Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

Yesterday in the security line a moo with a she-loaf making those horrible high-pitched sounds tried to babystalk everyone around her including the TSA agent checking IDs. She kept saying loudly, to no one, that it was hard to travel with a BABY, it is hard to travel ALL ALONE-WITH A BABY. She doesn't know how people with more than one child handle traveling with A BABY.

I was already gearing up the dread of standing next Loud Moo and Shrieking Loaf while they fumbled with shoes, electronics and shit they shouldn't be taking through security bogging up the whole line. The TSA women gave them the stink-eye and directed them to a line. She then asked me if I was traveling alone (I had the dog but my dog knows how to behave at the airport). I told her yes and she said "You can go to that line right over there then. Trust me, you will love it." I don't know if it is a test program, but they had some kind of new scanner and I did not have to take off my shoes or remove my laptop. There were only adults in the line. It was awesome and I cleared security before stalker moo was even getting near the scanner.

It wouldn't be that bad to travel with a baby if you could put them in an soundproof overhead compartment. Air holes for oxygen of course.

Scratch that! They can go on the bottom of the plane, the outside part! The high winds will drown out their cries.

Put 'em in crates and load them as baggage like they want us to do with our pets (which I don't)

Went to DH's very small rural hometown for a funeral not long ago. The deceased (I'll call her Becky) is the mother of DH's best friend from high school, a divorced duh of two. He's dating a single moo of a he brat around 9 years old.

At the service all the grandbrats lined up and said how much they miss their grandmother and how they're happy she's now with her Sky Daddy. Pretty obvious they didn't want to be in front of a crowd and didn't understand what they were saying. Many of them were pretty young. Girlfriend moo also insisted her brat also go in front and say how much he missed Becky as well. They met once before she died.

After the service there was a reception at a local bar, DH and I were chatting with the deceased's son, when moo joins us. She tells us how her son is the one wearing a tie to the service, and he felt sooo grown up wearing a tie. He so admired DH for wearing a suit, and wants to wear a suit. Now that he's a big boy he wants a real tie instead of a clip on, but she doesn't know how to tie a tie.

To his credit the son looked mortified at his moo's behavior. At this point I excused myself and went back to the in law's house.

^^ Oh, jeez! My mom did that more times than I care to count. Any kid who is not a spoiled brat would be embarrassed.

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"Be yourself, no matter what. Some will adore you, and some will hate everything about you, but who cares?

It's your life. Make the most out of it."

Got babystalked - more accurately kyd-stalked, since my stalker was old enough to know better - at the store today.

I'm guessing the sprog was 4? Five, maybe? Did one of those "Hi, hi, hi!" things at me. Moo was not far off, looking on and smiling with approval.

"Why hello there, darling. Didn't your mommy teach you not to talk to stwangers?" I asked in my most syrupy-sweet voice.

Kidlet looks doubtful, then shakes her head.

"Well, that's too bad" I cooed, "she must not love you very much. Tsk, tsk."

You could see the steam coming out of Moo's ears, but since (1) I'd used a sweet tone of voice and (2) what I said was TRUE, she couldn't very well get mad.

I walked away, whistling to myself and trying not to shake with laughter.

skyeyes....:yrlarious

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Well, that's too bad" I cooed, "she must not love you very much. Tsk, tsk."

larious
Please accept this virtual drink :beer

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aliceblue

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Well, that's too bad" I cooed, "she must not love you very much. Tsk, tsk."

larious
Please accept this virtual drink :beer

I am going to use this line the next time that I can.

A friend starts an overseas assignment next month, and is traveling around the country visiting family. I offered to pick her up at the train station so we could have a long lunch and drop her at her relative's house.

Arrive at the train station and look up the arrivals, I text my friend to let her know I'm at the gate. While I'm waiting a moo with a toadler and he brat walk up to the windows and look at the trains. Moo keeps describing all the activities in a loud voice and trying to get the train crew to wave at bratford. The bratstalking is mainly toward the train people. After 15 minutes moo and brats left, guessing there was no more train crew people to bratstalk. Then she said "Hudson since you're such a goooood boy, we're going to lunch at McDonalds", and looks at me. Guess I'm supposed to tell Hudson (seriously you named your brat after a defunct department store?) what wonderful chyld he is and give moo massive udder rubs. I roll my eyes, moo glares. I glare harder, moo walks away in a huff.

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hana
"Hudson since you're such a goooood boy, we're going to lunch at McDonalds", .

Anyone who eats McYuck in this is a McTwit:

Hudson



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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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Snark Shark

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thom_c

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hana
"Hudson since you're such a goooood boy, we're going to lunch at McDonalds", .

Anyone who eats McYuck in this is a McTwit:

Hudson

inspired by a big pickle!

Why am I suddenly seeing visions of the Hamburgular cruising through the drive through in one of these

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I met up with a fellow CF friend at an indoor flea market a couple of days ago, she was the babystalk victim not me. She is a rather blunt and outspoken person and doesn't take crap off anybody. We were sitting down and catching up on stuff and she showed me her new handbag, which was really cool. It was one of those handbags that has speakers in it and you can plug your ipod into it. It also caught the attention of a toadler. The kid walked right up to her and was fixated on the handbag. My friend told the kid to go away a couple of times (which of course didn't work) and she was starting to get pretty agitated because there was no parent in sight. Finally she said out loud, "Where is its mother?". She stood up and asked a woman walking by if the kid belonged to her and the woman replied, "Nope, don't deal with 2 legged kind, just the 4 legged ones" and we had a good laugh. Finally the kid's mother showed up and took the baby away. Because it's such a great idea to let babies run rampant unattended at a busy flea market.

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michaela
(On a side note, I learned today that Costco carts are made to seat TWO loaves. Not just a fat one; there are four holes and two sets of belts. Here is what GIS offers.)

The worst part is some breeders will insist on putting their toadler in the cart itself and ignore the provided seating. Or put their child who is old enough to walk in the cart with filthy shoes and all and then some unfortunate soul who gets the cart next will put their food in it. Disgusting. *is a germaphobe*

Damn. I got the classic babystalk treatment at Kohl's today. I was returning a cardigan I'd ordered. There's one near my house and I was working from home today, so I slipped out during a slow moment. Thought I was playing it smart by going mid-afternoon on a weekday.

When I got there, there was one customer service rep working the returns counter. There was one woman being helped, and two middle-aged women waiting behind her. Not a bad line. So far, so good. After a minute, incoming breeder gets in line behind me with a spawn in a stroller. Never did get a look at her or her kyd due to my staunch ignoring. But based on the babbling sounds the little turd made I'd guess somewhere in the young toddler range, not quite able to speak yet, but maybe a little verbal. I don't know.

Anyway, so this moo immediately starts doing the sing-songy bullshit like, "ooh, Bratleigh, look, here we are! Here's your nice toy that we brought. Isn't it nice?" I don't remember exactly what she was saying, but it was very performance-like, and thanks to Bratfree, right away I knew I was being babystalked. So this went on for a couple of minutes. The two women in front of me of course fell for the routine. They turned around and were like "aww, how cute". It was annoying that they walked into her trap, but they didn't indulge her too much, at least.

I stood absolutely still though, with my back to her. The more minutes that went by without my acknowledging her, the more I could tell she was getting annoyed, and she would dial up her act, subtly, a notch. Still wouldn't budge. Then, she says to the little shitling, "ooh, is that a compuuuuuter? What a nice compuuuuuter. Let's go look at the compuuuuuuuter." And walked up in the direction of the computer monitor at the customer service desk, which placed her and her stroller immediately to my right (I saw her in my peripheral vision), as if she were INSISTING that I pay attention to her and her baaaaaaybee. Nope nope nope. I don't play, bitch. I shifted my stance and my gaze slightly to the left and continued to ignore.

Then, sensing that this ploy wasn't working either, she starts singsonging to the little shit, "ooh, look at the ladies in the line. See the ladies in the line? The ladies in the line. Pretty ladies in the line." And on and on about the ladies in the line. Desperate attempt to get me to acknowledge her. NOPE. Fuck off.

Luckily then the woman at the desk was done so I was able to step forward, so that the breeder was behind me a little once again. By this time there were people in line behind her so she started in on them, and lured one sucker into a conversation about how awesome her stroller steers, and the best piece of advice she got was to steer it with one hand, and then some other bullshit about the ladies at her church. Oh, but I could tell she was still steamed about not being able to crack me. Because she increased her the volume of her voice and hit the restart button on the original babystalking strategy, projecting it forwards. Then she started back in on the ladies in the line stuff. I was wondering how far she was going to take it when thankfully, mercifully, another customer service rep came to work the desk off to the side, and I was next in line.

It was textbook and it was shameless.

This is more of an annoyance than a babby stalking but it got on my nerves. While Hubby and I were in the grocery store today I had to run back to the truck for my wallet. While I was trying to get back to my husband some loaf is spinning around on the floor like a spazzy tard and blocking two aisles. It took me five minutes to pick my way around the little fucker. I wanted nothing better than to tell moo to pick up her fucking meat sack. I also wanted to ask if it was retarded and call moo a lazy cunt. I don't feel well as it is AND I have to deal with that crap.

DH decided to make bread for dinner tonight, so we were looking at the flour deciding what kind of bread we wanted. Moo shows up with really derpy looking loaf and parks the cart right in front of us and loafleigh is trying to do the Hi hi hi type nonsense. I turn my back we decide to continue our shopping. Wherever we went derpleigh and moo followed. We turned our backs and went to a different aisle. Moo got the hint when I told a manager I was being followed by a possibly mentally disturbed person.

Love it!larious

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Snark Shark

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hana
Moo got the hint when I told a manager I was being followed by a possibly mentally disturbed person.

larious

:yr

What must have been even funnier would have been to read her rant on FB or her favorite mommy list or blog. About this ebil monster who couldn't even say "hi" to Tardleigh and don't people know that loaves are people too. And how dare anyone call her mentally unstable when she's doing TMIJITW! It must have been priceless.

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aliceblue
What must have been even funnier would have been to read her rant on FB or her favorite mommy list or blog. About this ebil monster who couldn't even say "hi" to Tardleigh and don't people know that loaves are people too. And how dare anyone call her mentally unstable when she's doing TMIJITW! It must have been priceless.

Now I'm tempted to start googling mommy blogs and lists to see if moo posted anything. She was probably more pissed that the manager would've sided with me. I shop there at least once a week and know the cashiers fairly well. I'm polite and try to make things easier for the store employees. Breeders not so much.

Hubs and I went out last night for a burger and a beer at our local watering hole, and there was a duhd there who was walking his toadler around the bar. Repeatedly. At least THREE times I saw the two of them go by, he, of the Ogdickwerks variety, and the kid, who was rather unfortunate looking, even as toddlers go--this one had a larger than normal head and very little hair, but did have the signature lurching toadler stagger-walk. No one at the bar (or the surrounding seating) seemed to be paying them any attention at all, but Duhd was trying his hardest to get someone to make eye contact. Pathetic.

I was on the Red line train this afternoon, the metro car was not crowded and there were empty seats available. I was looking on my phone at the metro map, and this massive piggo moo sits next to me. Lots of seats available she did not need to sit next to me. She pulls out a frilly pink dress and holds it up so I can admire it. I say "excuse me" and walk to an empty seat. Next stop was mine, so I got off the train.

In my local grocery store some grand moo, I'm calling her grand cunt, baby stalked my husband when he tried to walk past her. She moved her cart so that her toadler spawn could hit my husband in the arm with it's shoe. What the fuck makes grand cunt think my husband wants her spawn's filthy shoe on his new sweater? My husband was kind enough to ignore it but I don't feel he should have to.

Damn, your husband is a patient man indeed to deal with that. What is it about grocery stores, anyway? They bring out the worst babystalking!