YEP, ain' NUTHIN' worse than losin' a clump of cells

Minutes ago I got off the phone with my mom. She called to tell me that our life long family friend, and the cousin of mom's best friend, is dying from cancer. It's in his bones, all his organs, and today, he started turning yellow. He only found out yesterday he had the cancer. The doctor said that it's far too late for treatment but they'll try.

My childed coworker heard me and asked, "What's wrong" so I told him. The reply? "My wife just found out that her cousin had a miscarriage."

UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE. A 50 year old man who had accomplished lots of things in his life, did countless hours of volunteer work, took care of his ailing mother for 5 years before her death, he had a huge circle of friends and loved ones has about 2 weeks to live, and somebody compares it to losing a clump of fucking cells. He's a nice guy and all but jesus christ already...........

That kind of idiocy should have elicited a long blank stare at him -

What the FUCK does a miscarriage have to do with a man dying in two weeks from something as horrific and painful as CANCER??!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!, I just don't get it!!

KFLL, so sorry to hear about your family friend.

Just sickening that your co-worker made it about the zygote. SHeesh.

Enlighten us, how DID you respond to his idiocy? I hope you let him know that the two are not even REMOTELY related.

I'm so sorry about the lifelong family friend. At least he has lots of caring people to be around him during his final days.

I just kinda pursed my lips together and slowly turned around and faced my monitor.

Breeders are a fucking sickening, thoughtless lot. Fuck them all. Next time anything bad happens in a breeder's life I'm going to say, "Hey, just be glad nothing happened to one of your kids!" And wait for the comebacks.......

After all, I would think this would make them happy, since they like to turn everything around and focus it on the kids, right?

Having any sort of comeback with this guy would have been pointless, he's a krysjun fundie bible beating parent. Would have been a waste of my oxygen.

Quote

krysjun fundie bible beating parent.

OH, one of THOSE...the worst kind of breeder. Yea, makes sense not to bother wasting your breath on dope. He's too dumb to get it, just like the rest of 'em.

It sucks to be so outnumbered.

It NEVER ceases to amaze me at the thoughtless and often downright cruel things that people can say sometimes in the face of another's tragedy and this is a perfect example of it, unfortunately. KFLL, I am sorry about your family friend and it's my hope that something can be done to at least help lessen his misery, if not make him better. I too, am curious as to what you said to this callous bastard, "nice guy" or not. It's always difficult for me to think of something snazzy to say at the moment these type things happen to me because it ALWAYS catches me off guard and unsuspecting. Even though I have been faced with these types of comments for years and years, I can NEVER seem to get used to them.

I wish that people could learn that after having said, "I am so sorry", that further commentary is not necessary. Adding an insincere, "...but if there's ANYTHING that we can do, don't hesitate to call", should be the FIRST "Condolence Bingo" which should be removed from the vocabulary of the general public. After that would probably be, "In time, everything will be fine......or in time, you will be happy again". Then the ever popular, "It could be worse", needs to be forcibly erased from the human "Condolence Bingo" card too. I am sure that breeders also hate to hear, "You can always have another baybee", after the loss of a child as well. "They are in a better place", would definately be in the top five, as would, "It was God's will", or "He isn't sufferring anymore", or "She's in heaven with Jesus now", the list could go on.

However, this business of basically comparing one type of loss with another, like in this case, or even another DEATH or serious illness with another, is probably THE worst in the category of things that people should absolutely NOT do or say. The, "Oh, your mom had a stroke? So did my step cousin Tilly, and she is just fine now, so I am sure your mom will be too", as "mom" lays in a coma, unable to breathe on her on, with a brain bleed. or worse........."Your husband has prostate cancer? Well, after MY husband was diagnosed, back in '68, he was dead by the weekend". What it boils down to is that at that moment of loss, NO ONE has experienced anything worse and NOTHING can be said to make the bereaved or worried family member feel better. This is why that people should DO something on their own and without the "if you need anything......." crap, and if they are'nt planning on actually DOING anything then they shouldn't promise to and they should keep their pointless and often hurtful chatter to themselves.

Sorry, this is as sore as an infected boil subject to me. As an objective bystander, I NEVER see how a miscarriage at ANY stage of pregnancy is worse or even NEARLY as bad as a terminal illness diagnosis is for an adult, ever. I dont even think a stillbirth or a SIDS death is as bad or worse than it, which is WHY I STFU whenever people start whining about their stupid preggo and shortly thereafter kiddie losses. If I can keep my lip zipped when the feeling to relay those feelings is overwhelming, then I expect that other people could exercise some semblance of self control as well and dispense with these ridiculous "condolence bingos" or this one upmanship of who had the worst loss comparisons or the ones who PRETEND to have experienced, "...the exact same thing".

Kim, what you wrote reminds me of the numbskull neighbor I had once. I'd let my cat Stan outside for a few hours one or two times a week during the day. Due to the hilly area and coyotes, I was always sure to check on him periodically and get him in way before dark. One night he didn't come back when I called. During my search I asked a neighbor if he'd seen my white kitty. His answer? "No, ain't seen 'im. You better find 'im 'cause old Tabby up the street got nabbed earlier this week." I stuttered an "Oh gawd..." turned around and left to continue my search before the water works started. Thanks, you insensitive prick. Guess who was in sitting in the driveway waiting for me as I returned home sobbing? Little shit didn't get to go outside at that place ever again.

Jeebus fucking CHRIST. Who the fuck says something like THAT? Your poor friend just found out that he probably won't live long enough to see the new year, and that insensitive cunt compares it to a fucking loss of CELLS? You should have said to him, "Your wife's cousin can always make another one." and then walk away.

I am SO sorry about your family friend. I cannot imagine what it would be like to suddenly find out something like that.

This shit hits REALLY close to home with me right now, because my mom is dying of cancer. I am guessing she has 2 weeks left, and we are wondering if she will make it to Christmas. If I were to hear some insensitive swine moo about a miscarriage right now...I wonder if I could be held legally responsible for the outcome. HOW DARE THESE SELFISH, BREEDERBRAINED FUCKERS.:bawl

Oh wow Cheese...SO sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she is comfortable in the time she has here. That's about the best one can hope for. Enjoy your time with her, and knock the fuck out of anybody illiterate enough to make comparisons.

KFLL, sorry to hear about your friend, and Cheese Louise, sorry to hear about your mom. My good thoughts are with you both during this difficult time.

I didn't know this, I'm so sorry.



Cheese Louise Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This shit hits REALLY close to home with me right
> now, because my mom is dying of cancer. I am
> guessing she has 2 weeks left, and we are
> wondering if she will make it to Christmas. If I
> were to hear some insensitive swine moo about a
> miscarriage right now...I wonder if I could be
> held legally responsible for the outcome. HOW DARE
> THESE SELFISH, BREEDERBRAINED FUCKERS.:bawl

Cheese Louise, if I may say so, I am so sorry to hear that.




I wish that people could learn that after having said, "I am so sorry", that further commentary is not necessary.

That's right. Just "I'm sorry" and maybe a big hug. That's all.

Cheese Louise, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.

KFLL, I'm sorry to hear about your friend too.

Seriously, wtf is it with these breeders?? How can a miscarriage compare to finding out you are riddled with cancer and may not live to see the new year?

Stupid fuckers

Cheese,
Please take care. You know you can vent here if need be.


"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

I'm sorry about your mom, CheeseLouise. Take care...

Cheese Louise Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This shit hits REALLY close to home with me right
> now, because my mom is dying of cancer. I am
> guessing she has 2 weeks left, and we are
> wondering if she will make it to Christmas. If I
> were to hear some insensitive swine moo about a
> miscarriage right now...I wonder if I could be
> held legally responsible for the outcome. HOW DARE
> THESE SELFISH, BREEDERBRAINED FUCKERS.:bawl



I am so sorry.
Sending hug.

T wo
H ousehold
I ncome
N o
K ids
E arly
R etirement

Cheese Louise -

My mother died of colon cancer in Sept. 2001.

By the time I was at the stage you are now (2 weeks left), I was a sack of shit. There is nothing I can say that will do anything for you. You are probably all hugged-out. I just hope that you have people around you who are not making the situation any worse. If they are, I hope it stops.

The only other thing I have to say is that what you are going through SUCKS. And I know you already know that.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

Thanks, you guys. Funny how virtual hugs from people I've never met really do help.

Poofy, yes, I am a sack of shit right now. My dad is doing his best taking care of mom, yet at the same time being a PITA.

If I live through this it will be a miracle.

I've been drinking WAAAAY too much lately. I don't care what anyone says. I KNOW it's bad, but it's MY coping mechanism, and it works, dammit.

I've been drinking lately as a way of coping with stress too. If that makes me an "alcoholic", then that's just the way it's going to be. I am so glad that I am able to drink, and that alcohol is widely available, comes in such a variety of beverages, and is relatively inexpensive.

Edit: It also doesn't get tired of listening to you, and doesn't give you shit about something you said. Etc.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

poofy_puff Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've been drinking lately as a way of coping with
> stress too. If that makes me an "alcoholic", then
> that's just the way it's going to be. I am so
> glad that I am able to drink, and that alcohol is
> widely available, comes in such a variety of
> beverages, and is relatively inexpensive.
>
> Edit: It also doesn't get tired of listening to
> you, and doesn't give you shit about something you
> said. Etc.


I live in a dry county and have to drive over 100 miles round trip to legally buy alcohol. You can't get but a certain amount either at a time or it's considered "bootlegging". However, if I was brave, I could probably easily get ahold of some Kentucky moonshine, but I am skeered. I am jealous of people who can just "run" to the liquor store and be back in time to flip the burgers on the grill.:bawl I didn't know there were any dry counties left in the country, until I moved here. I always "buy extra" when I go with the intention of saving some back for unforseen stress, but it never works out that way once I stick the funnel in the bottle and attach it to my mouth. Will you fax me a Martini? I think it might make me feel better because I am having a HELL of a miscarriage this month.

Very sorry about your situation..went through it myself, same time of year, 9 years ago!!! Believe it or not, things do get better with time - I'm sure you're aware of that, anyway. Unfortunately, even close friends that haven't been through it REALLY don't understand all that goes along with it and how it consumes your life....

Don't feel bad about drinking....whatever gets you through. My sis and I went to the bar MANY nights after visiting hours were over - I built up quite the tolerance and won $5o from a guy as big as Ditka 'cause he couldn't go shot for shot with me. Believe you me, the local bartender definitely knew our names and what we drank.

You'll get through just fine....Wish I could help you, I feel as if I know you all better than the actual idiots I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Yes, I know, we tend to regard this as 'a clump of cells'.

However, I can understand the grief. I duly think grief is understandable and yes, they have lost a child (imo anyway) but I am willing to leave that to a higher power to deal with. I cannot see either way if it makes much difference. Clump of cells, just gone. God? He can handle it... however He sees fit. Ironically, if these women do believe in God, this child is in a far better place then they are in. As such, I find it strange that parents will impose a living hell on children rather than let them go to God in as much peace as possible: especially when they are too young to be cognizent of the fact of their passage. If you believe your dying child is going to heaven... sheesh, let him/her go to heaven. Why stay here??

onwards...

It is when the grief becomes a means to control and manipulate others, plus the obsession to be the center of attention. That is where the problem arises. Life goes on..

I would recommend Robert Frosts poem 'Out, out'.

just my two cents ¢¢ worth...

Kim, there are many places in the southeast that are still dry. Here in Ga. (and anywhere else as far as I know), bootlegging means selling alcohol illegally on Sundays 'out your back door', or to minors, or making your own liquor and selling it. It is still legal to make your own 'shine for your personal consumption, just like people make their own wine and brew their own beer, you just can't sell it unless you are licensed to. There are some places like restaurants which sell alcohol on Sundays (here in Ga). I've never heard of not being allowed to legally purchase as much alcohol as you want because it's 'bootlegging' - that is redundant.

Some stores may limit the amount you can purchase if they only have X number of it in stock and they want everyone to have a chance to get a little, perhaps that is why they have a limit. 100 miles though? That is a little extreme - why bless your heart!!!