Informal Poll: How many times have you been told to "have a baby" to solve problem xyz?

I count twice in my life I have been told BY PROFESSIONALS and numerous times by laypeople to "have a baby" to solve a problem.

First time I was told to "have a baby" was over 20 years ago by a doctor that was treating me for endometriosis. Apparently this idiot believed that having a baby was the cure for this disease. Well, endo may go away for a little while after you have a baby, but within 5 years, unless you are shitting them out one after the other up through menopause, endo will come back!! There's only one cure for endo and it's the cure most of these asshole doctors won't discuss, and that is having your uterus removed. You can keep your eggs for hormonal purposes, but to end the nightmare of endo, that fuckin baby oven HAS TO GO. And yes, you can get your uterus removed and leave everything else in there, don't let any dr tell you that you can't.

Second time I was told to "have a baby" I was in college. Poor as dirt. We had a social services office on campus and I went in to talk to the social worker about some food stamp and rental assistance. Of course, the answer was no. However, the social worker was very helpful in telling me about all the of great benefits I would get if I "went ahead and got pregnant" and how it would help my situation. Blah. I found another way out of my mess and never forgot that incident.

Then various times throughout my life, being broke and poor, having breeders tell me "just have a kid, you won't be so poor anymore!"

While it has been implied on numerous occasions for various reasons, I have only actually been told by someone ONCE (mercifully) that having a baybee would make everything better. One day at work some 20 years ago, some of us younger marrieds were griping in the breakroom about our husbands blowing money on "boy toys" when we wanted the money spent in other ways. One of the older grandmootherly types point blank said to me, "Kim, you just need to have a baby. Once you have a child then everything is different and your husband will be a lot more responsible when he becomes a father". I said, "Then what's the deal with THEIR husbands buying boats, hunting crap, and and motorcycles, THEY all have kids?"

I have heard NUMEROUS women say they were going to try and get knocked up (and they usually did) to "save their marriage". That NEVER made any sense to me at all in the least, but it's a common misconception. The ANTICIPATION of a baybee might bring them closer together for several reasons the greatest of which is sophomoric fantasy, especially with a first kyd, but after it's born and reality sets in deeper than the purple stretch marks, it's all downhill from there.

I have always been VERY flat-chested. My bra size is 36AA. Yes, AA. We're talking pancakes.

I can't begin to count the number of times I've been told by other women to have a brat in order to increase my boob size (not out of the blue, thank god, but in the context of a conversation about boobs). Isn't that a great reason to have one?? Besides, the morons dispensing this "advice" always ASSume that I actually want bigger tits. Sure, it would be kinda nice if they were a *little* bigger, but I'd rather be underendowed than over. I like being able to sleep on my stomach and to go without a bra at home.

Another besides, I'd rather remain a board than *possibly* enjoy bigger tits for a while, then have them sag in my later years. Not to mention the worst by-product of the whole thing by far...a KID!! Shudder.

Just once was I encouraged to "go ahead and start a family", and that was by our (female and super-educated) HR Director at a well-respected management consultancy firm. It was during a performance review, and she must've run out of advice for me because everything and everyone across the firm were doing remarkably well. This was the mid-1990s, and we'd never hear an HR director make those sorts of comments today.

So, the idea is -- just when everything's on the up, that's the time to completely RUIN your life?! Mmm. I'll pass, thanks all the same.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Most of the people mostly bingos people always say that having a baby will save marriages, cure problems and make people's lives better. But in reality what having a baby does the opposite of cure, but makes matter worse.

> "Then various times throughout my life, being broke and poor, having > breeders tell me "just have a kid, you won't be so poor anymore!"

Nowhiggers, when people belive that having a baby will remove poverty. That is totally BULLSHIT because there are too many child poverty because bring a child creates more poverty by moos giving up jobs to cater and duhs become wallet and drain resources.

Cheese Louise Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have always been VERY flat-chested. My bra size
> is 36AA. Yes, AA. We're talking pancakes.
>
> I can't begin to count the number of times I've
> been told by other women to have a brat in order
> to increase my boob size (not out of the blue,
> thank god, but in the context of a conversation
> about boobs). Isn't that a great reason to have
> one?? Besides, the morons dispensing this "advice"
> always ASSume that I actually want bigger tits.
> Sure, it would be kinda nice if they were a
> *little* bigger, but I'd rather be underendowed
> than over. I like being able to sleep on my
> stomach and to go without a bra at home.
>
> Another besides, I'd rather remain a board than
> *possibly* enjoy bigger tits for a while, then
> have them sag in my later years. Not to mention
> the worst by-product of the whole thing by far...a
> KID!! Shudder.


Now that right there would HAVE to be in the top five MOST STUPID reasons to have a kyd which I have ever heard in my life. Although I am not surprised, because I have heard many smaller chested women go on and on when they were knocked up about how much their husband like their new figure. I wonder if it crosses their minds that AFTER said baybee is born and all of the swelling goes down, how much he will like their "new" figure then? The only thing worse than a too big or too small chest would have to be a saggy one where they unnaturally and prematurely elongate and sag like a National Geographic photo. That is COMPLETELY unnecessary for a young woman's body to be disfigured in such a way. This may be one of the reasons they are so anxious to keep their udders full of milk.

nowhiggers Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> First time I was told to "have a baby" was over 20
> years ago by a doctor that was treating me for
> endometriosis. Apparently this idiot believed that
> having a baby was the cure for this disease.

I got that one too! I was in my early 20s, didn't even have a job or a boyfriend and was still living with my Mom - yeah, what a brilliant idea! Asshole.

My aunt was told that same bullshit too. Guess what? She had TWO kids and STILL had to get morphine shots for her painful periods afterwards.

I was told by an insurance agent to have a baby so my car insurance would go down. I guess they think that makes you more responsible. I fail to see how having a kid when I'm single and don't make enough money is the responsible thing to do but maybe I'm wrong.

The only time I've ever had anything similar said to me was when I told people that I was getting divorced a few years ago.

Someone said,"See, you should have had kids, you probably wouldn't be getting divorced."

My reply? "You're kidding right? If he and I DID have kids, we wouldn't have made it 13 years!"

I was in a straight marriage years ago and got the whole "have a baby, it will keep you together" spiel from MIL. I basically tore her a new one and said that I was transgendered and that I had NO interesting in having children in order to go on living the lie that I was a straight woman. My husband finally grew a pair and told her to mind her own business.

Once. A few years ago I was having very heavy menstrual periods, caused by fibroid tumors. To remedy this I had an endometrial ablation, and have been very pleased with the results. Prior to the procedure, I told a friend what was going on with my health, and how fibroids affect CF women at a slightly higher rate than the non-CF (they also affect African American women and obese women at higher rates, too.) This friend, who has three kids, then blurts out, "well, I bet you wish you'd had kids NOW." I told her that I knew several women *with* kids that all had fibroids, and no, I STILL don't wish for them.

I have never been told this.

Tiquer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Once. A few years ago I was having very heavy
> menstrual periods, caused by fibroid tumors. To
> remedy this I had an endometrial ablation, and
> have been very pleased with the results. Prior to
> the procedure, I told a friend what was going on
> with my health, and how fibroids affect CF women
> at a slightly higher rate than the non-CF (they
> also affect African American women and obese women
> at higher rates, too.) This friend, who has three
> kids, then blurts out, "well, I bet you wish you'd
> had kids NOW." I told her that I knew several
> women *with* kids that all had fibroids, and no, I
> STILL don't wish for them.


I absolutely HATE all of these statistics/studies/surveys which claim that women who never had babies are at a higher risk of dying from uterine cancer, ovarian cancer, breast cancer, etc..........I do not believe that having a kyd (s) is the variable here, but perhaps these breeders have their legs up and twats looked at more often by doctors because they are knocked up a great deal of the time when these cancers are likely to occur, therby they are caught earlier.They also have more ultrasounds which would reveal early masses and they are hyper sensitive about their udders due to breast feeding for 1/3 of their lives, hence earlier breast lumps detection more likely.

I think the same thing applies to endometriosis. Since being knocked up for the greater parts of their reproductive years could mask it, then it perhaps often goes undiagnosed. It goes along the lines of the correlation to smoking and certain cancers. While I don't think it's healthy to purposely ingest or inhale foreign substances and I am no expert, it stands to reason that a lot of this shit was playing on the scare factor because when they couldn't come up with an explanation of why NON smokers were getting the same cancers, they blamed it on SECOND HAND smoke. They STILL can't explain why people who have NEVER been directly or indirectly exposed to cigarrette smoke are STILL dying from, being born with, or getting cancers which have long been blamed on cigarettes.

What kills me is The American Cancer Society's OWN statistics which claim that 1/3 third of ALL cancers are caused by smoking (or some figure lower than 1/2) My question then is, "What about the REST of the cancers? I mean, how can they say that a percentage could have been prevented and cause a worldwide scare over the causes of those cancers, and then play dumb about the rest? I think that either you are going to get a disease, cancer, illness, etc........IN MOST CASES, no matter what you do. Monks and nuns get cancer, baybees are born with diseases, and tri-athletes get heart disease, lung cancer, and other illnesses. The perception caused by all of these "preventable" diseases is that when someone gets cancer or other disease, that it MUST have somehow been their own fault, and that really pisses me off.

So, NOW they are saying that if you had ONLY done what nature intended and had a baybee, then you wouldn't have endometriosis. If you had not had sex with more than one person, you wouldn't get cervical cancer. If you hadn't have ever smoked or been stupid enough to have parents who did, you wouldn't have gotten lung cancer. I just am not buying this. It's just the excuse de' jour.

Point of clarification: the only way to get rid of endo is to remove the ovaries in addition to the uterus. It's the estrogen that makes endometriosis grow. Without a uterus, you will not menstruate, but your ovaries will continue to stimulate the endometriosis unless you supress the ovaries with the birth control pill or Lupron. Endometriosis can and does grow outside the uterus.

Back to the original question, the answer for me is MORE FUCKING TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT. I hit the jackpot when it comes to reproductive diseases; I have endometriosis and PCOS.

The bullshit started when I was a poor college student 20+ years ago. My PCP did some blood work and referred me to an endocrinologist that was a classmate of hers in medical school. My androgen profile was 300 times normal. (We now know this to be PCOS.)

I can still remember how puzzled this dickwad was because I wasn't there TO GET PREGNANT. He even called his partner in to the room where they BOTH told me to come back WHEN I wanted to get pregnant. I had brought my lab results, and I was like, AREN'T YOU GOING TO TREAT ME? I mean, 300 TIMES NORMAL IS A LITTLE OUT OF RANGE, NO? Both of those dickwads dismissed me.

I found another doctor to treat me--he thought my excess hormones were coming from my adrenal glands and I was on adreno-suppressive meds for a while. (Scary shit) It's only been recently that I found a doctor who was willing to treat me even though I wasn't interested in pregnasty.

It's a damn sad fact that most doctors couldn't give a shit about TREATING women's reproductive problems with anything other than PREGNASTY. And to tell you the truth, pregnancy is only a temporary fix for all these conditions. During the course of my life, most doctors were content to give me a laproscopy + D&C for bleeding (I've had at least 7, I lose count) and send me on my way. Because they wanted to preserve my reproductive abilities so that they or one of their brethren could bill the insurance company for that big L&D bill.

I don't see how these bastard doctors live with themselves. And the reproductive endocrinologists are the worst. Most of them delude themselves that they are "helping people," when they couldn't care less if that $25,000 baby ends up in a dumpster or if the parents get divorced one week after delivery. Helping their wallet is more like it, not to mention poisoning the Earth with more people.

And yes, I've garden-variety ignoramuses tell me that a baybee would cure my menstrual cramps, cure my ex-husband's assholish behavior, etc. But you would think a freaking doctor would know better.

P.S. And here's a nifty little statistic that nobody ever mentions: tubal ligation cuts a woman's risk of ovarian cancer by something like 80%. It's on the American Cancer Society's website but you certainly don't hear that from the mainstream "If It Breeds, It Leads," media.

Bell flower, I had severe endo and what they did was go in and do the ablation of all the endo and then remove my uterus, I got to keep everything else. Endo has never come back. But you getting the double whammy with the PCOS, that might be a different thing.

and ladies, if you are in the most liberal medical marijuana state of California, and have any of these disorders like endo, severe cramps, severe PMS tumors, pcos, (all of these conditions are covered under the medical cannabis law) I highly recommend getting yourself a medical marijuana card. You don't need your obgyn to give you the recommendation, although under the law they can, but some of these breeder doctors are real shitheads about it (although they have no problem shooting you up with morphine and giving you endless scripts of vicodin), you can take your medical records to a medical cannabis doctor and they will write the papers for you to get legal.

And if you don't smoke that's ok. You can find delicious baked goods, candies, frozen dinners, etc at your local medical dispensary. And actually, for the pain involved with this stuff, oral injestion is better than smoking for pain relief.

It's also non addictive. You can stop using it at any time and not experience any withdrawl symptoms like you would with morphine or vicodin.

My MIL said that I would find God, if I had a baby.
I am a borderline Buddhist and she swears it is because I have no kids.

My mom said if I had kids, they would put me back in the will. I already have about 6 times more money and assets than every person in my family combined ( they have no idea ) why would I have a kid to inherit a couple thousand dollars? My brother had 3, to get his fair share.

My SIL said if I had a baby, I would not have the urge to do all the dangerjous things that I do, like ride motorcycles, scuba dive, and drink.

Medical marijuana is great and very effective. I had AIDS and cancer patients with their cards and it really helped with pain and appetite, which of course, can be affected by pain...not to mention many pain meds. I highly recommend ladies with the above conditions in states with medical marijuana laws to take advantage of them.

...and all this time I thought I was just a regular ol' pot-head.

I too was told at age 20, by my male OB/GYN, that I wouldn't have to have surgery to remove my endo if I would 'just have children'. I told him to get bent and found another doc to rid me of my ailments. Come to find out, I also had a large tumor growing on one of my ovaries, which was removed leaving me with one ovary, and the endo was scraped off and I've not had near as bad pains since - AND NO BABIES! - I got to keep my uterus, which is fine with me, and haven't had problems since. I do have some adhesion's which I deal with with a little Ibuprofen, and that's about it.

Endo severity differs from woman to woman. Endo doesn't ALWAYS mean your uterus MUST be removed, as in my case, which was moderate and not severe. It was enough to disrupt my life and was very painful and inconvenient, but not enough to warrant removal of my uterus.

I think our common thread here is at some point, we have all been told that in order to alleviate our pain, why not have a kid instead of surgery? Which, as has already been mentioned, is just a bandaid. I think we're all fairly strong women who refused to believe the fantasy of having kids and sought other alternatives. We took the road less traveled and found paradise.