When Infertile Stepmoos are "TTC": The Painful Dramas
Posted by kidlesskim
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When Infertile Stepmoos are "TTC": The Painful Dramas January 04, 2009 |
Selfless StepMartyrMoos Speak out..............
" I just got another bfn (Big Fat Negative on a preggo test) and not feeling the stepmommy thing. I am a stepmother of three motherless children. Though I love them dearly, I still sometimes resent what they represent. I sometimes see them as representing what i want so much but has not been able to get. I sometimes feel like a live in nanny. I feel so many conflictive things. Right now I just want them and their father to just go away. I feel so alone."
"Can I just say from the other point of view, I am SO thankful to my DH when he treats my bio kids as though they are his....... I know it is very hard for him sometimes; we just got a BFN yesterday. I want so badly to give him his own child and I have miscarried all eight of our pregnancies. If he made me feel bad for not having accomplished it yet, or made my children feel less than because of HIS hurt, our marriage would never survive....."
"...My stepchildren loves me and I love them and I know that God bought their father and them in my life for a reason and I am not going to run from the challenge. It is a blessing I know. But my God, it is soo hard. They are 9, 11 and 6. I don't always feel the appreciation. It can never be the same to have your own look into your eyes and call you mommy. I am grateful and angry at the same time. I don't know if that makes sense"
"....I do so great of a job that sometimes my DH forget that i am not their biological mother and have certain expectations of me.
I am usually much better than this, but right now I am just feeling that this whole situation is so unfair and that one day I am just going to be left with empty dreams and not even a thank you. I know I will be ok in a few days but right now, it just seems so hard. Dear Lord, I just want to add One to the number. I will feel more of a part of this family unit , if I could just add one to the number......"
" I pray that you get to add one soon. I am a custodial stepmom to my SS16. Although we have a good relationship, I never get the "I love yous" or hugs. Going through IF as a stepmom is a little bit like going through it alone, because your partner is already a parent so doesn't have as much invested, you know? ..."
"... My husband is having difficulty with the whole subject of adoption. ( I am not giving up on having my biological child but I just figure that adopting a baby would take the pressure off of me.) He says that he thought that if I did not have my biological child I would be content not to have any. I think he feels that an adopted child would be an imposition. I have accepted his so why can't he accept someone elses; a baby that would grow up seeing him as daddy. He cannot understand that I need to have a child of my own to raise the way I want to raise and to call me mommy and to love me in the way that only a child can love its mom. ..."
"... One of my stepdaughters said something last weekend that really bothered me..... She said that "she is not my mother. No one can ever replace my dear precious mother.".... The disrespect and the insensitivity for a girl almost 12 years is unacceptable........ I no longer have patience with that type of behavior. My life would be alot simpler and happier if they were not around however, I have taken on the challenge of assisting their father. Even though I fully understand the psychology of loosing a parent at a young age,they are old enough to understand their situation and appreciate my role...... These children are in such a vulnerable situation, how dare them be ungrateful.... Irregardless of thier attitude, God sees and knows the good that I do. My blessings will come. I hate being in this position. If only God would give me my own child...."
'... but for me, there is no joy right now in child rearing...... I would pefer to be childless with my husband just going through life together enjoying each other than to have a bunch of ungrateful stepchildren that comes across as being users. I would have even prefered adoption than this. I think I would have also even prefered if their mom was alive and they just spent weekends with us...."
Blatant proof that biological trumps step. I feel especially sorry for the kids of the stepmoos whose mothers are dead as they are complete and total bitches.
" I just got another bfn (Big Fat Negative on a preggo test) and not feeling the stepmommy thing. I am a stepmother of three motherless children. Though I love them dearly, I still sometimes resent what they represent. I sometimes see them as representing what i want so much but has not been able to get. I sometimes feel like a live in nanny. I feel so many conflictive things. Right now I just want them and their father to just go away. I feel so alone."
"Can I just say from the other point of view, I am SO thankful to my DH when he treats my bio kids as though they are his....... I know it is very hard for him sometimes; we just got a BFN yesterday. I want so badly to give him his own child and I have miscarried all eight of our pregnancies. If he made me feel bad for not having accomplished it yet, or made my children feel less than because of HIS hurt, our marriage would never survive....."
"...My stepchildren loves me and I love them and I know that God bought their father and them in my life for a reason and I am not going to run from the challenge. It is a blessing I know. But my God, it is soo hard. They are 9, 11 and 6. I don't always feel the appreciation. It can never be the same to have your own look into your eyes and call you mommy. I am grateful and angry at the same time. I don't know if that makes sense"
"....I do so great of a job that sometimes my DH forget that i am not their biological mother and have certain expectations of me.
I am usually much better than this, but right now I am just feeling that this whole situation is so unfair and that one day I am just going to be left with empty dreams and not even a thank you. I know I will be ok in a few days but right now, it just seems so hard. Dear Lord, I just want to add One to the number. I will feel more of a part of this family unit , if I could just add one to the number......"
" I pray that you get to add one soon. I am a custodial stepmom to my SS16. Although we have a good relationship, I never get the "I love yous" or hugs. Going through IF as a stepmom is a little bit like going through it alone, because your partner is already a parent so doesn't have as much invested, you know? ..."
"... My husband is having difficulty with the whole subject of adoption. ( I am not giving up on having my biological child but I just figure that adopting a baby would take the pressure off of me.) He says that he thought that if I did not have my biological child I would be content not to have any. I think he feels that an adopted child would be an imposition. I have accepted his so why can't he accept someone elses; a baby that would grow up seeing him as daddy. He cannot understand that I need to have a child of my own to raise the way I want to raise and to call me mommy and to love me in the way that only a child can love its mom. ..."
"... One of my stepdaughters said something last weekend that really bothered me..... She said that "she is not my mother. No one can ever replace my dear precious mother.".... The disrespect and the insensitivity for a girl almost 12 years is unacceptable........ I no longer have patience with that type of behavior. My life would be alot simpler and happier if they were not around however, I have taken on the challenge of assisting their father. Even though I fully understand the psychology of loosing a parent at a young age,they are old enough to understand their situation and appreciate my role...... These children are in such a vulnerable situation, how dare them be ungrateful.... Irregardless of thier attitude, God sees and knows the good that I do. My blessings will come. I hate being in this position. If only God would give me my own child...."
'... but for me, there is no joy right now in child rearing...... I would pefer to be childless with my husband just going through life together enjoying each other than to have a bunch of ungrateful stepchildren that comes across as being users. I would have even prefered adoption than this. I think I would have also even prefered if their mom was alive and they just spent weekends with us...."
Blatant proof that biological trumps step. I feel especially sorry for the kids of the stepmoos whose mothers are dead as they are complete and total bitches.|
Re: When Infertile Stepmoos are "TTC": The Painful Dramas January 04, 2009 |
Quote
clematis
Being a stepmom is possibly the most thankless job in the world. I was one, for most of a year. Thank God I got a divorce. This was years ago. Were I to give advice, I'd say to potential stepmoms 1. don't do it. 2. you marry the ex-wife/baby-mama as well as the dude--if you don't want to marry her, don't marry the dude. 3. the kids will never see you as much more than a babysitter/chauffeur. 4. Your husband will put the kid's needs before your own. 5. Your private life will be governed by custody arrangements that you have no say in. 6. you will have all of the responsibility for and none of the authority to govern the kid. 7. it ain't worth it, sweetie, it really isn't.
I agree 100% as I too, did a stretch at the stepmoo penitentiary and it is a HORRIFIC nightmare that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. A stint on death row would have been less stressful, I do believe. What I found interesting about this though is that THESE stepmoos are breeder wannabees who are infertile and they resent the hell out of their step kyds and wish they were not around. They are foaming at the mouth to have "one of our own". It just appears to me that "one of their own" will be more important to them than their husband's kyds, even the ones with the dead mothers. Even that one bio moo who chimed in (the one with the EIGHT miscarriages) is chomping at the bit to have "one of their own" with her childless husband. It's quite obvious to me that "their" kyd will mean more to her than the kyds she already had, because it's "their own". These women act as if they have to pop out a baybee with the man, ESPECIALLY a new man, or they are "incomplete" in some way. They act the same damned way regarding the donor egg getting knocked up with HIS sperm.
In every single case that I can remember right off hand, every single time I have known a woman to marry a childed man, REGARDLESS if they EACH had five kyds, they ALWAYS have "one of their own", if its at all a biological possibility. It's the same thing if the woman already has a few kyds, and the man is childless, they get knocked up as soon as they humanly can then too. I had neighbors on the North, South, East, AND West of me the last place I lived and by the time I moved, there was a "His, hers, and ours" hodge podge famblee at each location. That last woman HAD to be 40+ years old and at least one of her kyds was driving already, yet within a few short months she was outside rubbing on her belly.
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