Holiday Politics November 26, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 216 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 26, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 951 |
That sounds to me like being in prison!Quote
It's not unusual to have 20 people in the house with people sleeping on blow up beds and couches. no privacy.
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,842 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,003 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 880 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 880 |
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I think it's mean and selfish for my daughter in law to do this and son to agree. She's from a different culture and could care less about the holidays. My son in medical school and has a two week breather and said they would go away day after Christmas but wife wants him all to herself
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 216 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,713 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
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Most people are on auto-pilot regarding a lot of community and family expectations.
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,304 |
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DucorpsToo
Being an only child myself, there's that unspoken rule to visit the parents over the Christmas. I don't know whether I'd call it a "rule" per se, but that's how it's been for so many years. Out of all of these 27 years of living away from home I've only missed two Christmas. The first instance was when I had a new job, having just finished graduate school. They were kinda disappointed as my parents were even willing to help pay for the plane ticket. The second time was where I surprised them over Thanksgiving instead. They seemed to be Ok with that. Nowadays only my Mom is left, being that my Dad died about 10 years ago. So I try to visit her each year(she's 93). DH always stays at home. The last time he saw my parents was in 1987 while I was in grad school. They never liked him from the first meeting (as a result sadly the feelings are mutual)- and thus I've never invited them to my turf for fear of a very unpretty conflict . And neither his name nor existence are ever mentioned during phone calls, or while I visit them for reasons that I don't wish to discuss here. But gotta give my parents credit that they're not the type to make unannounced visits.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand, here's another one from a different site - The OP is asking for advice because her son might not be coming home for Christmas as he's finally found a job. She says that they all go for a family ski trip and doesn't like the idea of a college student staying at school for the holidays (instead of visiting family). One of the answers on that thread shouts "bully" Yikes! :
I have older children. Coming home for Christmas isn't optional. I would play guilt or whatever else it took. There have been years when my oldest was only around for Christmas morning and Christmas dinner and then left after that, but he has been here. I bent on all sorts of things, but not that. The big family ski vacation may not be an option if he has to work, but I would strongly encourage, almost to the point of coersing, that as well. Sad experience has shown me that at least one family vacations ought not to be optional until the child has a family of their own. For my oldest, summers didn't work so we instituted a ski-after-Christmas vacation. We borrow a condo from a friend and fill it full of any of our sons' friends who want to come. We feed everyone. We go some place with an around-the-town shuttle bus so we don't have to worry about them driving around. It has been a totally different sort of vacation than our regular very close, can't get out of arm's reach of each other because we are all stuck on a boat sort of vacation. And it is expensive, unlike going sailing. But this way, we have a family vacation. It is priceless as far as family closeness goes and it has been a big factor in continuing to keep us all feeling like a family. You'll probably get lots of other people telling you to let go, etc., but as I said, in my experience, this is not a good idea. The years before we began doing the ski vacation when the rest of us went sailing for vacation were the ones when the family felt the most untogether. I know my sons value it, too, because the older two have been saying the last few Christmases that all they want for Christmas is to go skiing, before they go back to school they ask if we can please do it again, and they talk about it non-stop with the youngest and each other when they come home for Thanksgiving. This is very different than it was when my oldest was 19 and 20 and I had to twist his arm to get him to come see us Christmas day. Now, he doesn't even remember not wanting to come. Anyway, I vote that you make it a family rule that everyone has to come home for Christmas Day and the ski vacation.
Hugs. I know how upsetting the whole thing is.
Thread in question: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/215277-not-coming-home-for-christmas/
Re: Holiday Politics November 27, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 263 |
Re: Holiday Politics November 28, 2016 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
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Re: Holiday Politics November 28, 2016 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,635 |