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moo
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My (27f) soon to be sister in law (let's refer to her as Helen from now on) was over visiting today. Helen loves our 3 month old and loves being around her. A little info on Helen- she's young (22), kind of immature, and has terrible anxiety. She's babysat our daughter once and my husband's father was there. I was a little nervous to let Helen do it herself because I haven't known her suuuper long (1-2yrs I think), so it was a good trial run with Grandpa there (totally trust him).

Anyways, we were talking about babies crying and how it can really cause your blood pressure to rise and be a sensory overload. Well, at one point Helen said something along the lines of "She's so precious but sometimes when she cries it makes me want to just put a pillow over her face". I was shocked. In the moment I didn't really known what to do or say so I just laughed it off but now I'm completely uncomfortable with Helen ever watching our daughter alone. My husband agrees.

Now, here's where it gets tricky. Helen is marrying my husband's brother. Helen currently lives with my husband's sister (let's call her Lily). We totally trust Lily with our daughter. When we were looking for a sitter the first time we texted Grandma, Grandpa and Lily, purposely leaving Helen out cause I wasn't too sure I wanted her to babysit. Lily couldn't babysit but since her and Helen live together, Lily asked Helen and then we felt like it would be rude to say no and since Grandpa was going to be there we were ok with it. Now, how do we go about talking to Lily so we can still have her babysit but let her know not to ask Helen if she's unavailable? Should we even do that or just forego asking either of them? Is that too much to put on Lily?

I get that people have intrusive thoughts that cross their minds and that just because someone thinks something, they'd never actually do it. But to verbalize it about MY child to ME, just really made me uncomfortable.

TLDR Soon to be sister in law made a comment about my crying baby that made me not trust her and now we're trying to figure out family dynamics.