Modern "sperm/egg donor" culture

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/married-don-t-come-first-020708989.html

A guess the singer from Destiny's Child has a couple of kids with her ex husband and she said that if she finds a new guy It will be a situation where the spouses will put each other first and then the kids. She said she wanted a guy who loves kids as she has them and her fans now dislike her, saying they "can't look at her the same way again" accusing her of being one of those women who date around ignoring her kids in the process and messing them up. It sounds more like she wants a more traditional family where the spouses are commited and more than egg/sperm donors, for their own good and a role model for the kids

It seems to be that most people nowadays see potential relationships as sperm/egg donor situations, have a kid with someone you are "dating" or marry someone you hardly know, live for nothing but breeding, identify as a "mommy" then divorce or break up, rinse and repeat. It seems nowadays that the relationship doesn't really matter just getting those center of the universe genes out there no matter who it is with.

This is a great example of how a woman is damned either way once she has kids. If she puts the kids first then she is shamed by some and praised by others. If she puts her husband first she is judged by others and praised by some.

Also, for all we know she can afford nannies to help out. If she has nannies then someone may be with the kids 24/7. We don't know how often her ex has custody. We also don't know any specifics about how this works in her relationships. She may be able to partition off dating from her relationship with kids until the relationship becomes serious. If she is able to do this she would show more dedication than most single parents do.

And (of course) do we see anyone asking/judging her ex for his philosophy on whether his wife or the kids come first? If so, would he be judged so harshly either way? They're both in the entertainment industry, so no telling how they live. It is a very different lifestyle than the norm.

I don't see her whining online or playing the victim. Her ex-husband cheated on her and it made the news. I'm guessing she is strong woman who can handle putting her husband first and the kids second in a healthy way. Religion can either help or harm relationships, depending on the religion and how she relates to it.

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This is a great example of how a woman is damned either way once she has kids. If she puts the kids first then she is shamed by some and praised by others. If she puts her husband first she is judged by others and praised by some.

QFT.

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And (of course) do we see anyone asking/judging her ex for his philosophy on whether his wife or the kids come first? If so, would he be judged so harshly either way?

Another good point.

I believe if you are on your original spouse and are raising kids together, I see nothing wrong with making your marriage a priority, etc.

The problems start with serial Breeders and serial marriers. I say this because it almost never works in these situations and the failure rate for second marriages where both partners have kids is like 75%. Most people will not treat their kids and step kids the same and that is the nature of the conflict. 99% of the time they are easier on their own kids and meaner to the step kids. (in other words, hypocrites.)

Couple that with how fucked up things get after a divorce. Back when I was growing up, it was bad enough, but at least the kyds used to have one residence and they often stayed with the mother.

I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, but the reason behind 50/50 custody is that people (usually Duds) don't have to pay child support with 50/50! A lot of Duds now want 50/50 just for this reason, but it sucks for the kids. Can you imagine having to uproot yourself and take your belongings to another house every other week and disrupt YOUR schedule just because YOUR PARENTS couldn't work things out?

It would be hard on an adult, these custody arrangements that make kids live like nomads. The fair thing would be to keep the house, keep the kids in the house and let the parents move themselves in and out of the house. (But this means each parent has a separate residence and many cannot afford this.)

Add two separate households with new stepmoms and stepduds and kids from former marriages and HEY, let's add Insta-baybee and One Of Our Own^TM to the mix and then you have a real horror story. Kids from the former marriage get to watch their mom or dad raise a kid full time while they shuffle between two households, live with strangers and compete for attention with all these other people.....just because Mommy and Duddy broke up.

tldr: No wonder so many kids today are having mental health problems.

there was a sitcom years ago called 'dear john'.. I remember absolutely hating and despising his ex wife. at one point she wanted to use his frozen sperm to knock herself up again, but was expecting to get child support for it. I forget how it ended but I really ended up despising that bitch and that program. there were some funny aspects but that bint ruined it all

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I knew a woman years ago whose husband came in one day and demanded a divorce along with 50/50 custody. Before their child was born, she had worked full-time even though her husband tried to prevent her from doing so. When their son was born she left her good job.

Once he decided he wanted a divorce (and also had a girlfriend right away) I guess he realized that not letting her have a career would be at his detriment as he would have owed a decent amount of money in child support. Her job didn't pay well (about $15K part time) and a big part of the point was that she could be there for their son, who was young and well-behaved. She had to fight to work at all. I think their son was around 4 when all this happened. They'd been married for around 8 years.

Her soon to be ex-husband has a great job working for the sanitation department and making around $80K in 2001. She had to look for full time and wasn't sure if she would earn more than $30K a year. How is joint custody fair in this case? Even when she pursued child support what the courts stated she would be entitled to still wasn't enough for her to live on and support her son when combined with the $30K a year. It was less than $400 a month he would owe her even though he would bring in more than double her salary. At the time I thought he would owe her at least $700 a month in child support.

Needless to say she was as bitter as shit at him, especially since it seemed pretty obvious the affair had started well before they separated. I was there visiting one day when he came by, picked up some things and took off for the weekend (presumably to be with the new woman). It also didn't help that his family had lived in the town for generations and she was from another state. The fact that she had to stay in the state (at least temporarily but potentially long term) was depressing to her. Also, she wasn't earning enough to live in an expensive area by herself, let alone support her son.

I wasn't there when their relationship broke down, but she did tell me she had gained around 80 lbs. since before he was born. She lost some weight as she went through the separation due to the extreme stress.

Even if she is famous, I'm sure it'll still be hard to find someone willing to deal with another man's brats. That whole blended family bullshit fails a majority of the time.

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting your partner above your kid, or at the very least, putting them on the same level of importance. Because that's why so many relationships go right to shit once a brat comes along - the default parent (usually the mother) will put all her effort and affection into the child and give none to her partner and will expect them to be okay with this arrangement, which can definitely breed resentment. After all, the other partner had to work for the Moo's affection and build up that love and their relationship over the course of months or years. And here's Moo just giving all her love and effort to a kid that hasn't done shit to earn it except exist. Seems a little unfair.

Moo becomes emotionally married to her kid and emotionally divorced from her significant other and they become more like roommates than spouses and a split is often inevitable if it reaches that point.

Not saying they shouldn't love their kid, but if two spouses/partners put one another first, they would likely be able to be a more efficient parenting team. Because the accepted default is the non-default parent (usually the father) basically becoming a third wheel in their own marriage. Of course, it also helps when people don't breed with completely incompatible partners, which seems to be very common.