Sneaky duhs in the dating world

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/dad-accuses-friends-judging-him-121500058.html

Duh is in the "dating world" and has decided not to tell women that he has kids. His friends are disgusted by him, but he says asking about his kid status is a "violation of privacy" Translation: It makes him very unpopular and he knows it, so he avoids the reality that his sexual market value is basically in the toilet and that is hard to face, so his kid status is now a "privacy violation"

Quite the strategy: Anything that makes someone less datable is now a private matter and none of the other person's business for up to maybe a year. Probably thinks the same about STD's

How does he manage to hide his brats for a whole year?

Let me guess, he's just shocked and flabbergasted when the women he strings along for twelve whole months lose interest in him immediately when he brings up the fact he has kids. If he's such a good goddamn father, why is he omitting his kids from his profile? Like does he honestly think lying to women will make them just shrug their shoulders and stick with him? What else is he going to lie about if he's willing to lie abouot something as huge as kids? Would he be okay with it if a woman neglected to mention she was a Moo in her dating profile and then springs it on him a year in that she's crapped out a few loaves?

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If a woman rejects me on the basis of having kids, then she was shallow anyway and I dodged a bullet.

They won't just reject you on the basis of having kids, shit for brains. They will also reject you on the basis of you outright lying about a huge part of his life that will 100 percent impact the woman looking for a partner.

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I don't want to let someone know about my children and see them until they've proven themselves to me.

Okay I can get not introducing your date to your brats until the relationship has gone on for a bit to ensure it's possibly serious and not just a fling. That is a wise thing to do in the event the date is a psycho so your kids aren't exposed to a potentially dangerous person. But you still need to fucking TELL THEM you have kids! Why is it that the woman must prove herself to this assclown, but he doesn't have to prove himself to her in the form of being honest?

Having kids is not a deal-breaker for all women, but lying most likely is. Then when no woman wants his stupid ass, he'll bitch to everyone about how women are all shallow cunts. Because yes, it's the women who are the problem in this equation.

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Cambion

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I don't want to let someone know about my children and see them until they've proven themselves to me.

Okay I can get not introducing your date to your brats until the relationship has gone on for a bit to ensure it's possibly serious and not just a fling. That is a wise thing to do in the event the date is a psycho so your kids aren't exposed to a potentially dangerous person. But you still need to fucking TELL THEM you have kids! Why is it that the woman must prove herself to this assclown, but he doesn't have to prove himself to her in the form of being honest?

Having kids is not a deal-breaker for all women, but lying most likely is. Then when no woman wants his stupid ass, he'll bitch to everyone about how women are all shallow cunts. Because yes, it's the women who are the problem in this equation.

I think guys like this are trying to deliberately skew the completely reasonable advice not to introduce your new dating partner to your kids until you know they're not a predator. Everybody can agree (or everybody should) that a parent shouldn't allow someone around their kids until they're reasonably sure it's safe, so guys like this claim that's what they're doing-- "I'm keeping my children safe from potential predators, you can't blame me for doing that!" But what they're really doing...and I'm sure they fucking well know this...is hiding the fact that they have kids because nobody, CF or not, wants to date parents. So they lie, then if the reveal goes badly they hide behind "I was protecting my brats." Because then they get to play victim, "They won't date me because I'm a good parent," vs. "They won't date me because I lied so I could get laid."

Shallow is when you don't want to be around someone because of something superficial, like "doesn't look like a model" or "doesn't have millions of $" but it isn't shallow to have reasonable standards like "is sexually attractive to me" and "isn't a broke bum". Kids have a big organizational and financial (and for some, ethical) impact on lifestyle, so it is hardly petty to care about it. Besides, his logic is faulty: if he wants to "dodge bullets" by not being around women who are unwilling to be with a childed man, it makes sense to disclose parental status immediately!

I don't want to date anyone with kids so I put it in my profile that I'm not interested if you have kids or want them later. I don't match with anyone who has information about kids in their profile, and it is normally one of the first questions I ask. That's what this guy would do if he was actually trying to avoid incompatible people.

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yurble
Besides, his logic is faulty: if he wants to "dodge bullets" by not being around women who are unwilling to be with a childed man, it makes sense to disclose parental status immediately!

I don't want to date anyone with kids so I put it in my profile that I'm not interested if you have kids or want them later. I don't match with anyone who has information about kids in their profile, and it is normally one of the first questions I ask. That's what this guy would do if he was actually trying to avoid incompatible people.

Yeah, "logical" isn't this guy's strong suit, otherwise he wouldn't be a single father.

Moos evidently are sneaky sneaks about their brats too. From AITA

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15riu23/aita_for_being_upset_a_woman_has_a_kid/

I'm writing this solely because I got a text that said "you don't have to be such an asshole."

I matched with a woman on hinge about a month and a half ago. We have been talking on and off and recently have been talking more and more. I liked her, she was cute, well spoken and genuinely funny. I didn't get a bad vibe at all, we just wanted to meet each other.

When I tried to make plans she said she wanted to take a break from speaking with men (she recently found out she was cheated on.) I was respectful and talked her through a lot of the emotional damage that resulted from it. I didn't mind doing it, I enjoyed chatting. Totally cool if she needs space/time before we met. I asked her where she lived in the past and she was clandestine about it. I assumed she lived with her parents still and was embarrassed or something.

Earlier she called me, and I was sitting around not busy so I answered. We had a regular conversation, and I brought up her living situation again. She then proceeded to tell me she had a kid. I had no idea. No mention of it on her dating profile, never came up in conversation... nothing. I had no clue.

I reacted pretty fairly as far as I'm concerned. I told her she should have disclosed that on her dating profile, because I don't personally want kids. I said it was just surprising. She said something along the lines of "this is how men always react..."

I was just a bit stunned but willing to talk about it, but she hung up on me. Not gonna lie I just started laughing. I then got a text 10 min later, "you don't have to be such an asshole."

I called her back and was extremely calm, just trying to state my case about how it's a bit strange to do that, essentially keeping your child a secret. She said "well it was nice getting to know you." and hung up again.

AITA?

The comments there are missing the point. There are so many people trying to say "Well, single mothers can't disclose that they are moms because they might attract pedophiles." You know what they can do? They can avoid matching with people who say IN THEIR PROFILE that they don't want to meet people with kids.

That's what I do. I say it, right in my profile, that if you have or want kids, I'm not interested. Still get a lot of illiterates with kids trying to match with me...

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yurble
The comments there are missing the point. There are so many people trying to say "Well, single mothers can't disclose that they are moms because they might attract pedophiles." You know what they can do? They can avoid matching with people who say IN THEIR PROFILE that they don't want to meet people with kids.

But again, she (and likely the people trying to match with you) aren't doing this to avoid pedophiles. They are deliberately looking for CF/CL partners because very few single parents want to take on someone else's kids.

I was thinking while reading those comments, they could still disclose kids in profile, but many many parunts don't ever have kids meet their dates until it is really serious, some even years. So, just disclosing the fact you have kids aint gonna help pedos if you never have them meet the kids.

Saying you don't want anything to do with breeders on dating sites doesn't always work because there will always be those extra special Moos and Duhs who think that rules are for everyone but them. They are the exception because they "aren't like other men/women" and their child is a precious miracle that they just know you'll adore. Even if they know full well you don't have or want kids - your own or anyone else's - they'll still sit there and lie to your face and reel you in, conveniently leaving out any mention of their brats so you remain interested. Then they go when the person they've been stringing along learns about their kids and nopes out.

Single parents won't date their own kind because not only will the other parent be more invested in their own sprog and will always choose them first over the faux step-child, they won't be able to devote undivided attention (and money) to the first parent's brat. Or they'll say they don't want to raise somebody else's mistake. So they go after childless and childfree people because they have no biological baggage to cramp the relationship - not just brats, but no baby daddy/momma drama either. But oh, they fully expect the CL/CF person to love their brat like their own and help pay for it. But they can't discipline it because "you aren't their real mom/dad."

It's probably not hard to tell if a pedo is interested in your dating profile because of your kids if that's what they're so worried about. Like if they seem really really interested in the kids, want to see pictures right away, want to meet them immediately, or start moving the relationship way too fast so they can move in and be closer to their actual targets. If you get the person's actual name, see if they're on the local registry. I'd like to think Moos would be able to see these blinding red flags, but considering the kind of men they tend to gravitate toward, maybe they're color blind to red flags.

I suppose, I can just maybe grant that someone might not want to list kids in their profile because they are concerned about someone with a specific interest in children. However, if that's the argument they should avoid anyone whose profile says that they do not want children. People who are adamant about not being around kids puts that out there, and people can also put "not interested if you have kids" when they do want kids but not stepchildren. The instant a breeder matches with someone who has explicitly stated that in their profile they lose all benefit of the doubt and become the asshole.

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yurble
I suppose, I can just maybe grant that someone might not want to list kids in their profile because they are concerned about someone with a specific interest in children. However, if that's the argument they should avoid anyone whose profile says that they do not want children. People who are adamant about not being around kids puts that out there, and people can also put "not interested if you have kids" when they do want kids but not stepchildren. The instant a breeder matches with someone who has explicitly stated that in their profile they lose all benefit of the doubt and become the asshole.

That's a good point too, and one I've wondered about myself. If you have children, why would you go out of your way to start a relationship with someone who explicitly says they do not want kids? That seems like it would be a serious conflict of interest and recipe for disaster - maybe not as much for the single parent, but definitely for the kid. Why would you want your child's potential father figure to be someone who hates them just for existing? Why would you want to entrust your child's well-being to someone who has zero interest in them? I don't mean the person would harm the child, but they also probably won't give them the time of day either or they'd be mean to them because they put up with Junior in order to have access to the single breeder's genitals.

The unchilded partner doesn't have to necessarily adore the breeder's child because most parents don't even adore their own kids. But wouldn't you want someone who could at least tolerate them? Another single parent would most likely have a higher tolerance for brats and their bullshit compared to someone with no kids.

I would never want someone who explicitly hates cats to watch my cats if I went on vacation or had to go out of town for the weekend. Or as an atheist, I would never get involved with someone who is Christian because it would just be too big of a lifestyle difference for me to deal with and there would probably be a lot of fighting. Contrary to popular belief, opposites seldom attract in this sense.

Why would you want to get romantically involved with someone who doesn't like your kids? They'll have to meet the kids sometime because if the relationship starts getting serious, there's no way it can continue without the unchilded person coming into contact with the kids. If the kids are old enough, they can probably understand the concept of Mommy dating and asking why they can't meet the guy/lady. And wouldn't these breeders question the motive of someone with no kids wanting to date them in the first place? Breeders bring nothing to the table in terms of dating, so someone with freedom and money giving it all up to date a dumpy Moo or a lazy Duh seems a little strange to me. Not saying that no kids = Chester, but what could a parent possibly offer a CF or CL person that would make it worth putting up with their damn kids?

I know single breeders typically don't care how their sex lives impact their kids and plenty of single Moos and Duhs would gladly shack up with childless and childfree partners who treat their kids like crap so Mommy/Daddy can get laid.

We have to remember, breeders of all walks of life, seldom think anything out in the detail you did above.

IMO breeders are driven by emotion more than analytical thought, even some of the wiser ones I know.

If you brought any of this up to them, they would twist it w/ bullshit logic some how.

Look at some of those comments in the AITA. One moo says She's dating as an individual, not a mom, so she doesnt include kids in her profile. Um, I thought you were always a mom? Moohood affects all aspects of your life "as a mom" doesn't it? Any romantic relationship could turn into a lifetime relationship, so it does affect your total family.

Besides, I know I can't even have normal friendships w/ people who have kids, they end up affecting and destroying everything. Since moos, and more and more duhds, cant have a convo that doesnt include yapping about boring kid stuff, what do these people talk about on dates then? And, I can't go out w/ my childed friends w/o the cell distracting becuz something totally dumb w/ the kid at home w/ the other parunt, babysitter and it could totally wait til my pal got home, but "wheres Junior's book?" "Bratlina wants to say hi" "The school wants you to sign something" so if I cant get attention over the dinner table as a friend of a parunt, how, just how, are these people dating and not having kids enter the chat????

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cfuter
if I cant get attention over the dinner table as a friend of a parunt, how, just how, are these people dating and not having kids enter the chat????

I'm guessing they make shit up to make their lives sound more interesting because most parents don't have lives outside their brats, so what else is there to talk about? If they're already lying about the existence of their kids, why not lie about everything else?