Infertility is THE WORST THING EVER

I ran across this gem of a post on an infertility blog, via a link off one of our top Threes. You're going to love this nonsense from this fundamentalist weeping mess of a wanna-moo. My responses are marked by smileys.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I love my job. I love my husband. I've got great family and friends. I am "happy" for the most part. I'm just not complete. and not just because I'm infertile. Also because I have no idea where to find God in all of this."

Well, perhaps 'God' made you infertile for a reason? Just a shot in the dark here.

"I just feel so lost, alone, and incomplete. I know getting pregnant and having a child right now will not complete me totally, I need Jesus to fill a huge part of that void, too. I know I won't be totally complete until Christ comes back and I'm surrounded by nothing but the pure glory of God. I know that. But the only desire of my heart has been and still is to be a MOTHER, whether thru adoption or childbirth. I just want to be somebody's mommy. But right now we're stuck with the inability to afford adoption, and i've got two ovaries that refuse to cooperate. and no answers as to why."
Sometimes I just feel like I'm wearing all black and standing against a black wall.......like I'm unseen and unnoticed. There's nothing about me that stands me out in a crowd and I just want to know how it feels to be the new mother with a tiny baby in her arms. I want to walk around with a precious bundle of joy that just makes everybody OOOH and AAAH. I think those remarks would be a lot more comforting than the "Well, why don't you have any kids yet?" i get from people. or the "well you just havent been trying long enough" or "just relax, it will happen." we get after we explain to people we've been trying."

And there you have it, folks. She needs something help her 'stand out in a crowd', and goodness knows the best way to do that is to join the mommy club so people will swarm around you and 'ooh' and 'aah' and give you plenty of attention. Oh, and how does it feel to be on the receiving end of the 'why don't you have kids yet' bingo? Rather annoying, isn't it?

"I am sick of people telling me "this is your lot in life" or "god has chosen you for this because YOU CAN HANDLE IT." no offense but F*** handling things. If you saw me and my life behind the privacy of our locked doors and windows, you'd see a heaping mess of tears and a broken, bruised heart that is barely still beating."

:yeah Oh, now she's getting angry! And wow, apparently being infertile means you are seconds away from death. Her heart is barely beating, people! Isn't that all the proof you need to demand that fertility drugs be mandatory for every female on Earth?! If we can't have kids we will all SURELY DIE!

"I'm infertile, dammit. You can't change it. I can't change it...."

Well, if no one can change it, including you, don't you think it's time to put on your big girl pants and move along with your life? You know, the life you said you were perfectly happy with other than the fact that you can't *gasp* reproduce? s

"I don't know how to embrace this childless, useless vessel of a life, and just be okay."

:yeah You heard it here, friends. Your lives are utterly useless vessels without children. Don't worry, though - I'll be sure to provide the Kool-Aid for you all so we can end our sorry, childless lives together.

"I hate knowing that I have friends with kids, and with friend A I am okay, and with Friend B I am okay, but if i'm in the room with Friend A and Friend B, all they will do is go into MOMMY CLUB mode and talk about all the wonderful and amazing things their perfect little children are doing. What the hell do I have to contribute to this conversation? When A & B are talking about how sweet it was the first time junior walked, what use am I to that topic? What am I supposed to interject when they're talking about the toughest parts of parenting? NOTHING"

I think this part speaks for itself. You've just got to love the angry, seething jealousy here. Goodness, I just hate the fact that she can't 'contribute' to conversations regarding toddler shit, pull-ups, sippy cups, Sponge Bob, and breast pumps. HOW DOES SHE MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE?! HOW?!

"I look at pretty much all of our friends who are married and most have kids by now (especially if they at all wanted them). and then there's me. While these couple's lives will be measured in the years of a child....school grades, confirmation, sports, proms, graduations, going away to college, engagement, marriage, and eventually that child becoming a parent themselves.....my husband and my years will be measured by the jobs we work, and what else? The failed cycles of fertility treatment? When i finally just went through menopause so my stupid dreams would just die and let me move on with life?"

Right, because the only way you can measure out the minutes of your life is by living vicariously through your kid. And a childfree person's life is only measured out by the 'jobs we work'? Funny, my job is only one small fraction of my life. It certainly doesn't define me and I definitely don't measure my life by it.

"I don't want to be the 50 year old lady at my friends daughters babyshowers, never having attended my own. I don't want to make blankets for 100 children and never be able to make one for a child that is mine."

:bawl Oh, the melodrama. Someone hand this woman an Oscar. No no, just ignore my laughter....I assure you my heart just _weeps_ for this poor individual.

"I explained my grief like this.....if i had a friend who died....it would hurt----I would take a long time, but I would move on and still honor their memory, but the wounds would heal. but with infertility....the grief is different. Its cyclic, its persistent, and its reoccurring on a regular basis. There is no tangible loss. There is no headstone to visit, or even real proof of your reason of grief."

Wow, I'm glad to know a living, breathing, actual person is less worthy of your grief than the baby you want. A baby that doesn't even exist. A baby that has had your ridiculous, endless theories of reality projected upon it. This woman needs some serious therapy.

"Its not a valid excuse to be upset according to some."

It's not a valid excuse to anyone SANE, you mean.

"Every month, i'm reminded of my grief with the onset of another period."

Hmmm, I think I see what you're saying here - only in my case, I'm reminded of my blessed freedom with the onset of every period.

"Every doctors appointment, every time i meet someone new and they ask me about my kids (that I DONT have), every time one of my boys here asks me why kurt and I dont have children. Its constant. Its ever present. And it just plain hurts."

Well, we childfree know all about the bingos. They're annoying, to be sure. But physically painful? I'm not sure I'd go that far.

"I dont know the point of all of this. I wish i was more eloquent. I just feel like I'm the only one. And its stupid to some of you that i may think this. But since my struggle with infertility began, I've never had someone who's been there in a tangible way."

There is no point to 'all this'. Also, I think instead of wishing for more eloquence, you could wish for more intelligence and/or more gratitude for the things you DO have so you could dump the tired victim mentality. Oh, and perhaps the reason no one has been there for you in a tangible way is because your friends and family are tired of hearing the same old shit from you when they know it's not the end of the world (or the end of your life) because you can't have children. Some people have REAL pain and REAL problems to deal with.

I'll help her find a bridge.....I bet her husband is pretty sick of the melodramatics.

signed,

Useless Vessel

Great post, J!

You do realize you're preaching to the choir here!

Who are the "boys" she's talking about? Her doctors? The way she spoke of her "boys", it sounded like she was referring to sons or stepsons or maybe doctors. Hmm, makes ya wonder.

She teaches at a Boys and Girls Club - the 'boys' she is referring to are some of the ones she teaches.

What a pathetic piece of work. Why OH WHY can't these people accept that it may not be in "Gods Plan" for them to have children? Oh wait, I know why...'cause they're hoplessly STUPID.

I don't understand this, is she SO adamant about being a moomie why not just become a foster parent? Some kids can even be adopted through fostering and it doesn't cost nearly as much as adopting overseas. I don't think skank bag really cares about being a moomie, she just wants the attention.

Kaia

These stupid moo-wanna-be should thank the lord of all-mighty gawd of the dawn Eternal Universe that they are infertile.
Because they get to avoid all this physical side effects (stretch, saggy etc.) and all this bio-hazzard in the house aka Baby extrement or bodily fluids and the hubby becoming a wallet. Go through 3am bedtime.
We childfree people want to void all this burden but these wanna-be want to go through this.
I don't see any parent think it is fun getting up 3am when the baby cry.
On top of it they don't need a dawn kid to make their life complete. This is total BS. They are wonderful things that make thay can have miracle or blessing by doing other things, like new hobby, new skills or advance the job ladder instead of all-this stupide baby.

Good Lord. Oh the drama is right. I hope she just decides to end it all and remove herself from the gene pool, even IF she isn't breeding. The world has enough stupid people.

The entire melodrama that milkcow wannabees playact on a daily basis boils down to one simple thing: They want the same attention that new moomies and preggos get, real or imagined. In the sub categories of their selfishness would be the wanting of some intangible things along with the material things that they actually SEE other moocows get or that they IMAGINE that they get, but they want it regardless of it's validity or actuality. They want their husbands to cowtow to them and run out at all hours of the night buying instant mocha mint icecream and peaches with Hershey's chocolate syrup in a can and some celery seed spice, so they will have a charming "craving" story to share with friends. They want their mothers and sisters checking on them day and night, bringing over covered dishes, cleaning up their houses, picking up their laundry, etc......They expect 100 of their closest friends to throw them lavish parties and shower them with attention and gifts. Then of course they want their jobs, assuming that they haven't already quit work after the stick turned pink, to bend over backwards to give them special accomodations, etc.......

They imagine a great deal of this or believe the lies of their friends at how their husbands have suddenly become extra attentive upon learning of the parasitic infestation. The truth of the matter is that their bestest friend's husband very likely did NOT stop watching ballgames on weekends to paint the nursery instead, but is more likely than not balancing a can of beer and a bowl of pretzels on his belly as she tells that very lie. The reason that they feel "invisible" is because they are void of personality, interests, or conversation unless it involves a baybee or a kyd. There is not another group which exists who identifies with one another to the same extent that the moomie brigade does. What a PATHETIC and completely useless way to go through life.

Well, I'm not infertile, according to the annoying visits from Aunt Flo, whom I'd be happy to see never darken my door again.

But S O M E H O W my DH and I manage to have a happy, low-key life. We went to a library booksale last Sat. and decided to designate Sat. as "reading day." Spent the whole ding-dongin' afternoon just reading. You could have heard a pin drop. Then had a nice home-cooked dinner (pie!). It was lovely.

Then we went to the thrift store on Sun. and scoured their bookshelves for more cool books. I found some really neat obscure stuff. We read some more. Another nice meal.

These whiny gotta-breed people need to instead cultivate a "rich inner life," as Ignatius J. Reilly would say. IMO.

My, I'm annoyingly judgemental. As usual.

Useless vessel. Now THAT has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever heard!!! By the way ratsnotbrats,