An appreciation for my mom

In reading this forum I often seem to come across negative stories of CF adults who are bingoed or badgered by their mothers (do fathers ever do that?) over their life choices, be it single, or CF, or both. This has only served to enhance my appreciation for my own mother, a frail 88-year-old who lives, of necessity, in a nursing home these days. In all my 56 years of life she has always supported the CF lifestyle her younger son (me) has chosen. She is a very private person who does not socialize to any extent, but on those few occasions when some other old lady has tried that stupid “I’ve got THIS many grandchildren, how many do YOU have?” game with her, she’s informed them in no uncertain terms that they were boring her and should mind their own f*cking business.......and has never, and I mean NEVER, come at me afterward and demanded that I procreate just for her sake. She’s endured many hard times, and always looked after me without smothering, coddling, or tyrannizing me. Parents of her generation often knew how to get it right, so why the hell can’t more of them do it today? Anyway, this is why I diligently and doggedly look after her interests and safety, visit her regularly, and return the love and respect that she’s always shown me, and always will.

Very nice, bal-de-vis :beer

Very nice!

My mom used to hint around about grand-brats until she realized that it just ain't happening. Now with my brother and his 3 kids, she sees what chaos goes on there, I think in secret she admires me for not ruining my life. The kids are sweet and the family gets along, but there is just so much "activity" - noise, etc. Mom never gets any peace because they live very close by.

My mom has actually told me that she's glad we're not having kids. She's a great parent and I'm sure she would enjoy being a grandmother, but she swears that the added worry of me being pregnant (she had rough pregnancies and she's sure I would too) and then worrying about us and the kids isn't worth the occasional visit from the grandkids. She says she'd rather not have grandkids and not have more to worry about.

Plus, my mom is getting more and more anti-child as she gets older. I regularly hear about some brat that ruined her dinner or pissed her off at the grocery store. It cracks me up to hear her rage on even more than I do.

My mother (who passed away in 1995 at the age of 59) never gave me any grief about not wanting kyds. She and my dad (who I nominated as an honorary member of this board in a different thread) always knew this was a personal decision and never intruded on it. My younger brother got married 3 years before she passed away but as far as I knew she never gave him or his wife any grief about it. Whether my SIL was pressured by her own parents (she is an only child) I do not know - they had their son only 5 years ago after being married for 12 years.

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"I thank god I'm an atheist!" -- Mike "Meathead" Stivic (from All in the Family)

Nice to hear. My mother is my staunchest CF supporter. When I told her at 19 that my fiancee and I weren't planning on kids, her comment was "If I'd had your choices, you wouldn't be here." She totally gets it. When people ask about whether her daughter has children, she says things like "oh no, she's far too busy having adventures".

She's my woman and I love her to bits.

Nicely said, bal-de-vis.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when someone approaches your mom with the photo-concertina of grandkids spilling out of their wallet only to be sternly told to take a hike. Good for her; sounds like she is lucky to have an appreciative son.

How very sweet, bal-de-vis. Having supportive parents does make a big difference. You sound like you've been a wonderful son as well.

My parents were admittedly disappointed when I announced that I wouldn't be having children. But they quickly got over it and have been very supportive. It's only been about 8 months since I really started talking about not wanting kids and they've really come around. They say they'd much rather have a sane and happy daughter than a grandsprog. Yay!

I hope to be able to take care of my parents one day as well, just as you have. They have always been there for me and I want to help them someday when they need it, especially now that I won't be bogged down with nasty teenagers!

Bal: I echo your appreciation! My mom and dad have ALWAYS been staunch supporters of my CF choice; never asking me why or why not. They are awesome parents and I thank God for them everyday. Here's to supportive parents :beer

My mom is perfectly fine with me being childfree, though she didn't like the way I shuddered when my nephew hugged me at the door.=P

Quote
bal-de-vis
[snippage]She’s endured many hard times, and always looked after me without smothering, coddling, or tyrannizing me

[snip]Anyway, this is why I diligently and doggedly look after her interests and safety, visit her regularly, and return the love and respect that she’s always shown me, and always will.

That's a nice story, bal. Thanks.

I needed to read that; knowing that there are good, CF-accepting parents out there; after talking to my sister last night. Oy, our mother is getting crazier than ever. We had messed up childhoods, owing to parents who married too young and for the wrong reasons; a mother who was diagnosed with a mental illness too late in life for it to be effectively managed; and a father too borne down by working multiple jobs for a family too large (mother loves them baybees but got tired of us after we began to walk, talk and think for ourselves, so she popped out another one. Dad should have cut off the spermies after two, but allowed her to have four, plus several miscarriages). Anyway, I'm one of those people that breeders might look at and say "well, she doesn't want kids because she had a baaad childhood." Not so. My three siblings went on to have 10 kids between them and are mostly diligent, caring, and responsible parents. I just didn't want kids for any reason.

We have been as responsible and dutiful as possible to our parents, despite the fact that they were massive failures toward us. I sincerely hope that my nieces and nephews are as attentive to their parents as you are to your mum. Despite hard times or a hard upbringing, there are people whose characters are such that they make excellent parents.