What Christmas songs do you hate the most?

That is one of my most favorite Christmas songs ever, next to anything by the Siberian Orchestra

I hate the so-called Christmas songs that aren't about Christmas at all. A song featuring someone whining about their suicidal depression because their squeeze left them IS NOT A HOLIDAY SONG! I'm sick and tired of these depressing ballads, such as "Saw My Old Lover In a Restaurant" getting played ad nauseum.

I do like the Dropkick Murphy's "The Season's Upon Us".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTx-sdR6Yzk

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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Snark Shark

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zatoth
Another one-"Do They Know It's Christmas". Just something about a bunch of wealthy self important British musicians trying to make hordes of fans feel guilty about making merry on the holidays scorches my ass.

yes, that was AWFUL.


and "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS???" They're MUSLIMS. THEY DON'T CARE.

One of the dumbest lines: "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas"

They live in a fucking desert. That is a part of the problem... Aside from the ethnic cleansing, disease and corruption rampant in Africa.

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Snark Shark

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zatoth

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Snark Shark

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zatoth
Another one-"Do They Know It's Christmas". Just something about a bunch of wealthy self important British musicians trying to make hordes of fans feel guilty about making merry on the holidays scorches my ass.

yes, that was AWFUL.


and "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS???" They're MUSLIMS. THEY DON'T CARE.

One of the dumbest lines: "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas"

They live in a fucking desert. That is a part of the problem... Aside from the ethnic cleansing, disease and corruption rampant in Africa.

larious SNOW??? That'd be the LAST thing they need. Will they STARVE or FREEZE to death FIRST?


"You can't go outside! You'll freeze to death!"

We are talking about of vapid, self important British dingbats. I was a Duran Duran fan and on one video of them touring, their manager is having a hissy because the American venues won't carry Stolichnaya because there was a boycott on then Soviet products.

"What do you mean because it's Russian??! Get it! What the band wants, the band gets!"
Yeah, I mean "what the fuck do you mean 'Cold War'???"

The Paul McCartney one that I won't even dignify with a name. All the people who criticize Beatles songs, calling them children's music? You win with this one.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

I honestly hate 99% of Xmas songs, because they're just so saccharine and overwrought and awful. I will admit to having a soft spot for "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Largely because everyone I know does this thing where they sing most of the song normally, then HOWL the "five gold rings" bit, then go back to singing normally. It just makes me laugh.

"Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues is pretty good, though. Any Xmas song with the line, "you're an old slut on junk" is fine with me!

This song's all right, as well:



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Snark Shark

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zatoth
We are talking about of vapid, self important British dingbats. I was a Duran Duran fan and on one video of them touring, their manager is having a hissy because the American venues won't carry Stolichnaya because there was a boycott on then Soviet products.

"What do you mean because it's Russian??! Get it! What the band wants, the band gets!"
Yeah, I mean "what the fuck do you mean 'Cold War'???"

I am now picturing the manager from "This is Spinal Tap"!

That's basically every footage of any band.

Which begs the question "why are we looking at the manager". Seriously-it's like crowd shots in a metal video-I paid 20$ for a video and there's crowd shots and/or footage of a fat guy drinking Pepto Bismal from the bottle while doing battle with a copy machine.

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Snark Shark

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zatoth

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Snark Shark

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zatoth
We are talking about of vapid, self important British dingbats. I was a Duran Duran fan and on one video of them touring, their manager is having a hissy because the American venues won't carry Stolichnaya because there was a boycott on then Soviet products.

"What do you mean because it's Russian??! Get it! What the band wants, the band gets!"
Yeah, I mean "what the fuck do you mean 'Cold War'???"

I am now picturing the manager from "This is Spinal Tap"!

That's basically every footage of any band.

Which begs the question "why are we looking at the manager". Seriously-it's like crowd shots in a metal video-I paid 20$ for a video and there's crowd shots and/or footage of a fat guy drinking Pepto Bismal from the bottle while doing battle with a copy machine.

you paid $19 too much for that vid! larious time to sell on ebay!

The current one i own that is like that is an Emperor DVD. There are a lot of crowd shots in it. In Emperor's defense, though, I found out the video shoot was plagued with technical issues (hence the deletion of "Decrysrallizing Reason" which you hear the beginning of at one point).

The Duran Duran video was sold, along with every other piece of memoribilia and every scrap of vinyl to a friend, save for a few Andy Taylor photos and solo work and "View to a Kill" and a "Union of the Snake" with "Secret Oktober" as the B side. The video also featured fun shit like Andy and Simon playing with helium, the manager doing battle with a copier and other "who gives a fuck" moments that only teenage girls would find as utter edge of seat viewing.

In contrast, the Mayhem video I have has, as extra footage, an interview with Blasphemer and Maniac cutting a girl's arm.

But I digress...

I have to agree on the Paul McCartney Christmas song. That thing is used to interrogate Al Quaida operatives.

I don't like Xmas music over all. I do despise the newer ones more than the older though.

The only Xmas music I do like is Charlie Brown Christmas album and this:

Christopher Lee's METAL Christmas!

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Shrieking babbies are the most effective birth control on earth.

"Christmas Shoes": Depressing and about a manipulative indoctrinated kyd
"Santa Baby: Creepy
"Christmas Carol" (Skip Ewing song from the 90s): Depressing
Can't remember the title, but think it was Toby Keith or Tim McGraw and about Christmas on the streets. Depressing, especially considering I was quasi-homeless most of last winter, living in an 8x10 lean-to greenhouse and was threatened with being thrown out on the streets daily and the song played daily
Hippopotamus Song: Spoiled crotchfruit in a house that was luxurious when the song was a hit.

I do like the Snoopy & The Red Baron Christmas song and "Christmas In The Northwest" by Brenda White (regional song)

I agree with a lot of what has been said, especially about high-pitched singing voices and baby-girl sounding voices. Ugh!
One I cannot stand even though I couldn't tell you exactly why is "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee.

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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Snark Shark

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cfchevygirl
Most I got away with was Billy Joel.

"PLAY ME A SONG, PIANOMANNNNNNNNNNNN!"

Which is sung in a style of the self biographical moment of the most annoying character in a Broadway musical being redone in Buttsfuck Theater Players troupe...

Fucking hell, just about anything I hear on the radio during the hellidays. Songs that hold a special place in my colon with the rest of the shit are:

Santa Baby
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
That goddamn thing with the dogs barking to the tune of "Jingle Bells"
(I'm Dreaming of a) White Christmas
The Little Drummer Boy
Any of the cutesy shit I ever had to "sing" in mandatory school X-mess concerts growing up
The Chipmunks Christmas song. "Christmas, Christmas time is near. Time for joy and time for cheer..."


Don't get me wrong, there are some holday-themed songs I do like. These include:

Another vote for Cartoon Planet's version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." (On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...HI my name is Brak!)

"What's This?" from The Nightmare Before Christmas

"The Hanukkah Song(s)" - I know, Adam Sandler. But they make me laugh.

"Feliz Navidad"

Christmas Vacation opening theme, mostly because I like that movie so much.

"Walking Around in Women's Underwear" - can't remember if it's a holiday song, but it's to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" and that counts for me

And of course one that my friend and I made up forever ago which we called "The Twelve Days of Beer." Lyrics went something like, "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave t'me....a beer! In a beer tree." Basically everything from every one of the twelve days is cans of beer. We were bored and it made my friend lose his shit every time we sang it. I'd say it's loads better than most of the shit on the radio in December.

ETA: One holiday song I hear on the radio that I can tolerate is "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree." Maybe because it doesn't sound all jingly and shit like a lot of other X-mess songs.

The original version of "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt is great, Madonna's helium voiced version is an atrocity.

I like the Kinks "Father Christmas", the touching story of a mall Santa how gets mugged by brats.

Another I hate is the Italian 12 Days of Christmas-WTF???? Could you imagine doing this with any other ethnic group? They have two guys with Guido accents ("Yo! Howya doin'?") talking about getting shit such as Godfather films.

Another one I almost forgot-fucking "Dominic the Donkey". Serious HATE!

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

Just wanted to vent that the Christmas music at work is driving me CRAZY! :headbrick I think it's nice that the office is decorated with lights and garland. It looks pretty and kind of boosts morale. BUT, why in the everloving fuck do we have to listen to non-stop Christmas music in the office for a straight month? I come home and find that all the songs are stuck in my head all night. I'll be washing dishes or doing something else, and start singing that fucking shit. There are only so many Christmas songs, so it's a constant rotation of the same 10 songs just sung in different arrangements by different artists. ARGH! Now I know how retail workers feel. It has to be brutal because I know stores start playing that shit even before Thanksgiving. Only one other person in my office is as annoyed about it as I am. Everyone else seems to LOVE it, so unfortunately it won't be going away. I wouldn't mind if we did it maybe the week before Christmas, but why for a straight MONTH? They seriously started it right after Thanksgiving. /rant.

ETA: Thom, that song was super annoying. It made my inner child cry. smile

Finally found the right thread for this.

If you hear a Christmas-y song that says, "Mary did you know..." CHANGE THE STATION IMMEDIATELY. It's a puke-tastic song about Jeebus when he was a widdle baybee. It's sung by Clay Aiken.
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Someone is asking Mary if she knows her Baybee (and I swear Aiken sings it just like that) will save the world, etc.

It irritates the piss out of me because even if you think Jeebus was an okay person, he did his acts AS A MAN, not as a loaf. Who the fuck wants to hear about some loaf that can't do anything right now except lie there and crap its pants?

And you just know any Moo listening is thinking about her own baybee anyway.

Too much baybee worship for me. And here are the lyrics, so get the barf bags ready:

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

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bell_flower
Finally found the right thread for this.

If you hear a Christmas-y song that says, "Mary did you know..." CHANGE THE STATION IMMEDIATELY. It's a puke-tastic song about Jeebus when he was a widdle baybee. It's sung by Clay Aiken.
.
Someone is asking Mary if she knows her Baybee (and I swear Aiken sings it just like that) will save the world, etc.

It irritates the piss out of me because even if you think Jeebus was an okay person, he did his acts AS A MAN, not as a loaf. Who the fuck wants to hear about some loaf that can't do anything right now except lie there and crap its pants?

And you just know any Moo listening is thinking about her own baybee anyway.

Too much baybee worship for me. And here are the lyrics, so get the barf bags ready:

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Ooo Ooo Ooo

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

Ugh

Hands down, "the Little Drummer Boy" Pa Rumpa-Pa-Pom, my ass! and this to the dipshits who came up with the music and lyrics mob

I mock classics like Do You Hear...."a child shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold."

I imagine Baby Jesus calling them fucking morons and asking for a blanket, a down comforter or a parka. Something practical for cold nights in a manger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."