Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

I could have also pointed out that I didn't realize people had to choose either/or, given the vast number of people who have both sprogs and pets. But apparently only people like us have to have some kind of animal "baby substitute," since we're incapable of loving a potato-person clone of ourselves, don'tcha know? And cats... well, everyone knows only those pitiful, hideous single women have pet cats!

I was in line waiting to pick up my prescription at the grocery store last week. This he-sprog of maybe eight or nine walked up to where I was standing, sniffed the sign that said "Please wait here" and tottered back to his moo, whom he continued to orbit. Moo was chatting with a pharmacy tech (who I guess was a friend of hers) about all sorts of inane crap, including her kids, the tech's baybee, blah blah blah Lifescripter shit, suggested that he try to get a job at Wally World because he'd make more money (which I sort of thought was rude). I'm standing there like, okay - quit holding up the line and wrangle your damn kid already. The line behind me was backing up and tricolor hair moo was oblivious.

Okay.. my turn... I just got back from the store and ..well... I just don't get this shit.

I am staning in an asle looking at something.. kind of standing back so I could see the entire shelf. Moo, sprog and grand moo enter asile. Moo is in front pushing a cart.. and grandmoo behind pushing sprog in another cart. Sprog had apparently learned a new word. It was some word that I didn't understand (yes they spoke english)...but the kid kept saying it over and over...it was something like "appeeee". Not only did the kid say it over and over but her moo kept saying it over and over. Kid would stop and the moo kept saying it. "appeeeee appeeeee appeeee" all the way past me. Grandmoo looked to make sure I was looking and smiling ...but.. I had a scowel on my face because I wanted to get over to the shelf and get what I wanted. Felt like saying "just get your 'appeeee' arse outa my way"
I just rolled my eyes as they went by.
I passed them again a few minutes later...Moo was teaching sprog the improper way to say yet another word... I think it was something about "noodoos" (noodles) or something. Crap.. if you are going to repeat a word over and over to your kid... at least use the proper pronunciation. Ya wonder why kids are so stupid now days.. have no grammer skills, spelling skills and can't even carry on a conversation. ACK!!!!

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Well, today at work, I got kydstalked by a customer.

I was ringing the customer (duh, in his 40s or so) up, and his toadler (female, about 3 or so) was babbling at him, me, and damned near everything else.

Duh: She's talking to you.

I detest parunts like that who believe every impulse of their special sneauflake must be idulged and the world is required to take notice. Who the fuck cares if the kid is "talking" to you?

doG forbid that you'd be allowed to ring him up and do your job without being harrassed by his Dick Werx FuckTrophy and expected to like it.

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zeropop
Me: (polite, neutral tone; not engaging, but acknowledging) Good for you.

Since when is "good for you" a prompt for assholery? What a complete and total dickweed.

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kittehpeoples

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zeropop
Me: (polite, neutral tone; not engaging, but acknowledging) Good for you.

Since when is "good for you" a prompt for assholery? What a complete and total dickweed.

I guess it is if the person saying it isn't dropping everything to worship a fuck trophy?

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zeropop

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kittehpeoples

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zeropop
Me: (polite, neutral tone; not engaging, but acknowledging) Good for you.

Since when is "good for you" a prompt for assholery? What a complete and total dickweed.

I guess it is if the person saying it isn't dropping everything to worship a fuck trophy?

It's really too bad that you can't say what you think when you're at work. "No, I don't dislike kids. I fucking hate them." I know there are some times I'd have liked to tell a parent exactly what I thought of their brat AND their parenting skills....

Last night my better half and I went to a performance of One Night of Queen, an amazing Queen tribute band, in Wausau. It was outstanding, with some incredible musicianship. Well, hubby and I thought we'd make an overnight of it so we stayed at a nearby motel.

This morning we sat down to breakfast. "Continental" in the U.S. involves quite a lot of food, so while we're eating a couple and their two sprogs walk in and sit down. The girl-sprog was maybe 1 1/2 or so, and was the typical free-range toddler. As a bonus, she had a cold and was coughing on anything in reach. The boy was maybe 4 or 5, and he also had a cold. No attempt by either parent to cover the kyds' mouths or show them how to. The toddler tried to have a meltdown but fortunately stopped. Neither parent appeared to be having a good time, which wasn't surprising. They both looked about 40 or so. I wondered which of them had felt the biological clock ticking first. Moo looked like she wanted me to acknowledge her parenting skills but I didn't really pay attention. Last I saw, the free-range girl was out in the hall coughing on things. Oy veh!

That's so gross! I was forced to carry around an old cloth diaper to cough into when I was sick as soon as I could hold anything.
I knew what it was, an old diaper, so I was reluctant to use it. I knew I should cough into something though, but I tried to use my hands, not the nasty old diaper, even though it had been bleached to smithereens, it was still a freaking diaper!
Today's free range assholes are disgusting.

Not... totally sure this counts as a babystalk? But it makes me think it, and it doesn't really warrant its own thread, so here is my breeder BS for the day.


Me: an incredibly busy cashier working the drive thru trying to keep the cars moving and take people's orders and money as quickly as I can.

I open the window, this guy looks really confused so I state the order that I believe is his. He just sits there with his mouth open still looking mystified, so I make absolutely sure that it's the right order before I take his money. He has this dopey face on even after he eventually just nods in a spacey way to my repeating his order. Even AFTER I take his money and give him his change, he is staring at me with this weird look. I think, did I miss something? Did I charge him for the wrong thing after very forcefully asking him which order was his? [It's happened. People don't listen. I could literally just say "penis penis penis" instead of my regular script, and as long as it's in the same tone, it would take hours for anyone to notice.] So I ask him what he needs.

He rolls the window down. In the rear seat of his truck sits a fat toddler, waving its wrinkly, saliva-soaked paw at me. Ugh. Really, you're wasting my time for this? Being careful to maintain a straight face, I give a hurried wave back [I don't get paid enough for this shit] and turn to take care of the next people whose orders urgently need taking.

This isn't good enough. Breeder doesn't move. I turn back AGAIN. Fat ugly babby is still sitting there flapping its meaty paws at me. Breeder looks offended. I guess I didn't coo and squeal enough for his pleasure. He whines, too. In a half sickeningly sweet "baby" voice: "We were just being NICE to youuuu!!"

Oh, my mistake. Thanks ever so much for showing me that the complexity of a condom overwhelmed you approximately 2.5 years ago. Sorry about your life. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have A MILLION cars to take care of here as it's rush hour, so if you and your s-moo-v and butthurt over my lack of enthusiasm over your loin-spawn can get the FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, THANKS!

Maybe he was upset because I wasn't ASTOUNDED that the thing knows how to wave its hand at me. Maybe it's a new trick he taught it and was trying to show it off. LOOK! IT WAVES HELLO! AMAZING. ...I've seen bears teach themselves to do that for treats.

In case you weren't aware, I am not a babysitter. I get paid to take orders, take money and clean shit up. The end. I don't get paid to squee and coo at fat ugly loaves. Sincerely, I don't give a fuck about your brats so STOP TRYING TO SHOW THEM OFF, AS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE DISAPPPOINTED BY MY LACK OF REACTION.

I have a "friend" I've had to train out of babystalking by proxy. She uses her brother's trashy moo's toadler to do it, (and that's a whole other story--heifer was 13 when she got knocked up, the fuck is wrong with teens these days, abort that mess please). She'd pull up pics of the sprog on her phone, try to show me, thumb to the next one, "here look," thumb to the next one, try to show me, thumb to the next, "look she's smiling/drooling/farting/choking on a peanut," ect, ect.

I learned after the first few times of feigning interest that this will encourage her to show me more, or worse, to start telling stories that all begin with, "let me tell you about this pweshish thing little she-sprog did last wheneverthehell..." Bitch I could not care less if the shitling in question was in front of me, on fire. Now I don't even look when she tries to show me; when she hints with, "hey, wanna see a picture of...", I shake my head. No. No I do not. Show that to someone who can pretend to give a fuck.

How hard up for attention do you have to be when you babystalk someone with someone else's sprog?

Welcome to the board,and love your name btw!

The desperate need for attention seems to be common these days, and unfortunately the best way to do it is to show kyd photos/talk about kyds ad nauseam. Because ALL women love kyds, doncha know! . Yeah, it's tiresome as hell. I try like mad to tune those folks out, but damn it's hard.

I'm not sure it counts as babystalking, but it's definitely teenstalking. Tonight was prom here in this small town--why it has to be two months before school's out, I don't know. That wouldn't affect hubby or me, but tonight was also practice for the major concert event in town. This has been going on for many years, but lately it ALWAYS coincides with prom. It's in the same building! A little advance planning means they wouldn't have to overlap, but that seems beyond the powers-that-be.

Anyway. We're all supposed to "ooh" and "ahh" over the sundry young ladies in their Hollywood attire (because we ALL have great memories of prom, right? Oh--maybe not.) And why would a sane person cough up $400 for a prom dress for their princess? Isn't this a one-time-only thing? WTF? Some of them have to come in during rehearsal! Why? Sorry, don't give a shit! We have a program to put together, and the music is difficult. But I'd be a killjoy if I said anything. I guess my parents were proud of me, but they didn't make a habit of showing me off to everybody. Things were different then.

I was at this informational event with about 40 people and one of the organizers brought her baby. There was some cooing and commentary from some before the event started, but I just stayed in my seat and didn't participate. Later, the baby - as I expected - started crying, and the mother asked if someone wanted to hold it. There were predictably a lot of female volunteers, and so she suggested they pass it around. I thought I was just ignoring the whole thing, but I guess I was conspicuous in my lack of response because the mother gave me disdainful looks the rest of the event and one of the other women remarked, "It's interesting how most people wanted to hold the baby, but some didn't." I don't think she was talking about the men.

It's been a long time since I've been around that kind of a crowd, and I remembered why I tend to avoid organized events involving the general public.

Had to go into Washington DC for business yesterday, and took metro since the areas I needed to visit have no parking due to Cherry Blossom festival, my most hated time of year. On the escalator to get into the station was a moo and her massive SMooV on the escalator blocking the way so I couldn't walk past, and she was talking to the loaf in the high pitched singsong voice. I said in a loud voice this is why the escalators are always fucked up in Metro stations, you're supposed to use the elevators. I told the station manager, but he just shrugged. Of course I missed the train.

I meet clients and take them to a nice restaurant where I'm friends with the Executive Chef and the owner knows me by name. Walking from client's hotel to restaurant a grand total of 2 blocks and two cows with SMooVs blocking sidewalk jabbering at each other. I raise my voice and we manage to get past them, I'm not letting my clients walk in a major street and get killed. Lunch goes smoothly, I get a very large signed contract. Take clients back to their hotel with suggestions of quiet out of the way places to visit while in town.

Have a brief stop in the office to give boss the contract details and other things. End of day on Metro home and I manage to find a seat, and am staring out of window when a piggo holding a toadler and rubbing her gut at the same time demands my seat. Other people are offering her their seats, but she wants mine. I just glared at her. Either I scored the World's Greatest Metro Seat (seemed like any other metro seat), or moo decided I must be punished for not fawning over her gut and/or brat.

So glad the weekend begins in 40 minutes or so.

edited to correct spelling

My boss (who I really do love) recently became a grandmoo for the 4th or 5th time? She's absolutely thrilled and was showing me pictures every day of the damned thing. I really am glad that everyone is happy and healthy but I don't care to look at that red, wrinkled thing. So I just plaster a smile on my face an make generic comments: "Yes, look at that cute headband." "Wow she really knows how to pose, huh?"

Finally my boss was like "See? You don't hate babies that much, you're coming around!" So I plastered the same manic smile on my face and said "I'm really good at being polite." And walked away. Thankfully, she found me funny and stopped showing me pictures. Glad that's the worst story I've had to tell! I do avoid public pretty often, though.

Some idiot moo in the vet's office made a big show of telling her male hell spawn to "stay away from the big mean dog." The dog in question might have been a pit bull but it was also a four month old puppy. Too bad moo didn't tell her little idiot to keep away from every other dog in the office. I know my time in there would have been a lot easier if her he brat hadn't been allowed to run up on every dog and run screaming through the place.

I know this probably doesn't fit the definition of baby stalking, besides letting the shit stain harass dogs and humans alike, I mostly had to rant about it.

I was just babystalked via ultrasound photo. This is someone I haven't worked with for over four years. We were in the same work group at one time but we weren't friends. I talk to her about business maybe once a year.

Here's the kicker: She got 200+ likes and tons of comments on her FB page when she announced her pregnancy and posted the photo. I'm not on FB very much--one look at my page should tell you that.

She sent me a separate e-mail with the photo telling me she's pregnant.

She's a nice enough person but really? She had 200+ likes. Is the need for attention so intense that one has to ferret out every FB friend who didn't give you a "like" or a comment and send them the picture? I thought it was bizarre.

Holy crap, that just happened to me yesterday (or was it the day before?). But this was an ultrasound photo of twins, the mother of whom I didn't even know. And the photo was on a cellphone for extra portability. I mean, why do I need to know this stuff?

I'm starting to think fetus-stalking should warrant extra demerits. The baby isn't even born yet. I could see why maybe a grandparent would want to see it, or maybe someone who has expressed interest, but otherwise, contain yourself.

I got baby stalked today!! At a convention!! I was in a meeting this afternoon and was just now hurrying down the hallway back to my room. I see this moo coming toward me with a loaf in a small stroller. I don't know her. she says HI to me with the tone 'look at my loaf' and I just smile a bit at her, do not look at loaf, and continue off to my room. I hear her say to to 'Loaflette' "Didn't she say HI to you?"
Oye.. even at a convention/ meeting for adults.. I get babystalked.

Wow, that's amazing! But it must be par for the course, as they say.

Airports are primo sites for babystalking, especially in the more "liberal" cities (I think of myself as liberal, but only to a degree). It's unbelievable how many people insist on bringing very small children on flights. We're talking two and under, with all the usual stuff kids that age require AND the SUV stroller to put it in. And then they fly coach class, which is already crammed to the gills. Those squeaky loud voices you can hear for several rows, the constant "uh-oh," Moo talking in sing-songy tones, and then letting the toddler go free-range once inside the terminal. I find it funny when NO ONE pays any mind to toddler except its delighted parents. Yup, a good time is had by all!

I will be spending time at the airport on Friday. I am praying the flight is child free.

At the same convention... someone brought a ONE MONTH OLD LOAF to one of the meetings. Luckly the hatchling was mostly quiet...but that thing did not belong in that meeting. It's moo was the daughter of one of the officers in our group.. and she did get a lot of the attention she wanted from the grandmoo types in the group. At one point when it was 'fussing quietly' I turned and gave the moo a 'look' LOL

I was almost the victim of a babystalking but it was thwarted by the loaf itself!

I was waiting in line at the bank and a moo/loaf combination was in front of me. Moo was carrying the loaf and the loaf was looking over moo's shoulder at the going ons in the bank. So Moo starts trying to engage the loaf and me! "Smedley, can you wave to the lady?" "Smedley, say hi!" "Smedley, don't you want to say hi???"

And poor Smedly most definitely did not want to engage so he kept trying to turn his head or burrow into the moo's shoulder.

I almost felt sorry for Smedley!

Hubby likes buffet places like Golden Corral. I don't but I've often gone to make him happy. Dinner last night was decent and it was fun to get out of the house for a little while. Things are peaceful until some cunt puts her spawn, I'm guessing it was a three or four year old she brat but I can only guess on age, at a table right at the edge of the buffet. Moo evidently thought that table was the best place to show off her fucking brat. I had to step around this brat four separate times. This knocks me off balance and I have knee problems. I got sick of the bullshit and I snapped. I didn't say anything to the moo but I did complain to a server where moo could hear me. Moo got to hear me carry on about what a "fucking brat" I thought her spawn was and hear me call her a "lazy fucking cunt." Yes, that is exactly what I said. As Hubby and I are leaving the restaurant I point out for him how many other tables were open and that if moo had thought about it she could have kept her fucking brat out of everyone's way. What moo heard, and I made sure she did, was "this lazy fucking cunt could have kept her fucking brat away from everyone but she's too stupid to do that." My husband took my hand and led me out of the restaurant. I know my reaction wasn't civilized and I might be sorry for it later but right now I'm not. It might be mean but I'm happy to know moo heard me call her and her bratty little she spawn, what I called them. I hope moo's widdle peewins got hurt. I know that was probably mean but I'm not sorry for any of it right now.