Help!!!
Posted by Anonymous User
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Re: Help!!! January 16, 2009 |
LOL! CFWest doesn't date black women. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
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Re: Help!!! January 16, 2009 |
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CFBrandy
LOL! CFWest doesn't date black women. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
Maybe he'll make an exception JUST FOR YOU!
Keeping all options on the table, so to speak.
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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"
:eatu
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Re: Help!!! January 16, 2009 |
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liz
:1welcome CFBrandy!
I have some personal experience with this topic - when I was 25 I was involved with a guy with 2 brats from a previous marriage, aged 4 and 6. I was quite clear that I would never have kids and told him so very early on. He was fine with it and in fact he'd already had the snip.
Before I ever met his kids, they interfered with the relationship. We'd go out to dinner and he'd get a phone call from his crazy bitch ex wife, claiming the lil bastards "wanted their daddy". That's just one example off the top of my head. Long story short, the final straw came when the nutty moo joined the gym I used, followed me into the ladies' room and called me a fucking slut. I'm not saying this will happen to you of course - but do not underestimate the baby mama drama that comes from being with a childed man. I did, and had I known then what I know now, I'd never have gotten involved with him in the first place. I ended the relationship - yes it was painful as I did love him but looking back it was the right thing to do. I realized that I didn't want brats of my own, and the last thing I wanted was to raise someone else's, even on a part time basis.
Only you can make the decision about this man - we can only give advice.
In your shoes, I'd want to know: where is the baby mama? Does he have sole or joint custody? Remember the kid is only a baby :baybie1 - you have a minimum of 18 years of having to deal with this kid and the baby mama if you get involved with him. Is he worth that?
Are you ready and willing to deal with his kid? Will you have to play second fiddle to her in terms of affection, time, money, etc? I hate to say it, but I suspect the answer is yes.
Is he serious about not wanting any more kids and getting a snip, and has he taken any concrete steps to do so ie had a consultation with a doc, etc? If he shows any reluctance about it, I would be very wary about taking things any further.
I am wondering if you've made the decision already tho, as you've said you don't wanna date a man with kids. In that case, if I were you, I'd get the heck out now and save myself a lot of shit.
Hope this helps. Let us know how you get on.
He has made a consultation with the doctor about getting a snip. I really do not want any baby mama drama so I think that I will have to end it. Sigh....
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Re: Help!!! January 16, 2009 |
A) He has a six month girl. I will presume you've known him for 6 mos or less. THIS IS WAY TOO SHORT A TIME TO KNOW SOMEONE REALLY WELL. On that note I would say wait.
He should be occupied solely with raising that kid imo. I know people here may not like that point of view, but once he's created a life, he is obligated to that child and his responsibility is to raise said child. If he is going to be involved in that childs life you WILL BE INVOLVED WITH THAT CHILD AND THE EX-GIRLFRIEND/MOO. Step outside of your hormones, take a step back and imagine your life involving that child and that ex girlfriend. I get the 'feeling' from your post that you are young. Very young, I would guess @ 21 give or take.
What you are experiencing is just .. emotion. And that is tremendously lacking in common sense. Unless the guy is a total wacko and sociopathic actor, it takes a year and a half AT LEAST for the masks to come off and the true character to emerge. Plus, if you ARE 21 or so, you both are not totally mature. People change and they are different at 27, 28 then when they were 20, 21.
I am 55 years old and I have had plenty of experience over the past decades of watching trainwrecks like this progress.
YOU DO NOT REALLY KNOW THIS MAN: at this point I hope you are NOT screwing around with him because that establishes bonds you do not want at this point. Women tend to nest and want stability. Most males (and I think this is a male, not a man) are just looking to get in some females pants.
let the flames begin....
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
He should be occupied solely with raising that kid imo. I know people here may not like that point of view, but once he's created a life, he is obligated to that child and his responsibility is to raise said child. If he is going to be involved in that childs life you WILL BE INVOLVED WITH THAT CHILD AND THE EX-GIRLFRIEND/MOO. Step outside of your hormones, take a step back and imagine your life involving that child and that ex girlfriend. I get the 'feeling' from your post that you are young. Very young, I would guess @ 21 give or take.What you are experiencing is just .. emotion. And that is tremendously lacking in common sense. Unless the guy is a total wacko and sociopathic actor, it takes a year and a half AT LEAST for the masks to come off and the true character to emerge. Plus, if you ARE 21 or so, you both are not totally mature. People change and they are different at 27, 28 then when they were 20, 21.
I am 55 years old and I have had plenty of experience over the past decades of watching trainwrecks like this progress.
YOU DO NOT REALLY KNOW THIS MAN: at this point I hope you are NOT screwing around with him because that establishes bonds you do not want at this point. Women tend to nest and want stability. Most males (and I think this is a male, not a man) are just looking to get in some females pants.
let the flames begin....
two cents ¢¢
CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!
people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong
Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.
The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.
Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke
Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
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