Some tidbits from the MSN Lifestyle board... February 05, 2009 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,269 |
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Re: Some tidbits from the MSN Lifestyle board... February 05, 2009 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,269 |
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If you aren't 100% in your own skin the way you are, and feel that having a kid would make you 100%, you are truly a fucked up individual.
DrDanCorelli
Re: Some tidbits from the MSN Lifestyle board... February 05, 2009 |
Re: Some tidbits from the MSN Lifestyle board... February 06, 2009 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,269 |
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Its because I realize that at age 50, I wont be able to change my mind, that Im trying to analyze my true feelings -and my spouses - on this matter starting now. We were not planning on getting pregnant right now....rather, we would start trying 6 months from now (1 yr anniversary) He is ambivalent though, and since Ive really started ananlyzing our position and how much it could change -or not - in the next 6 mths, I realize we need at least another yr on top of that, giving us time to prepare some more financially and emtionally etc. So Ive got 1 1/2 yrs. Is that still a short time? I dont think so...but in any case it''ll have to do: I know for sure I dont want to bring a challenged child into the world, and odds 1/109 at age 40 -which I will be -down from 1/35,000 sounds reeaaaaallly scary. Very scary.Quote
Part of wanting children is wanting to have a legacy. Children preserve a part of you for another generation. Part of wanting children is the natural tendency to do what our parents did. Our parents had children and a family. Part of wanting children is inborn in people, but this desire varies. Some women have a strong desire and others have little.
On the other hand, children will give you successes to revel in and failures to get past. You get to help them avoid the mistakes you made.
While I would think there's nothing quite like having a little person who "looks like we do" and is "blood of my blood" and so on - a lot of what you say here can be achieved by being involved in the lives of kids - not necessarrily biologically my own. I do have a desire to nurture people - reason with them - and witness them growing and improving...but I dont get all warm and fuzzy by thinking about actually being pregnant, the actual delivery, and then the sleepness nights in young childhood etc.
Its a huge decision - as far as I know, I'll be the first person in my extended family to deliberately not have kids. I agree with you that for a lot of people having kids is part of a desire to do what our parent did - but I dont think thats necessarily good. Theyve got to want it for themselves - not just tradition. Thats probably why we have a lot of unhappy parents and failing marriages. Actually I feel blessed that Ive had this chance to realize it IS a choice, not an obligation...and that Ive had you guys to help me analyse my feelings on that choice. Now I need to find to the courage to be....ME.
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