1279-Dating the Childed Man

I'm not sure how old you are Pixy, but I was single through most of my thirties and found that the dating field unfortunately included a lot of men with children,and they all seemed in quite a hurry to get married. At first I wasn't too intimidated by this, until I dated the DUH from hell with a demon spawn daughter!! Luckily, I didn't date him for very long! This man had full custody of a 6-year-old daughter who had to control everything. He had me over for dinner on our third date to meet her. She threw a temper tantrum so fierce that she actually knocked over a full-sized refridgerator. Needless to say, this was our last date. I made a rule to date either childless men, or men who don't have custody of their children . I did finally find Mr. Perfect at 37. He has one son, who is VERY well behaved. He's with us every other weekend. Mr. Perfect also has a vasectomy! Good luck on your quest!

I'm a bit of a bitch and won't date ANY man who has kids; only exception is empty-nester men. Even then I'm VERY cautious.

I dated a childed man once in my early 20's. I'm married now, but if something were to happen and I would date again I would never want to be involved with a man who had children or an ex-wife. Too much drama.

A lot of CF women think they are safe if the ex-wife has custody of the kids. Well...things can change due to death, illness, or anything else. That can result in the father suddenly having to parent his children full time. I think more fathers should take on their offspring rather than think that parenting is to be stuck on the woman. A lot has to be taken into consideration when a childfree man or woman decides to get involved with a person who is a parent. Besides dealing with the kids, the former spouse will always be in their lives.

I'm married to a man with one teenaged daughter. The mom has custody but still manages to make our lives a living hell. I am lucky that my stepdaughter liked me for the first year DH and I were together. She hates my guts now, but it's too bad for her, because we're already married. Kids and exes create drama. No 2 ways about it.

BTW, if there are any other CF step-parents here, there is a CF Step-parents board at: http://s15.invisionfree.com/Childfree_Steps/

CF Scorpio, I hope things work for you. Marriage is hard enough without all of these "third parties" working overtime to make things even more difficult. A stepdaughter that does not like you and an ex who wants to make life a living hell for her ex & you is not good. Other people can mess up a relationship. I am trying not to sound fatalistic but I hope you and your husband can survive the chaos of his teenage kid and his former spouse.

Hopefully, your support group at the CF step-parent site can be of help. In my younger days, I went out with a couple of men who had kids. One had trouble with the ex-wife but it was really his own doing. The other one was not an issue since his culture kept his family separate. But...I would never go down that road again! I notice that men will rarely tolerate a woman with a child and a crazy ex-husband or ex-boyfriend especially if there is no support paid and he must feed the woman's kid.

I'm married to a wonderful man, but if I wasn't, I wouldn't date or have anything to do with a guy who who kids. That is just too much baggage.

Thanks for all the interesting stories on this topic!

I feel pixy's pain...and that of others who've been there. I'm in my early 30's and it's been damn near impossible to find a CF man. I've found a couple men who don't have children, but we know that isn't necessarily the same as a CF man.

I'm currently dating a man with an 18 y.o. and a 14 y.o. Both live with him. After his divorce, we started dating, and at that time his 14 y.o. was living @ 300 miles away with the ex-wife and his 18 y.o. was rarely around so everything was perfect. Well, the 14 y.o. is now back. Ugh. So far, so good though. But we'll see. It's true that you never know with the childed man...I've certainly had my share of 'misses' in that crap shoot, but that's the chance you take. Good luck to the rest of you venturing down that road!

BratfreeGirl Wrote:
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> I feel pixy's pain...and that of others who've
> been there. I'm in my early 30's and it's been
> damn near impossible to find a CF man.

Too true, because: same here. I don't even have any single friends I could go out with to meet new people.

india_darshan Wrote:
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> CF Scorpio, I hope things work for you. Marriage
> is hard enough without all of these "third
> parties" working overtime to make things even more
> difficult. A stepdaughter that does not like you
> and an ex who wants to make life a living hell for
> her ex & you is not good. Other people can mess up
> a relationship. I am trying not to sound
> fatalistic but I hope you and your husband can
> survive the chaos of his teenage kid and his
> former spouse.
>
> Hopefully, your support group at the CF
> step-parent site can be of help. In my younger
> days, I went out with a couple of men who had
> kids. One had trouble with the ex-wife but it was
> really his own doing. The other one was not an
> issue since his culture kept his family separate.
> But...I would never go down that road again! I
> notice that men will rarely tolerate a woman with
> a child and a crazy ex-husband or ex-boyfriend
> especially if there is no support paid and he must
> feed the woman's kid.


Thank you! And you're right about the old double-standard. Women are much more willing to put up with crap in general. Everyone has been telling me not to take it personally about the teen drama queen turning on me - apparently it's "normal teen behavior" and "has nothing to do with me", as all the parunts keep telling me. Maybe when she finally grows up and goes off to college, things will get better. Who knows?

DH dated a slightly older woman with a 3 yr old child when he was much younger. The relationship lasted only one month. He was only 18 yrs old and at that age he felt that the girl wanted him to be a father figure! YIKES!!! After this experience, he said he would never get involved with a woman that has a child!

It took me until my 30's but I am glad I no longer take a lot of crap just because I am female. I often have thought I have a lot of male energy because of my astrological sign Aries which means Mars is my ruling planet. I have no patience for the stepmom role. A few men with kids who wanted to go out with me in my older years made some nasty comments when I told them why I had no interest. Hey, they asked...and I answered! Alone is better...but then again, I often don't get along with many people.

There's a saying in other languages I know translated: "It is better to be alone then badly acompanied." Good grief!

CF Scorpio, I hope it is just the teenage craziness with your husband's daughter. I know those years were confusing to me. I wanted to grow up so badly and live as an adult but had so many fears of the unknown wondering if I could hack it in the "real" world. School just plained s*cked because I never fit in. It is also hard when the custodial parent is whispering in the youngster's ear to be a pain to the other parent's new mate. Using a child in that way is just plain wicked.