Parents deciding brat behavior is so normal

https://www.salon.com/2012/10/24/my_friends_child_is_a_brat/

This dude is friends with a guy with an ELEVEN year old who is a major a-hole for his age. When the guy was wondering how to deal with the kid bullying him the duh just said that the friend was "learning" meaning learning to deal with a kid who never heard no in his life and it is a turd today. Parents today have basically decided to just stop raising their brats altogether.

The only answer is to dump the friend which will end contact with the kid.

Dear Jeebus, I should've read the answer before posting and the person answering spent the entire time informing the victim never to call a kid a "brat" The person answering sounded like a hippy drug addict.

I hate brat worshipping retards!

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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cfdavep
Dear Jeebus, I should've read the answer before posting and the person answering spent the entire time informing the victim never to call a kid a "brat" The person answering sounded like a hippy drug addict.

I read this "advice column" and what on earth?

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loopy columnist
It's possible, also, that what is going on is in some way intended for you, as a signal, as an opening into some kind of insight, as a way of saying to you, Here is an opportunity for you to experience your own pain about childhood and your own beliefs about control, and to see how you yourself were taught control, and how painful that was, and how it involved, in a sense, the sacrifice of your own childhood and your own innocent energy and sense of self and your right to express yourself and move freely; here is an opportunity to feel the pains in your body that are connected to your childhood, and to feel the anger that you live with day in and day out, and to acknowledge that behind your certainty and intolerance is grief for your own childhood.

I'm just guessing. I don't know you.

Break out the tamborines man, you hippy childless wonder columnist! This columnist hasn't had kids and by the sound of it, hasn't spent much time around them, ever. He keeps referring to this 11-year-old brat as innocent, and I have to wonder just how naive he is to believe this bullshit.

This brat is fully aware of what he is doing and he pushes boundaries because his dad doesn't do squat. Per the columnist it is your fault for existing and not being aware that this was going to happen ahead of time! Adults are the enemy! Why aren't you out changing the world now? How dare you not have the same worldview as I do!

Have you ever noticed the same ones who berate others for not changing the world are the ones that aren't doing anything significant about making changes? They just complain publicly and yell at others about it. The ones actually changing the world don't have time for this tripe. It's called leading by example. I don't care if someone wants to change the world or not but I have a low tolerance for people who spend their time berating/belittling others for having the audacity to live their lives as they please.

I don't think inappropriate touching/boundaries from a brat can be "blamed" on the state of the world. This brat does this because his parunts let him get away with it and at eleven he really should know better. It would be different if he was a toadler. I bet the columnist was "triggered" by this and went off on a rampage. Since the columnist is a man it is very unlikely he has to have concerns about this brat becoming a rapist as an adult, the rapist would target a younger smaller person who is likely a female.

How dare an adult be upset that their paid for vacation was ruined by a brat. Much better advice would be to limit his company with his friend to times when the brat isn't around because he is 11 and still thinks he is the center of the universe. He should have been taught that others also have valid needs when he was 2.

The author would be best off avoiding any situation where he is a captive audience and not riding in the car with the brat ever again.

I have noticed a shift in society, online at least, where any lesson to be taught to a child is a no-no somehow. This is the opinions of even young-ish adults, that any thing their parents taught them was just an act of control, or fear-mongering as the parent didnt get to live his /her life as (s)he wished, so they hold child back living theirs, yada yada yada, any idea or wish of child must be supported as long as not deadly. Sure, that can be true, but again...many of these young, and not so young, adults are all saying and doing what they want while someone else is paying some if not all their bills regard necessities, and I still believe they would be living off moommie and duddie even if the economy wasnt in the shitter. But that's what happens when you convince small children they are the center of the universe, they grow up and believe it. Honestly how many times i read on Reddit, "all they did is teach me to hate them, or lie to them" So in other words, parents should just pay the bills and shut up.

I've ended or curtailed friendships for less when it came to friends' kids poor annoying behaviors. One of my pals is as close as you can get to being a perfect PNB, yet she would let her grade school kids yammer on in the background while on the phone w/ me while I was at work. I wasnt gonna deal w/ that again. Does that make me a control freak bcz our parents would just explain the adults were on the phone and the kids should shut it or leave the area? I dont think so, the parents are in charge of teaching we're part of a society and expectations of that society. If someone's kids was being directly rude to me through out the day, and duhdie did nothing, I would never call that guy again. Yes, It is sad to lose meaningful friendships, but it is very confusing why parents dont want to parent. Sure I'm an adult and could let it roll off. But what is parent gonna do w/ kid that will not have good relationships w/ anyone if not taught how to act to strangers. Why the columnist can't see that IDK.

My guess is Duh is a single father and is used to ignoring his kid because his baby-momma would deal with him, but since she is, for whatever reason, not around, he carries on thinking he can just ignore his kid. So the kid develops shitty behavior that goes uncorrected and rather than fixing this shit, Duh just expects everyone else to tolerate his asshole child.

This kid is going to get even worse when he hits puberty if he's already being verbally antagonizing and physically assaulting people at 11.

What precisely is the author "learning" from this? How to tolerate a horrible child's abuse like it's totally fine? This kid is a brat, contrary to what the brain-dead advice columnist believes, and he needs a hard five across the face each and every time he acts like a piece of shit. He behaves like this because there are no consequences for his behavior and he knows his gutless sperm donor will stick up and defend his behavior. Like pushing the kid's bullshit onto the author of the letter, like his attitude is her responsibility.

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When we call a child a brat we are saying that child is not acceptable to us; we are saying that we ourselves have reached our puny limits of endurance and compassion; we are saying that in our opinion that child is defective, that child should be separated from the rest and turned out into the forest or cast into the sea. That is simply an opinion that arises out of exhaustion, and it is wrong.

No, that's correct, right up until the last line. Bratty children are unacceptable, defective, and I certainly wouldn't mind if they were left to the elements to fend for themselves where their brattiness won't get them their way. Calling bratty kids brats is not wrong, it's simply true. The person who provided the response to the letter is a sheltered retard.

If Duh doesn't set his shit stain of a child straight now, someone else will, and it won't be pretty. This kid will mouth off to the wrong person or put his hands on the wrong person and will get his ass beat or shot. All kids are inherent brats and it's up to the parents to get off their lazy asses and teach them that shit is NOT okay. Letting them do anything they want may seem like the easiest route, but it doesn't work out long-term and the child's destructive behaviors aren't so cutesy when the kid is a moody teenager.

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Cambion

If Duh doesn't set his shit stain of a child straight now, someone else will, and it won't be pretty. This kid will mouth off to the wrong person or put his hands on the wrong person and will get his ass beat or shot. All kids are inherent brats and it's up to the parents to get off their lazy asses and teach them that shit is NOT okay. Letting them do anything they want may seem like the easiest route, but it doesn't work out long-term and the child's destructive behaviors aren't so cutesy when the kid is a moody teenager.

If for some reason this kid is able to get away with touching whomever he pleases, what happens when he hits 18? It will be hard coded in his head by then and when a person is an adult all this magikul tolerance for minors melts away pretty much overnight. Employers aren't going to care that he was brought up that way and some retired author said the kid has a right to run around in the wilderness and act a fool. Employer is gonna fire his ass when he touches whomever he wants to antagonize that day.

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cfuter
I've ended or curtailed friendships for less when it came to friends' kids poor annoying behaviors. One of my pals is as close as you can get to being a perfect PNB, yet she would let her grade school kids yammer on in the background while on the phone w/ me while I was at work. I wasnt gonna deal w/ that again. Does that make me a control freak bcz our parents would just explain the adults were on the phone and the kids should shut it or leave the area? I dont think so, the parents are in charge of teaching we're part of a society and expectations of that society. If someone's kids was being directly rude to me through out the day, and duhdie did nothing, I would never call that guy again. Yes, It is sad to lose meaningful friendships, but it is very confusing why parents dont want to parent. Sure I'm an adult and could let it roll off. But what is parent gonna do w/ kid that will not have good relationships w/ anyone if not taught how to act to strangers. Why the columnist can't see that IDK.

Me too, I've had friendships where there is a kid (older kids, so no excuses) that has to make everything about him/her to the point trying to carry on a conversation is pointless. Brat interrupts, I repeat myself and brat interrupts before I can finish. Parunt asks brat to not interrupt. I try three more times and brat continues to interrupt. Then he insists on interrupting trying to convince me to watch him play something and he does this on repeat. Brat, you're 9 years old - play independently! His older sister never acted like that. I never saw her misbehave. He also shit his pants on purpose (at 9) because he wanted his mom's full attention. It was at that point I knew our friendship would be very limited permanently. I don't see him as ever becoming independent either. He was way better behaved as a toadler than as a big kid.

Another (brat) was invited to my place to sit and wait while we moved my stuff from one apartment to another. His reward was to swim in the apartment pool after the move was completed. He was 11 at the time and would walk up to us, poke us or interrupt our moving coordination/conversation to ask if we were done so we could swim. He literally added over an hour of time to our move because he wouldn't stop interrupting/begging about swimming. He would say Mom? and his mom would respond every time instead of ignoring him. You'd think after the 30th time she'd just ignore him. It was so bad that the pool was about to close and the time for swimming was greatly limited because of his behavior.

I didn't act like that at 11 (and I don't recall anyone else acting like that at that age either) and it was likely because my parents would have shut it down the first time it happened. He also managed to get out of going to school altogether so he could be home schooled. With his mom being the same one who wouldn't make him shut up about the pool I'd imagine his education was abysmal. I bet he spent all his time and energy trying to get out of doing things. He wasn't like that at the time we met (when he was 4-5) but as he became older it progressively got worse. Another one that got much brattier with age.

Both indicate power struggles where the brat is winning by a long shot. Both of these brats had serious issues with friends too (as in none). Well behaved kids won't want to be around other kids who beg and act like brats until they get their way. There are certain things parents need to insist on correcting so that their kid matures into an adult and can interact with others without turning it into a power struggle.

That’s, uh, quite the backstory that the column author has come up with for a child he’s never met. It seems like he has some unresolved childhood issues he’s projecting on to that kid.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

WTF kind of New Age drivel is this?

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they cannot stop being brats because the category "brat" is foist upon them like a net and so they live with the terror of being smothered in that net and cast into the sea. They live with the terror of being locked in a cage. They live with the knowledge that they are displeasing their parents and teachers and they live with the constant foreknowledge of punishment and isolation.

He cannot stop being a brat because he's not experienced any negative consequences to being a brat. Worse yet, he's aware he's "displeasing" people, but he doesn't really care. There is a term for people with no empathy, and that is psychopath.

The Dud is failing the kid as a parent. I feel sympathy for the people who have to be around him.

Grabbing shit, touching people, tormenting people? This kid is ELEVEN YEARS OLD. It's been allowed to go on way too long.

I didn't make a comment so far because I had so much difficulty trying to get what this advice person was driving at. Allowing a kid to touch people and bully people is going to make him into a dangerous adult who does the same thing.

Boundaries and discipline are mostly for the kid's benefit. I don't believe in beating kids to a pulp (I was one of them and grew up with a host of other issues as a result) but there has to be some level of common sense used here.

The kid needs to be taught that what he's doing is inappropriate and he needs to stop now. If this isn't nipped in the bud, this kid is either going to get the shit beat out of him by another kid or grow into a chronic offender.

I'd stop hanging around anyone who allowed a brat to bully me. First, though, I'd set the kid straight myself by telling him he can't act that way. If the duh gets offended who cares? He needs to hear this.

The columnist seemed to be set off by the term brat and the term strict and is projecting everything in the world on the victim here. The fact they guy asked for help, and didnt get any additional help other than change your damaged perspective, should get this columnist fired. He actually has a twitter account but it is inactive. The comments dont seem to be downloading for me.

I would hardly classify the bullshit the columnist spewed as "advice" when it basically boiled down to "shut up and deal with it." The guy seems convinced that all children are perfect, innocent angels and calling them out for being horrid little assholes will damage their psyches; that doing so is mean and that the woman should be more tolerant of the way her friend's brat treats her.

I've got a better idea: stop being friends with the jackass. It's obvious he doesn't give a damn what his kid does or to whom, so it's probably best to throw away the whole friendship. Preferably before the kid escalates to more violent or pervy behaviors that Duh will undoubtedly excuse.