An open letter to my SIL

Dear husband's sister,

You are not special. You are not special for many reasons, not least of which that pooping out kids does not make you special. You are not entitled to a greater, more valuable opinion simply because you spawned. When your brother and I first read the CF slang, the term "entitlemoo" stuck out in our minds because it so perfectly described you. You're not a better person just because you're a breeder.

And besides, you're a really shit "mother." Your children have no discipline whatsoever, no skills necessary to function as adults later on, and no real education to speak of. Little word of wisdom for ya, dear SIL, the "wide world of wonders" is not a real school. It's not a real form of education. Your children have learned nothing useful from your pathetic, half-assed attempt at homeskooling. Yes, your daughter can read. I would hope so considering she's 10 years old. Your almost 4-year-old son can bang on your laptop and surf the Internet. You think these things make your kids geniuses. The fact that the nearly 4 year old also shits in the backyard and can't string an intelligible sentence together makes me wonder just how delusional you really are. Are you lying to us, or to yourself?

It shouldn't be a giant feather in your cap that you've managed not to kill your kids so far. Well, actually, that statement isn't even true. You did kill one of your kids. That mangled attempt at a "homebirth" that resulted in a two-week stint in NICU and then a trip to a funeral home isn't something that true mothers would have to live through, because real parents wouldn't have jeopardized their babies' health by trying to give birth completely unassisted away from medical professionals. You didn't even bother with a midwife, because you, in your infinite wisdom, thought you could handle it yourself. Of course, when something went wrong, no one was there to notice in time and the baby eventually died. Yes, you have guilt over it, but not nearly enough. You killed your son. Your poor decisions killed him. Nothing else.

But you've managed to keep these two alive, so you think that somehow makes up for your fatal mistake years ago. However, you should understand the difference between "parenting" and "enabling your offspring to survive to adulthood." Parenting involves things like discipline, education, making decisions your children don't like because it's the right thing for them-- essentially, raising them with the knowledge that they will one day be adults who have to know how to function in society. You've explicitly said that you're not raising them to be adults, you're "treating them like human beings." You said that to be over a year and a half ago and I've yet to figure out what the hell that means. Something tells me you have no idea, either.

Your so-called "philosophy" on child-rearing should be investigated by Children's Services. Four year olds have no business running around naked and shitting in the yard. Four year olds have no business sleeping in your bed every night (and inevitably being present, though possibly asleep, while you have sex in the same bed). Four year olds have no business breast feeding. Do you have any idea how screwed up his relationships with women will be when he's older? No, you don't care. Breastfeeding a child who can chew steak makes you feel more like a woman, it allows you to connect with your "inner goddess" so you don't give a damn what kind of long-term effect it has on him. You put your own selfish wants first, and to hell with what's actually best for the kids.

You know what else would be good for the kids that you refuse to do? Getting help for your 10 year old daughter. Either she's autistic* or just really, really weird. Either way, getting her in to see a child psychologist who can figure out exactly how she's broken and see about getting her functional would be the best possible thing you could do for her. She needs to learn social norms if she has any hope at all of attending college, living on her own, or holding down a job. The thing that I hate most about your half-assed attempt at parenting is that she really is a sweet girl, but she doesn't have a chance in hell if you never get her the help she needs.

Oh, but I'm not allowed to have an opinion about any of this, because your brother and I don't have children of our own. And yet, even if we did have kids, then your excuse for why you won't listen to us would be that "your children are different." We couldn't possibly win that argument, so we choose not to play. And by opting out of the "my child is more special than your child" competition, we win.

Like I said, you're nothing more than an entitlemoo.

And really, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, you're not special.


_{*I'd appreciate if everyone laid off the snarky comments about awwwtism just this one time. Yes, it's overdiagnosed, but in this case, I really do think it's valid.}

:hs:hs:crz

omfg!!!! and she really does this stuff? are you really going to send that letter?

i sent a similar letter to my sister calling her a breeder, calling her out for being a breeder. it was a beautiful thing. the only thing she could do was spit knives and then talk about how thankful she was i did not have children. LOL!!! As if that was hurting my peewins! SNORT! See breeders really think that we a "hurt" and "lashing out" because we don't have brats like they do... they have no conception of the idea of what childfree BY CHOICE means or how anyone could choose that as a lifestyle.

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HAHAStupidMoos
:hs:hs:crz

omfg!!!! and she really does this stuff? are you really going to send that letter?

Yes, she really does. If anything, I glossed over some of her other glaring inadequacies that seemed more petty.

I'm not going to bother sending her any sort of correspondence, simply because I'm A) someone who is CF and the in-law (aka "the outsider") so she's made it abundantly clear that I'm not allowed to have an opinion.

Another example: When she came to visit us and I'd politely asked that her son not shit in my yard (at the time we lived in a duplex and I didn't want to upset the neighbors who shared our yard, not to mention that it's fucking disgusting and completely unacceptable behavior) she got upset that I dare suggest how to raise her children. Because I'm the outsider in her mind and didn't want to cause problems between her and my husband, I bit my tongue as best I could. But you better believe that little bastard didn't set foot in my backyard without clothing on.

Oh, that reminds me of something else I forgot:

4 years old next month. Still in diapers.

It does raise an interesting question about co-sleeping...

At what point does the brat become sexual competition for one of the parents? I don't know about that daddy, but I like the boobs myself. Perhaps part of the reason I'm CF is because I don't want to grow up and share my wife with someone else, but if that little fucker were to still have first-dibs on boobtown when he's old enough to say "boobtown" I'm gonna have to have a serious problem with that. As in a "okay bub, the boobs were mine before you came along and they'll be mine long after I kick you out of the house. And by that I mean 'punt your toddler butt out of the house if you don't wean yourself yesterday'."

WTF... who are these meek men who don't give a shit if they get sloppy seconds on their own wives just because she's so obsessed with breastfeeding she won't let the kids stop? And why is it always the boys that are breastfed till Middle School?


There's some seriously fucked up shit there.

Why do you think the 10-year-old has autism? What does she do that's so weird?

plus the weird behavior in the daughter might not be autism at all... it might be that she's a lil' nuts with a moo like this.

the other thing of course, that i have wondered when it comes to awwwtism "spectrum" as opposed to the straightforward autism diagnosis, where it is clear cut and meets all of the medical criteria, is that the moos could be the ones causing the "spectrum" kind of awwwtism with their whacky behavior. And I have noticed on more than one occaison that the awwwtism "spectrum" always involves a fucked up moo, like an "Antigone" type, or a breast feed em till their 18 moo.

As for being 4 years old and still in diapers, breastfeeding at 4, shitting in the yard, yah... this is probably a case for child services. seriously. well, look at the bright side, if they keep this up and he does anything weird to any kids in playgroups or anything like that, they WILL have child services on their asses pronto.

How could your brother continue to allow her to do this stuff? Is he ball-less or does he agree with all of it? Men generally don't get into this crap, it's always the moos and the duhs kinda get neutered and just go along to get along.

edited to say... your brother IN LAW, the guy she is married to, is he ball-less?

and another thing... highly doubtful she will go to a psychologist with that little girl. SHE KNOWS what a trained professional will have to say about her mothering, no matter how "new age" or "earthy" the psychologist is, lol, they have state licensing, criteria, and liability... they will not go along with her and may get child services involved.

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Alchemy
Why do you think the 10-year-old has autism? What does she do that's so weird?

She exhibits almost every trait of classic autism. Everything from extreme, irrational anxiety to even the smallest change to the methods of hand-flapping, rocking and pacing when stressed. The fact that at five years old she could rattle off complex meteorological theories (she was obsessed with meteorology at the time) but can't do basic math. Add in that it seems to run in my husband's family (all the more reason not to reproduce) and it's not unreasonable to believe that she may be legitimately autistic. Of course, it's impossible to say with any degree of certainty, because it's overdiagnosed far too often and her all-knowing Moo won't take her in for a diagnosis anyway. Seems strange to me that my breeder SIL won't get some sort of diagnosis, considering it would elevate her status as Martyr Moo to all the other Moos that she whines to online.

OMG she's one of the online moos???? LMAO!!!!

Let me guess...

wait for it...

she's into the hipmama.com website? that's totally her crowd.

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HAHAStupidMoos
edited to say... your brother IN LAW, the guy she is married to, is he ball-less?

He's given up. He's a military guy who's learned exactly what the hierarchy is at home. He's the subordinate who doesn't have a right to question his superior's (ie, her) orders. He earns a paycheck, comes home and basically turns off. As far she's concerned, he enables her SAHM lifestyle and provides the sperm. Not much more. When he does try to voice his opinion about discipline, she screeches at him until he goes back to his X-Box. He's certainly failed along the way as well, but the vast majority of it is due to her stubborn insistence that they always do things "her way." I think that, given a different woman, he could be a good father. She just won't let him.

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HAHAStupidMoos
OMG she's one of the online moos???? LMAO!!!!

Let me guess...

wait for it...

she's into the hipmama.com website? that's totally her crowd.

I'd never heard of it before. Ugh. Yeah, looks like her crowd. She's proudly displayed an "Obama Mama" sticker on her crappy minivan for the past year. Oh look, "Obama" and "mama" rhyme. How clever.

She's got her own blog, of course, and is a member of several tit-nazi and earth mother-type forums. You know the type, the ones that swear that L'il Bastard doesn't need his ass tanned, he just needs to cut dairy and wheat products out of his diet. As if that'll magically make up for having such crap excuses for parents.

Well then, you probably know from reading here that blogs like hers are often targeted for ridicule on this forum.

We don't troll, but the moos do come over here when they see that someone has linked. lol.

Has she had any cf run-ins online? just curious. LOL

Since you got me all curious, I Googled what I thought would her screenname, and lo and behold, she's on a lot of forums. Amazing how The Most Important Job In The World would allow her so much free time to surf the Internet, huh? She has over 500 posts in one forum alone.

How fucked up is this? Her signature has the birthdates of all her children, including her miscarriages. Which she named. Who the fuck names a miscarriage? I had a miscarriage. Know what I named it? Nothing. I named it nothing. Because it wasn't a frickin' baby.

wow, she totally sounds like the type that is ripe for some sort of cf run in.. which for moos like her that usually consists of running into a cf site by accident while googling or surfing for moomie shit.

she knows you and her brother are cf.. does she ever make snide comments? or is she as "liberal" about letting everyone "do their own thing" as she is about the 4 year old shitting in the backyard? generally, my experience is that these "obama mama" types are only liberal when it comes to diapering the brat until they are 18, they aren't liberal at all about the cf lifestyle, they are as bad if not worse than the fundie moos about it.

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Portiabella
You know the type, the ones that swear that L'il Bastard doesn't need his ass tanned, he just needs to cut dairy and wheat products out of his diet. As if that'll magically make up for having such crap excuses for parents.

Ah, but you see it's a well-documented fact that human beings only invented harshly regimented education (or, as the Earth Moomers would call it, re-education) to compensate for dietary imbalances that prevent people from learning the natural way.

All you have to do is eat right and you'll just know all the important stuff.

Eat your brussel sprouts. They've got calculus in them.

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HAHAStupidMoos
she knows you and her brother are cf.. does she ever make snide comments? or is she as "liberal" about letting everyone "do their own thing" as she is about the 4 year old shitting in the backyard? generally, my experience is that these "obama mama" types are only liberal when it comes to diapering the brat until they are 18, they aren't liberal at all about the cf lifestyle, they are as bad if not worse than the fundie moos about it.

Of course not, she's only got the "live and let live" attitude as far as it benefits her. The "inner goddess earth mother" types are some of the most intolerant bitches I've ever come across.

She hasn't said anything directly to me about me, but she's made it abundantly clear that an adult female is only a Real Woman once she's become a mother. She's also made it clear that she (not-so) secretly envies us and the freedom that CF allows us. Strange dichotomy, don't you think?

Granted, I haven't given her much opportunity to get snarky with me much in person. I avoided her at all costs when she came to visit and have since banned her from ever spending more than an hour at a time in our house.

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Portiabella
The "inner goddess earth mother" types are some of the most intolerant bitches I've ever come across.

True that!!!!!

Even the fundies will accept cf if "gawd" has "closed the womb" and you are living "gawds will" if your womb is closed and you don't have kids... although it is advisable to adopt. also, the catholics will accept cf under the same circumstance, and will accept cf if you are cf due to using the rhythm method, but would advise you to "go ahead" and not use it, of course. Just sayin... it is entirely possible to be accepted in fundyism and be cf if it is gone about in the "right" way. I think even the Duggars accept the "closing of the womb?" That was my understanding, as long as "gawd" is the one doing it.

But the raging earth moos, oh no way, the screech and wail for all kinds of medical treatments to get preggo. I am sure some fundies do as well, but the earth moos would NEVAH accept a "closed womb" that is for damn sure.

That is really well-written and hard-hitting, Portiabella, and you are obviously a perceptive and sensible person. Sounds like you have much more of a handle on what's really going on in that family than your SIL does. Her family sounds like a slow disaster in the making. That the daughter isn't receiving the medical/therapeutic help she needs is just wrong and verging on criminal if you ask me.

:crz:eh??

Wow... Just... Wow... What a mess. Not only is she an entitlemoo, she's fucking dumb as a brick.

Welcome...you've obviously got lotsa ventin' to do!

Holy shit. We are really more doomed than any of us realize because people like this are probably MUCH more common than we realize. :chug

Meh, the world will need fast food workers or ditch diggers in the future...

True. Society only requires a few truly intelligent members to keep things running.

Call me elitist, call me classist, call me whatever. But if the stupid people want to breed an illiterate working class to pick up my garbage who am I to tell them not to?