Hi everyone

Well, as usual, I'm late to the party, so hello and welcome to Julie and kidssuck.

Julie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hey MWR, our situation was like yours. We didn't
> discuss it much before marriage, we were both
> pretty ambiguous on the subject. An 'in a few
> years' type of thing.
>
> Well, after we got married the questions started.
> This made us think. In the very beginning I
> agreed to start trying within two years. Then
> time went on, living with hubby and reality
> inevitably set in. Hubby is a great guy, but not
> without problems. Seeing that I married a not so
> great dad candidate, I decided to really examine
> what I wanted. That's when I came to the
> conclusion that I don't want kids with this man.
> By the time we work out our shit, or don't, I'm
> gonna be too old to start such a thing. So since
> I started thinking more about it and discovering
> things about myself and the future I want, I've
> become adamant...and started sharing these
> feelings with hubby. It was very tough at first,
> but as it stands he's got a little understanding
> of where I'm coming from.
>
> As I've been examining myself over the past few
> months, I've realized that the thought of starting
> a family has always been a threat to me. I've
> always picutred it as drab and depressing. I've
> always liked animals better than people. I'm an
> anxious, nervous wreck (depression/anxiety
> history) type of person, I hate shopping, I hate
> laundry, I hate school, I hate other mothers...
> Why in the hell would I want to subject myself to
> that hell? That's where I hear that my anxiety is
> just an excuse, that I'll get used to it, that
> it's worth it. FUCK THAT! I don't HAVE to do a
> fucking THING! Oh, I'm lazy? Good! At least I
> know myself! Oh, I'm bitter? YEA. SO. At least
> I'm smart enough to see REALITY.
>
> So..uhm... Now that I got off on that tangeant,
> which I'm prone to do with this subject, you see
> where I'm at. It's a toughie, but I like to think
> I can stick to my guns and get through this. I
> have to be proud of myself and I'm starting to see
> the light. I'm no longer jealous of those
> do-it-all women. Let them burn themselves out,
> maybe have a lot of money if they're lucky. I'M
> NOT an overachiever and I'm proud!

First of all, welcome to the board. This is the best place that I have seen so far. I am on the same page you are and it looks like we are reading the same book. Having kids scares the piss out of me. I cannot stand the breeder culture. I am tired of everyone around us having only one option - breed. I am tired of breeding being showed down our throats. I am really tired of seeing good CF people get stuck with baby rabid spouses - that subject really pushes my anger buttons, I should leave that discussion for other posts.

Thanks for the welcome, Techie. Yes...the 'breeder culture'. I can't stand it, either. And it totally IS being shoved down our throats. Like you haven't LIVED until you've pushed out a melon. I have a new friend who just had a baby. She a very sweet girl, but I was so disappointed to hear her say, "I was once like you. Then it happened..." I hate that. I mean, she understands where I'm coming from and seems like she's gonna be a cool mother...but still. Of course they're going to have another one in one or two years. You can't have one without having another one. I don't get it. What's so bad about an only child?! Ugh... We'll see where this friendship goes. Anyway, I can go on and on. That's why I come here. I'm still fairly new to all this and didn't realize just how hard it is to be a CF thinker.