"Empty Nesters" moo and low

It doesn't look like the mooing and lowing ever ends, EVEN AFTER the kyd leaves home! I always knew that they perked back up and piped back in when they became meemaws, but apparently there is a short period of time between when the kyd leaves home and when he sprogs, that she has an opportunity to moo and low, whine, and demand attention. Here are some excerpts from an empty nester support site/message board that I found under the topic, "When children leave"

http://emptynestsupport.com/index2.htm




Original moo post
"Back to work after two weeks off, so that has been helping me get my mind off ds leaving.
The one thing that has surprised me the most has been the cold shoulder we are getting from him since he left. He doesn't return calls or stop and see us (even though he moved a mile away and he works where I do). He didn't seem to be angry with us when he left.
Have any of you experienced that? He doesn't do texting. I want to give him his space, but the lack of communication just fuels my worries.
Thanks all
lmomg


fellow moo comment
"Imomg, don't worry a hole in your head. Your son loves you and always will. Rest assured he will come to you when he needs food or money or laundry................ I guess we get all tied up in knotts over their selfishness and that they break away so completely it feels like.



Moo makes odd confession
Looking back, I kind of did "break all the rules"... I didn't just weep discreetly, I blubbered, and not just a couple times. I don't know any male type people who are comfortable around tears, do you? Then the calling a couple times a day once he left must have annoyed him. I didn't exactly play it cool. The closest thing I can compare this feeling to is being dumped by a boyfriend, and using that analogy when referring to my son creeps even me out!...............After I'd posted, he had stopped by my office to take me to lunch....so I feel like a dork...."



ANOTHER sicko moo confesses
"I almost fell of my chair here at the computer when I read your comment about "being dumped by a boyfriend". That was EXACTLY how I felt last year when my son went off to college. And even as we were taking him to school and flying down south, he and I were arguing!!! He was so "done" with me/us and I took it so personally. Now, after reading your posts and Granola's and Sunshine's, I truly see that I was experiencing the same stuff you are describing. What an eye opener!!! I remember going to the counselor and telling her (very reluctantly) that I was feeling so "left behind" and "left in the dust" - just like I had been rejected by a boyfriend!!!! I was so ashamed that I felt that way and that made me feel all the worse. It truly is the way that boys separate from their mothers. It sucks big time, but it is the way that they do it. It is easier for them to leave and think that their mother is a nag or a pain in the a--, then to be loving and emotional. That would be too hard for them to bear. It took many weeks of misery for me to tearfully tell him that I was sorry that we left under such lousy circumstances. He truly had no idea what I was talking about and told me that it was alright and that everything was fine. I think he had to focus on himself and on his new life entirely and just leave all the other stuff behind until he adjusted. I still get a twinge of pain when he goes, but not like before. I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who experienced such feelings. Believe me, he is not "done" with you. Give him some space, and he will find his way back."

.

This freak wants "kudos"
" yep, same feelings as being dumped...."it was all going so great and out of the blue he never calls anymore""after all I did for him"....waiting for calls or visits.....your mood depends on when you see them last.

When ds was packing last week we were watching a movie that had a Barry Manilow song in the soundtrack....

"I can't smile without you....
Can't laugh without you....
Can't laugh and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything"...etc.
It made me cry of course, then they were all making fun of me and I was laughing and crying at the same time.

I'm sure we all were terrific moms and if we didn't love our kids to pieces we wouldn't be on this message board. We deserve kudos for launching our young adults"



Yet another moocow who thinks of her son as a boyfriend

"... I to felt like my son and i had broken up, like a boyfriend, girlfriend breakup. He even told me that he was afraid that the more he came to visit me, the more i would expect him to come and see me. He told me i was not ready to let go of him yet. So, he distanced himself for about a year. It was tough, but now he does come around more, and i think the more he sees i have moved on with my life, the more relaxed he is about coming around. He graduated college last may, and got married last may. It's tough sharing him with his wife, who comes first now, as she should. He seems happy, and has a good job so i try to keep in mind he has a new life now. I am surprised at my self how i am moving on and i am doing ok. This Christmas was the first Christmas in years that my husband came first. I spent more on him this Christmas. It's his turn now and i felt good about it. I felt closer to my husband doing this for him. He has taken a back seat for years. Now, i have a dil and being a mother in law can be tough. I have read alot of your stories about dil's. We have so many transitions as our children leave us. I feel better knowing i am not alone and that we are all making it through this process of en. We laugh, cry, get angry, and make it through EN one day at a time. Jeanie



NOW she is alienating her son's wife
"I think I am the one distancing myself from DIL and S now. Which is better than crying so much. I don't worry about a relationship with this DIL because I don't like who she is. I know I would never have stood by a man who treated his mother like this--and I was close to S (or so I believed) and not like I was a bad mother--not a big bad mother anyway! Everyone was shocked and especially me at how out of character this was for S. His excuse that he was afraid is illogical because he should have been more afraid of how I would take it after it happened! So I don't believe it for a minute. Not like he has some huge inheritance coming!LOL! But I wish he did so I could cut him off sometimes LOL!...."



and she gets MOO re-enforcement for her bad behavior
Sunshine, my husband and i said the same thing about our son. His actions were so out of character for him. He changed when he got serious with his now wife. Being a mother in law can be as tough as walking on eggshells. I read about your dil who does not spend time with you on Christmas and your son comes without her. Let me tell you something funny. My son has not been to see us WITHOUT his wife since the day he got married. She is like a shadow with him. I thought when i read your post how i wish i had just a minute with my son without the dil, LOL. I mentioned to him one time that i would like to spend some special time with just him. His reply was, "you ment without my wife?". He was shocked that he would dare come to see us without her. I have been so frustrated with my son and dil until i realized i was only hurting myself. They had plans for a small wedding, but she changed her mind the day before the wedding after Grandparents had come in from out of town and my mother and i had bought new dressed for the wedding. They eloped. I was sad that i did not see my son get married and i never received a wedding picture from them. I have asked for a picture for Christmas, but never got one. My son and dil had planed to come to our house and pick up a wedding gift and visit with us. I told my son what time i would be home from work and he assured me he and dil would be at our house to vist and get the gift. Well, long story short, they got the gift from my daughter, did not wait for me to get off work like they said and left. I could go on and on, but what i am trying to say, is that my expectations were shot every time. I have learned to try my best to not expect. I am so disappointed with my son and his actions,......:bawl






I can't help but wonder how long these women breastfed these boys. It sounds like they are desperately trying to pull away from their mothers and are practically being stalked, while their new wives are being treated poorly which only further alienates them. This explains the VAST many disproportionate problems bewteen DIL and MIL. vs SIL-MIL/DIL-FIL/FIL-SIL. Some of these breeder women behave as if their sons are their lovers/boyfriends/husbands. That must be an ICKY feeling for a young man.

Thank god my mother in law isn't a freak like that. No wonder those sons are pulling away from their mothers. I doubt that they are able (or try) to keep their animosity towards the wives hidden AT ALL, and if I was in a situation where my parents rejected my husband I'd begin to pull away too. According to these moos my mother must not love me. She didn't blubber like an idiot the day I left for college or the day I moved in with my now husband, and *gasp* she actually said she was glad to see my brother go off to college because it meant she and my father would have more time for themselves.

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I'm sure we all were terrific moms and if we didn't love our kids to pieces we wouldn't be on this message board. We deserve kudos for launching our young adults"

Well, my mom doesn't spend all her time on moomie boards either, so she's obviously a bad mother!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

"Granola" and "Sunshine".

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kidlesskim
It sounds like they are desperately trying to pull away from their mothers and are practically being stalked, while their new wives are being treated poorly which only further alienates them. This explains the VAST many disproportionate problems bewteen DIL and MIL. vs SIL-MIL/DIL-FIL/FIL-SIL. Some of these breeder women behave as if their sons are their lovers/boyfriends/husbands. That must be an ICKY feeling for a young man.

They're a bunch of sickos alright. Of course they hate The Wife (DIL), she's competition. And they're all, "I was here FIRST, bitch!" Nasty.

OK I do sympathise that their sons moved out and moved on and it is sad.
But for gawd's sake the moos should not compare their son's as their boyfriend or a hubby. Now that is wrong.

"to felt like my son and i had broken up, like a boyfriend, girlfriend breakup"

Now I no longer sympathise anymore when I read that. They must done these 3rd world parental skills (Extended BF, EC, Co-sleep and other 3rd world medieval stuff they do) 15 years ago.

I thought "Empty Nesters" are relieved and 'thank the lord' that all the breeder-hell burden is over but these moos do not want to let it go.

No wonder--it's the only way these moocows can get the attention they so badly crave. I find these people sick and disturbing. Comparing your relationship with your son to a boyfriend or husband (at least the "breakup" part of it)is Pathetic!. Bottom line is that these bitches can't let go--after all, for all this time, their main identification has been as moo. If their children leave, then they feel that part of their life is over and they can't really see anything else. I hate to think what it will be like when the current crop of loaves and toadlers leave home.

How nice that some of these bitches are finally paying their husbands some attention. I know that being a hubby in some of these famblees is like being a fifth wheel or second class citizens. It's a miracle that with all the moo bullshit that some of these couples are still together!

The current crop of kids are so sheltered and babied a lot of them will probably never leave home. And that's what the Moo's want, of course, even though they deny it. I've noticed this codependency happen a lot with Moo's and their sons, more than with Moo and daughter. I guess the point of breeding is no longer to create an independent adult, what happened to TMIJITW?


Kaye

As Merlyn also mentioned, what struck me about this website is the total drama of it. Every ordinary coming of age situation that occurs, like a child going off to college, or marrying and moving out, takes on staggeringly monstrous proportions. Simple exchanges between people (whether husband/wife, or wife/son) become picked apart and analyzed more closely than a rehearsed exchange between diplomatic envoys, at least by these empty nest women. Every gesture is pondered at length and reconsidered for symbolism and searched for mystical deep, inner meaning. These ENers would garner a bit more sympathy from everyone in their lives (albeit much less interesting to read) if they stopped their histrionics and got a little perspective on their situations. No one is maimed, dead, or dying of a terminal illness. Stop wallowing in self-pity already.

My free advice: Ladies, stop trying to make everything all about you, stop clinging, stop smothering, and let your kids live their lives in peace.

The closest thing I can compare this feeling to is being dumped by a boyfriend, and using that analogy when referring to my son creeps even me out!

It creeps out me too, trust me. And the other comment about this is the first Christmas (presumably in 18 years) when the hubby comes first? How in the world has he put up with being a second-class citizen in his home (as I presume it's not just at Xmas when the kids get favored) for that long? Kudos to long-suffering Dad for sticking around, I guess....

Once again, it's never really about the children one has, it's all about the Maaaaahm.

"Look at me, I'm pregnant. Look at me, I'm giving birth. Look at me, I have a baby. Look at me, I have a toddler. Look at me, I have a small child. Look at me, I have a teenager. Look at me, look at me, look at me. NOW look at me, I have an empty nest, boo hoo. Shit what am I going to do to wring out more look-at-mes if I don't become a granny??"

It's telling how the moving-out daughter/son... at any age... has to be the grownup in the situation and shake off the moocow who's clinging to their legs and begging them not to leave. Or who is 'letting' them leave, but then setting all these expectations on how daughter/son will keep in contact with her 40 times daily and see her at least every other day and send her things and invite her to every last little social event for the rest of their lives.

Pathetic. As usual.

Are there any cases of Dads behaving like certifiable nutjobs when the kids leave the house (finally)?

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

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Amethyst
Once again, it's never really about the children one has, it's all about the Maaaaahm.

"Look at me, I'm pregnant. Look at me, I'm giving birth. Look at me, I have a baby. Look at me, I have a toddler. Look at me, I have a small child. Look at me, I have a teenager. Look at me, look at me, look at me. NOW look at me, I have an empty nest, boo hoo. Shit what am I going to do to wring out more look-at-mes if I don't become a granny??"

It's telling how the moving-out daughter/son... at any age... has to be the grownup in the situation and shake off the moocow who's clinging to their legs and begging them not to leave. Or who is 'letting' them leave, but then setting all these expectations on how daughter/son will keep in contact with her 40 times daily and see her at least every other day and send her things and invite her to every last little social event for the rest of their lives.

Pathetic. As usual.

Are there any cases of Dads behaving like certifiable nutjobs when the kids leave the house (finally)?

I agree. As for the dads acting like nutcases with this "empty nest" syndrome, while they may exist, I have NEVER known one and I have NEVER seen a man display anything even remotely similar to this ridiculous nonsense. What I have personally observed though is the moocow whining, lowing, bitching and moaning SO MUCH and nagging SO HARD that some of the fathers will try and intervene on their behalf with their kyds, to basically get their wives to STFU. My own father has had to do it and so has my current father in law and the ones before him. I have known many many people who have had the father or father inlaw call and say, (with moomie WAILING or whining out things for him to say in the background), "Just stop by today, ok? It will mean SO much to your mother". or "Christmas is SO important to your mother. Couldn't you guys just come on over here first before going to HER parents' house for lunch? It will only take a minute". Then of course the mother will NOT let the son or DIL leave and makes them late for their Christmas lunch with HER famblee.

Mothers to sons and mother in laws are some of THE WORST of the female population and a thorn in the side to their own sons and to daughters in law across the globe. The only thing worse then the control problems associated with mothers with sons is when BOTH mothers in law fight and make selfish demands between themselves over their kyds. This is what goes on in my famblee with various relatives,, although mercifully, my mother and mother in law have lightened up a great deal, BUT I had to hurt their feelings to get them to STFU and back off. So, I am probably considered one of those AWFUL son stealers and ungrateful daughters that just "shut them out", that they talk about, but not ONCE have I taken away my husband's car keys or not "allowed" him to go and see his mother, who only lives 3 miles away. These women need to stop blaming their sons' wives and take some personal responsibility for pushing their own sons away with their unreasonable fucking demands.

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kidlesskim
These women need to stop blaming their sons' wives and take some personal responsibility for pushing their own sons away with their unreasonable fucking demands.

Yes! Unreasonable demands and selfish behaviour. What the hell makes them think their sons and daughters actually want to sit around with them day in and day out, listening to them squawk endlessly and repetitively about their late-middle-age obsessions: the 254th telling of the 'funny' thing that happened once on a trip to Wisconsin Dells in 1968, some kind of cereal-box recipe she tried last week which didn't turn out, Mrs Miggin's hysterectomy, and how much she wants the gutters cleaned out? Ten minutes of that and anyone under the age of 55 is running for the door, gagging. Back in the day when she 'owned' her children and held all the fambly assets, it was a case of participate in this shit or else games, cool gym shoes, treats, fun, etc, would be withheld. Once the kids are out on their own and she is no longer grand-puppeteer, it must be a slap in the face to realise that there is nothing about these annoying moos which makes their children want to put up with them for more than a day at christmas and half a day at easter. Then everyone lives in denial -- it's clear the children put in appearances only out of a sense of obligation, not because they actually enjoy spending time with their mothers.

Has anyone here read Jonathan Franzen's "The Corrections"? Awesome book about this very topic.

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Hmm, I have a copy but have never gotten around to reading it...but am intrigued now (moves book to "to read" spot); thanks for the tip Amethyst.

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Amethyst

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kidlesskim
These women need to stop blaming their sons' wives and take some personal responsibility for pushing their own sons away with their unreasonable fucking demands.

Yes! Unreasonable demands and selfish behaviour. What the hell makes them think their sons and daughters actually want to sit around with them day in and day out, listening to them squawk endlessly and repetitively about their late-middle-age obsessions: the 254th telling of the 'funny' thing that happened once on a trip to Wisconsin Dells in 1968, some kind of cereal-box recipe she tried last week which didn't turn out, Mrs Miggin's hysterectomy, and how much she wants the gutters cleaned out? Ten minutes of that and anyone under the age of 55 is running for the door, gagging. Back in the day when she 'owned' her children and held all the fambly assets, it was a case of participate in this shit or else games, cool gym shoes, treats, fun, etc, would be withheld. Once the kids are out on their own and she is no longer grand-puppeteer, it must be a slap in the face to realise that there is nothing about these annoying moos which makes their children want to put up with them for more than a day at christmas and half a day at easter. Then everyone lives in denial -- it's clear the children put in appearances only out of a sense of obligation, not because they actually enjoy spending time with their mothers..

LOL Amethyst.larious


Whenever I can be alone with my mother whether it be in person or on the phone, I truly enjoy her company and can talk to her for hours on end about just about anything. My mother has a great sense of humor and can just up and say some of the most witty things that make me bust a gut laughing. HOWEVER, those times are far and few between since the arrival of the two grandpups beginning in 1999. NOW, everything nearly always revolves around them, what THEY are doing or have done, what they said, or what they MIGHT do or say. The same old tired stories/events AND DVDs (when available) are used as visual aids and are played, paused, rewound, FF, and skipped to scenes, over and over and over and over, that being around her has become a drudgery. She also wants to tell me about Mrs so and so going to a nursing home, or Mr so and so dying, and don't I remember them, which I do not. THEN, I get a play by play of the details of their illnesses and deaths, even after I tell her I don't know who they are.


My husband's mother is boring, it's just that simple. Perhaps she thinks I am boring too, but whatever the case may be we have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common, expect for her son. We do not like the same movies, shows, books, programs, or topics of discussion. She has grandpups, I do not. She has dogs, I have cats. She is uber religious, I am not. She cowtows to her husband, I do not. She likes camping, I like hotels. She thinks drinking alcohol is a sin, I do not. She laments about her breeding getting cut short, I do not. She wants me to birth a grandgirlbrat, I do not. She longs for famblee togetherness(to the EXTREME) I do not. She is a martyr, I am not. She is passive aggressive, I am not. She is a daytimer, I am a nightimer. JUST not compatible and it's not much fun to get stuck at her house because my husband will sit there like a knot on a log and I feel pressured to do all of the chit chat nonsense. If I didn't start up conversations, there would be a looonng dead silence because she isn't capable of beginning a conversation beyond what a grandpup has done or is doing.

I have trained my own mother to not pressure me about "coming to visit", or call or ANSWER her calls so much anymore, but the mother in law is just now graduating from the "skool of Kim", and she is currently in the "poor me, you shut me out for no reason, wah, so I won't call at ALL anymore, but will make you feel guilty via other people and with my actions and comments at every available opportunity"...phase. This is a rather common phase among mothers in law, so I am not especially upset by it as I have been through it several times in the past. They will eventually come to the "acceptance" stage, like with ANY "grief" process, and will generally act like normal people after a time once they realize that their tantrums and passive aggressiveness will get them no where and will gain them NO attention. They are like children at this phase and I am a firm believer in letting them "CIO" (cry it out). They WILL survive. First you have to basically cease ALL communication, (time out) then when the time is right, toss them some bones. (make contact, show up at a get together) If they STILL act like toddlers then cut them off completely again, then lather rinse and repeat. This one only took about 3 major severances to start coming around, but there's always a chance of a relapse, for which I am prepared.:spin

If she would have gotten ahold of me when I was only 22 or 23, she MAY have had a chance to make me conform. I am just TOO old and too experienced to deal with this nonsense all over again and perhaps I am a bit hateful, insensitive and grumpy, but it was THE VILLAGE that made me this way.

How things have changed.

In my generation, we could not wait to move away from our parents to gain independence! Guess the new measure is how long you freeload off your parents before they toss you out on your ass, if they ever do.

Have to say I lucked out on the MIL score; she is elderly and in Chicago, and was extremely nice to me on a visit this past summer. I liked her, and her mailings and thoughtful presents kick-started me into writing chatty letters to her a couple times a month. It's cool, I have no complaints. Her husband is very cool also--a train enthusiast who helps run a train museum, which is an interest of mine. I think DH's setting family boundaries, for years before I met him, helped...but I lucked out and dodged a bullet. I think physical distance in these DIL-MIL cases is pretty much always a good thing.

I'm one of the lucky ones. My MIL is a certified, card-carrying psycho BITCH who my husband has disowned. Lucky me :smoke

It is so plain from their posts that they are the problem- if their own sons are ducking them, they need help for their unhealthy attitudes. Disowning him? Blackmailing him into a rather oedipal relationship? If they loved their sons so much they would see that they are driving their kids away. I had a super invasive mother and now I no longer talk to her because it was too much work. I suspect something similar is in play here.

Am I naive in thinking that the purpose of parenting was to eventually work your way out of a job?

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

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kidlesskim

Whenever I can be alone with my mother whether it be in person or on the phone, I truly enjoy her company and can talk to her for hours on end about just about anything. My mother has a great sense of humor and can just up and say some of the most witty things that make me bust a gut laughing. HOWEVER, those times are far and few between since the arrival of the two grandpups beginning in 1999. NOW, everything nearly always revolves around them, what THEY are doing or have done, what they said, or what they MIGHT do or say. The same old tired stories/events AND DVDs (when available) are used as visual aids and are played, paused, rewound, FF, and skipped to scenes, over and over and over and over, that being around her has become a drudgery. She also wants to tell me about Mrs so and so going to a nursing home, or Mr so and so dying, and don't I remember them, which I do not. THEN, I get a play by play of the details of their illnesses and deaths, even after I tell her I don't know who they are.

God... hang on, are we sure we don't have the same mother KK?? heh!

Since the grandkids (my sister's kids), my mom only lives vicariously through them. My mother's world evaporated the moment my sis squeezed out the first one, and now my mom only actually exists if her experiences and sensations have been (or has the possibility of being) witnessed, experienced, evaluated, and commented on by TinkyWinky, Dipsy, LaLa or Po.

Tedious example.

Mom: Do you have Marley & Me?

Amethyst: No. What's a Marley & Me?

Mom: It's a film about a puppy. The kids want to see it.

Amethyst: It doesn't sound like my kind of thing then.

Mom: Dipsy and Po saw the commercials for it and have been talking about it all week.

Amethyst: I'd like to see Frost/Nixon. Would you like to go with me to see Frost/Nixon one night?

Mom: Um. Dipsy thinks the Marley puppy looks a lot like Blondie (their old dog).

Amethyst: Oh ok. Look, Frost/Nixon is playing over at the Lincolnwood Theater.

Mom: I think TinkyWinky's schoolfriend lives near the Lincolnwood.

Amethyst: I'm going to go see it tomorrow night. Sure you wouldn't like to come along with me?

Mom: TinkyWinky saw the commercial for Frost/Nixon last night and I had to explain to him who Nixon is.

Amethyst: Or rather, who Richard Nixon was.

Mom: What?

Amethyst: He died, Mum, some years ago.

Mom: Yeah. I don't think I told TinkyWinky that, though. He's learning his presidents in Social Studies now.

Amethyst: Be careful when you stand up, your Pepsi is on the floor near your feet.

Mom: That's LaLa's Pepsi. I wonder if she wants to finish it. LaLa and Po always start pops but never finish them.

Amethyst: You know the way it's snowing I think we're going to have to get out there and shovel again today.

Mom: Dipsy fell on her back yesterday when we were doing the driveway.

Amethyst: I think the dog wants to go outside.

Mom: (calls upstairs) TinkyWinky! Put the dog out!

Amethyst: What do you want for lunch?

Mom: I'll ask the kids.

Continue along this vein from Xmas Eve straight through New Year's Day.
Fuck's sake.

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"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Waitaminute here...is it possible that the same woman is time-sharing mom duties with KK, Amethyst, and me?

I love talking to my mom and coaxing her into telling stories of her childhood. She is also witty and funny and can have a wicked dark sense of humor. Since my sis had her 2 boys, the kids are the only topic of conversation and it is HARD to summon up a modicum of polite interest when she relates the latest supposedly cute but actually mind-numbingly tedious thing that either of them said or did. Once in a while I can steer her off into more interesting topics of actual conversation though.

You poor sots, I'm sorry your mothers were replaced by some crazy pod person.

My IL's are kind of like that, but only when the kids are around. Man, what hell it is to sit in a room full of adults who are just staring at 4 kids, who might actually just want to play quietly while the rest of us talked, or something. Instead, since we're staring at them anyway, they're goaded into "performing". "Show Auntie Feh your new trick", "Lets see you do a somersault, come on don't be shy", "what'd you learn in swim class? You know, the doggie paddle" This year, DH and I brought books and just sat and read while everyone else stared at the kids. When they'd do something interesting we'd look up, but otherwise...fuck it.

Does anyone else hate the term "Auntie" as much as I do? It makes me want to beat someone with an empty wine bottle every time I hear it.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

Feh, as long as that wine bottle is empty, than yes...I mean, we wouldn't want to waste a perfectly good bottle of wine now would we?

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Amethyst

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kidlesskim

Whenever I can be alone with my mother whether it be in person or on the phone, I truly enjoy her company and can talk to her for hours on end about just about anything. My mother has a great sense of humor and can just up and say some of the most witty things that make me bust a gut laughing. HOWEVER, those times are far and few between since the arrival of the two grandpups beginning in 1999. NOW, everything nearly always revolves around them, what THEY are doing or have done, what they said, or what they MIGHT do or say. The same old tired stories/events AND DVDs (when available) are used as visual aids and are played, paused, rewound, FF, and skipped to scenes, over and over and over and over, that being around her has become a drudgery. She also wants to tell me about Mrs so and so going to a nursing home, or Mr so and so dying, and don't I remember them, which I do not. THEN, I get a play by play of the details of their illnesses and deaths, even after I tell her I don't know who they are.

God... hang on, are we sure we don't have the same mother KK?? heh!

Since the grandkids (my sister's kids), my mom only lives vicariously through them. My mother's world evaporated the moment my sis squeezed out the first one, and now my mom only actually exists if her experiences and sensations have been (or has the possibility of being) witnessed, experienced, evaluated, and commented on by TinkyWinky, Dipsy, LaLa or Po.

Tedious example.

Mom: Do you have Marley & Me?

Amethyst: No. What's a Marley & Me?

Mom: It's a film about a puppy. The kids want to see it.

Amethyst: It doesn't sound like my kind of thing then.

Mom: Dipsy and Po saw the commercials for it and have been talking about it all week.

Amethyst: I'd like to see Frost/Nixon. Would you like to go with me to see Frost/Nixon one night?

Mom: Um. Dipsy thinks the Marley puppy looks a lot like Blondie (their old dog).

Amethyst: Oh ok. Look, Frost/Nixon is playing over at the Lincolnwood Theater.

Mom: I think TinkyWinky's schoolfriend lives near the Lincolnwood.

Amethyst: I'm going to go see it tomorrow night. Sure you wouldn't like to come along with me?

Mom: TinkyWinky saw the commercial for Frost/Nixon last night and I had to explain to him who Nixon is.

Amethyst: Or rather, who Richard Nixon was.

Mom: What?

Amethyst: He died, Mum, some years ago.

Mom: Yeah. I don't think I told TinkyWinky that, though. He's learning his presidents in Social Studies now.

Amethyst: Be careful when you stand up, your Pepsi is on the floor near your feet.

Mom: That's LaLa's Pepsi. I wonder if she wants to finish it. LaLa and Po always start pops but never finish them.

Amethyst: You know the way it's snowing I think we're going to have to get out there and shovel again today.

Mom: Dipsy fell on her back yesterday when we were doing the driveway.

Amethyst: I think the dog wants to go outside.

Mom: (calls upstairs) TinkyWinky! Put the dog out!

Amethyst: What do you want for lunch?

Mom: I'll ask the kids.

Continue along this vein from Xmas Eve straight through New Year's Day.
Fuck's sake.

larious

I know exactly what you mean, ESPECIALLY the everything having to revolve around what the GRANDKYD thinks about current events, a new movie, the latest book review, the new museum exhibit, etc.............It would be different if the kyd was old enough to even know who Nixon was, for example, but they DON'T and furthermore, THEY DON'T CARE!. My sister's two kyds are 7 and 10, and they are interested in KIDDIE things, which is perfectly normal. What ISN'T normal is my 65 y/o mother taking such a special interest in the latest Spiderman movie, Harry Potter or Transformer movies. When WE were kyds, she did NOT go see those movies with us unless there was no other way. She would usually do a "trade off" with another mother, JUST so she wouldn't be subjected to that bullshit every weekend. As for cartoons on Saturday morning from 7am-noon, that was her FREE time. NEVER did mother lay out a pallet on the floor next to us and watch any of that nonsense and munch on Lucky Charms, never.

Now though, she can't get enough of it and probably knows the whole fucking Cartoon Network line up by heart. My sister in law has two kyds as well, 4 and 9, and THEIR meemaw and paw paw are the exact same way. They have a cozy den with a firplace and really comfortable furniture, a vaulted ceiling, rustic looking, and it is my favorite room in the house, EXCEPT for one whole corner that is a makeshift playground with colorful plastic kinder crap, it ruins the whole ambiance. EVERYTHING is, "TJ says we are eating at Red Lobster tonight",...."TJ wants to go camping in paw paw's room tonight"(they pitch a fucking pup tent in their bedroom) "TJ wants to watch Blue's Clues, etc.......on and on and on and on ............"TJ saw a blue cat today in the woods, ", it's ALWAYS something. If you asked them how they like their new motorcycle accessory for example, they will say, "TJ likes it cuz he can talk to paw paw while he rides". God help you if you mention anything about the new camera they bought for Christmas, because that will earn you a 45 minute photo gallery viewing.


BOTH sets of our parents are extremely obnoxious regarding the grandpups, even our sisters (with the kids) think so. My sister told me that my mother will call her and go on and on and on about something that one of her kyds did, and the second she can get a word in edgewise, she will say, "I KNOW mother, I am the one who told you!". Does that stop her? Of course not. Then my sister has to listen to her tell and retell and tell again the same story that she herself told just the day before and it's MADDENING. We are lucky in that our sisters are PNB, but these parents of ours completely get on BOTH of our nerves.

Quote
str8six
Feh, as long as that wine bottle is empty, than yes...I mean, we wouldn't want to waste a perfectly good bottle of wine now would we?

That's alcohol abuse, and I'd never do that.
:beer

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me