Characteristics of Childfree People

Thanks for your story about your step-daughter, Kidlesskim. You are such an expressive writer, you really paint a picture! I really have to commend you for making the effort to be a PNB. She was lucky to have you for that time period, and even though she has rebonded with her moo, I'm sure she learned some values from you that she wouldn't have been taught otherwise.

I almost entered the realm of stepmomdom over 10 years ago. I dated a man with a 6 year old daughter for almost a year. For the first 6 months of our relationship, he had his daughter, Jordan, every other weekend. She could be difficult at times (very hyper), but I could get along with her pretty well for only 4 days a month. I really had no responsiblities with her other than to be a friend to her and maybe cook a couple of meals. Her dad did all of the parenting, and was very good at it. On our 6th month anniversary, he proposed, and I accepted. All was well until the next month when Jordan's mom flaked out and decided to move over 1,000 miles away with her new boyfriend. She told my fiancee that she was tired of being a parunt and that she wanted Jordan only during the summer. Jordan came to her dad with lots of emotional baggage from her mom leaving. Her hyperactivity was extremely annoying, and her father didn't notice it like I did. She also never allowed her father and I to have any alone time. I stuck it out for a few more months, and ended the relationship. I felt terribly guilty for not being able to deal with her. She really needed more than I knew how to give her. I know not trying with her was selfish, but it was also confirmation to me that I'm just not cut out to be a parent.

Brat, I'm sorry your relationship ended over this crap. Unforgiveable.

Rose Red Wrote:
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> Brat, I'm sorry your relationship ended over this
> crap. Unforgiveable.


It was for the best. Three months later I met my CF husband. I often think of what my life would be like now with a 16 or 17 year old who was already wild at the age of 6. I really have to give Kidlesskim her props for sticking it out so long with her stepdaughter.

bratBgone Wrote:
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> Rose Red Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Brat, I'm sorry your relationship ended over
> this
> > crap. Unforgiveable.
>
>
> It was for the best. Three months later I met my
> CF husband. I often think of what my life would
> be like now with a 16 or 17 year old who was
> already wild at the age of 6. I really have to
> give Kidlesskim her props for sticking it out so
> long with her stepdaughter.


I don't deserve an accolade because if he had custody when I met him, it would have ended before it began. It was gradual and sneaked up on me. It began with sporadic visitation for a coupla years, then progressed to every other weekend and a day during the week, and then some unrelated series of events caused it to go the "full custody" route which I foolishly NEVER thought he could get. It was 6 or 7 years into the relationship before the fulltime shit was sprung on me or I would have bailed a lot sooner than I did if it wasn't for some extinuating circumstances. I figured that while I was still in it, I would give it my best shot though. This kyd living in my home was COMPLETELY her sorry excuse for parents's faults, so I had a hard time hating her, but it was/is very easy to hate them, and I still do hate them and only wish them emotional anguish for as long as they both shall live, and beyond that if it's possible.

I am amazed at the bait and switch stories i'm hearing here. so, the moral is, don't even get SERIOUS with someone who has a child. Am i right?

Oh my Gods kidlesskim, I would have put up with 6 months of that shit, and would have sent them BOTH packing.

Fuck that noise.

7 years?????

1. I like being in an altered state.
2. I like loud music.
3. I like privacy.
4. It is a requirement for me to have a certain amount of time every day, or at least every couple days, where I'm utterly alone.
5. I like being able to just drop everything and do something else, for whatever reason.
6. I like having a huge collection of records, cds and books.
7. I like sleep.
8. I like disrobing in the living room when I come home.
9. Nearly everything related to babies, from pregnancy to child birth to the fluids they spew for the first 10 years of their lives disgusts me.
10. I get extremely resentful when I feel like I'm the one doing all the work, and being a woman if I had a child, I'd be doing the majority of the work.
11. I feel absolutely no need whatsoever to change my life in that manner.
12. Parents suck balls, and not in a good way.
13. I like not spending my nights quietly weeping with a gun in my mouth waiting for the meds to kick in.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Kidlesskim, you did the right thing given the situaion and should be proud. Who knows, maybe you've had a way more positive influence on her than you might think? Things seem to have a way of turning out like that over time. Kids usually end up respecting the ones that were actual "parents", not simply breeders.

Remember, I was a nanny, and just went out for drinks and tailgating with the girl I raised for 7 years - she is now 20! (I was there 11 hours per day).. .and as I said in another thread, I'm proud that I raised her to be mentally tough, smart, and independent. The mommies of today would probably want or have me arrested for the way I brought her up.

She has lived alone in an apartment since she was 16 (graduated high school a year early), is studying at the same University that I graduated from AND started an internet health food business, and isn't at all like the 20 year olds we bitch about on here. She is respectful of her elders and has NO sense of entitlement like her peers. Shows what a little spanking, smacking, and the word "NO" can do .

Rose Red Wrote:
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> I am amazed at the bait and switch stories i'm
> hearing here. so, the moral is, don't even get
> SERIOUS with someone who has a child. Am i right?


Yes, you are right. Up until it had happened to me, I had never known another stepmom who had become a fulltime moomie to someone else's kyds. Even now, I still don't personally know anyone who has done this other than one fundie breeder and she married a widower with three kyds and promtly popped out a baybee and she is as happy as a clam. In middle class society, RARELY does a moo lose custody of her kyds to the father, so it just figures I would get involved in one of the exceptions to the rules. In my experience, a moomie remarries but KEEPS custody for the new wallet and the ongoing child support. The duddy, however, ONLY goes for custody IF he has a new wife to dump the kyd responsibility on, then he pockets the extra cash he would have paid in child support and spends it on himself.

NEITHER moomie NOR duddy ever has their own chyld's best interest at heart, as evidenced by their using the kyd against one another as an emotional pawn or power play, or sadly, for the money that one can extract from the other. The kids ALWAYS pay the price for their selfishness and God help if a decent person becomes involved in the triangle of greed as a step parent. They will be used, blamed, tossed aside and discarded, once they are no longer considered "useful" either as a babysitter or a wallet. Up until the step parent complains about the inequities, they just smile in your face as they pick your pocket.