I can tell you exactly what their problem is, why they spend all the money and go through all the trouble. It's because they've been sold on a terrible, terrible lie. This is the lie that you just can't be happy and complete as a woman without having sprogged at least once. It's a lie that gets perpetuated constantly in our culture and it's one that the powers-that-be want us all to cling to. That includes everyone from the rightwing politicians to the infertility industry to the business people who sell all the baybeecrap.
Are these women selfish? Not any more than anyone else who has convinced themselves (or been persuaded by others) that the obsessive pursuit of any given goal is the ONLY way they can find happiness and fulfillment in life. Just like the workaholic or other kinds of addicts, it really is sad when you think about it.
I know from whence I speak here. Yes, I used to be a wanna-breeder myself. Thank the gods, though, that I finally came to my senses and became CF before I spent a single penny on any of that crap! (And as an amusing postscript to my tale, last December my Dr. told me that yes, I can actually have kids after all! This now makes me a TRUE CF'er! YAAAAAAY!)
If you ever must talk with one of these women, online or elsewhere, I would suggest approaching them like this: tell them about how happy and fulfilled being CF has made you. Also stress that there is so much more to being a woman than motherhood and kids. Encourage her to see the positive things in the world and embrace her life. Most of all, try to be a friend, if you can. These women need the kind of support that only CF people can offer. I remember that when I was at my worst, I was brought to that place by the manipulative influence of a truly sick, twisted bitchmoo whom I thought was my friend. It was getting said toxic bitchmoo out of my life and taking my life back that literally saved me.
I have heard many CF people say that they really want young people to know that parenthood is NOT inevitable, that they DO have a choice. Here is a chance to put this concept into practice. True, some women may be so into their sickness that they cannot be reached (I do regard Baby Rabies as a form of mental illness. I really do). Some, however, may not. I think it depends on how you approach them. If you do it right, you may just change someone's life. Maybe even save their life!
Peace,
Valkyrie