"I hate my kid" regretful duh tells it how it is

I hate My kid

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regretful duh
was on the fence about having kids. Wife and I have been together for 10 years and she always wanted them but knew I was undecided. Tbf I was probably always more on the ‘no kids’ side more than anything. Either way, she knew my feelings. We’d talked about it.

But we’re crazy about each other and always have been. We get married, have the baby talk again a few years after. She basically says she’s gonna leave me to find someone who does want kids if I don’t. So we start trying. I didn’t react the best when I found out she was pregnant. Think I was really hoping it wouldn’t happen coz we’re both mid 30’s.

I hate him. I hate the way he looks, the way he smells, the fucking crying that’s non fucking stop. I hate the smell of the formula, I hate the smell of his piss, I hate all his shit just lying around the house. I try to keep the place tidy but fuck knows how it gets so bad.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve really fucking tried with this. I’ve gone full dad mode with the 3am feeds and nappy changes and doing my bit as a dad but nothing I do seems to change how I feel. I just hate being around him. I feel like I have no emotional attachment to him. I don’t look at him and think ‘that’s my son’ I just think ‘oh fuck off’ and he’s probably picking up on that coz he doesn’t smile at me, doesn’t really react to anything I do, whilst he’s all happy and smiley with his mom. I feel like a slave now coz I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and I work whilst she just carries him round and doesn’t really have time for me.
Everything has just gone to shit since he was born and I hate him for it. I know I shouldn’t coz he’s biologically mine and it’s not his fault and honestly I really hate that I feel this way. I don’t want to feel this way but I can’t help it. I’ve tried to distract myself from feeling this way by cutting myself and when my wife caught me she went crazy at me. I don’t have the best mental health history and all this has just made it worse.

I want to stop feeling the way I do but I genuinely don’t know how to. The wife knows how I feel and I think she just keeps out of my way to avoid any bad energy or me having to be around the kid. But it’s not a big house so it’s hard. I just dread coming home at the end of the day now and I’m having thoughts I shouldn’t be having. I was lay on the sofa last night wondering how long I could leave the gas stove on for before I’d die. I’m fucking depressed as shit and I hate it. Love my wife. Hate my kid.

His resentment of the kid is so obvious that even the kid himself picks up on it and responds by not smiling. Something tells me that this guy is gonna 'accidentally' end up 'forgetting' the kid in a hot car or in a bath tub in the near future . Or he's gonna pull a murder-suicide thing on his family.

One wonders how many more parents secretly resent their spawn

Unless both parties want kids, do not get with someone whose reproductive aspirations are not the same as your own. I'm sure it would have hurt to lose his wife of a decade, but look what sticking around got him.

The kid didn't ask to be born and didn't pick his parents, but he's going to have to grow up trying to figure out why Daddy hates him and it's going to hurt when he learns the reason is that he exists. He already acts withdrawn around the Duh.

And why is this man breeding when he admits he has a history of mental illness? Having a child NEVER makes existing mental problems better. Giving him crap for cutting himself is a real shit thing to do to someone who is already depressed. The kid is going to be so fucked up because resentful/regretful parents eventually lose the energy to pretend and become much more blatant about how they really feel about their kids they didn't want. While it sounds like the guy needs professional help for his existing mental health concerns, I don't think he can therapy his way out of his feelings toward his child. It would be in everyone's best interests if he divorced his Moo-wife and moved out because surely child support is more bearable than fatherhood.

Moo-wife seems to try to put distance between Duh and Junior, but is she prepared to keep that up for the rest of their lives? What's she going to tell him when he asks why Daddy doesn't like him? There's billions of people on this planet and because these two morons just HAD to stay together, an unnecessary kid was born who will grow up loved by only half his parents. For the kid's sake and the Duh's sake, I hope he's one of those people who just doesn't like kids when they're very small and has a better relationship with the kid as he gets a little older. Still shouldn't have bred at all.

If you are undecided on breeding, DO NOT BREED. There are people who are 110% sure they want to have kids and they hate every damn second of it.

It is amazing how many people will repress their true feelings to not lose someone or end up alone. If he feels this way about the kid and is talking about the gas stove then this may very well be a murder-suicide in the making or just suicide. If he tries to get help he will be told to "learn to love" the wife and kid or at least leave and pay support which is probably the best option for him now as he agreed to this.

This is such a horrible, tragic situation. I feel really awful for his kid. Kids know when they're not loved or wanted (ask me how I know this) and if his duh passes on mental health problems on top of the kid knowing he wasn't truly wanted by his dad, this spells a lifetime of issues.

All because his wife wanted to be a moo and he didn't want to leave her.

I am also concerned about the state of this man's mental health and the possibilities mentioned above. Suicide or murder/suicide sounds like a distinct possibility.

He needs to divorce the moo, go to therapy, pay child support, and move on.

It is a tragedy for the kid to be born into a situation like this, and it's completely preventable.

I am completely baffled how these situations happen for both sides of the fence. First of all, if you are a WannaBreed, there are PLENTY of people who also want to breed---why in the world do these WannaBreeds get together with people who don't want kids, and then proceed to hound these people to have kids? Nobody in their right mind would think this is a good outcome for a potential child. You are creating another human who will suffer! Jeez.

I also do not understand how a guy like this who is completely repulsed by baybees ends up coming in a woman and having a kid. I wouldn't be able to get it up. Before I was sterilized, the thought of getting pregnant was enough to turn me off having sex. I never had unprotected sex, not one single time.

I have broken up with people over the kid issue. I never had any regrets. I realized it made us fundamentally incompatible.

Neither adult made the right call here, and the kid will pay a bigger price than either parent.

genetics and environment. all because someone had to breed. that kid doesn't stand a chance

and I have zero sympathy for the dumbass cunt of a mootard

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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Cambion
And why is this man breeding when he admits he has a history of mental illness? Having a child NEVER makes existing mental problems better. Giving him crap for cutting himself is a real shit thing to do to someone who is already depressed. The kid is going to be so fucked up because resentful/regretful parents eventually lose the energy to pretend and become much more blatant about how they really feel about their kids they didn't want. While it sounds like the guy needs professional help for his existing mental health concerns, I don't think he can therapy his way out of his feelings toward his child. It would be in everyone's best interests if he divorced his Moo-wife and moved out because surely child support is more bearable than fatherhood.

I have no idea what his situation is, and he’s a man so it may be different, but I know that moohood is sold to a lot of mentally ill women as a magic bullet cure for whatever ails them. Apparently the unconditional lurve of a baby will fix their brain right up (and the added stress and lack of sleep will have absolutely no ill effects, of course). Selling this line of shit to someone who is struggling mentally is especially heinous, because chances are they’re not in a stable mindset where they can see through the bullshit. And so a child is born to a parent that absolutely cannot handle it, which will give the child problems of its own, and the cycle will continue.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

Indeed

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I totally agree. I'd love to point out that I've never heard of anyone who loves anyone unconditionally. Humans don't function that way and just because you birth them doesn't mean they're going to love you forever no matter what. Just because you're their parent doesn't mean you are going to love your kid forever and ever, either. There are usually conditions attached, like mutual love and respect, but then again I'm preaching to the choir here about that.

Telling someone who's mentally unstable these sorts of lies is disgusting, because if a person isn't emotionally well, they will most likely not be able to be a good parent and wind up abusing or neglecting the kid, living in perpetual poverty, or passing some horrible genetics down onto it. It's a lose/lose situation for everyone.

I'm actually glad in a way that the regretful moo forums and threads exist because at least there's some proof to show parenting isn't all that. They should bring back the regretful duh ones as well so that men can decide whether or not it's a path they want to go down.

I've suffered with some shitty mental health issues most of my life, but I was lucky in the sense that I was very strong in my feelings about not having kids and there was nothing that would change my mind about it. For me it was mostly the fact that I saw what a burden my one sister went through (my other sister has kids too but they've mostly lived far away from me) and the fact that I saw what single motherhood was like when I would babysit for single moos in my building when I was a kid. I was like nope, nope, never gonna be me.

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mumofsixbirds
I totally agree. I'd love to point out that I've never heard of anyone who loves anyone unconditionally. Humans don't function that way and just because you birth them doesn't mean they're going to love you forever no matter what.

Absolutely this. Unconditional love sounds very one-sided, like the way a stalker would love their celebrity crush that doesn't even know they exist. Children don't love parents unconditionally - every single child has told their parents at least once they hate them. Children just learn to latch onto their parents in order to be fed and parents call it love.

Love/affection is mutual, when it's healthy at least. Just because a child is your biological offspring is no guarantee they will love you no matter what. In the same vein, parents should not feel like they have to love their kids just because those kids are their biological offspring. I mean for sure make a good effort so the kid doesn't grow up to be a homicidal maniac, but I also think it's okay to admit (NOT to your kids) that you don't love your children.

And I think it's understandable for a parent to not love their kids sometimes because you don't know what kind of a person your kid will be. Sure, some parents get on great with their young kids, while others are such polar opposites that they will never live in harmony under the same roof. You can choose your company at any other time, but if you have a kid you don't get along with, you're stuck with them. So I think in order to stop themselves from committing murder-suicide, parents develop coping mechanisms to deal with their kids.

This is why I think all those parents who piss and whine and moan about how much they hate being parents, but then cap off their tirade with, "but I love my children" are full of shit. They only say that last part to save face because saying you don't love your kids is not socially acceptable. Or the number of women who say they don't bond with their kids for the first several years of their lives and don't feel any real love toward them. That's not unconditional love, but it is a healthy reaction to a needy little bastard that disrupts every aspect of life.

Unconditional love does not exist. Love is conditional, which is how it should be. It's give and take, and when it comes to brats, they do nothing but take and parents (who do their jobs properly) do nothing but give. Then they tell themselves that random behaviors their kids do are signs they love Mommy and Daddy. They have to tell themselves that because otherwise, it's a lot harder to deal with the fact that they give this little screaming asshole a ton of love and the brat gives none in return.

Not even animals give unconditional love. Your dog or cat will show affection to you if you're nice to them... sometimes (see cats). Do you think for one second a pet will be loving and cuddly toward an abusive owner?

Valid points Cambion. I think that the "unconditional love" is what people think they'll get with a kid, but it's kind of more like bonding for survival so the kid doesn't die. (I wanted to write bondage instead of bonding, ha). That explains that when fresh loaves are accidentally given to the wrong parents in the hospital, the kid will bond to that person even though they're not biologically theirs. The kid will "love" whoever is there so that its basic needs will be taken care of.

Parents feel obligated to love their kids - or say they do - because of society and what I would consider a lot of internal guilt. I also think this is why parents who know their kid committed a heinous act like rape or murder will go on TV and say how much they love their kid and how he/she was such a good child and didn't do anything wrong, but under that facade they know the truth. I think it's guilt and shame associated with any parent who says they don't love their kid, no matter how awful their kid has turned out.

I enjoy the freedom to love who I want, not who I'm forced into loving. That goes for friends, partners, family, etc.