit of pregnancy? Isn't their potential future child worth the investment? Shame on them for trying to cheap out on The Most Important Job In The World^TM!
http://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/1230551-reputable-online-pharmacies-cheap-er-ivf-drugs.html

Moo with two existing kids (two girls) really wants a third one, but Duh is vehemently saying NO. His reasoning for this choice is the cost of raising another brat and also that he doesn't want to further contribute to overpopulation (I mean it's too late for that unless they kill their current kids, but I guess two could be considered a "reasonable" number of brats). Moo claims to understand his reasoning, but ME WANT BAYBEE! Which, to me, says that she doesn't really care how he feels because all she can think about is ME ME ME. She also says they're not contributing to the decline of the world's resources because they raise their kids to be environmentally conscious. That's cute and all, but the whole reason the planet sucks is because of the sheer number of people on it. So you can be as eco-friendly as you want, but you've already polluted the world in the worst possible way by creating more mouths to feed. I foresee an oops in this guy's future because what Moo wants trumps what anyone else wants. Several Moos also chime in saying that finances shouldn't be a major deciding factor because, as long as you aren't homeless and eating out of garbage cans, it's okay to breed. One commenter says she doesn't feel bad about breeding in the face of overpopulation because she believes her kids will grow up to discover alternate life-sustaining resources.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/180-family-planning/1480890-wanting-another-child-but-husband-says-no.html

Barren heifer bleating about how everything in regard to her pignancy went wrong. Rather than making a loaf the old-fashioned way, she "had to" get IVF. She was miserable during the first two trimesters (to the point of being bed-ridden) and while she felt good during her last trimester, it was because the clump quit growing after 32 weeks. Loaf was born via C-section and Moo only got to hold it for an hour before it would up in NICU with hypoglycemia. Under-developed brat wouldn't boob-feed because Moo's tits were too flat, nor would he drink from a bottle because reasons. Brat has reflux and colic, and had a surgical procedure done to help him eat better, but it wound up not helping anyway. Moo is very resentful because she has to stay home with Sickleigh while her husband "gets to work all day" while she sits at home with the shrieker. Like he's going to work to have fun. Well, that's what you fucking get for doing IVF. You should have taken the hint your busted uterus was giving you, but NOPE, you decided you just had to reproduce at all costs. Now you can deal with the consequences, bitch.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/28-postpartum-depression/1515217-too-much-bear-really-long.html


Homebirfs, serial miscarriages and broken babies

Wannabe home-birfer asks if Aetna would cover a home birth. First of all, why would medical insurance cover a birth that occurs outside of the hospital? Second of all, Aetna is one of the insurance providers available through Medicaid (it's the one I use too because I'm fuckin' poor), which means this bitch is almost certainly broke and shouldn't be breeding to begin with. Aren't you thrilled to know that your tax dollars will be funding this idiot's stunt birth (and any subsequent complications that might arise as a result in either the Moo, the calf or both)? No comments yet.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/20-homebirth/1567265-home-birth-aetna.html

Moo going on about how her loaf can't suck her tits because of a possible tongue tie, and allegedly a lack of proper suckage meant Moo's body was producing less milk. Oh, but don't fret - the local beefing heifers brought her their tit milk to pour down her broken loaf's throat. You know, bodily fluids that could be chock full of germs and disease. Anyway, Moo is giving herself panic attacks and PPD worrying about whether or not the loaf is getting enough milk. It's gaining fucking weight, so obviously it's eating. These concerns probably mean Moo is trying to overfeed the loaf and will likely continue overfeeding it long after it starts eating solid foods.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/28-postpartum-depression/1451594-overcoming-low-milk-supply-tongue-tie-ppd.html

Piggy Moo can't just be happy with her two existing kids - she just needs to have a third, goddammit. Oh, she also lost five pregnancies prior to getting her two live kids. This woman is 37 and has been pregnant seven fucking times. Her reasoning for wanting another loaf is that she "has so much more love to give." Because, y'know, the ONLY way you can share all that love is with a child that comes out of your vagina. You can't share it with your partner, your existing kids, a foster child, a pet, or other people's kids via volunteering or what-not. If she's bursting at the seams with all this excess love, why is there only one exclusive recipient?
http://www.mothering.com/forum/455-trying-conceive-after-loss/1548745-losing-hope-ttc-after-4-d-c-s.html

Moo is OMG devastated by her 10-week miscarriage, but wants to know if it's okay to start working on a replacement before she even gets her period. Yeah, dat grief. One commenter discusses how she miscarried at 6 weeks, found out at 9 weeks and waited around until 16 weeks before finally getting a fucking D&C. Another Moo had a stillbirth and got knocked up less than two months later by accident and when that kid was 14 months old, she got in-pig and miscarried again and got knocked up not long after that miscarriage. Seriously, what in the fuck is wrong with these women? They yammer on about their broken hearts and rainbow babies and all that shit, but they pretty much go right back to humping when they get out of the hospital. They can't be too sad if they've got the energy to fuck.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/156-pregnancy-after-birth-loss/1394667-immediate-pregnancies-after-loss.html


Fake names, rape babies, one-night stands and infant masturbation

Moo asks opinions on the stupid fake unusual baybee names she's considering: Cairo (like Egypt?), Kenyon, Azuza and Adoniram. Other dumbass names the other Moos share include Mercury, Orion, Henna, Helix, Rainbow, Zeynep, Zoltan, Sunshine, Elentari and Galadriel. Why are so many breeders to allergic to giving their kids real names? When I see retarded names like those, all I see is a big list of future pole dancers, coke heads and welfare recipients. There's a big difference between an unusual name and a bullshit name.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/32-life-baby/61601-unusual-baby-names.html

Ermagerd, my 9-month-old is masturbating! That means she'll become a tard! Overreact much, woman? Fuck, if she's freaking out this much over an infant allegedly stimulating itself, what's she going to do when her kids become horny teens? Will there be daily underwear inspections to ensure there isn't an abnormal amount of moisture in them? Re-fucking-lax, lady. So your kid rocks back and forth. It's not a big deal. Even if the kid is humping things, kids do eventually discover their bodies and they go exploring. It's normal kid shit.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/32-life-baby/1199145-9-month-old-frequently-ahem-self-stimulating.html

Woman has a successful at-home graphic design business, has a one-night stand, gets knocked up by someone whose full name she doesn't even know and she intends to keep the bastard loaf. Making enough money to live off as a designer is damn near impossible to do these days, and if she's a freelancer (as in she doesn't have a boss to answer to), she also doesn't have a dependable income. If you're an "independent contractor," some months you'll make bank and others you won't make a dime. It's really not the type of career or financial situation you want to introduce a loaf into. You cannot have a career and a kid because you'll burn yourself out - women attempt to do both all the time and fail miserably at it. It's great and all that Moo here wants to give the loaf a good life, but will she actually be able to? Big difference between wanting to do something and having the ability to do it.
http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1543113-single-professional-pregnant-stranger.html

Woman was raped by her roomie's cousin, but not really (she was drunk, didn't consent, but didn't fight him either). Gets knocked up when she also has no job and claims that abortion isn't an option (I'd love to know why). She's wondering if she should tell the father - her rapist - about the pregnancy so she can get financial support from him... assuming he wouldn't be a deadbeat, that is. Sure, have the guy who sexually assaulted you take a role in the kid's life! There's no way THAT could go wrong!
http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1557042-just-found-out-im-going-single-mother-advice.html

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Quote
Cambion
One commenter says she doesn't feel bad about breeding in the face of overpopulation because she believes her kids will grow up to discover alternate life-sustaining resources.

Just like she's doing? I'm guessing she's not a scientist working in this sector.

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Gets knocked up when she also has no job and claims that abortion isn't an option (I'd love to know why)

Presumably she doesn't believe in it - where it is taking steps to alter what happens to you, instead of fatalistically accepting shitty outcomes.

The stories of the cows resenting their husbands for leaving them to go to work infuriate me. You wanted to have this stupid baby, what the hell did you think was going to happen? God, the thought that women do this willingly always leaves me stunned. I must be missing the female hormone that overrides rational thought.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Regarding the womban who already has two girls and wants a third kyd...All I can see in my mind's eye are those girls being left alone and bewildered as to why their mawm never interacts with them. It's because she's in bed with a thermometer and a turkey baster in her hooch. Too 'bizzy' to spend time with the existing kyds, she's 24-7 obsessed with getting that next implantation. What a complete waste of protoplasm.

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she "has so much more love to give." Because, y'know, the ONLY way you can share all that love
is with a child that comes out of your vagina

Those wombmen are so crazy

Love the list of stupid names.....except I know a customer called Sunshine and an acquaintance has a daughter called Henna

I feel sorry for the one night stand lady and definitely the rape victim, but has no one ever heard of Plan B? Or abortion (aka Plan C)? I don't think they are thinking through their decision to have the kid. The I-don't-know-who-your-daddy-is/your-daddy-is-a-rapist conversations alone will screw the kids up, even without the abject poverty and social stigma. I feel like a horrible person, but I think they actually both just want a baby and are using terrible circumstances to justify their decision. Sexually active women in their reproductive years all know about Plan B. I know can't be the only idiot who's been at the pharmacy waiting for it to open the morning after a bender.

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doomflower
Regarding the womban who already has two girls and wants a third kyd...All I can see in my mind's eye are those girls being left alone and bewildered as to why their mawm never interacts with them. It's because she's in bed with a thermometer and a turkey baster in her hooch. Too 'bizzy' to spend time with the existing kyds, she's 24-7 obsessed with getting that next implantation. What a complete waste of protoplasm.

I'd hate to be those kids too, because you know all Moo is going to talk about is having a loaf and then wailing every single month when she gets her period. If I were one of her kids, I'd be wondering why I'm not good enough to make her happy and why she needs another kid to make her happy. Between having scheduled sex during certain times of the month and then melting down when she finds blood spots in her panties, you know she's not paying her existing kids much attention. These kids will grow up with one of their childhood memories being Mommy sobbing in bed for the whole weekend with a gallon of ice cream because she didn't get knocked up.

If these people really want more kids, why don't they just fucking relax? All the stress about charting and cervical mucous and all that crap can take its toll. I can't imagine what it's like to have sex with one of these OCD breeder women, and think of the poor sap who can't get hard on Moo's most fertile days because she's putting pressure on him that they need to fuck RIGHT NOW. A guy who's pushing rope when Moo's got baby rabies is probably grounds for divorce as far as Moos are concerned.

Azuza and Adoniram?!?! Those sound like medications. Azuza sounds like a knock-off nasonex and Adoniram sounds like something to treat ADHD.

Lock him up or put him down.
Stolen from Shiny.

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Cambion
One commenter says she doesn't feel bad about breeding in the face of overpopulation because she believes her kids will grow up to discover alternate life-sustaining resources.

They will discover alternative life-sustaining resources. They'll eat bugs, encourage the lifestyle and pretend that other cultures haven't been doing it for centuries. Or something equally as witty.

Since she clearly isn't a mathematician I highly doubt she is a scientist either.

Azuza sounds like a demon's name to me. And not a cool demony name, like Chernabog cool. But like a minor demony name, like somebody who runs messages for the demon who works as Satan's assistant.

I do have a confession to make, though-- I kinda like the word "henna" as a name. Could just be because I really like henna.

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"she "has so much more love to give."

Translation. Her kids have developed into human beings with their own thoughts and opinions, and they are no longer useful to her. Nope. She needs a helpless, dependent infant to parade around like a little doll.
And don't you dare suggest adoption, fostering or even working with children! Don't you understand that the only child that is worthy of love comes from Moo's vagina, and only when it's still cute and completely dependent on Moo, or gets her the most attention?