In Search Of Friends (but only if they have a pic..)

Last night, I was a bit bored, so I decided to browse one of the local ad websites for shits and giggles. I came across this one posting, and it seemed interesting, so I responded. The person who made the posting is a female looking for female friends, you know, just somebody to hang out with.

She e-mailed me back, and the first sentence of her e-mail read, "Please send me a picture of yourself before we get to know each other so I can tell whether you're female or male." SAY WHAAAT? Okay, granted, I know you never know who you might be dealing with when you are online and trying to connect with another person and some people may need proof, but damn! I thought that was a little off, especially considering the fact that she didn't attach a picture of herself in her e-mail response to me. I e-mailed her back stating that I didn't have a picture to send, but told her I am a female. I'll see if she ever responds back to me or gets looney with it. LOL

Is it me or does it seem completely shallow that folks who claim they want "friends" must absolutely have a picture before deciding to continue to chat it up with you?

She sent a very short e-mail back to me that read:

"Thanks for responding to my ad.Once you send me a picture, then we can talk.Thanks,___"

Of course, I'm not going to send her anything. What an ass-wad!

Even if you sent a pic, how could she be sure it's really you and not [for instance] just a picture of a random girl you selected from My Space or something?

Stephanie Wrote:
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> Even if you sent a pic, how could she be sure it's
> really you and not just a picture of a random
> girl you selected from My Space or something?

EXACTLY! I think this girl was either extremely shallow or looking for a bi-hookup on the sly. Or hell, the person could be a guy, too. Who knows?! Some people can be NUTS!

"please send a pic, I want to know if you're the type of person I tend to stalk and murder."

Feh Wrote:
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> "please send a pic, I want to know if you're the
> type of person I tend to stalk and murder."

LOL @ Feh. The whole thing was so weird! I should have known something was off because the title of her post was, "Am I What You're Looking For?" LOL Also, in her post, she states she is looking for a drama-free friend. In order for her to find someone drama-free, doesn't she have to be drama-free, too? LOL

The last time I did internet dating was in 2003, and I also found that many people would complain that I did not post a pic. The only reason I did not do so is because I am technologically ignorant and didn't know how to do it at the time. But I could tell by the responses that some of these people assumed I hadn't posted a pic because I was ugly.

So, yeah...for some reason people really do fixate on the whole photo thing online. I can understand their reasons, but on the other hand, even if you did send a photo, how would they know if it was really you or not?

If someone is dead-set on deceiving people on the internet, they'll just send a fake photo! I know people who have either sent a photo of a beautiful model claiming it was their photo, or they have posted a photo of themselves that is several years old.

I would just respond by assuring them that you are indeed the gender you say you are, and that if and when you plan to meet up with them in person, you will send a photo right before the date so that they will be able to recognize you at your meeting-place.

That ought to at least weed out the shallow people. (And believe me, many of these people ARE shallow. I have a friend who is overweight and she complained that many online dates stopped emailing her after she sent her pic.)

thats why i didnt post a picture when i joined a dating site, i have had people who did email me back saying god i looked ugly after sending my pic to them..

i gave up looking, and thats when i found my rowan/faust.. we didnt see faces at first but a connection to a beleif, then i saw her and my mouth dropped open she was and is gorgeous.

people take too much notice of looks, its not looks that matters, its the soul.. the heart and mind.. and if you do like them then whatever they look like just makes them seem better.. the "prettiest" looking woman could be hideous inside, and yet the most "homely" could be the most wonderful. but because they judge looks.. they will never find out

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I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I worked with women my age or older (40+ crowd) who were doing the finding a mate online thing. My co-workers mentioned how they would not answer a message if there weren't any pictures on the profiles. They also stated how the men better look good, be their age but preferred a younger man, and how the guys should have all of their hair & no false teeth. These women's egos were pretty inflated as they were not anything to look at, either, and were aging meaning there was younger competition out there. Needless to say, they were not succesful on finding an online mate.

"FUCK WORK"

its all about looks especially in todays world. boob jobs, lip jobs etc.. when not even the glossiest shell can really cover a sickness inside someone.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Mercurior, it is sad how it is all about "looks".

I have known beautiful women who are truly ugly beings because they have that entitlement attitude due to their outer beauty. I have also known beautiful women who have inner beauty as well as I knowing women who society considers "ugly" to be the most beautiful people.

The women who said your picture was ugly, Mercurior, are the ones who are truly UGLY! You are an attractive person. And, Rowan/Faust is truly a lovely person, inside and out.

Many people on the internet dating sites also do not post pics or have the private pass thing for privacy or to weed out the creeps before showing a photo. CFScorpio is correct about not knowing WHO someone is talking to due to being able to say s/he is anyone with the anonymity of being online.

"FUCK WORK"

some called me too fat, some didnt like it because i wore glasses, i have had people stop talking to me once they saw me.. and so on..

this is the image i sent caught in an unguarded moment, 4 years ago



*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

I do not see you as "fat", Mercurior. Personally, I do not prefer men who are rail thin. I want someone to hold and snuggle. One friend told me on an internet dating site how a man boldy stated, "No fat women," in his profile. It is his choice what he wants in a mate but I found the statement to be offensive. If he got a message from an overweight lady, the guy could either ignore the note or just send a simple response of how he is not interested without going into detail about weight. There is no need for cruelty. I hope the "thinner & prettier" women realised this man was not kind and did not give him the time of day. How a man treats one woman is how he will treat another woman. Same goes for women as well...

"FUCK WORK"

As long as a person is real and doesn't put up a false front, they're pretty attractive in my book, especially if they have interests and hobbies that they're passionate about. Ugly, to me, is merely a state of mind, that can be overcome with knowledge and confidence. I know I have a face for radio, however I have been told that I am quite funny, compassionate and friendly, which are the traits that I've worked hard to cultivate. Whenever I make a person laugh is when I feel best about myself.

The most physically attractive couple I know are also the biggest bores in my book. All they talk about is their diets and excersise programs, or how much they paid for their high fashion jeans and shoes. On one hand I'm glad they don't talk about their kid all the time but sometimes I feel sorry for the kid having to grow up with two people who are so obsessed with apperarance. He'll never grow up being encouraged to be a reader, because readers are nerds and nerds are unattractive...poor little guy.

Merc, I think that is a very nice pic. I like men with long hair (in fact, I am married to one). I would rather date a man who looks unconventional than a cookie-cutter guy who looks just like everyone else.

You are definitely better off without those shallow, stupid women. It's a good thing they showed their true selves right away so you didn't waste your time on them.

amethusos* Wrote:
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One friend told me on
> an internet dating site how a man boldy stated,
> "No fat women," in his profile.

I've seen that before in men's ads, and I find it very offensive. I'm not fat, but I would never date a guy who was that shallow and cruel to write something like that in an ad. There are certainly more subtle ways to make a point, like writing "seeking slim woman" or something.

Another thing I hate is people who write "D/D free" in their ads. As a person with an STD, I find it offensive that I am lumped in the same category as a drug addict. STD transmission can be prevented if one is careful, so it's no reason to reject someone in this day and age.

but there are a lot of shallow people out there, men and women, they want the "perfect" person with a "perfect" body, i am reading american psycho, and every man there is mistaken for someone else, as they are all similar (ok patrick bateman is a serial killer but.. thats on the inside).. look at all the press about this model, this film star, it seems that shallowness rules the roost in the western world now at least in the Uk and america (there are always exceptions) so i gave up, then i found my love of my life.. she doesnt mind i have longer hair than her, ..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

Mercurior - great hair! I used to have a thing for guys with long hair (then I met my bald husband - the only non-long haired guy I ever dated!). I can still appreciate a nice head of hair on a man.

What really pisses me off is that this is beginning to apply even if the person is looking for friends, which is absolutely BANANAS to me!!

I have a very small circle of friends, but I would like to make more of them. Sometimes, I will make a post on sites looking for friends. Appearance is not even on my mind when I do this.

I see that people are so CRAZY like this chick that if I don't meet an appearance requirement, I won't even get thru the front door.

Very sad.

amethusos* Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I do not see you as "fat", Mercurior. Personally,
> I do not prefer men who are rail thin. I want
> someone to hold and snuggle. One friend told me on
> an internet dating site how a man boldy stated,
> "No fat women," in his profile. It is his choice
> what he wants in a mate but I found the statement
> to be offensive. If he got a message from an
> overweight lady, the guy could either ignore the
> note or just send a simple response of how he is
> not interested without going into detail about
> weight. There is no need for cruelty. I hope the
> "thinner & prettier" women realised this man was
> not kind and did not give him the time of day. How
> a man treats one woman is how he will treat
> another woman. Same goes for women as well...

Merc, you look fine to me!

I also go for the meatier type men. My husband is 6 feet and a very solid 265 pounds. I couldn't see myself with a guy who was 6 feet and 150 pounds or "athletic." LOL

I used to get lots of rejections because of my weight, and I just sucked it up and left those guys alone. There is a thin line between preference and prejudice but I think most people nowadays harbor more prejudice than preference, especially on those dating sites.

exactly vlm, i watched a cold case today about a fraternity who got the pledges to ask fat women to the frat party, and they werent that fat and i think they looked good, but the frat boys wore pig masks and kept saying oink oink..

it seems that there is a more shallow sense of people, out there, how looks equate to goodness, you cant be good if you dont look like tom cruise.. or britney pre spooting.. thats why i always prefered online life, no one can see you. so they get to know you from within first..

but even there looks are being more important

and it is very sad..

*********************************************************************************************************************************
I just post the stories, for interest.. for everyone

Lord, what fools these mortals be!
- A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene ii

Voltaire said: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

H.L.Mencken wrote:"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

mercurior Wrote:
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> exactly vlm, i watched a cold case today about a
> fraternity who got the pledges to ask fat women to
> the frat party, and they werent that fat and i
> think they looked good, but the frat boys wore
> pig masks and kept saying oink oink..
>

This reminds me of a man at work who went with an overweight woman for a time...or I should say he just had sex with her. When the lady felt that this was a "relationship", her co-worker just made it clear that all they were doing was f*cking when she went to his house and saw a thin woman in there with him while he is in his boxer shorts. This does happen a lot: Shallow males asking a "fat woman" out as dares or jokes. Other shallow men seeing "fat women" in secret for easy sex.

"FUCK WORK"

amethusos* Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> mercurior Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > exactly vlm, i watched a cold case today about
> a
> > fraternity who got the pledges to ask fat women
> to
> > the frat party, and they werent that fat and i
> > think they looked good, but the frat boys wore
> > pig masks and kept saying oink oink..
> >
>
> This reminds me of a man at work who went with an
> overweight woman for a time...or I should say he
> just had sex with her. When the lady felt that
> this was a "relationship", her co-worker just made
> it clear that all they were doing was f*cking when
> she went to his house and saw a thin woman in
> there with him while he is in his boxer shorts.
> This does happen a lot: Shallow males asking a
> "fat woman" out as dares or jokes. Other shallow
> men seeing "fat women" in secret for easy sex.


I allowed myself to be a part of a "booty call" involvement with a man to whom I was not attracted, but I went for it anyway. He was rail thin and was a hermit and admitted to me that he hadn't had a date for years. He straight up told me while we were still in bed together that what we had just done was an "agreement," that no one else was to know about it, and that this was nothing more than sex. The agreement was that I wasn't supposed to have sex with anyone else while we were doing our booty call thing. Well, I found someone else I was more attracted to, he and I had sex, and thankfully, that ended that.

After we ended the booty call sessions, this guy and I still kept in touch rather sporadically. He is an amateur photographer and my sister mentioned she wanted to take some pictures of herself. I mentioned that this guy is a photographer, so I figured maybe I could throw some business his way. My sister agreed to meet him and see what they could work out as far as her taking some pictures. You can see where this is going, right? So, he met her and fell head-over-heels for her. He basically wanted to be her man, but she wasn't interested in him. He wanted to take her out, wine her and dine her, but I was worthless, only good enough to have sex with. Of course, I took offense to it, but he was like, "You knew what the agreement was. Besides, I would be happy for you if my brother wanted to date you!" GTFOOHWTBS. The guy and I ended up having a blowout about him wanting to date my sister and we never communicated with each other again. He also had the nerve to ask me if I told my sister that he and I had a booty call thing, and I said, "UM, YEAH, I TOLD HER!" He was pissed at that. What a LOSER!

I have dated guys who were twice my size but did not want to be seen out with me in public, which is quite ridiculous, seeing as how they were far bigger than I. And trying to find a date on Craiglist is a joke basically. LOL You have to look like a model to get a date. (Actually, I was browsing posts in the Strictly Platonic section on Craigslist when I found the post of the person this thread is about).

I get so sick and tired of how shallow people have become, as if looks is the means to an end, which for some people, it is. That's all they know. And you're right, Merc, about how online, it's even WORSE. You gotta have a pic, gotta have a pic, gotta have a pic, nevermind if they have one or not, they just gotta SEE YOU. It's sick and sad.

I was looking at the Craigslist Strictly Platonic forum again (I know better not to respond to anyone now...), and there is a guy on there who posted claiming that he is looking for female friends. He wrote that they must be attractive, posted FOUR pictures of himself and at the very end of the post, he wrote, "P.S. MUST SEND A PICTURE FOR A RESPONSE!" So sad. It's obvious that he's not really looking for "friends"....

Reply Quote

VLM, that guy was a pig for wanting to be "your sister's man" after using you a booty call. Even though you were both willing to be in that sort of arrangement, I draw the line at a person then going after a family member for a "relationship".

Your sister was wise to not want anything to do with this creature. My feeling is: A man will treat the next woman in the same way he treated the last women in his life. If this man was a real gentleman, he would not have tried to "wine & dine" your sister after being involved with you. Has this man watched too many soap operas of men being with sisters???

Men who want models are going to always be disappointed because the majority of the women do not fit that mold. I also have to laugh at the "model seekers" who are not that attractive, either. Same goes for women looking for rich men...

"FUCK WORK"