#1493 - Dear Abby

I saw that this morning. WHY, oh WHY do people like this marry each other in the first place? You CAN'T go into a marriage each hoping the other will change his/her mind. It will NEVER work.

My first husband turned out to be a wannabreeder, and that is a big part of why that marriage ended. At first he claimed to be fine with not having kids. But then he decided he wanted his own DNA replicant, and I still wanted no part of it.

When I met Catdaddy, once we knew it was getting serious, I came right out and said that no sproggage would be forthcoming from me. If he wanted kids, he'd have to look elsewhere. No way was I going to put up with this shit again.

Well, it worked out, and he even got snipped. Now I think he hates kids even more than I do!

Abby's advice is spot-on. This couple will NEVER be able to settle this and happily stay together. If she gives in and sprogs just to keep him around, she'll regret it. Also, she should worry about *reverse-oopsing*; I know I did towards the end of my first marriage.

It never ceases to amaze me that some couples spend more time worrying about the color scheme for the wedding, than they do about whether or not to have kids.

I also notice that the men who scream the loudest for those babies are the first to scr*w around with other women claiming that they do not like their wives' post-pregnancy body. This happened to a woman I knew. She also insisted that her then soon-to-be ex take the toddler as he promised. Suddenly, he did not want the whining brat because it claimed it hampered his ability to "meet people" aka getting those come-to-my-place-for-sex dates. The lady stuck to the agreement that this selfish b*stard take the sprog he wanted so d*mned badly. But....she got a lot of flack, mostly from other women who do believe that child-rearing is only for c*nts. Women need to think the whole thing through BEFORE caving into a man's "breed on demand" command.

India, this is exactly what I told my dh: that if he ever wanted DNA replicants and I, in a moment of weakness, decided to cave in and give him a few, he would have to take them in the event of a divorce. I got all kinds of crap from other women for even saying that. What a crock!

When Diann and I were married, we talked about the child issue for a good two weeks. On her side, she wanted to make sure that I understood that "her womb was not a nursery". On my side, I wanted to assure her that I would get snipped as soon as possible. We've been married 23 happy childfree years and counting.

Salemprincess, women are always expected to be the sacrificing Madonnas. Most divorced mothers live close to poverty. There are the exceptions where the woman has a good attorney and is able to rake her ex over the financial coals which is not good, either. These single/divorced women with children have their dreams crushed while the guy goes on his merry way. I knew as a kid that motherhood was trap for women.

I worked with a woman in the late Nineties. "Marta" went on how women no longer sacrifice anymore and how she just loved to be the sacrificing moo for her kids. Never mind that her husband left her for a younger woman, she got little in child support, and had a ton of abusive boyfriends as well as a second marriage where the man hid he was married to keep "effing" around.

Even women without children are expected to sacrifice: put a husband through school only for the man to dump the wife after he gets his degree and fancy job. But...the marriage is no longer the same.

I have made the mistake of sacrificing much for a man in this situation. Man did not leave after graduation but he has been a jerk how "I" don't speak properly and is so critical about who I am as a person. Excuse me??? When this man was ill and I was the only earner, I would go to work with the flu wishing I could call out sick and stay home. "I" did not have that luxury since the bills had to be paid.

Now, it is about me. I am still giving and kind because I don't ever want to turn into a nasty person but do put myself first for a change. I have also made it clear to every man I have been involved with that there would be NO birthing babies and I proudly announced my tubal so they could run in the other direction if they were only looking to make a woman into a moo.

then i know of a few women who use their kids as weapons against the father, but doesnt actually want the kid, so the father has to pay alimony plus extra or she will take the kid away from him. the courts awarded the mother custody, but the mother wasnt a nice woman, violent and abusive towards the child, but she used it for a weapon to get more.

so its not just men who do things like that, its some women too. the father ended up with 2 jobs(8 hours each), just to have enough money for them both to live off, and pay the mother too. basically it was blackmail, ok this may be an isolated incident but if it happens once it will happen again.

but i agree with what you say india, a lot of men are losers, but then so are a lot of women too.

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Mercurior, I more than agree that many women use the kids as weapons against their fathers. I also agree that men are often required to pay more than they should for child support. In some cases, I have known women who were lucky to get awarded a measly $100 monthly for one kid but then there are greedy moos who get $400+ for that one child. The money often goes to clothe the vain moo rather than for the what is truly needed.

as i said a lot of men are losers, so are a lot of women, but there are good women and good men, but these people are ruined by these entitlement bitches. not only ruin them financially, but by messing with their minds and turning decent men and decent women into the very things they hate.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

There should be a male version of the phrase "entitlement bitches", because it kind of cheeses me off to just have something putting women down when there are just as many men who abuse their reproductive powers. "whiney duhs"? "sperm shooters"? I dunno, I can't think of anything that cuts in the same way.

I know many women who've been screwed over by men who claimed to want "families", and I've heard lots of "happy" fathers lamenting their responsibilities, it's why I do not believe men when they say they want familes. (*and of course none of us believe parents when they say how happy their lives are)
One of my teammates marries her sweetheart right out of high school, and in four years, without so much as a "thank you maam" she's got 3 boys, and he's high tailed it out of there. I know her, and I know she did it because he said it would make him happy to have a big family. Now she has to constantly fight to get the child support, get him to follow the visitation schedule, and care for the kids properly when they're in his care....on top of working full time at a shit job. Even the "enlightened couple" I often speak of, where the wife actually works and the husband stays home with the kid seems like they've been conned. Hubby, who is faithful and kind, still looks for any opportunity to leave the house and play with the boys, or tries to use "oh poor me, I'm always trapped the baby" to try to get the kid-less guys to go out with him when they wouldn't otherwise.

As a childfreel, single woman, it's kind of depressing to read so much ranting about "entitlement bitches" and how awful all women are about squeezing the sperm and money out of some poor, innocent man, but nary a word about men who just go around making kids without ever actually stepping up to the plate to take any sort of responsibility for them.

Jerkiness knows no gender.

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lab mom

i call them wham bam no thank you ma'am. the problem is theres a lot of people who do this sort of thing, men and women, and they ruin it for everyone else. i known complete losers who get a woman with a kid then run.. they are losers, they arent real men, and i known women who kicked men out after getting what they want, and they are losers too, they arent proper women either.

feh your right its about responsibility, and rights, without the responsibility to pay for your actions good or bad, but at the moment the rights of men are being more controlled by legislation, men being forced to accept responsibility, even if its not their fault (case in point a man can be termed the father of a child even if he never saw the woman, or been with any woman or even been the the town she lives in. thats not right) all this legislation and the entitlement issues that are bandied about, does no one any good unless it is gender neutral..

i am responsible for my actions, as are most of the cf, its the ones who are not responsibile , ruin it for the rest of us, you must admit there seems to be more women in the entitlement mind at the moment, have a kid and its easy street finanically or easier, and they are worshipped for it. these people are the ruin of everyone else the cf are generally exceptions to these people thats why they dont like us, we accept responsibility, they dont have too, thats why kids run wild, its not my fault its society, its someone elses problem, parents not breeders are teaching responsibility and they act responsible, but the kids of the breeders seem to get away with more, and thats causing a majority of kids to be irresponsible breeders (a lot of the male runners from familes are in the mid 30's roughly speaking, so something must have altered the culture in that time to make so many more runners happen)

just my 2 pennies worth

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

How about entitlement bastards?