Live with it and know you are partly responsible

A girl my husband attended H.S. with passed away today. She was our age, 37 and due to pressure from her mom, dad ( a preacher) and husband decided to have a baby, even though she ws medically advised not to. She stated, she decided to have a baby to keep the peace in her family and make them happy and proud. She died from complications and the baby is not expected to make it either. I guess their selfishness, was all worth it.

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I am sorry to hear about your friend. I was friends with a lady whose husband was adamant about a child despite miscarriage and how her health was not that great for breeding. They did try to adopt an older child who had behavior issues but sent the boy back because it was too much for my friend who was fragile emotionally. Eventually, my friend left this man. She is living with her parents and on disability. I drifted off from the lady but am glad she has been able to remain childfree. Her parents never bugged her for grandkid.

What a tragic story. I am sorry to hear of your friend's death.

Very sad. Everybody always thinks, "that kind of stuff always happens to somebody else."

NO.

When you are told NO KIDS BECAUSE OF YOUR MEDICAL CONDITION, it means just that.

I knew a gold digger from my hometown, married her a rich lawyer. She was a childhood diabetic. Again, the doctor told her NO KIDS. What does she do? Gets herself knocked up - twice. Needless to say, BOTH kids have childhood diabetes, and her kidneys were shot last I heard anything about her about 6 years ago.

I have to say I told you so.

What is so tragic is how this woman sacrificed her self and life just to keep "peace" in the family. I find often how women are expected to be the ones to "change" for the sake of their families. Over ten years ago, I read a book about lesbians and the family dynamics. A lot of these women felt they had to hide being gay when they visited home. One lesbian who ID'd as being "butch" felt she had to be more feminine during her rare visits home to avoid argument or possibly violence for daring to be 'different'. I even knew a man who had a vasectomy but would NOT tell his parents he had been snipped. His wife announced to her in-laws of being childfree and having had a tubal done. She got mad at her husband for keeping mum of his surgery. I felt my ex-friend really wanted trouble started between her husband and his family. I have always been the rebel and say it as it is. I may have toned it down some over the years but folks know I am not going to do what someone wants just to make him or her happy!

So, I'll dare to ask the MOST IMPORTANT question:

IS THE BAYBEE OK?

Or not?

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

Well, I guess that counts as a Darwin. He'll have another uterus soon enough.

I find it disgusting that her family knew about her health problems and still pressured her to have a baby. I almost hope the baby doesn't make it, because if the kid does you know they will still pat themselves on the back and say "Well, at least something good came of it." With no baby and no woman hopefully they will be able to see how selfish they really were.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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LoveToLurk
I find it disgusting that her family knew about her health problems and still pressured her to have a baby. I almost hope the baby doesn't make it, because if the kid does you know they will still pat themselves on the back and say "Well, at least something good came of it." With no baby and no woman hopefully they will be able to see how selfish they really were.

I agree. I would be attacked to say something of this nature in public but the parents will act like the baby making it is some sort of miracle from their god. The husband will have no trouble finding another woman to take care of this child. He will be made to look like some sort of hero. Ack, I can go on.

They do not expect the baby to make it through the day.

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This is my primary reason for hating that movie, "Steel Magnolias". It is so moo-martyrish to have a baybee despite ALL medical warnings against it. While I certainly don't delight in someone's untimely death as in the case of this 37 y/o lady, I always CRINGE when despite all odds, somehow the moocw and baybee miraculously pull through, because that just opens the floodgates to all of the religious fundies who giddily exclaim, "It was God's will!!!!!!!"........"LIFE is in God's hands!!!"........"God knows more than doctors do!".........so on and so forth. I am quite suspicious that all of those "miraculous births" that took place in my fundie Baptist church (as a kyd) MIGHT have been just the teensiest bit exagerated as far as the actual danger or risk to moomare, which only makes it MORE dangerous for the truly high risk pregnancies that follow. "Wanita was told that she shouldn't have babies either or she might die too, and now she has four! God will shine his loving light down on YOUR weakened heart as well, who cares if they say you need a heart transplant? LET GO AND LET GOD!!!!" m


The only thing worse is when only the baybee lives and I have seen a few of those happen as well. One of the women who attended my childhood church, whose 3 EXISTING kyds were all named after biblical characters, refused cancer treatment when she was found to have been knocked up, despite the doctors telling her it was her best hope for a chance at survival and that time was of the essense. She went RIGHT the fuck on and birthed the kyd, went from weighing about 140 lbs to about 90 after the ordeal, and she DIED when the little bastard was about 6 or 8 weeks old. The church people went on and on and on and on about how it was "God's will" and how UNselfish the momare had been for giving life, etc......but I thought it was EXTREMELY selfish to 13 y/o Gabriel, 11 y/o Rachel, and 4 y/o Noah, not to mention baybee Lazaraeth, to have to go on without their mom. Of course the ladies of the church (ESPECIALLY the single ones) swooped down upon the 40 y/o widower, kept his house clean, his frig stocked, and cared for his kyds. Inside of ONE YEAR, he had remarried to a 20 y/o pasty faced moocow wannabee who got knocked up with "one of their own", in record time.:fmbl


It is irresponsible, selfish, and just plain stupid to get knocked up on purpose when you have been told it is a grave health risk. I believe that since it's a form of suicide, that insurance companies should investigate and DENY life insurance claims to the widowers if it can be proved that this was intentional. Once intent has been established on both the moocow's and the baybee daddy's parts, then I think that the widower should be charged with assisted suicide. Maybe if some of these bastards faced legal challenges when they do something THIS selfish, maybe they will keep their dicks in their pants.

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annie35
They do not expect the baby to make it through the day.

I'm sure that it "lived its life to the fullest" and that it was "all worth it".

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

:eatu

KK, I could not remember the name of that Julia Roberts movie!
I had to go back and reread Annie's original post to see if it was his parents or her parents that were applying the pressure to get crackin' on the grandkids. Shame on those horribly selfish people--it sickens me that they were complicit in her death, as they surely knew what a stupid and dangerous idea a pregnancy was. And adopting kids was not an option why?

Tiquer, IIRC, Julia Roberts' character, "Shelby" wanted a child. Her mother (Sally Field) was always adamant about reminding people about the difference between not being able to have children/get pregnant and SHOULDN'T have children/get pregnant. She (Sally Field) was extremely open to Shelby adopting. But nooooo. They just had to have "one of their own".

Stupid movie. Although Shirley MacLaine was hilarious as Weeza. And I do admit I have a fondness for Dolly Parton.

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Muslimah
What is so tragic is how this woman sacrificed her self and life just to keep "peace" in the family. I find often how women are expected to be the ones to "change" for the sake of their families.

I agree with this.

Although I still think she was responsible for her own actions, I know that it is VERY hard to break free of a controlling husband, family and society, especially when there's no one else in your life to turn to.

Well I certainly hope the husband and the mother and father all feel rotten for talking this poor woman (and quite possibly a child) into her own demise. They probably don't since they likely saw nothing wrong with what they did.

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kidlesskim
It is irresponsible, selfish, and just plain stupid to get knocked up on purpose when you have been told it is a grave health risk. I believe that since it's a form of suicide, that insurance companies should investigate and DENY life insurance claims to the widowers if it can be proved that this was intentional.

Not only that, the costs of these "high-risk" repugnancies should NOT be covered by health insurance. These costs are staggering, from the constant prenatal monitoring and endless moo tests and scans, to the pre-birth and almost inevitable early hospitalization, to the birth itself with all kinds of specialists on hand in case of any kind of complication, to the postnatal period, constant followups, and extra-careful pediatric care for the brat for months and years afterward, and that's not even counting if the brat has health problems because it was born in the first place.

HOW is this different from an elective cosmetic procedure? It's NOT. It is COMPLETELY SELFISH to be breeding with a life-threatening condition.

A few months ago a hospital here put out a big article (I think I mentioned it here) about a young woman who'd had a heart transplant who INSISTED on breeding. Of course, they portrayed it as such a MYRAKUL that she was able to hatch the loaf....but the description of the prenatal, birthing, and postnatal care made me sick to my stomach. All I could see were $$$$ signs, and I couldn't help but wonder if the woman's insurance company (and its other ratepayers) felt that way.

I know someone who had 2 kids despite having only 1 kidney. Adoption isn't as cool for these people, bc they aren't able to get the attention for being pregnasty.

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lab mom

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annie35
A girl my husband attended H.S. with passed away today. She was our age, 37 and due to pressure from her mom, dad ( a preacher) and husband decided to have a baby, even though she ws medically advised not to. She stated, she decided to have a baby to keep the peace in her family and make them happy and proud. She died from complications and the baby is not expected to make it either. I guess their selfishness, was all worth it.

Yep it was worth it with the bingo. When I read this Annie I am so TOTALLY PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS AND I AM NOT HAPPY.

What I am pissed-off more is that her breeder husband and her family knew she would die from giving birth/happing a baby. But instead they use this bingo BS and saying miracle from birth and baby will solve the problem. Also this stinking kicking Dr Moral preacher.

NO IT HASN'T BECAUSE SHE DIED BY HAVING A BABY.

And that shitty familiy who made their daughter die from childbirth should keep their baby-rabies religious beilef to themselves.

I am sorry about this comment Annie and CF folks, but these breeder/fundie do not give a shit about peoples' lives, either they living or dead, all they care about is they squeeze out a kid. I am not happy with this.

What a sad story, Annie. And to think, it didn't have to be this way. What a great lesson for that selfish family.

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Seacreature
What a sad story, Annie. And to think, it didn't have to be this way. What a great lesson for that selfish family.

For some crazy reason, I do not think a family that knowingly pressures a woman, who will probably die from it, to get pregnant has the capacity to learn.

"It truly is the one commonality that every designation of humans you can think of has, there's at least one asshole."
--Me

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For some crazy reason, I do not think a family that knowingly pressures a woman, who will probably die from it, to get pregnant has the capacity to learn.

You make an excellent point... They've gotta be completely ignorant and at least a little :crz

Crap! My MIL heard about the news, and SIL is due in 2 months. MIL is crying, worrying, and freaking out that this might happen to her precious grandbaby.
MIL sent a prayer chain email, requesting we pray for SIL and grandbaby, so that this won't happen to her ( not daughter and baby) to her. As if she is the one pregnant.

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