Depression management?

You honestly sound quite overwhelmed and I think it could be good for you to see a doctor, but one of your choosing, not your mother's. I believe you can be sectioned if you are viewed as a danger to yourself or others. In some countries (although I don't know about the UK), you can also be kept in a facility against your will once you have voluntarily checked in.

Therefore I would suggest that you see a doctor, either one you feel comfortable with or one that your mother has no connection to. You can usually address depression as an outpatient unless it has gone too far. Waiting longer to get help is unlikely to improve your situation. Note that treatment doesn't have to involve drugs, which aren't a panacea for everyone. However, using medication does not necessarily mean taking it for the rest of your life. For some people, it merely gives a respite from the symptoms long enough for them to tackle the genuine issues in their lives which are leading to unhappiness (external problems or psychological issues).

Well, I've calmed down since and managed to talk to my mother about it without screaming bloody murder. I'm definitely going to see my doctor about it, 'cause whatever I'm trying right now plainly isn't working. As much as I distrust doctors, I don't think I've got any other choice.

I'm still not taken with the idea of medication. Ha, bit of an understatement; I'm terrified of the idea of taking them. Particularly after all the horror stories I've heard of the side-effects and long-term effects.

Ah well. I'm still disappointed with myself for not being able to handle the issue on my own.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
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"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
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strange aeons
Well, I've calmed down since and managed to talk to my mother about it without screaming bloody murder. I'm definitely going to see my doctor about it, 'cause whatever I'm trying right now plainly isn't working. As much as I distrust doctors, I don't think I've got any other choice.

I'm still not taken with the idea of medication. Ha, bit of an understatement; I'm terrified of the idea of taking them. Particularly after all the horror stories I've heard of the side-effects and long-term effects.

Ah well. I'm still disappointed with myself for not being able to handle the issue on my own.

I'm sure you've heard people draw parallels between physical illnesses and mental illnesses in the past, pointing out that the stigma against mental illness is strange, given that we wouldn't think twice about seeing a doctor for an equally debilitating physical complaint.

I have similar concerns about medication, because I think that doctors can be too quick to prescribe them instead of advising people to ask themselves difficult questions and make changes to their lives which would reduce the legitimate sadness that comes from a bad situation. However, you're obviously not someone who is just looking for a one-pill solution to your problems, as evidenced by your reluctance to take medication.

It does sound like what you're experiencing has a biological basis rather than being entirely due to what's happening in your life. You could take the strongest, most resilient person in the world, and that person would feel unable to cope if all her dopamine receptors were blocked. It isn't a lack of fortitude. All it is is suffering for no real reason, and there's no virtue in testing your endurance.

But maybe medication isn't the right answer. I just wanted to mention that it isn't necessarily the wrong answer, if your doctor suggests it.

Hyperbole and a half covered depression pretty well, I think:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Tardive dyskinesia is a terrifying and often permanent side effect of some antipsychotic medications, which are completely different from antidepressants.

I have dealt with clinical depression most of my life and have been on antidepressants most of my life too. I've been on Celexa for about 15 years now, mainly because I'm afraid of what might happen if I stop (taper) taking it. The serious episode I had that started me on Celexa was so very awful, it's hard to put into words. I was unable to eat or function.

Have you been checked to make sure nothing physical could be causing this, such as thyroid problems? I have that too, which only makes things worse.

I used to drink a LOT, but when my weight started ballooning, it scared me and I quit as part of a weight loss program. We all know that alcohol only makes depression worse. Now I might have A drink once a week. I've also been exercising regularly. I can't ever say I feel wonderful mentally, but I don't feel horrid either, and I'm thankful for that.

I'm glad you're going to a doc. I hate going too, but sometimes you really do have no choice. I've done several relatively brief stints over the years, but I haven't been thrilled with the counselors. If you can find a good one who is a good fit for you, that might be very helpful.

Here is a site with lots of info that I've gone back to many times. It's been around forever.

http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.html#contents

Good luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

Yeah, the appointment's tomorrow. Really dreading this. I'm not at all comfortable with talking about my feelings, so I imagine it'll be ridiculously hard.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
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Good luck with the appointment! I hate talking about feelings too...

I hope they check your vitamin D level, and thyroid, like Crabcake mentioned. It would be awesome if there is something physical going on that could be remedied.

But if it's not, just be persistent that medication should be a short term helper at most and that you are interested in non-pharmaceutical solutions for the long run.
But I'm recommending that because it is your preference. Hey I'm back on something for the third time. *sigh*
I can highly recommend it for anxiety though. It is an older med, so that makes it cheaper, and also less likely to be one the pharmacies want to see everybody on. Got to get them on these drugs while they still aren't available as generics! Pfft...
They make some interestingly specific receptor targeting drugs these days.

I hope your mom doesn't insist on going in with you. You should be able to express your concern that she threatens to have you 'sectioned'. That is abusive and should demonstrate to your doc what kind of stress you are under. Plus it is just contributing to your unwillingness to get help, threats that you'll be locked up and forcibly drugged? Not cool! Not helpful, not supportive, simply abusive.

Well, that was easily the biggest waste of time in recorded history. No physical conditions checked out, and all she really said was what everyone on here already suggested, with the vague hint of MAYBE seeing a counsellor and MAYBE scheduling a follow-up in a few weeks. Yeah, no. I've remembered why I hate general practitioners, and I'm never seeing one again. That's it. Every experience I've had with a GP has been negative, so screw it. Losing two extended family members due to misdiagnosis didn't help, either.

The counsellor suggestion's bullshit anyway. If I can't sort out my own head, how can someone who's outside of it do any better? It's just not logical. I had one when I was 15 and it was a total waste of time for all concerned.

Oh, and she suggested CBT. Pssht... As IF all that "replace-icky-thoughts-with-nice-ones" nonsense actually works.

Right enough, I don't really know what I was expecting without meds, but there we are.

No, my mother wasn't in the office with me, thank Christ. Can't imagine what she'd have said to the doctor. I probably wouldn't have got a word in edgewise! She's THAT kind of mother - either she's emotionally distant and being kind of mean and impatient towards me, or she's being creepy and infantilising. It's like she doesn't know which way she prefers me.

Anyways, no more doctors for me. Fuck modern medicine.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
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Gawd I hope you can get away from that thing known as your mother someday soon...

All right, I've been persuaded to maybe think about antidepressants. Still not entirely convinced, though. For one, I'm not sure I'm depressed enough for them. I'm not depressed all the time; it pretty much comes and goes.

And taking them still feels like admitting defeat.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
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OK, I don't mean to bingo or be a know it all, but how do you know you don't need medication if you don't at least try it. I have a lovely, brilliant, Ivy Leavue (scholarship, no fam money) successful at his job loving, kind and near-perfect husband who is none of those things off his meds. My husband says in the midst of his breakdown a few years ago he had no truth north. I had to make those decisions as best I could for him. For the OP, I would recommend finding about how you appoint a health care power of attorney and a fiscal power of attorney to protect yourself. I am thinking the OP is overseas so it mah take a bit more. Anywhoo, my 2 big point: 1. Get a dura le POA just in case. 2. Pick and name a person who only has your best interest af heart

Depression does happen to a lot of us, and it is more prevalent among intelligent. People who are analytical and introspective can't help but see a lot of reasons to be unhappy. What we sometimes lose is a sense of perspective: life may be fleeting and there may be a lot of shitty things going on (which is a damn good reason not to bring more people into it), but that doesn't make moments of happiness meaningless. The only meaning that life has is the meaning we create.

While it is often possible to think yourself into depression, it's often hard to think yourself out of it. Some people can pull themselves out of it, eventually. Others can be helped by a good diet and exercise. Some might benefit from hearing a different perspective from a therapist. Still others might need medication. If you've reached the point where you can't imagine things ever being better, there's nothing lost from trying what is recommended for you.

Regardless of what route you take, I would suggest incorporating exercise into your daily routine if you haven't. Recent studies have shown that not only is it more effective than medication for treating depression (which means that more people are helped by it than are helped by medicine, not that medication might not be the best solution for some), it is also significantly more effective in preventing the recurrence of depression than medication alone, or the combination of medication and exercise. (I'd look up the link to the article because I just read it this week, but Google is being uncooperative by refusing to let me search.) It typically takes a minimum of two weeks to get any benefits from an exercise routine, but it can take longer before you reach the point that your body comes to expect and look forward to it.

One problem: I HATE exercise. All of it. I almost cry if I'm forced to do anything physical. The few times I attempted anything resembling exercise, I felt so stupid I stopped immediately. Going out running is completely out of the question.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
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"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
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Quote
strange aeons
One problem: I HATE exercise. All of it. I almost cry if I'm forced to do anything physical. The few times I attempted anything resembling exercise, I felt so stupid I stopped immediately. Going out running is completely out of the question.

Exercise does suck, I agree! But what about a 20 minute brisk walk? The weather's not getting any nicer, but with some headphones and warm enough clothing it shouldn't be too unpleasant.

Do you want to give the St. John's wort a try first? You might find it has some benefit for you, and if you want more than what it can do, a prescription would be a step up from there.
Besides, you can get it OTC, so you don't have to go back to the doc right away.

Or perhaps some 5HTP? It is the precursor to seratonin so that you can make your own more effectively.

I still swear by vitamin D for long term keeping you out of depression, but it is not something that helps in the short term. This is just the longest I've been out of depression, since I started taking it four years ago or so.

I hear good things about L Tyrosine. But it's put my bipolar friend into a mania, so... if you're prone to getting way overexcited for long stretches, I wouldn't recommend it.

yurble & Presto:

Yeah, I think I'll try going out for walks and I'll look into the St John's wort. I've heard that it can help, so it has to be better than what I'm doing now (nothing). Also I think it's a safe bet that I'm not getting a lot of vitamin D, so I'll see about that. hankyou Plus, the worsening weather won't bother me - this is Scotland so shitty weather's nothing new!

It's funny you mention bipolar. I (and other people I know) have suspected that I've got it. It seems to fit: sometimes I feel depressed to the point of being suicidal, sometimes I feel absolutely fucking amazing and nothing can upset me. My "father" is the same, though he's never sought help for it.

Sorry for dragging this out!

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
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Hi there - I have chronic/chemical depression with a side of anxiety. I finally got myself on what I think is a good medication for me earlier this year, and I've gotten my exercise routine in order as well. I still struggle, but my baseline has gone from drowning to manageable. But I can't stress enough how much exercise has helped. Like you, I HATE doing it. Truly. But I forced myself to do it because I feel good afterwards and and I like how it affects me the rest of the time. Now that I've had a routine going for a long time, it's to the point where I feel like crap if I DON'T exercise, even if I don't enjoy the act of doing it. That's how helpful it is. Just a relatively short amount of time per day keeps my head on reasonably straight the rest of the time. It's worth it.

Even with anti-depressants, I still have mild depression episodes. Looking at/watching funny things online, luxurious hot baths, and petting and cuddling with my cats all help me.

All right. I've decided to accept medication. I realise now that I'm not going to beat it any other way. If I keep going like this, it'll go away eventually but it will come back. So I'm going to see my doctor about it. I feel nervous at the prospect of not being depressed any more, which makes so sense, but I'm going through with it. I think 13 years is quite long enough.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

Quote
strange aeons
All right. I've decided to accept medication. I realise now that I'm not going to beat it any other way. If I keep going like this, it'll go away eventually but it will come back. So I'm going to see my doctor about it. I feel nervous at the prospect of not being depressed any more, which makes so sense, but I'm going through with it. I think 13 years is quite long enough.

Good luck!

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strange aeons
All right. I've decided to accept medication. I realise now that I'm not going to beat it any other way. If I keep going like this, it'll go away eventually but it will come back. So I'm going to see my doctor about it. I feel nervous at the prospect of not being depressed any more, which makes so sense, but I'm going through with it. I think 13 years is quite long enough. smiling

Good luck to you! I hope you start to feel like "you" again very soon - only a happier/healthier you.

I know earlier you mentioned you didn't believe in CBT, but for other people who might be perusing this thread, a website that is supposed to basically be free online CBT therapy is moodgym ( . anu . edu . au ) - put on by Australian National University. They also have another therapy program (also free and online) that is specifically for depression and social/generalized anxiety called ecouch (. anu . edu . au ) .

For those in the US, if group settings appeal - there is a group called NAMI, who hold meetings both for people with mental illness (they call them consumers) and for family members/friends of people who have mental illness. They also hold educational classes, one of which I'm trying to find the time in my schedule to attend. It is NOT like a 12 step program (or at least the meetings I've been to are not) but they focus on productive ways to cope with what is going on and give people additional resources to contact when needed. It's basically a "you are not the only one" meeting. My mother and I went to the family one when my brother was in a facility (voluntary). I'm guessing there are similar groups in other countries.

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde

This'll probably come across as attention-seeking, but I don't care any more. I tried to kill myself today. And I couldn't do it. I chickened out. How pathetic is that? I can't even get that right, it's not fair. I've pretty much been in bed all day (missed a day of class, so I'm feeling guilty about that too), putting up with the vile disgusting harpy that gave birth to me. She asked me how I was feeling once today, I replied I was feeling bad, and she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Fucking whore. I wish she was dead. Either her or me, anyway. Fuck it, me and her. We both have it coming.

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mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

Please strange aeons. Don't do it. I've been there before, many times because of my MI, and I know how bad the pain can be. I promise you that things WILL get better! I lost all hope before things got better for me. Just hang in there. Sending you virtual hugs.

ETA: It took years of medication changes and therapy, but I'm living a full, happy life now. It may take some time for you to get out of this, but with proper care, you can do it. I don't know you very well, but I have a feeling you are a very strong person.

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strange aeons
This'll probably come across as attention-seeking, but I don't care any more. I tried to kill myself today. And I couldn't do it. I chickened out. How pathetic is that? I can't even get that right, it's not fair. I've pretty much been in bed all day (missed a day of class, so I'm feeling guilty about that too), putting up with the vile disgusting harpy that gave birth to me. She asked me how I was feeling once today, I replied I was feeling bad, and she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Fucking whore. I wish she was dead. Either her or me, anyway. Fuck it, me and her. We both have it coming.

You're NOT pathetic, first of all. I've also tried to kill myself a few years ago, and I couldn't go all the way through with it (I wouldn't be typing this, otherwise). Also, there's a world of difference between being an attention whore and reaching out when you're hurting bad.

ETA: You've got a whole group of people here that care about you, even if your family's shit. A lot of us live oceans apart, but we're one big happy Bratfree famblee.

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No, you are NOT attention whoring! Mental illness is just as bad as physical illness and can sometimes have a physical component.
Please, do what you have to do to get away from your breeder who is causing you harm. Honestly, I would rather live on the street than that. Our mental health safety net sucks but unless I am wrong you are somewhere in the UK where insurance is better.

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mumofsixbirds
ETA: It took years of medication changes and therapy, but I'm living a full, happy life now. It may take some time for you to get out of this, but with proper care, you can do it. I don't know you very well, but I have a feeling you are a very strong person.

All I can add to that is that if you've reached this point, you are already at the lowest ebb so there is nothing to lose by pursuing treatment.