Woman buries fetus on top of her father's grave

I put this on CF_Hardcore and I was kind of surprised at the reactions thus far. Not in a "Oh noez, pplz dun agr33 wif mee!!one1" way, but a, "No one else thinks this is odd?" sort of way. I'll elaborate.

Today I read a topic on Moothering.com that pertained to a woman who took her miscarried fetus, stuck it in a box, dug a hole on her own father's grave site, and buried said box. Most folks (all of about three XD) who replied on CF_H said that it doesn't sound weird and that it was, in fact, a sensible decision...I don't know if I am the odd one out to think that it seems a little strange and disrespectful to the person originally in the grave to have someone buried on top of them.

There was no mention of the woman running this by her relatives first (like her mother) and she did acknowledge that what she was doing was most likely illegal, but would hide the evidence by covering it with flowers.

I know people grieve in different ways, and as mentioned over on CF_H, some people may not want to bury their miscarried blood in the backyard in the event they move away...but...the whole thought of burying anything on someone else's grave site seems wrong to me. I'm not saying anyone's opinion here or elsewhere is wrong, because everyone does mourn in different ways.

An example I provided in my original post...who is to say someone who upkeeps the graveyard would not see the loosened dirt, unearth the box and throw it away? What the mother sees as a dead child will be seen by a gravekeeper as medical waste and it will need to be disposed of. I can't imagine the mother taking that too well...so why not ensure no one would throw away her illegally-buried makeshift casket and do some sort of actual legal burial? And aside from gravekeepers, who is to say some bored kids won't dig it up? Some people are notorious for going around and stealing shit off graves, and I think even a visitor could find the box. Wouldn't she want to try and make sure her deceased child/fetus would be safely buried?

Here be the original topic:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=987238
Thoughts? Am I the only person who thinks this woman's actions are a little odd?
Obviously...X-posted to CF_Hardcore.

I saw that post at CF_H, and I agree with you. It is odd... And a little gross. Everyone mourns in their own way, but burying it on top of her father's grave...? Yeah, kinda weird. She could get into a lot of trouble if she's caught out. I really don't understand why these women just can't flush their miscarried clumps down the loo and get on with life. But that's just me.

I have read about some of the ones who are obsessed with their periods being baybees who do all types of weird shit and this little ritual is no different. The reason they don't go all out and have a casket, burial, service, etc.....is likely twofold. No life insurance company in it's right mind would insure an embryo and since they would have to pay for such nonsense out of their own pockets, either they don't have the money or the more sane husband just says, "NO WAY!". Besides, they will likely have multiple "burials" over the course of their reproductive years, so it could get rather costly.

The second and probably most likely reason is that they are consciously aware that they are freaks and that this behavior is not socially acceptable. They also know that it is not considered anything but a mental illness or emotional instability to do any such crazy thing like hold a funeral for a heavy period. Most funeral homes (and many churches) allow miscarried remains to be dropped off on site for discreet disposal. Most will allow a small, brief, "service" with the famblee or clergy and some even have a mass cremation of all tissue samples every month or so and mourners can attend then, if they wish.

This is also illegal to bury ANYTHING on the premises of private property without permission, or if it's a public cemetary then they would need permission from the city or county agency that oversees it's care. In many areas I know of this self burial is considered desecration of a grave which is illegal as well. In addition, it's HIGHLY disrespectful to the person (and their family) who originally was buried there. Since they believe that their blood clump was a baybee then for all intents and purposes it is a disrespectful act to their unborn too. I think that if the widow and all of the other kyds agreed, and they got special permission from the cemetary owners or agents it would probably be "ok", but if I was the widow I absolutely would NOT want anything or anyone buried in or on my husband's plot, grandpup wannabee or not. What's to stop her from continually violating his grave and burying these "baybees" every month?

Then there is the public health and safety issue. If she "miscarried" at home, like so many of them repeatedly do, then they have not been tested for communicable diseases. They are taking what amounts to blood product and organ tissues and indiscriminately burying it in a way that is practically begging a hungry/curious animal to dig it up, eat it, or drag it home. If it's infected then that Fido could spread the diseased tissue over quite a wide area infecting streams, other animals, and any person who he comes into contact. Piggy back burials, done by grieving amateurs who are a toy shy of a Happy Meal, are just not a good idea any way you dice it up.

I feel the same way as you, kim.

And while I understand some of these women grieve in odd ways, as mentioned before by CherryBlossom, the woman in question could get into a lot of trouble if someone finds out she's digging around in another grave. And if a gravekeeper or landscaper happened to exhume the fetus casket, it would get thrown away. I'm sure to Moomie, it's a baby with a soul that can write pro-life propaganda poetry like all other fetuses, but to a gravekeeper, it would be considered medical waste and would need to be disposed of. All the begging and screaming and bitching in the world would not make anyone return the clump of blood to Moo because it would be considered biohazard material. You'd think she would consider this - considering how emotionally wrecked these women become after miscarrying a week-old embryo into their toilet, do you realize how nuts this woman would go if she visited her clump and found it had been removed? Chances are, she'd push a lawsuit against the graveyard for emotional distress and some other ridiculous charges...and she'd lose for illegally burying something on private property and incorrectly disposing of medical waste, among other things.

Then it would likely go to the newspapers and Moo would construct a site and try to fight for the right to deface relatives' graves in order to save money on fetal burials.

You get the idea. I'm glad to know I'm not just weird for thinking this woman's behavior was odd.

It's completely selfish, self serving inappropriate and attention whoring. i hope the caretaker doesn't notice the disturbance/the box doesn't re-emerge after rough weather. Totally bizarre.

My first thought was the legality of this.

I don't ever plan on being knocked up, but I really hope that if I had a miscarriage it could just be put where the other medical waste goes at the hospital. I wouldn't want to see it, hold it, take pictures with it or have a doll sculpted in it's form. It would be gross and disturbing to me. All of this miscarriage worship is gross.

Burying what is effectively medical waste and/or bio-hazard material atop another person's grave? I, too, think that this is disgusting, and highly disrespectful to the dead.

But it's a bargain compared to buying a burial plot, casket, and funeral home services. She wants the drama, but not enough to pay for it legitimately, so she usurps the final resting place of another at their expense--I find that grotesque.

Wow. Just like wow. Get over it already. It was a clump of cells.

I think we've all missed something here.

She put the fetal lump in dirt. On a dead person. Like a memorial tree or something.

MAYBE SHE THINKS IT'LL GROW!!! ROFLMAO!

And you just KNOW if someone removes her little makeshift casket, she'll have a fit. "How DARE that mean gravekeeper dishonor my widdle baybee by moving his casket! Have they no respect for the dead? I want him/her fired for doing a totally unnecessary exhumation and for defacing my daddy's grave and for removing a grieving momma's child from its place of burial."

...conveniently leaving out the illegal aspects, and just assuming that since she is related to the person whose grave she defaced, that gives her every right to dig around on the lot and bury stuff.

I'd also bet that if a dandelion puff grows over her father's grave, it will clearly be a sign of her clump saying 'hello'.

ocelot Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think we've all missed something here.
>
> She put the fetal lump in dirt. On a dead person.
> Like a memorial tree or something.
>
> MAYBE SHE THINKS IT'LL GROW!!! ROFLMAO!

Yes indeed...what a creeptastic movie!:spin

The thought of planting an embryo/fetus on top of someone else's grave is just plain disturbing. Especially the fact that the sprog's remains are definitely a biohazard. Unless Moo actually had a backhoe, there is no way she could dig deep enough to prevent some critter digging up the remains. Mmm mmm good... Freaky shit.

A lot of folks over on CF_Hardcore seem to find this woman's means of grieving totally normal/acceptable...sooo, apparently burying what amounts to biohazard material in a relative's paid cemetery plot is an okay way to mourn a miscarriage as far as a lot of CFers are concerned.

Does this mean that there are other women who bury their miscarried fetuses in their family's graves? Is this a normal American practice that I just have never heard of?

Cambion Wrote:
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> A lot of folks over on CF_Hardcore seem to find
> this woman's means of grieving totally
> normal/acceptable...sooo, apparently burying what
> amounts to biohazard material in a relative's paid
> cemetery plot is an okay way to mourn a
> miscarriage as far as a lot of CFers are
> concerned.
>
> Does this mean that there are other women who bury
> their miscarried fetuses in their family's graves?
> Is this a normal American practice that I just
> have never heard of?

I have never heard of it and if they are really doing it we need to bring back real caretakers. You are making me think twice about the Sunday "visitors" I see at the boneyards around here.....

"You can't slit the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve."
-Al Swearingen