Baybee shower at work hurts "miscarriage moocow's" peewins

I found an infertility discussion board after a section entitled, "Living childfree as a resolution to infertility" (or something like that) caught my attention. This board is for infertile women in varying stages of IFV, other fertility treatments, knocked upness yet skeered because of prior baybee problems, frequent miscarriages, etc....I look forward to endless entertainment on boring days or sleepless nights as it has a literal wealth of selfish rants and whiners. There are so many in fact, that I don't know where to begin as ALL of the topics seem so enticing. So, I will start with this one:


Posted November 16, 2008 at 7:24 pm
In Newly diagnosed

"I was very proud of myself last week. I received an email from a co-worker asking a few of us to help plan a baby shower for another co-worker. I didn't want anyone to feel bad, but I felt the need to be a little selfish in my reply. I've been going about my work like things are back to normal since I lost my baby in March. Maybe I should show more emotion, but I try to stay professional and not thing about too much while I'm at work. I think people automatically think I'm doing great, and most days I am, but my heart still aches (and will probably always ache for my son).

So I responded to the email saying that these type of celebrations are really too difficult for me to be part of so I will not be able to help with it and will be taking some vacation time so I'm not in the office at the time the shower is planned.

Well..my co-worker felt horrible that she wasn't more sensitive. Part of me felt terrible making her feel that way, but part of me thinks it is okay to educate others on how difficult this type of thing is for some people.

What do you think? Was I a horrible person or just someone giving a normal reaction."



Okay. it is approaching nearly a YEAR since she lost her "son", which we all know was probably little more than a soaked tampon. EVEN IF she had a regular full grown kyd die, I think that a year is plenty of time to suck it up and be happy for another woman, or at least act happy, like a mature adult should. Does she just expect people to IGNORE everyone ELSE'S baybees, weddings, and birthdays because of HER loss? There have been times in my life where I haven't felt like celebrating for someone else because of my own sorrow over something, and while I may not attend something because of it if I am not particularly close to the person, I would NEVER rain on their parade and tell them why. MY GOD that woman is selfish to put people in that position and place a damper on that woman's baybee shower.

Her response was selfish and done for no other reason than attention, since I guess that the attention from the miscarriage has waned by now. If she had ANY class at all she would have said, "I already have vacation plans then, but I will be glad to buy the hostess gift, pay for the punch, mail out the invitations, send the balloons, etc......or she could have even just sent or left a gift and said nothing. What a SELFISH whore.

What do you think? Was I a horrible person or just someone giving a normal reaction.

What do I think? I think you're a selfish, miserable, attention-seeking cunt. And yes, you were horrible for acting like that. Get over it already. I almost feel embarrassed FOR you, for acting like a immature twat.

Kim, what were the answers to that thread?

Next...on FX...Battle of the Attention Whores...Wannamoo vs. Moo...

Pitiful thing is somebody out there would watch dreck like that.

CherryBlossom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What do you think? Was I a horrible person or just
> someone giving a normal reaction.
>
> What do I think? I think you're a selfish,
> miserable, attention-seeking cunt. And yes, you
> were horrible for acting like that. Get over it
> already. I almost feel embarrassed FOR you, for
> acting like a immature twat.
>
> Kim, what were the answers to that thread?




1)Jen,
You are not a horrible person. I'm proud of you for being honest & open about your feelings. Expressing your feelings is healthy and a strong step in helping your heart to heal a little. Try not to feel guilty- there is absolutely nothing there for you to need to feel this way.
Ali


2)Never feel guilty for feelings. They are yours and yours alone. Feel proud that you are able to express them honestly. I think you just did what most of us need to do all the time. Take ownership of how we feel and honor those feelings. Congratulations. We have enough heartbreak, we don't need guilt to add to the burden

spencer


3)Jen,

I think that is a perfectly nice response. I think it is good you made her realize she hadn't thought through who she was sending the e-mail to first. Even if it isn't you, maybe she will be more sensitive the next interaction she has with an IFer.

4)I think it is great that you said something. The only way people are going to know how you are feeling is if you tell them.

I had a miscarriage last August and I still am sad about it. It's still hard for me to hear about all the people at work who are pg or just had babies and I don't think anyone gives it a second thought that it might bother me (although I have been vocal about how the IF is getting me down). It's wonderful that your co-worker acknowledged how it made you
feel.

It is beyond my comprehension how these women could be so VERY selfish to the point that they are jealous of and begrudge anyone else having a baybee or being pregnant just because THEY are not, yet. On another topic one said that she had isolated herself from ALL of her friends who had either "..started or completed their famblees.." because all they did was "..,talk nonstop about their kyds". Can you imagine that whenever she finally DOES get knocked up that she would be any different? No, THEN she will want them all to throw and/or attend lavish showers, come to the ridiculous Barney and friends birthdays-GIFT in hand, and listen attentively as she drones on and on and on and on about HER brat, after SHE has missed countless showers and kiddie birthdays of THEIR kyds. These women beat all I have ever seen or heard of in my life, in the self absorption department.

I think it is the epitome of selfish to refuse to go to a wedding because YOU have been divorced in the last year, refuse to go to a nephew's Christening because YOU don't attend church, refuse to attend a niece's graduation because YOU didn't graduate, refuse to go to a friend's mother's funeral because it would remind YOU of YOUR mother's funeral the prior year, refuse to go see a friend who is seriously ill in the hospital because YOU had a prior bad experience as a patient at a hospital, and/or refuse to go to a baybee shower because YOU had a miscarriage or a kyd to die in the past, etc.... so forth and so on. It's ALL about THEM. What wonderful moomies they will make.

Wow... Just wow. I honestly don't know how you can read that dump of a board and not want to troll the fuck out of it, Kim. What a bunch of selfish, cunty sods. I hope they ALL miscarry/never conceive. The thought of "people" like that BREEDING makes me feel a little ill.

CherryBlossom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Wow... Just wow. I honestly don't know how you can
> read that dump of a board and not want to troll
> the fuck out of it, Kim. What a bunch of selfish,
> cunty sods. I hope they ALL miscarry/never
> conceive. The thought of "people" like that
> BREEDING makes me feel a little ill.


LOL, oh I want to, but I wouldn't troll my worst enemy as I detest trolls. I do not however, have a problem in the least of making fun of them and their idiocy on this board or anywhere else for that matter, except on "their infertile turf". It gives me insight into the mindsets of different kinds of people to read their "support" boards and I enjoy it. There is some crap on this one though that makes that extended breastfeeding/co-sleeping/gentle discipline board that I used to read PALE in comparison. When I get the time, I will hunt up and post an analogy one of them wrote on a blog which could rival ANY 4th grade English paper. I think it was entitled, "What it Feels Like to be Barren", with a lot of juvenile and predictable comparisons to planting a garden that never produces a harvest, and tilling, hoeing, and digging into "frozen dirt", but never reaping any fruit. I think it has something about the hope that "the gardener" felt when a "sprout" popped up, but of course it "withered and died". My husband and I both cried while laughing at that garbage.

Good heavens.

Everyone has private sorrows. Loss of a parent, a miscarriage, a bad family relationship, a health problem. It's called life. I find it to be the height of narcissistic self-centeredness to display and flaunt one's personal loss and use it to damage another's attempt to have a happy occasion. Life is short, and it's more generous to celebrate with others when they have a celebratory occasion.

Agreed. Stupid whore.


CherryBlossom Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What do you think? Was I a horrible person or just
> someone giving a normal reaction.
>
> What do I think? I think you're a selfish,
> miserable, attention-seeking cunt. And yes, you
> were horrible for acting like that. Get over it
> already. I almost feel embarrassed FOR you, for
> acting like a immature twat.
>
> Kim, what were the answers to that thread?

I bet the second she gets knocked up she'll do a 180 so fast it could break her neck, and then she'll sign up for a new moomie board and post about all those selfish IVFers in her life who are refusing to celebrate her little miracle. She sounds like a first class slefish bitch.

You miscarried in March? 9 months ago? Get the fuck over yourself. You could have birthed another loaf in that time, it's been so long.

Clematis wrote:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
> Everyone has private sorrows. Loss of a parent,
> a miscarriage, a bad family relationship, a health problem.
> It's called life. I find it to be the height of narcissistic
> self-centeredness to display and flaunt one's personal loss
> and use it to damage another's attempt to have a
> happy occasion. Life is short, and it's more generous to
> celebrate with others when they have a celebratory occasion.


Succinct yet eloquent. Very well said, clematis.

We all know that there's no group on Earth with as much melodrama and righteous indignation as infertiles/miscarriages. They're nothing but a bunch of self-absorbed, whiny little twats.

Clematis, you said it well indeed. And Love to Lurk, you understand these cretins well, because that's exactly what she'll do if she manages to reproduce!

Kim, I think I found the board you were talking about, though I didn't run into that exact topic. I found one equally worthy of mockery, which I will now share:

The topic: What do we wish people would say?

"My big DOs:
-Ask me how I'm doing
-Ask me what it feels like to be IF
-Tell me you are sorry for what I'm going through, or that you care, or some sentiment
-Ask me questions about the processes and procedures
-Let me know that you will be here if I want to talk.
-Listen

"My big DON'TS:
-give me advice or ideas if you are not educated on IF, its procedures, its related emotions, or if you have never experienced it
-Don't tell me what to do, instead ask me about my particular situation and challenges
-Don't assume I haven't already considered many things you will bring up, or havent already tried many, many solutions to solve my IF
-Don't be surprised that I have been "trying". Lots of people try to get pregnant, and don't tell the world! Just because my attempts have been private and have lasted a long time, doesn't mean I have been shutting you out. It's just difficult to talk about.
-Don't tell me details about your pregnancy, birth, children's cute habits
-Dont tell me I'm better off without
-Don't expect me to call up and tell you the progress. Sometimes, I just can't think about it, let alone talk about it.
-Don't make me into a pitty party."

Don't make you into a "pitty" party my ASS!!! If you didn't want attention drawn to you over your little 'problem', you wouldn't want people to ask you a bunch of ridiculous questions, listen, or talk to you about it. Don't lie. You infertiles eat this shit up.
Here, allow me to add what I would say to the list:

Dear Infertile,
Get over it. Your life is not over and the world will not end due to the fact that you think you have some special privilege to birth out a child. Every person on the planet suffers some degree of loss in their lives - your 'suffering' is not unique or noteworthy and should barely even register as actual suffering, since this is a condition that no one has ever died over. No, I will not give you any special attention, nor will I 'honor your grief' by making sure I walk on eggshells around you. Move on with your life. You'll live, I'm sure of it. Oh, and fuck off.

Ooh! Did that qualify as a DO?? Or maybe a DON'T?

Idiots.

This is like never going to a wedding again after you get a divorce or are widowed or break up w/ your boyfriend.

If you don't want to go or participate b/c of your sad feelings, just politely decline and be thru with it. If someone forces the issue, then, and only then, say your too sad w/ loss to go to something like a babyee shower for right now.

The fact you expect people not to 'live' their lives and make their own plans re: happy moments in their lives w/o acknowledging that 'others' might not be happy b/c of their personal situation is plain dumb and short-sighted and self-centered. This is not an opportunity to "teach" others about the loss of infertility and the like.

CF Uter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The fact you expect people not to 'live' their
> lives and make their own plans re: happy moments
> in their lives w/o acknowledging that 'others'
> might not be happy b/c of their personal situation
> is plain dumb and short-sighted and self-centered.
> This is not an opportunity to "teach" others
> about the loss of infertility and the like.

It's not that they don't expect people to live their own lives, it's like they expect everyone to live their lives for them, which is odd, because they'd NEVER do such a thing for anyone else, except the children that occupy their imagination only.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

CF Uter Wrote:
------------------------------------------
> This is like never going to a wedding again after
> you get a divorce or are widowed or break up w/
> your boyfriend.
>
> If you don't want to go or participate b/c of your
> sad feelings, just politely decline and be thru
> with it. If someone forces the issue, then, and
> only then, say your too sad w/ loss to go to
> something like a babyee shower for right now.
>
> The fact you expect people not to 'live' their
> lives and make their own plans re: happy moments
> in their lives w/o acknowledging that 'others'
> might not be happy b/c of their personal situation
> is plain dumb and short-sighted and self-centered.
> This is not an opportunity to "teach" others
> about the loss of infertility and the like.


These were exactly my thoughts. In no other group of people whether they be divorced, widowed,or even people who have had their own FULLY GROWN children die in accidents, etc.....have I EVER heard or noticed ANY of them refusing to attend a wedding, baybee shower, graduation, etc.......because THEIR loss overshadowed their ability to be happy for another person who they presumably care about. Divorce is painful (at least to me) REGARDLESS of why it ends but having been divorced 4 times hasn't kept me from attending NUMEROUS weddings, performing music for a few weddings of friends/relatives, and even hosting several bridal showers. I attended one wedding of a friend the same night that I signed my last divorce papers earlier in the day. It's true, I do briefly allow memories of MY happy wedding, usually the closest one anniversary wise to the current event, and lament in my mind about how shitty everything turned out and it can make me a bit sad, FOR A MOMENT. Then I remember that I am here for THEM, not at a counseling session, and I am able to go on with it and be genuinely happy for the person/people of honor.

I will admit though that in the back of my mind I am thinking, "I sure hope you get some use out of all of your gifts before one of you files for divorce". Seriously though, I always wish newlyweds well and am sincerely happy for them, even though I am nearing the legal limit of the number of times that I can marry in my home state, so I moved. These women have developed some sort of hormone induced psychosis I believe, since they are all getting shots to make their uteri a better home for their "frosties" (that's what they call their implanted frozen embryos)

kidlesskim Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
These women have developed
> some sort of hormone induced psychosis I believe,
> since they are all getting shots to make their
> uteri a better home for their "frosties" (that's
> what they call their implanted frozen embryos)

Isn't that what the chocolate shake at Wendy's is called? I'd rather have one of those than a baby any day!

Y'know, I'm still kind of depressed that my wedding is over. I had a lot of fun planning it, and that day was the most fun I've ever had. I'd better call up my husband's cousin and tell her that we won't be coming to her wedding in March because seeing her on her wedding day will remind me of how sad I am that my own is over.

Quote

part of me thinks it is okay to educate others on how difficult this type of thing is for some people

Oh, get the fuck over yourself. There is ALWAYS someone going through a worse hell than you. Even as my mom is dying of cancer, I keep that in mind. Yes, it's horrible, but she has had a full life, and in her own words "we all have to die of something."

How about the guy in CA whose entire family was killed when the military plane crashed into his house? And how his concern was for how the pilot was reacting? LIGHT YEARS AWAY from this moocow's self-absorbed pity-party.

As for the term "newly diagnosed" (as in infertility)...PLEASE. When I hear "newly diagnosed" I think of things like cancer, MS, Alzheimers, and other horrible things. Infertility doesn't come CLOSE to those conditions. It's NOT life-threatening, though it's obviously sanity-threatening, both for the wannamoos and the rest of us who have to put up with their self-absorbed whining.