Characteristics of Childfree People

Dh and I were thinking last night of all of our traits that make us poor candidates for sprogdom. Please add to the list!

1. We hate clutter.

2. We dislike noise.

3. We dislike chaos.

4. We're not a fan of bad smells.

5. Our cats are more important to us than most people are.

6. We LOVE to have uninterrupted sleep.

7. We enjoy loud, uninterrupted sex.

8. We hate today's children's TV shows and movies.

9. We like the inside of our cars to still look and smell new.

10. We would want to shoot ourselves if we had to attend pee wee football games, ballet recitals, or elementary school plays. We'd rather watch professionals do those things.

There are so many more!

We have really cool stuff.


We can eat and drink what we want, where we want

I tend not to like jail, and if i had kids i would beat the shit out of them.

While there are many reasons that I am and should be childfree, there are a few which stand out to me as unnegotiable personality traits and thought processes which I don't think are conducive to good parenting, birthing babies, or the child experience in general:

1)All bodily functions involving pregnancy, the visible and otherwise, I personally find repulsive and the thought of all (or any) of that happening to my body I find especially revolting. The things they so lovingly refer to on moomie boards and "honor", cherish, and deem "sacred", I think are vile, gross, and a nasty reminder that humans haven't totally evolved. Funky discharges, vomiting, swelling, tooth problems, gum bleeding and certain periodontal disease, flesh splitting sudden and isolated weight gain which leaves mounds of sagging and scarred flesh in it's wake, breast engorgement leaving behind sagging udders, episiotomies and in some cases being ripped from cooter to rectum, incontinence from fallen bladders, hemmoroids, constipation, the birth itself and ALL of the bodily fluids produced because of it, the depression which generally follows, the sleepless nights, and the ruins of the marital relationship, and that's only the first year.

2) The absolute fact that nearly ALL of the burden of childcare is solely the woman's responibility. I saw up close and personal how very little a man has to suffer (if any and certainly not physically) and how a man's life hardly changes at all, while a woman's life is forever negatively changed and makes ever having time to herself or doing anything else for that matter, impossible. This is expected by society and it makes no difference how much she contributes to the household income, even if it's more than hubby. EVERYTHING, save few "man chores" becomes her sole responsibility, NO THANKS.

3) I overheard ( at a very young age) and still read and hear, how MOST men do not find pregnancy OR their wives "beautiful", at all like is always said, but rather they find them anything BUT attractive and some are repulsed by their new bodies during and after pregnancy. I have known many men who cheated at no other time prior to their wive's pregnancy, but during and right after their wives gave birth they were manwhores.

4)I like my privacy

5)Peace, quiet, and calm organization are very important to me

6)I would resent all of the money that has to go for kiddie needs

7)The thought of sticky fingers on any of my belongings upsets me, as does koolaid spilled into piano keys, crumbs in the computer keyboard, or urine stained mattresses

8)Constant crying that woke me up and made me sleep deprived would have a HORRIBLE effect on my health

9)If we had kyds then our parents would become frequent visitors and would worry the hell out of me more than they now do

10) If all of the above reasons were'nt sufficient causes to be CF, then the constant smell of baby shit, vomit, and urine permeating through my home and car for 2+ years would send me over the fence and straight into the childfree zone. I think that all of that open, often spilled, and airborne bodily waste is like living in a tent which has been pitched on top of a cesspool with corkboard as a foundation.


All of that and also that I have never personally known ANY woman who said that having a baby was anything like she thought it would be and are happy with their lives after having had kid (s). While they parrot the unoriginal, "It's all worth it", I don't believe them as they are not all too convincing with their actions, words, and body language. I think saying things like that is a way for them to rationalize and live with a horrible mistake and a huge societal misconception regarding the "joys" of motherhood.

Kim, tell us how you really feel.

1. I like the freedom of choosing where I work and live. Having a soul-sucker would severely hinder that.

2. I love to travel and do not want a brat who wants to be taken to some kiddie place. I'd much rather wander the streets of Prague or Dublin, thank you very much. Disneyworld is nowhere near the top of my "Places I Want to Visit" list...in fact, it's not even on there.

3. While I'm not a neat freak (sometimes I have the occasional pile of laundry and a stack or two of papers that needs to be organized), I will not tolerate shitty diapers, vomit, sticky hands all over my musical instruments, bodily fluids, kool-aid on furniture, and sprog food like lunchables stuck between the couch cushions.

4. I like to party on the weekends and sleep in if I so desire. :beer

5. I attend ADULT functions: theatre, classical concerts, heavy metal concerts, foreign or R-rated films, nice restaurants, various musical events at local bars, etc. My life will not involve going to see the Wiggles and eating McDonalds afterwards.

6. Pregnancy grosses me the hell out.

7. I enjoy having a quiet living space and hearing brats running around while Barney the Dinosaur is blasting on the TV while tripping over primary-colored kindercrap seems like the ninth level of hell.

8. Don't even get me started about the food that brats eat.

"Kim, tell us how you really feel."

Rose, I cackled when I read your remark, but you've got to admit, it's one Hell of a list. It's nothing less than totally devastating.

I bow down to the force that is kidlesskim!

Kim writes incredibly well. She covers the whole deal, even if she causes me to spend 1/2 the day under my desk.

In addition to everything everyone has said, I like having all the time in the world to concentrate on my marriage and our pets.

Having a kid would just suck the life and passion RIGHT out of a relationship.

I want to keep my body "innocent" from the ungodly changes that a human parasite causes.

I have my own life to live.

I hate little babies and how everyone gushes over them.

I hate how the whole world caters to kiddies and young people.

I'm sickened by how women are literally turned into milk-giving livestock once they spawn.

I hate teenagers, especially girls.=P

I already have too much to do anyway.

We're overpopulated, so why bother?

The list goes on, heh.

1)All bodily functions involving pregnancy, the visible and otherwise, I personally find repulsive and the thought of all (or any) of that happening to my body I find especially revolting. The things they so lovingly refer to on moomie boards and "honor", cherish, and deem "sacred", I think are vile, gross, and a nasty reminder that humans haven't totally evolved. Funky discharges, vomiting, swelling, tooth problems, gum bleeding and certain periodontal disease, flesh splitting sudden and isolated weight gain which leaves mounds of sagging and scarred flesh in it's wake, breast engorgement leaving behind sagging udders, episiotomies and in some cases being ripped from cooter to rectum, incontinence from fallen bladders, hemmoroids, constipation, the birth itself and ALL of the bodily fluids produced because of it, the depression which generally follows, the sleepless nights, and the ruins of the marital relationship, and that's only the first year.

Very well stated. I'm sure that the "Shape of a Mother" (theshapeofamother.com) website has been discussed here before... it's pretty disturbing. My boyfriend and I discussed the whole what-if-I-got-knocked-up scenario fairly early in our relationship, and I told him that I'd abort and he better not attempt to convince me otherwise. He said something to the effect of, "But our kid would be so cuuuute, and you're young, so you'd bounce back." Bullshit. I had an eating disorder a few years back, but I've finally gotten to the point where I actually like my body. Why ruin it for a sprog that I don't want?

I think my reasons can really be summed up into three categories: 1. I refuse to be stuck with "women's work" shit work, whatever you want to call it; 2. Pregnancy; 3. the resultant loaf, particularly the toadler loaf who makes your life Hell.

Ever been around a toadler? "Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom" fifty thousand times a day. Watching them do the same things over and over and over. It's mindlessly boring and not fun. I didn't go through the business of growing up myself, only to go back and go through all that shit again. I want to do cool, adult stuff without dragging a kid along with me. I want to be able to read a book or pursue an interest without being interrupted.

Once you have a baybee, you can't leave it at home. It would be INSULTING to not be able to leave your own damn house when you feel like it. I love my freedom and I'm not giving it up.

Truer words were never written:

"The absolute fact that nearly ALL of the burden of childcare is solely the woman's responibility. I saw up close and personal how very little a man has to suffer (if any and certainly not physically) and how a man's life hardly changes at all, while a woman's life is forever negatively changed and makes ever having time to herself or doing anything else for that matter, impossible."

I don't know why the super mombies are all high-fiving each other about how EMPOWERING pregnasty is. Pregnasty is physically restrictive and most women lumber around like placid, bovine beings.

Plus, have you watched those birthing shows? Is there anything empowering about grunting out an 8 pound baybee through a quarter sized hole? Birth is painful, messy, humiliating and by no means required.

And once the loaf gets here, women are even more dis-empowered. It changes the balance of power in the relationship and women are more likely to look the other way and put up with substandard behavior so the kid will have a faaaa-ther.

My MIL was talking about equality in marriage not long ago. She made some remark about, "It's 51-49," "each one gets to make decisions about certain things, but it doesn't mean they aren't equal."

I though, Geez, I guess that's how most breeders live. I am very sweet to my husband because he treats me well, but there isn't any question that I put 50% toward our bills and toward our savings and there is NO WAY he would make a major decision without me. Plus, I'm not anyone's slave. I work, just like he does and we both chip in for a housekeeper. Honestly, I pick up a little more than he does because that's a personal preference, but I am not his slave and I'm not destined to clean up because I have a uterus.

watch! watch! watch! look at me! momomomomomom

The words (baby talk) oohhh does baby wants some milky, or any other stupid IQ losing vocabulary is not coming out of my mouth.


I refuse to talk about poop, vomit, and sickness at the dinner table or anywhere else for that matter.


I prefer to travel to places for vacation, not go to Dinsey World or Branson, MO.


I refuse to give up my career and money.

I refuse to cater to someone for the rest of my life, because they feel entitled.

I hate soccer moms, hockey moms, or any other velour pant suit wearing, frosted hair, SUV driving, juice box giving mom.

I think one of the most sexist, ridiculous, and just plain drop my jaw to the ground statements that my ex husband ever made in his life is a perfect example of male mentality when it comes to child rearing/responsibility. Short version is I made a FOOLISH mistake and married a man with a 2 y/o and thought I was signing up for 3 days a month and a coupla of holidays. The ink wasn't dry on the marriage certificate before he was "going for custody" and my life became a series of events reaching hellish nightmarish proportions. Anyway, I owned my own business and in addition to working longer hours than he did I earned twice the money.

One day he and I crossed paths in that we both stopped by his mom's to pick up HIS kyd. While there I mentioned that I had already picked up some steaks and for him to go on ahead and get the grill fired up so when I got home he could cook. He then said, and I quote word for word, "I would cook tonight if I didn't have to go to work in the morning". After I picked my jaw up off the ground I said, "Since when was being off from work the day after you cook a meal, that YOUR CHILD WILL EAT, been a prerequisite for making dinner?". I then told him that I cook every single fucking night, regardless if I have to work the next day, so HIS kyd would have food, and that he needed to "get to it!!!" He couldn't apologize enough for making that tell tale statement, but that was only because he didn't want to piss off the cook, maid, babysitter and unpaid whore that I had allowed him to turn me into. It's too late for that because I am STILL pissed off and that happened about 10 or 12 years ago.

If a man WITH a kyd can feel this way toward his wife who HAS NO KYD, God only knows how bad his behavior could have become if I had actually spawned a kyd with him. NO THANKS. If I had ever let that bastard talk me into popping out a kyd I would likely still be stuck with him, look 15 years older, be 50 pounds fatter, and if it was humanly possible I would be even more grumpy and have a nastier attitude than I currently have.

I LOVE leaving sharp knives on my kitchen counter. I LOVE being able to have delicate, breakable things right on my living room tables. I LOVE listening to loud, cussing bands at top volume on my stereo. I LOVE going to bars and concerts. I LOVE being able to drop everything and go out to dinner, to a friend's house, or out of town at a moment's notice. I LOVE eating Indian food, sushi, and other "icky" things. I LOVE actually spending my "personal entertainment" budget on PERSONAL entertainment. Oh, and I LOVE to smoke (as in, joker, smoker, midnight toker).

Therefore...

I HATE kids!

Wonderful lists, everyone!! I think it can be concluded that we are not cut out for the childed lifestyle. Your lists made me think of a few to add to mine!

-I take it for granted that I have personal freedom.

-I know in the privacy of my own home I would slap the shit out of a kid if they were getting on my nerves, which would be all of the time.

-I love to swear, so does DH. Half of the time we do it just to be silly. I'd have the only kid in preschool saying, "May I have the fucking crayons, Mrs. Smith?"

-I tend to be a pretty anxious person. The chaos of a brat would increase my anxiety times 100.

I just don't want a human kid. I get a lot of the mess and some of the aggravation from having so many cats, that you would normally say you didn't want a kid because of (good English grammar there - not). But, with the cats, you can blow them off if you have other things to do (not as far as giving them food and shelter, but when it comes to conversational matters), and you do not have to pay for their college.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

the worst thing about hitting them is that it makes that sound louder

For me, it's the placid, calm, optimistic, happy, serene rhythm of life - every moment - uninterrupted.

Because I despise the moodiness. The drama. The world coming to an abrupt, excruciating painful catastrophic end because a lump of ice cream fell off the cone onto the grass. The screetching. The hysterics. The lung-filling gasps followed by ear-busting wails. The tossing one's entire short dumpy little body onto the floor in anger and frustration. The lashing out, the hitting, the crying jags that spin out for hours. And mostly... it's the "I'm wailing like a banshee whilst looking out of the corner of my eye at you to see if I'm having the desired effect and if I'm any closer to getting what I want" style of behaviour.

ANY one of those would make me go all stabby I swear.
Grrrr.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Lots of great responses here likely causing the childed lurkers to chew off the ends of their fingers in frustrated rage.

1. I can stay home and keep house and pursue a book project and cook (which I love) for DH and we can live very comfortably on 1 income. I feel unbelievably lucky to do so. Our house is small and cozy and it's little trouble to keep it spic 'n span and welcoming.

2. We are stress-free.

3. We love to go boating for the whole day on weekends in the summer--the river is 5 minutes away and completely deserted and full of nature--the best.

4. DH can come home to a house with everything done--laundry is folded and on the bed, house is clean and quiet, food is waiting for him, everything is calm and happy.

5. We can pick up and go anywhere with no notice or fuss.

6. We are both thrifty and spend almost no money--I can't imagine shelling out cash for a tide of plasti-crap (such as I see littering my neighbor's yard).

7. We each have time to pursue individual projects without interruption in the evenings.

8. Getting up at 11 a.m. or noon on weekends...yeah, that's pretty nice.

9. Happy.

Great stuff posted here. You have covered it all. Here are my top ones:

(1) Peace and quiet. I'd go nuts with all the extra noise.

(2) Akin to (1), being able to sleep whenever I like and with little or no risk of having that interrupted. [You recall my "typical day" post about being able to take a nap during the day?]

(3) And this one is more a function of living alone than just being CF, but I find it very comforting to know that my apartment will look exactly the same way I left it that morning or whenever I last left it if I went out somewhere. [Only one time did this not happen - when my apartment was broken into and some items stolen. I have insurance so I was not out anything very much - in fact, in a strange way I nearly came out ahead through a twist of fate! However, just knowing that someone was inside my place wandering around and stealing stuff was very distressing for several days.]

(4) And.....most importantly, the money I did not have to spend raising kyds has made it possible for me to retire by the end of this year at the age of 45.

Some really great responses! I'm trying to think of something that may not have been covered yet. For me it's basically:

Peace and quiet when I come home from work, with no responsibilities except DH and I trying to decide what's for dinner, and feeding the cats. We can relax and not have to hear the screaming and carrying on of kyds. Living my life how I want to. Watching whatever movie or tv I want without having to think if it's child appropriate. A house that for the most part is orderly and clean, and having nice things without worrying that kyds are going to destroy them. Going for a swim in the pool without having to worry if some kid peed in it. Most of all, when I am out and about and see someone with kyds who are driving them crazy, knowing that I don't have to deal with that shit.

Having done the full time stepmom gig in my life for a total of SEVEN YEARS, much like an indentured servant, I am remembering the worst things about having a kyd actually LIVING in my home. Although she was there part time for 6 years prior to that, I had plenty of time to recuperate in between boarding. Up until it was FULL TIME, I could just make up her bed, bull doze her room out, toss her bathroom kiddiecrap in a bag and shove it under the sink, close her purple room off, and forget about it until the next visit. The full time stint started at age 9 and here's my most memorable hated things, not necessarily in the order of the worst:

1)The CONSTANT leaving on of her TV in her room. 24/7, rain or shine in sleet or hail, that fucking TV stayed on. I was constantly having to tell her to turn it off, or come home from work after she hadn't been there all day with the damned thing on. Once when it burned out I just didn't get her another one , and her DUDDY just let her enter MY personal space and watch mine in the den when I wasn't home or worse, wallow around in our bed and watch the TV in there and get popcorn kernals and other shit all ground into my sheets.

2)The "forgetting" (until Sunday night at 10pm) that she had to have lime green poster board, a fushia majik marker, a string of fake ivory beads imported from Africa, and some pastel popsickle sticks that were needed for a MANDATORY school project due the next morning. I thought of saying "tough shit" sometimes, but it was always something that would greatly affect her grade.

3)The eavesdropping of my personal phone calls. She would often pretend to be asleep or in her room while I was on the phone discussing VERY personal things with a friend or sister. Then later, it would become apparent during a random conversation that she had remained quiet and listened to everything that was said. When I called her on it she would say something like, 'Sorry, I can't just close my ears and I thought you knew I was awake".

4)The greasy assed bathtub. The chyld couldn't just get in there and bathe like a normal person. Her stupid "duddy of the year" would buy her conditioners, smelly teen type shaving creams, bath oils and gels, etc.....and when I got in it was like standing in an offshore oil spill, not to mention she had anywhere from 5-7 different bottles on the ledge on any given day which cluttered up the already smallish bathroom.

5) I had my bathroom color coordinated so that even if wet towels were hanging or on the floor, it still looked decent. She (and duddy did it too), would purposely drag out the purple, green, and pink striped ten year old ratty assed beach towels and leave them wadded up in corners and slung all over the fucking bath tub area.

6)The "we don't have anything to eat" saga. If it wasn't ordered from Dominoes, in a fast food bag, or placed in front of her, then there was "no food". The kyd KNEW how to cook because I taught her myself and there was ALWAYS food in my house, ALWAYS. She generally pulled that shit to prompt duddy to go and get her fast food, or to solicit money for a pizza. When it was just the two of us when duddy was off on one of his many gambling or golf trips, she didnt pull these stunts.

7) The teen thing of if ***I**** got a new outfit, hairdo, or went to the nail salon then she had to go as well. I wouldn't have minded most of the time except that DUDDY never forked over the money for it and it would ALWAYS set me back a hundred dollars when she tagged along. I could have just told her no, but she always seemed to want to tag along right after her shithole of a mother hadn't shown up to pick her up for a weekend or a visit. Toward the end, I waited until I was POSITIVE she was gone for the day for whatever reason before I went to a salon or shopping, or I did it while she was in school. REAL inconvenient and invasive

8) Getting money out of my purse. This one is an OBVIOUS annoyance and for all of the obvious reasons. Why not get it from your FATHER, I would ask, but that's right, he wasn't there. HE was on the coast fishing and hadn't bothered to leave any money, never did

9) The "sleep overs". ALL of her friends ALWAYS wanted to come to MY house, not the other way around. When she did go to their house on rare occasions, the lazy SAHM would invariably ask if HER brat could sleep over at my house when I went to pick her up and they would generally be standing there, suitcase in hand, with a whiny puppy dog faces and then jump up and down until I said, "ok". The SAHMoos have this technique down pat and it's difficult to overcome if they perceive you as "in their group of kyd swappers"

10) The fucking PTA and all that goes along with being a PNB type and paying attention and being active in the kyd's school programs. I baked cakes, sold shit I didn't even like and usually just made up names and wrote a check on the last day to avoid fooling with it, the koolaid and cookie brigade shit every time they had a homeroom party, the career day presentations and activities for 30 4th graders, chaperoning a 3 hour 6th grade "dance", the BORIIIINNNNNNGGGGG talent shows, and Halloween parties, Christmas card swaps, teacher presents, raffle ticket sales, May Days, Camp stew sales, playground cleanup days, Arbor day, show and tell, science projects, after school meetings, PTA officers' meeting EVERY first Tuesday night was like being stretched on the rack, bring your parent to school days, take your kyd to work day, toys for tots canned food drive sales, student field trip candy bar sales, Valentine's day carnation sale day, last Friday of the month class birthday party crap, parent-teacher conferences was like a day in the stockade and parent volunteer once a month for four hours on the third Monday was like facing the guillotine.

11) Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, Halloween, birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese, Disney World, the zoo, fairs, Gulfariums, petting zoo parks, kiddie parks and pools, party favors, pin the fucking tail on the donkey, skate parties, swim parties, arcade parties, The circus, 4th of July fireworks, Famblee BBQ's, drive thru animal safaris, gator farms, ball games, ice cream parlors, etc.....are ALL pains in the ass when kyds are involved or included.....


I did the best I could but in ALL honesty I hated most every waking moment of the entire experience. I felt sorry for the kyd because she had a SHITTY mother and an even worse father. Her father was more of the problem than anything, but her presence in my home put a black cloud over my very existence. It was NOT "all worth it" either because now she is a young lady and as far up her mother's ass as she can get, since they have "rebonded" their sacred relationship. I hope it works out for her and that she never realized how much I detested being her mom as I did my best to hide it from her and tried to make her life as decent and "normal" as possible. I would like to add that I would NOT do it all again, in case my post didn't make that clear.

3)The eavesdropping of my personal phone calls. She would often pretend to be asleep or in her room while I was on the phone discussing VERY personal things with a friend or sister. Then later, it would become apparent during a random conversation that she had remained quiet and listened to everything that was said. When I called her on it she would say something like, 'Sorry, I can't just close my ears and I thought you knew I was awake".

My boyfriend had custody of his two kids for three years (the boy is 9 and the girl is 12); after persistent lobbying on their part, they went back to live with their evil cunt Moomie a few months ago. Things were getting serious and I was NOT looking forward to playing stepmom.

These two sprogs completely invaded our privacy, searching through my BF's computer and finding some ahem, artsy, pictures of me (granted, he should've used more password protection). Of course, the brats narc'd us out to their mother, e-mailing her the pictures. Psycho ex-wife moo threatened to circulate the photos to his coworkers if he didn't return the chyldren; he relented, not because of her blackmail, but because he was really hurt by the betrayal on the part of his kids. If they wanted to be with her that badly that they'd fuck him over like that, he thought, perhaps they should indeed go back.

They're with him every other weekend now. Most of the time I'm in town with BF for these weekends, and I have to admit, the kids can be okay in small doses. We play a lot of poker, and the boy often cleans us out. Of course I'm relieved when they go back to moo, as is the BF, which he admits now.

6)The "we don't have anything to eat" saga. If it wasn't ordered from Dominoes, in a fast food bag, or placed in front of her, then there was "no food". The kyd KNEW how to cook because I taught her myself and there was ALWAYS food in my house, ALWAYS. She generally pulled that shit to prompt duddy to go and get her fast food, or to solicit money for a pizza. When it was just the two of us when duddy was off on one of his many gambling or golf trips, she didnt pull these stunts.

BF's kids are the same way, ugh! The weird thing was, though, they'd often insist on sitting down at fucking Burger King instead of just going through the drive thru.

These spoiled little fuckers also got every damn video game or Sailor Moon doll or whatever practically on demand, as opposed to having to wait for a birthday or Christmas.