Puketastic moo writings

I came upon this while reading news, featuring "More babies on board?" and "Poo for thought." http://bomoms.boston.com/newkidontheblock

Looking at this shit for only a few seconds makes me wanna !

Keep working more hours, CF people! Millions of breeders depend on us.

Wow. Stupidly I've been wasting my live reading diaries, autobiographies and biographies of people who I thought were fascinating: Margaret Thatcher, the Brontes, Henry VIII, Oliver Reed, John Cleese, Peter Cook, etc. But I've been wrong! The myriad thoughts of Mommies are so much more Important! Who the hell gives a damn about an English monarch's historic and lifelong struggle to break the hold of the imperious papacy when I could get so much more out of knowing that a baybe can burst its diaper with certain heavy, urgent shits? Isn't that wunnerful??

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

"....one of my customers asked me if I was done having kids. Without thinking I responded "I think so." I totally caught myself off guard. Before Gaby was born I emphatically told anyone who would listen, "After this one I am done."
How could something this serious catch a person "off guard". She is answering "without thinking", which explains a lot.

"... my husband and I picked out Max's name over 14 years ago --before we even got engaged. Strange, but true. Also, I have always envisioned having two children -- a girl and a boy. Now I've got exactly what I have always wanted, so why do I find myself considering more?"
They picked out a NAME for a kyd when they were'nt even engaged yet? I think that she is considering more, against her better judgement, because she clearly has an undiagnosed case of baybee rabies.

"...Perhaps, it's because babies are addictive."
STRONG baybee rabies symptom, my first guess was correct.


"...Max is not quite 3 but, as he was walking to his first preschool class, he said "Don't hold my hand." Just a little piece of my heart broke that day. Even though I have a new baby, Max is growing up way to fast for me. We're able to have actual conversations. It's just amazing. It wasn't so long ago that Max was my little one and the center of my universe. I vividly remember the moment after Max was born. I was so overwhelmed with emotion I finally understood why people have lots of kids. In retrospect, giving birth seemed like having a religious experience. Or, you know, maybe it was just the hormones!.."
WHY don't they want their kyds to grow up? Isn't that their JOB to assist said kyd into adulthood? This is another baybee rabies symptom; An overwhelming desire for an INFANT, rather than the actual child, much like a drug "fix". Oh, and "religious experience"? There they go again comparing a normal bodily function with Jesus and whatnot. Yeah lady, it IS "just the hormones", get a grip before it's loo late.

"...That's how my week started with: poo. Max was doing his thing in the bathroom. And then, as I just as I was peacefully making my morning coffee, Gaby had an explosive poo in her Bumbo..."
This is bloggable material and newsworthy..... because?

"...Of course, he still shows very little interest in potty training, but life is never perfect...."
Life will NEVER be anywhere NEAR "perfect" either as long as you have a THREE y/o kyd who has no desire to shit anywhere besides on himself, the furniture, carpet, walls, etc..........

"....Life in the fast lane Gaby has had a really busy week. Before turning 3 months old, she has already worked her first trade show and attended the Running of the Brides. She seems to be taking it in stride, but I am exhausted...."
Am I to understand that she is dragging a 3 month old along on her work assignments?"

"...Taking Gaby was not ideal, but since I am still nursing her I didn't have much choice. Also, I couldn't bare to leave both my kids."
Yeah, use nursing as an excuse when we ALL know you could pump that shit out, but THEN tell the truth as an afterthought. You WANTED to drag the kyd along to show off to everyone, like I had originally figured before I read the "confession".

"Gaby did a great job at the show. Because she's so little and cute (but I'm not biased), she garnered a lot of attention...."
My GOD, these bitches are so predictable that I am getting ahead of myself.


"I love seeing my kids interact with my parents. I know that Max and Gaby bring them lots of joy -- I can just see it in their eyes. But Max and my dad have a special bond. They are total buddies. Max is the son that my dad never had. Between my mom, my sister, and I, my dad was outnumbered for years. He waited for 63 years for a boy, so I don't mind driving a few hours."
I HATE HATE HATE these grandpeepaws who had all daughters and who are finally overjoyed at the golden grandpup boy.What does she mean he "waited for 63 years"? Do men REALLY "wait" on a boy from a daughter like that? I suppose they do, I watched my own father do it and to see him interact with my nephew is a SICKENING sight.


"...I'm lucky that both my parents are alive, but there is something about having kids that makes me reflect on the whole mortality thing......
Ironically, my mom called me from the airport as I was getting home last night. She informed me that my dad's brother had just passed away--he was 20 years older than my dad and his only surviving sibling. It was just another reminder to me that life is fleeting. How often we forget to live in the moment"
I fail to see how an 83 y/o uncle dying has anything to do with her own mortality, Max the golden boy's, her fathers, etc..... but then again not much she says makes sense."

"...Little did I know that nanny care would be my most cost-effective childcare option with two children!... Nannies also have more flexible hours than daycare centers."
I don't get it. A LIVE IN, COLLEGE EDUCATED, TRAINED NANNY, makes less money than a 5 DAY a week daycare? mmmmmmm. I would think that for TMIJITW, that the pay would be a little better. Maybe since the nanny is from Thailand she is taking advantage of her because she has to have a job to renew her work visa or something.

"And then, as I just as I was peacefully making my morning coffee, Gaby had an explosive poo in her Bumbo..."

...And that was when disaster struck, for when she said 'explosive poo' she meant it literally. When the deed was done, dangerous chemicals within the brat's feces mixed with other substances in her urine, forming an unusual explosive compound which reacted violently to the oxygen in the air. The HUGE explosion, not only killed the moo and her brat, but also took out the entire block.

The damage caused by the blast was extensive, police say. "The whole block, which was basically the breeder CBD, was vaporized... completely vaporized! It's amazing that such damage was caused by the shit from one baby brat!" said the local Chief of Police. "What kind of crap are these stupid breeders feeding their kids, these days?"

Fortunately, no child-free people were harmed by the blast, but the CF still felt the effects. "It was unbelievable" said one CF'er, who goes by the handle 'kidlesskim', "At first, I thought it was an earthquake, but then I look out my window and I see the devastation of an entire city block!" Another CF person also had this to say. "Some fundies [religious fundamentalists] believe that children are 'the weapons of Christ.' I never knew that that belief was true, until today."

"I had the quintessential "Oh crap" moment yesterday morning -- literally. While I was brushing Max's teeth, Gaby was resting peacefully in the middle of my king size bed. Then I heard her cry. She had the hugest, bright-yellow diarrhea poo. In mere seconds, she was covered in it. She even stuck her hand in it. Poo got on my bed and shirt, too. I did, however, manage to clean it up while trying to keep Max at arms length. Hours later while nursing Gaby, I even discovered that I had a little poo one of my toes. At least I can laugh about the experience now."

And those snooty Nobel people say American literature is in the toilet.

Yes,thinking that babies are addictive is definitely a sign of baby rabies.

And WTF is a Bumbo?!

This woman is beyond pitiful! If that sort of stuff is all this moo can find to write about, it definitely sucks to be moo.

Templar Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "And then, as I just as I was peacefully making my
> morning coffee, Gaby had an explosive poo in her
> Bumbo..."
>
> ...And that was when disaster struck, for when she
> said 'explosive poo' she meant it literally. When
> the deed was done, dangerous chemicals within the
> brat's feces mixed with other substances in her
> urine, forming an unusual explosive compound which
> reacted violently to the oxygen in the air. The
> HUGE explosion, not only killed the moo and her
> brat, but also took out the entire block.
>
> The damage caused by the blast was extensive,
> police say. "The whole block, which was basically
> the breeder CBD, was vaporized... completely
> vaporized! It's amazing that such damage was
> caused by the shit from one baby brat!" said the
> local Chief of Police. "What kind of crap are
> these stupid breeders feeding their kids, these
> days?"
>
> Fortunately, no child-free people were harmed by
> the blast, but the CF still felt the effects. "It
> was unbelievable" said one CF'er, who goes by the
> handle 'kidlesskim', "At first, I thought it was
> an earthquake, but then I look out my window and I
> see the devastation of an entire city block!"
> Another CF person also had this to say. "Some
> fundies believe that children are 'the weapons of
> Christ.' I never knew that that belief was true,
> until today."


haaaaahaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaa

"I'm back in Maine again for my first road trip with since Gaby's birth. My, what a difference a little time makes! The last time I was here, I was heavily pregnant and pampered by all. Now, Tanya, my sister-in-law, is 34 weeks pregnant herself, so it's my turn to help out."

Translation: I'm not the center of attention anymore. Some other preggo is. WAAAAHH! (Yet another symptom of baby rabies.)

"Max refused to sleep in his cousin's trundle bed, so all four of us are sleeping in my niece's room. My niece has a twin bed, which I am sharing with Max. My husband is in the trundle. Baby Gaby is sleeping in her Bugaboo bassinet. Not the best circumstances, but it's only for two nights. Max insisted on sleeping with me. Poor kid, I don't blame him -- at home he always sees Gaby nursing in bed with me."

WHY do men put up with this shit?? "Just for two nights" my ass. She says right there that Baby Gaby (I haaate that) sleeps with her at home.

I think it's hilarious that all of her posts except one have ZERO comments, and the one that does has only ONE. Could it possibly be because...no one gives a shit???

Notice also how her poor husband got banished to the trundle bed(shameful!) just so good ol' mooomie can sleep with her pwescious widdle I-Will-Wear-A-Diaper-Until-I'm-Old-Enough-For-Depends 3(!) year old, along with his little titsicle sister. This should be a warning for all men who have the misfortune of dating/ marrying a baby-rabid moron.

Considering how much of a pushover this woman seems to be, it's not too unlikely that her kids will be sharing a bed with her until college, and I don't even want to think how long it will take for them to properly learn to use a toilet...

Cheese Louise wrote about the tiresome moo: "I think it's hilarious that all of her posts except one have ZERO comments, and the one that does has only ONE. Could it possibly be because...no one gives a shit???"

Well, clearly Baby Gaby has given plenty of them. No one else needs to.

Ah yes, one of my favorite subjects! Since I've been blogging, I've seen many mootastic blogs. Here are some excerpts.

"Does anyone else feel like we’re standing at the edge about to get pushed over into the fiery pits of Hell? We screwed this planet and now it’s going to screw us."

Very nice attitude. Way to go for bringing two kids into this mess.

"But really, I’m angrier on a much deeper level. I’m SO angry inside and I don’t know the real reason why. It’s hard to spend such a lot of time being angry for no identifiable reason."

She's got a problem with depression. Why not shoot out two kids to take my mind off it for a little while?

And of course, since her kids aren't BAYBEEES anymore, we get to this...

"Kent and I have been arguing lots about the baby thing lately. Actually, we’re not arguing about whether or not to have another baby. We’re arguing about the fact that he won’t even talk about having another baby. I’m so pissed off and I’m starting to resent him for it. I never say “no” to him when he wants something but that isn’t even what this is about, really. This is about him not respecting me. He isn’t taking my feelings/wants/needs into account. He is just saying NO and that is that is that. WHICH it turns out (as a result of an appointment I had later in the day) he is going to get what he wants. Because I can’t even have any more kids. At least not for a year. So nyah nyah to me, I guess. Stupid sucky ass life. I’m so bothered."

Yes. Stupid sucky ass life. She has a house and two lovely children (or she thinks. I think her little girl is ugly) and is a SAHM. Do you know how many single moos would DIE for that?! Kudos to hubby for having some balls and putting his foot down.

Then we have the usual whining...

"The kids have been sick. Snotty noses and puking and not sleeping. Which is hard on everyone (except hubby *ahem*) but there isn’t much I can do except be there for them. The puking was only *stupid nickname for son* and it was only one day so it hasn’t been THAT bad. But still. I’m just so tired."

WAAAH WAAAHHH!!! Stupid woman with emotional problems. And of course she's a photographer so there are thousands of artsy fartsy pictures of her spawn. BARF BARF BAAAAARRRFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Gawd:

"I never say “no” to him when he wants something but that isn’t even what this is about, really. This is about him not respecting me. He isn’t taking my feelings/wants/needs into account. He is just saying NO and that is that is that. WHICH it turns out (as a result of an appointment I had later in the day) he is going to get what he wants. Because I can’t even have any more kids."

I love it when women like this act as if having another child is the same as figuring out what's for dinner. We are talking about another life here, not a temporary thing. It's not about his not respecting her; it's just that he has immense respect for the decision itself.

"I never say “no” to him when he wants something but that isn’t even what this is about, really. This is about him not respecting me. He isn’t taking my feelings/wants/needs into account. He is just saying NO and that is that is that."

She sounds just like that bratty little shit in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", Veruca Salt. Stamp your foot a little harder and scream a little louder, Veruca: "I WANT I WANT I WANT!!!".

What she doesn't realise is that her husband is indeed taking those famously important feelings/wants/needs into account and, for the good of all, shutting off the supply of sperm so that those utterly precious feelings/wants/needs are brought under control as an adult should.

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

"He is just saying NO and that is that is that. WHICH it turns out (as a result of an appointment I had later in the day) he is going to get what he wants. Because I can’t even have any more kids."

She would totally have oopsed him if that hadn't been the case.

Wow. Just wow. This dumb bitch is completely consumed by her loaf. Talk of shit, piss, every bodily function there is, yet she's probably one of those ass-clowns who screams long and hard about filth around her kid.

What I'm REALLY sick of these fucking mommy bitches who write this shit and GET PAID FOR IT!!! Those who read and write this shit are in their own little vortex deep within the bowels of hell.

"What I'm REALLY sick of these fucking mommy bitches who write this shit and GET PAID FOR IT!!! Those who read and write this shit are in their own little vortex deep within the bowels of hell."

That's what happened with Dooce.com. I hear she and her hubby are making BANK running that site. As a former Mormon, she's only got one kid, as opposed to the 75 each of her siblings/cousins/family members have. But of course they were trying again. No one can EVER have just ONE kid, you know. I started reading her when she just had a dog. I identified with her anxiety and depression problems. Then she had to get married and have a kid, which drove her to the nuthouse, btw. Anyway, I lost interest, got sick of her humor and sick of her stupid kid (and stupid kid's kiddie friends and relatives) plastered all over the place.

Yea...I'll admit it. I used to read a lot of mommy blogs. That was during the time I was trying to be okay with becoming a mommy. I was trying to make myself want to be a mom. I was engaged to be married, which meant in a few years (or five) I'd have to start trying for a kid. I tried to see the benefits and failed miserably. See, I'm not gonna be able to buy a Nikon and stay home taking pictures of my kid all day. I gotta WORK if I ever want to afford a house!