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This is a great example of how a woman is damned either way once she has kids. If she puts the kids first then she is shamed by some and praised by others. If she puts her husband first she is judged by others and praised by some.
QFT.
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And (of course) do we see anyone asking/judging her ex for his philosophy on whether his wife or the kids come first? If so, would he be judged so harshly either way?
Another good point.
I believe if you are on your original spouse and are raising kids together, I see nothing wrong with making your marriage a priority, etc.
The problems start with serial Breeders and serial marriers. I say this because it almost never works in these situations and the failure rate for second marriages where both partners have kids is like 75%. Most people will not treat their kids and step kids the same and that is the nature of the conflict. 99% of the time they are easier on their own kids and meaner to the step kids. (in other words, hypocrites.)
Couple that with how fucked up things get after a divorce. Back when I was growing up, it was bad enough, but at least the kyds used to have one residence and they often stayed with the mother.
I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, but the reason behind 50/50 custody is that people (usually Duds) don't have to pay child support with 50/50! A lot of Duds now want 50/50 just for this reason, but it sucks for the kids. Can you imagine having to uproot yourself and take your belongings to another house every other week and disrupt YOUR schedule just because YOUR PARENTS couldn't work things out?
It would be hard on an adult, these custody arrangements that make kids live like nomads. The fair thing would be to keep the house, keep the kids in the house and let the parents move themselves in and out of the house. (But this means each parent has a separate residence and many cannot afford this.)
Add two separate households with new stepmoms and stepduds and kids from former marriages and HEY, let's add Insta-baybee and One Of Our Own
TM to the mix and then you have a real horror story. Kids from the former marriage get to watch their mom or dad raise a kid full time while they shuffle between two households, live with strangers and compete for attention with all these other people.....just because Mommy and Duddy broke up.
tldr: No wonder so many kids today are having mental health problems.