Depression management?

Thanks, everyone. I do appreciate your support, and I've calmed down a bit now. You're right; I NEED to get the fuck away from her and the wallet as soon as I can. Of all the people I could've had for parents, it had to be them. Fucking breeders.

I do want to get treatment, but there's one thing about the drugs that's bothering me - the side effects. I've heard horrible things about permanent effects from taking them. As stupid and trivial as this sounds, what I've heard about the sexual side effects is bothering me a lot. It's a minor thing compared to everything else, but still...

ETA: And now I hear that they can cause brain damage. Great.

--------------

mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

I think it takes a lot of guts to admit something like this and I really salute you for that. The best advice I can give is to look into situational depression. I think the biggest problem you have is that your life really sucks right now. Look into boarding houses and roommate possibilities. That might be a cheaper option to moving out.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to at least look into treatment. Yes, the psych drugs can cause sexual side effects and brain damage. I'm not judging anyone who takes those drugs but I would never do it myself. You can look into them and question EVERYTHING.

I know it sounds like bull on my part but I'm honestly advising that you redecorate your room as much as you can. You can also take care of yourself. Spend time on your hobbies. I'd advise you to get your hair done but for all I know you prefer drag racing to the salon.

I think your biggest issue right now is that you're deeply unhappy. If you can make your surroundings better you'll feel somewhat better. If you want to talk, vent, or at least cry on someone's shoulder you can drop me a line. I'm not a shrink but I've been in your place and I understand a lot of what you're dealing with. Please keep this thread active. I want to know how you're doing.

OP,

I have also heard things about depression shortening your life and causing memory loss and quicker aging. So, by treating that depression, you can stave all of that off. There is no medicine (even aspirin) that is without side effects. The trick is finding a drug that has side effects that you can deal with or that does not personally effect you.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

Quote
strange aeons
Thanks, everyone. I do appreciate your support, and I've calmed down a bit now. You're right; I NEED to get the fuck away from her and the wallet as soon as I can. Of all the people I could've had for parents, it had to be them. Fucking breeders.

I do want to get treatment, but there's one thing about the drugs that's bothering me - the side effects. I've heard horrible things about permanent effects from taking them. As stupid and trivial as this sounds, what I've heard about the sexual side effects is bothering me a lot. It's a minor thing compared to everything else, but still...

ETA: And now I hear that they can cause brain damage. Great.

When I take medication, I try to consider my quality of life without the medication. If my quality of life is currently better, I don't risk it.

I've had medical treatments which have only improved my quality of life. I've had many more which had some downsides, in some cases major side effects, but overall they improved my quality of life. I've also taken one which did not improve my life at all and had nasty side effects.

You can't predict it, but temporary loss of sexual interest is something you can recover from, and dead is not.

Your doctor may not even recommend medication, especially if you indicate that you would prefer to be treated in other ways.

Strange. Thank you for reaching out. I have been on antidepressants the last 15 years, so much relief. I have panic disorder and phobias, which made me feel unfit for the world. Medication was a savior. I drank like a sailor, to numb the feelings, and ended up alcoholic. Now sober 14 years, I get to enjoy life. And the libido is still going strong.:sx I used to have several panic attacks a day, cry all day. Had to quit my job. These pills allowed me to have a normal life, and distance myself from :BS. I really hope you find what's best for you. The world is a better place with you in it.

satansbitch, I do appreciate that.

And to everyone, I do appreciate that meds work for a lot of people, and I'm glad they work for you, but I just have too many reservations about them.

The appointment's tomorrow and I'm really considering not going. I'm starting to doubt whether I'm even depressed. I mean, I feel fine some days so I guess I'm just over-emotional or lazy or something. And there's all this shit about going to university and what kind of art career I'm best suited for. I can't think of anything I'd be able to do, and I'm only pursuing art careers because it's the only kind I'd be remotely good at. Just being an artist doesn't pay well enough, graphic design sounds boring and demoralising, illustration sounds about the same, photography I absolutely hate, and video game design sounds way too hard. I'm actually qualified for IT work, so I might as well resign myself to being stuck in an office with spreadsheets and be done with it.

Thing is, if I go to the appointment and tell my doctor I don't really want meds, what's the point in going? He won't be able to do anything else. He could test me for any physical illness causing it, but that's all. I'm already seeing a counsellor - which I am NOT happy about. It's a fucking humiliating.

I don't think I'd ever actually off myself. For one, I'm not brave enough, and for another, thinking of how it'd affect my parents (and other people who know me) stops me from doing it. In a way, I kind of resent them for that.

--------------

mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

Medication is only one option. There are many different forms of therapy as well.

So, I caved and agreed to take medication. I've been given Prozac and I'm really worried about it. It sounds absolutely ridiculous that I'm only really worried about the sexual side effects, but I really am dreading taking them because of it. I've heard that for some people the dysfunction continues even after they've stopped taking it. That's all I bloody need, to have one of the very few things I actually enjoy anymore permanently wrecked. Admittedly, it's not great right now, but still. Why does everything have to be so completely unfair?

I wish I hadn't agreed to this. And I forgot to ask about getting my thyroid function / iron levels checked in case it's that.

--------------

mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

I took Prozac for awhile. I had no side effects on it. It was a good drug.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

I'm so sorry to hear you're in such a terrible rut, strange. I can't tell you how similar your situation sounds to mine. I don't know if I have chronic depression or not, but the times I AM depressed, I know it's because of my idiot mother. I also have refrained from offing myself for years because I'm too chicken shit to do it, and also because I wouldn't want to hurt my loved ones (only my mother doesn't count - I'd love to hurt her by taking my life away from her). I also have never been on medication for depression before because I try to deal with my shit on my own, or when it gets really bad, I might reach out to a friend to talk to. I tried killing myself once too, but it was absolutely laughable - I can't take pain at ALL, so I didn't get very far in the wrist-cutting department. I've had cat scratches that were worse than what I did with my X-acto blade.

I wish I had better advice for you...well, I wish I had advice in general. Unfortunately, I'm in the same boat, only I don't have a mother dragging me to a doctor. Mine wouldn't do that because she'd be worried what her co-workers would think if they (gasp) saw her daughter heading up to the psych floor and getting put on pills! The horror! What would they THINK of HER?! Besides that, I know if I ever said I was depressed to her bitch ass, her response would be something like, "You ain't got nothin' to be depressed about! If anyone in this house should be depressed, it's ME! (cue babbling about how haaaaard her life is, how she has no one, etc.)" I can hear it now. I'm kinda in a shit place because I not only have no insurance, but she wouldn't "allow" me to see a doctor unless I was dying. It blows. So like some folks here, I'm also looking into OTC remedies like St.John's Wort. I'm just not sure if the dose would need tweaking based on weight. Even if they didn't genuinely work, maybe I'd at least get a nice placebo effect if I just believe in them hard enough. Who knows?

But remember, we're all here for you. Those of us who have been down the depression road before (who can give you guidance and reassurance) and those who have not, but who will always be willing to listen. There is also no shame in taking medication, either short-term or long-term. Sometimes a person needs a little boost to improve their quality of life and that boost may be in the form of medication or treatment. Maybe you need it for a few months, maybe you need it for the rest of your life. Being on an anti-depressant, IMO, is no different from being on thyroid pills, insulin, an inhaler or an Epi-pen. Could you live without it? Probably. Would you feel better with it? Yes. I don't know, I might be a little biased because for most of my life, any time I said I was sick, I was just told I'm overreacting, so for me, getting meds is a sign of victory. I'm allowed to see a doctor and get help for whatever the fuck is wrong with my ass and get myself on the road to recovery, whether it's due to an ear infection or hypothyroidism.

Here's hoping you feel better on your meds. I understand sometimes finding the right head meds can be a little bit of a challenge because depression can be a very delicate condition to treat, also much like thyroid problems or even finding the right BC pill. But I've heard good things about Prozac. Maybe give it a chance and see if you notice a difference over the next few weeks?

And trust me, it's not bad to be worried over sexual side effects. Getting one's rocks off is generally something everyone enjoys. Having an orgasm is like going on a mini vacation and it's free. I'd be concerned too if a medication I was told to take would bump down my sex drive or make me unable to go off. On the other hand, I'd heard that St. John's Wort can increase your sex drive. Go figure. But I don't think you can take both SJW and a prescribed anti-depressant at the same time. Also, as a small aside, be sure to use a backup method if you take birth control pills and SJW because they do not like one another and SJW renders BC ineffective.

Strange, sorry I'm so late to the thread, and I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through. Your concern for the sexual side-effects of Prozac is a valid one, and if it bothers you, there are other drug alternatives worth trying. Regarding your depression, your brain chemicals just need some assistance, and it may only be temporary. There's no shame in that.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Buspar is an antidepressant, anti-anxiety that does not affect libido. But you can not consume any grapefruit while taking it. I stopped taking it for that reason.

Taking St. John's Wort works for a lot of people.

Do NOT take St. Johns Wort if you're on hormonal birth control!

Birth control pills -- There have been reports of breakthrough bleeding in women on birth control pills who were also taking St. John's Wort, and it is possible that the herb might interfere with the effectiveness of birth control pills, leading to unplanned pregnancies

Linky

Op I don't know if you're female, but this is valuable information. I wouldn't take any herbs without a knowledgeable person to ask or at least studying the possible side effects.

Pennyroyal is a abortifactant, and it's also toxic to give you an example. Herbs are natural but it doesn't make them safer. eyes2
The Castor bean has ricin: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricin
And Jimsonweed/Datura http://www.neurosoup.com/datura/

Thanks for the support. Seriously, it does mean a lot that I've got somewhere I can talk about this.

I've decided not to pursue medication. Too many cons and not enough pros as far as I'm concerned. And I didn't know that St John's wort interferes with BC, so it's just as well I didn't go for that!

I've agreed to see a counsellor, though I have to admit I'm still skeptical. My first experience with a counsellor wasn't a very good one. I remember her asking a lot of stupid questions and parroting back things I'd said to her. Are they meant to do that? Surely that can't actually help!

Anyways, this particular "episode" has come to an end. It started at the beginning of October and ended about mid-December, which is about as long as it usually lasts. Not actually sure what kind of depression I've got. Ah, well. It'll be back eventually, I'm sure of it.

--------------

mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

I'm very sorry to be so late to the party, but I've been where you are, and I've been ashamed of having had to go on Prozac, twice. Once was bc of a tricyclic birth control pill. The other was what was actually pretty significant depression, disguised as rage brought on by powerlessness to stop unrelenting workplace harassment. Actually, make that thrice- had two nervous breakdowns in 2 months, and had to go on it again, after trying to pick up my own pieces for over a year, following the second one.

I'm in a bit of trouble regarding depression and anxiety again, as my husband is very ill (I swear, if he's taken from me early, after all of these deadly things that we barely caught in time, I swear I will fucking quit life). I've found that prozac's sexual side effects, personally, can be suspended if you don't take it the day you're planning to get some, specially if you're only on a low to moderate dosage. Another SSRI may work that way for you, if doing that with Prozac doesn't work for your sexxy-time shenanigans. Always worked for me, when I had to break me off a piece. As well, I find that fast acting .5-1mg alprazolam puts the breaks on mondo freak-outs, and busts your give a fuck just enough to get through most of whatever a shitty day throws at you. It's also pretty easy to discontinue, if you use it only during major freak-outs (my personal experience, of course; more than a dozen ER visits in a few months will fuck the hell out of even the steeliest of nerves).

In all seriousness, though, I know it feels like admitting defeat, when you have to get pharmaceutical help for a mental (very very REAL) condition, but that passes after a few days, may e up to a few weeks. Whatever you're looking for to help you, you must give it time. Walking is good, even for just 15-30 minutes, a couple of times a week. Gets you moving. Helps you focus on as little as possible, and sometimes helps you find solutions or different perspectives on issues in your life, without you realizing it's happening. Finding a good psychiatrist or counselor can be hard, and even is they don't give you specific or meaningful advice, it can really help just to let it out, to someone who's remove from the situation. They may try to make sure you're considering all possibilities: the problem lies within your response to hardships and difficult people, you may be the difficult person, or the other ppl in your life suck, you're reacting like a completely normal person, and you need to devise a plan on coping until you can GTFO of the situations and their human sources. The goal here is not to make you feel attacked, or like you're the problem, but those questions they ask or suggestions that they give are designed to make you look at you, and show you that you have some power, somewhere... You just have to find it, and figure out how to use it.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, and I feel badly for anyone who's gone through it. It's ugly, insidious, under-reported, overly-stigmatized, but it can be brought to a manageable level, with the right help, from the right people.

Best of luck, and if it helps you to smile on the inside, I'd like for you to know that many of your posts brighten my day.

ETA: I can't type on my stupid phone, today, so if I've made some tarded typos, please forgive moi.

Thank you, fade_to_pale, and I'm wishing the best for you and your husband.

--------------

mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader

I'm sorry to hear you've decided not to go with meds, but you have to do what feels right for you, especially if you feel it will do more harm than good. But should you ever reconsider, please remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking medical assistance for your depression, or for any condition, either physical or mental. I know we are a heavily medicated society, but sometimes you need a little something to get you through a temporary slump. In any case, we're all here for you.

Meanwhile, I started taking St. John's Wort and Vitamin D about two weeks ago and had to quit for now because I was waking up every day feeling nauseous. You can imagine why that made me feel unnerved. Quit both of them and I felt better immediately. Figures... of all the supplements I've ever taken, I had to get side effects from this. Eh well, I can't say I felt any differently mood-wise on them anyway.

I've never had positive results from St John's Wort. At best it did fuck all, and at worst it can interfere with certain medications like hormonal BC. The only OTC supplement that helped me was 5-HTP, and that was after a LOT of tweaking. The original dosage on the bottle gave me *serious* rage issues - to the point that I wouldn't leave the house because I would just seethe with rage after 15 seconds. My lovely, retired, super sweet neighbors who would do anything for me and worry about me? I wanted to drive my car through their door just for waving. Once I realized it, I got off of them. I felt better after a few days, and then started lowering the dosage. I found that one pill, once a day, of the lowest dosage you can get (50mg) is enough for me when I start a new cycle of depression.

I was insanely low in vitamin D at the time too, so as someone who can't be out in the sun long enough for my body to produce it, I take a small supplement for that off and on. I will go about a month or so on the supplement, and about a month or so off. I also take iron for chronic anemia, that no one can figure out why I have. After having health insurance again for the first time in years, I just had a blood test for my thyroid so I can get back on meds for it. However, I was ON all of those things during my nervous breakdown.

What helped me the most when I was in my worst cycle of depression ever was simply waiting for it to start to lift, then journaling. I was so bad I couldn't function - I didn't even do dishes for 6 weeks, I couldn't even muster up the energy to *watch TV* - I just sat down on the couch and stared at the wall for hours on end. I barely showered. I was as bad as the most disgusting moo we've read about on here. Once it started to lift and I had the ability to do things again, I was so desperate, I contacted a psychic. She told me to look into a book called "The Artist's Way" and to at least do the main exercise in the book - morning pages. It was extremely difficult to start, but I gradually figured quite a few things out about myself through them, and it was free. I made more progress in those two months than I did in nine months of going to a "therapist" (who actually left me feeling MORE suicidal than when I went in, then told me there was nothing else she could do). I have severe nerve damage in my writing hand from self-mutilation, and so it was painful to hand write those pages every morning. I took my time and did it anyway. I was unemployed, lost all my scholarships, and had been suspended from school. I had nothing to do anyway, so I wrote. I eventually found online journals (penzu and 750words) where I could do them without fear of anyone reading them, and much less painfully. While that helped bring me out of the worst of it and realize a lot of things, I was still mired in a pervasive, low-grade depression, and it was very slow to change anything about my life.

Eventually I started meditating, which also helped. I realized more things about myself that I wanted to change, and I've slowly been making those changes. Since I do believe in a "higher power," I asked that higher power for help to change, in my own eclectic, weird way. If you don't, then ask *yourself" to change, in whatever way makes sense to you. Once I started doing that, serendipitous coincidences started to randomly happen. Maybe I was subconsiously looking for them, maybe it was that "higher power" giving me the a-okay sign. I don't know.

This past year, I was told two other books to read that would help me out: Wishcraft and Write it Down, Make it Happen. Wishcraft is available for free on on the web. I found the other in a used book store. While there are a LOT of things I roll my eyes about in both of them - they have both already been incredible for me. Not in a hocus-pocus "The secret" kind of way - although they both go down that road - but in making me realize and focus on what I really want out of life, and what would really make me happy. I take what's useful and get a good laugh out of the rest (or a good eye roll). (Warning: Wishcraft's first chapter will make you rage as it's all about teh speyshulness of all the sneauxflaekes. If you chose to read the book, just ignore it and get past it. I just roll my eyes and skip it until I come to something useful, like the exercises in the book. Write it Down has one particularly embarrassing "example" of someone following the steps, again, just ignore it or just laugh at her like I did.)

I still have much smaller bouts of depression. I still have negative thoughts about myself and slip into funks. I am not cured, and I'm not sure I ever will be. But I'm actually making plans for the future and seeing a future beyond the next year - something that I never did for over half my life. When I was 11, I stopped "seeing" myself past the age of 18. I was convinced I would be dead. From the time I was 18 to the time I was 28, I never planned for the future. Despite enrolling in college, I never thought I would live to graduate. I tried to commit suicide and I self mutilated multiple times. I never thought any further ahead than one semester or one year. My grades are a trainwreck, and an even worse one is my employment record. I'm 31 years old, and because of how severe my depression was for years, I've never been in a relationship. Hell, I've never even been on a date (not that I particularly want to with anyone around here, but still). I've got a long way to go before I'll ever feel remotely "normal". But I have hope now where I didn't have it before. I see a future for myself, and I have long term goals for the first time in 20 years. What worked for me may not work for you. Everyone is different. Everyone is inspired by or dragged down by different things. Everyone finds insight in different ways. But it CAN be done. I'm doing it. You can do it too, I promise.

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde

I've been feeling depressed lately too and don't know why. I actually get exercise daily, either taking a walk on my lunch break, getting on the treadmill at home, or both. I've been on Prozac before and all it did was make me not want to eat and made me fall asleep alot. I was almost like a zombie. I also tried group therapy and I'd be depressed even worse after that. I gave up counseling altogether and tried to make it on my own. That was almost 20 years ago and I have for the most part been good, but now depressed again and don't know why.

JohnDrake, since you said it's recent, I wonder if you might have seasonal affective disorder. I think I'm getting it myself. I moved from a hot, sunny climate to a place that is a lot more cloudy and can feel a difference. When the sun comes out, it's like I'm manic-happy (if that makes sense).

Also, I agree with what amethyst114 said about meditating. It has really helped me through some tough times.

Best luck to all of you who are dealing with depression.

I'm going to have to second the SAD thing. It's nuts that something as simple as a lack of sunlight can do all that.

--------------

mypersonality.info

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
George Bernard Shaw

"An oyster can play catch if u only give it the oprotunity"
Some random YouTube commenter

"hate comments will be deleted!! fuckers!"
Some random YouTube uploader