My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 01, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
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I don’t take my partner’s decision on children personally or lightly. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, nor does it represent his feelings for me, and I respect that he did not acquiesce to his previous partners. Still, even if he were onboard with having children, I’m not willing to rush a relationship because I’m bound to a biological timeline. Nor am I willing to forgo birth control and “accidentally” fall pregnant. I have seen the effects a “surprise” pregnancy has on a man.
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What’s even more frustrating is that he is naturally great with kids and would make an amazing father. At 41, I have found a man who comes close to everything I’ve realistically wanted. If he were it all, then he would be perfect. And you and I both know perfect doesn’t exist. Given that, it’s actually not that surprising he doesn’t want kids. There had to be something, amirite? The more I fall for him, the more I know my urge to have “a baby” will become a desire to have “his baby”.
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But my boyfriend doesn’t want children, and I have to respect that. However, I will not forgo my chances at motherhood to appease him or maintain our relationship. And that is a decision I do hope he chooses to support.
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I have spent my entire adult life preparing to be a mum. I spent a decade in therapy unraveling the damage instilled by my parents. I progressed my career; advanced my education; traveled and worked across the globe; crawled my way out of debt – all so I would have zero regrets about being a mother and feel as self-actualized as possible before taking on the responsibility of creating and rearing another human.
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Society pressures women to have children, and doing so at a young age can mean we miss out on becoming the women we are meant to be. Sometimes we buck the trend at the expense of our own fertility and panic at the gamble.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 01, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,434 |
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I finally, ultimately, told him we needed to divorce if he needed children to be happy. I never wanted them. I tried to entertain the idea for his sake, but literally everything in me revolts at the idea of even adopting. I'm perfectly happy to be the crazy aunt. But if he needs children, I'm out.
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I'm, as I said, 41. I got married at 24. I am the child of an abusive family, and I never wanted children and was straight up about that from the beginning. There's also an intensive history of schizophrenia in my family; my father had it, as did many extended family members.
My husband knew this.
But at 35, he changed his mind. He suddenly desperately wanted children; he obviously thought given time, I would change my mind, too. I think he believed this from the moment we met at 19.
I tried. I want to want children. Sadly, this, and actually wanting kids, are not even in the same solar system. I talked about it for years with my therapist, and had any number of civil discussions (and also not-civil fights) with my husband about it.
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He held me and said he knew, apologized for the other night (and the last decade) and said it was only the occasional pang but I am still filled with doubt. I tried to express that I don't want to be the obstacle to his happiness, and the last thing I want is for him to still be hating me for being a failure as a woman at 80.
And i do feel that. Something is missing in me; I know it. I am financially stable. I married a decent dude who I mostly only fight with about having kids, and love.
I feel like I was made without some crucial woman part.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 01, 2019 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
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I spent a decade in therapy unraveling the damage instilled by my parents. I progressed my career; advanced my education; traveled and worked across the globe; crawled my way out of debt – all so I would have zero regrets about being a mother and feel as self-actualized as possible before taking on the responsibility of creating and rearing another human.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 02, 2019 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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It’s no secret to any of my friends that I want to be a mother; my boyfriend, unfortunately for me, does not want children.
This should be a deal-breaker, I know.
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But my boyfriend doesn’t want children, and I have to respect that. However, I will not forgo my chances at motherhood to appease him or maintain our relationship. And that is a decision I do hope he chooses to support.
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Woman #2
I feel like I was made without some crucial woman part.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 04, 2019 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,976 |
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Moron
I have spent my entire adult life preparing to be a mum. I spent a decade in therapy unraveling the damage instilled by my parents. I progressed my career; advanced my education; traveled and worked across the globe; crawled my way out of debt – all so I would have zero regrets about being a mother and feel as self-actualized as possible before taking on the responsibility of creating and rearing another human.
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Moron
He is a sensitive spirit, and I am so grateful to have him in my life, given my pained dating history. Because of this, he is getting the best of me. One night, fresh out of a bath he had drawn for me, belly full from a home cooked meal he had prepared, as he was editing an article I had written, I realized: I am in the relationship I’ve always wanted. He would have to do something particularly cruel for me to not want to see this to its potential.
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Moron
What’s even more frustrating is that he is naturally great with kids and would make an amazing father. At 41, I have found a man who comes close to everything I’ve realistically wanted. If he were it all, then he would be perfect. And you and I both know perfect doesn’t exist. Given that, it’s actually not that surprising he doesn’t want kids. There had to be something, amirite? The more I fall for him, the more I know my urge to have “a baby” will become a desire to have “his baby”.
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Moron
But my boyfriend doesn’t want children, and I have to respect that. However, I will not forgo my chances at motherhood to appease him or maintain our relationship. And that is a decision I do hope he chooses to support.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 04, 2019 | Registered: 4 years ago Posts: 27 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 04, 2019 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 05, 2019 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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Cambion
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Moron
What’s even more frustrating is that he is naturally great with kids and would make an amazing father.
Just because someone is great with kids doesn't mean they'd be great with their own or want their own.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 06, 2019 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,976 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 06, 2019 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,576 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 16, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,149 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 17, 2019 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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navi8orgirl
"However, I will not forgo my chances at motherhood to appease him or maintain our relationship. And that is a decision I do hope he chooses to support."
Her wording sounds a bit awkward but my take is that she would dump this perfect guy because being a mother has become the most important thing in her life and she should not have to sacrifice that want. I do agree with that premise--perfect doesn't exist and if this is now the most important thing to you then the right thing to do is set him free. Plenty of wannabreed men out there.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 18, 2019 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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navi8orgirl
"However, I will not forgo my chances at motherhood to appease him or maintain our relationship. And that is a decision I do hope he chooses to support."
Her wording sounds a bit awkward but my take is that she would dump this perfect guy because being a mother has become the most important thing in her life and she should not have to sacrifice that want.
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him December 30, 2019 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 7,149 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him January 01, 2020 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 3,978 |
Re: My boyfriend doesn't want kids, so I'll have them alone – without leaving him January 02, 2020 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,976 |