No More Mr. Nice Guy

This is the original post that Alpha male was responding to:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

Bolded comments mine:

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did

My, my, we don't believe in personal responsibility, do we?

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

So, Mr. Nice Guy spends all his time hanging around a woman who already has a boyfriend instead of trying to find a woman who is available. Did he really think that this woman was going to cheat on her boyfriend because NG sat on the couch watching a movie? Not feeling the sympathy here.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you.

Paranoid much? I really doubt that this woman and her friends wasted too much time discussing you.

Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic,

A little pathetic? No, more like creepy stalker territory. Personally, I'd be researching restraining orders.

you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him,

True, and it might have a little something to do with the fact that she already had a boyfriend.

and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends."

Again, doubt she bothered to come up with reasons why she wasn't romantically interested in the guy who wasn't her boyfriend.

Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

I'll start feeling sorry for men being judged on their height the day they stop judging women by their breast size. Any reason 'Platonic friend' couldn't have lost some weight and/or dressed better and/or developed some style? In other words he refused to do anything to make himself more attractive then whined when he didn't attract her.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him.

Yes, the other guy was her boyfriend. It's only natural that she'd want to spend time with the man she was involved with.

More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship.

Uh, if you 'drifted away', just how do you know how this relationship turned out or why it broke up? Maybe she didn't want a long-term relationship.

So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Again, if you've lost contact with this woman just how do you know how she feels about anything.

Well, once again, you did.

Of course. It's all the woman's fault. It's not the Nice Guy's responsibility to you know, actually ask a woman out if he's interested in her.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.

Where to start. 1. Emotional intimacy is completely different from physical intimacy; it is not "responding in kind". 2. Just why do you think that any woman owes you a blow job because you 'tagged along on shopping trip"? 3. You just admitted that your 'friendship' was just a ploy to get into her panties; it wasn't genuine.

You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion.

Again, paranoid much?

You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend.

You knew she had a boyfriend going in. Why are you surprised that she valued the man she was actually emotionally and physically involved with over some pathetic hanger on?

Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life.

That's the first healthy thing you've said.

He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because;

No, I don't feel a rush of lust towards a man because he held a door open.

or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago;

Poor you! Your attempt to bribe this woman into cheating on her boyfriend by buying her an X-mas gift failed!

or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry.

Yeah, that's what real friends do, and they act that way out of genuine feeling not because they have an ulterior motive. You, sir, had an ulterior motive. Boo Hoo, sucks to be you.

He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look,

What! You mean NG finally got off his butt and improved himself! I wonder how much time, money and effort these women put into their looks. Also, any reason he couldn't have done that in the first place?

started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

No, Nice Guy, women aren't attracted to assholes. We're attracted to good looking, confident successful men.

How much to you want to bet that the women Mr. Nice Guy was stalking weren't exactly sweet, shy, mousy types?[ What a hypocrite!

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that.

So, Mr. Nice Guy realized that women are more attracted to well-groomed, fit, successful men than schlubby, tubby losers. What a surprise! He finally got off his ass, improved himself and now is more successful. I'm shocked. Guess, what, we have sexual tastes too. /b]

And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

Let's get this straight. The 'Nice Guy' fixates on a woman who is NOT available, doesn't have the cojones to ask her out, but instead, hangs around pretending to be a platonic friend. After a while, it finally dawns on him that she isn't going to cheat on her boyfriend, he drifts away. And I'm supposed to think that the absence in my life of weak, pathetic, cowardly men who misrepresent their intentions is somehow a negative thing?

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

Hey 'Nice Guy' she already has a boyfriend and yes, she's grabbing a hold of it! What makes you think that a man who hangs around some other guy's girlfriend in the hopes that some of that gravy will slop over onto his taters is such a great catch?

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men.

Since when is preferring interested in successful, confident, well-groomed men over wimpy, lying, slobs infantile?

In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

Ah, here we get to the heart of the matter. Nice Guy just admitted that his 'nice guyness' was an act all along - not that that surprises me. Then he announces his intentions to abuse a woman who had nothing to do with his prior romantic disappointments. What a prince!

If you were five years younger.

Hate to break it to you, NG, but you're not getting any younger either. You're hairline is receding and your prostate enlarging even as we speak.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want,

Hypocrite much?

or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Thank god! I'd rather be single that hook up with an asshole like this.

LOL Jo Jo



I have had WAY more than my share of these types of guys hanging around me throughout my life and I was always conscious on some level that they actually were only hoping to have sex with me and the feeling was never reciprocated. I had a whole entourage of them in high school to the point that I used to get teased about it and people called them my "fan club", which they knew about and didn't care (which I always thought was strange). This continued on into adulthood to the point that I questioned what it was about me that attracted all of these admiring nutcases, as any man who would behave in this manner CAN'T be "all there". I think it's partly because I am nice to people, regardless of how they may look or dress, and these guys with low self esteem but HUGE sexual appetites interpret that as some sort of a "sign" that I want them sexually, I suppose. Oddly, THEY were rarely nice to what might be considered a "homely" woman. It never occurs to THEM to be nice to everyone rather than just potential sexual conquests, so it's incomprehensible to them that anyone could be kind towards them, unless it's about sex because that's all that they think about. I didn't figure this out until just a few years ago in an effort to rid myself of these pests, leeches, and sometimes stalker types, or I would have just been nasty to the first two decades of hangers on and nipped it in the bud.


These types of men generally don't care about anyone but themselves, but this is rarely reflected in their personal appearances (specifically grooming or general upkeep) or demeanors. They come across as puppy dogs chasing after other mens' mates and they do it in between spats and breakups, much like the weaker lions get stuck with a carcass, while the smarter males get the meat. While they are horribly immature in general, sometimes they grow up and turn out to be nice people, but not usually because they are so superficial. I still run into some of the former entourage when I go home to visit, and one time in recent years I actually sought one out to speak to him in the store where I shop and he still works, because I had heard that his wife of 15 years had dropped dead of a sudden heart attack at the age of 38, only a month or so prior. My intent was to express condolences, but before the conversation was over he had already asked how long I would be there, found out that I was divorced, and with that SAME look in his eyes that he had some 20 years prior, he hit on me and wanted to "get together". He actually took my cellphone from my hip pocket and right there in the crowded store, programmed in his number, I was stunned. So no, many of them never change and I am glad that I never slept with any of them.

Quote
kidlesskim
It never occurs to THEM to be nice to everyone rather than just potential sexual conquests, so it's incomprehensible to them that anyone could be kind towards them, unless it's about sex

! ! ! ! !

YOU WIN today's 50 thousand dollar prize!

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

Thank you, JoJo, Kim, and Koncurrent. This quote, especially set off red flags for me.

"You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy."

How about reciprocating in kind with emotional intimacy? That line shows me too that the guy is just looking for sex and acting like Mr. Nice guy to get it. He's a user too, moreso than the woman who is supposedly using him. Hey, at least she was honest and told him she had a boyfriend that she had no intention of cheating on.

You see, a woman like that couldn't win. If she stays with her boyfriend, she's a cold bitch who won't put out. If she cheated on her boyfriend and got with this guy, do you think he'd allow her to forget about it for one minute? She'd be a slut, forever.

And I agree with all the comments. Look, I've dated a lot in my life. And I've had my fair share of rejection. But if someone didn't like me the same way, I moved on. Their loss, KWIM? I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't think I am great. Life is too short. Anyone who is hanging on to someone who doesn't like them and is obsessed isn't healthy and needs therapy, period.

I made the mistake of marrying a self-professed "nice guy." I was under a lot of stress in my life. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and I allowed him to move the relationship forward when I shouldn't have. The marriage lasted less than three years. He cheated on me while I had two terminally ill family members because I "couldn't be there for him."

Quote
deegee
The guy is right.....if you want to date a porn star or a stripper. But if you are actually *normal" and don't place those types of women at the top of your preferential dating list, then it is a lot of bull. And personal hygiene is different from physical fitness. And one's height cannot be controlled or changed, something which has always baffled me about women and their dating preferences. And from perusing personal ads over the years, I have found that men don't place anywhere near as high a value on a woman's earnings/wealth/car as women do for a man's money/wealth/car.

Certainly, but I am yet to see a whiner type of a low life guy get a date with a quality woman. Higher up corporate girls seem to date decent looking, stable, secure men.

apparently, decent, secure,stable men.. theres a lot of weird guys out there, who can fool.

i know women who only ever date bad boys. and these are nasty bad boys, and they know they are. some women like to fix their maannn

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Wanting to fix someone is one of the flaws of the female psyche. Of course, if you don't want to fix someone you get called a nasty bitch.

Quote
Techie

Quote
deegee
The guy is right.....if you want to date a porn star or a stripper. But if you are actually *normal" and don't place those types of women at the top of your preferential dating list, then it is a lot of bull. And personal hygiene is different from physical fitness. And one's height cannot be controlled or changed, something which has always baffled me about women and their dating preferences. And from perusing personal ads over the years, I have found that men don't place anywhere near as high a value on a woman's earnings/wealth/car as women do for a man's money/wealth/car.

Certainly, but I am yet to see a whiner type of a low life guy get a date with a quality woman. Higher up corporate girls seem to date decent looking, stable, secure men.

I think we are in agreement here. And how often do you see a successful man date a woman who has a lesser income, is less wealthy, is unemployed, or has no car? MUCH more often than you see the opposite. If I had used a woman's income, wealth, living status (i.e. still living with her parents), employment, and a car to disqualify her as a potential date, I'd have had nearly no dates and would have remained a virgin until I was nearly 40!