Why are human babies so ugly?

It struck me once again today just how cute animals babies are while human babies are stomach-turningly ugly.

What is the evolutionary reason for human babies being so nauseatingly ugly? It's really remarkable how ugly they are. They look like angry old bald men and often have that disgusting crusty facial skin, while animal babies have that gorgeous, pristine downy fur or fluff.*

It frightens me how ugly human babies are. Anybody who gushes about babies being cute are either lying or have had their brains either culturally programmed to do so or biologically programmed to do so, so that they won't murder their own offspring.

Just found this FB page. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Babies-are-SO-ugly/214502796245?sk=info

Click on the pics for perfect, terrifying examples. (They are truly terrifying, I warn you in advance.)

*Not to mention they stop shitting on themselves and have rather impressive cognitive development so soon after birth, compared to humans who remain useless, stupid, screaming, shitty lumps of flesh for the first few YEARS.

I think the reason they are so ugly is the same reason kittens and puppies are so cute. A kitten, for example, is a miniature cat. They look just like a cat, only smaller. Everything is there: tiny whiskers, fur.

Human babies are gross. Their heads are large and out of proportion to their bodies. They are often hairless. The ones that do have that icky black hair that looks like pubic hair.

Some of them look okay, I guess, as in not hideous. But you know the saying "pretty is as pretty does?" I see some baybees and think "that one doesn't look awful," then it will invariably squall or shit its pants, and all the ugliness sails forth. Then I remember babies are soul-sucking experiences and I'd just as soon strap an anchor to myself and jump in a lake rather than be stuck with one.

Nature is a tricky bitch. She makes sex feel good so people will make more of them. And then, after the baby is born, She floods the woman with natural drugs so the mother doesn't throw the kid in the nearest dumpster.

Isn't it funny how primate babies in general are dependent on the mother for a much longer time? The only other large intelligent animals I can think of that keep their kids around for long time are like whales and elephants. I think I'd like to come back in the next life as something over than human. As a group, I'm sorry we just really suck. No other species behaves anywhere close to how we do. However, anything I'd like to come back as in said next life is either a whaling or poaching target.

What's even funnier is a new baby with a full head of hair that doesn't fall out. They look like they have on a tiny wig!

Pandas are quite ugly when brand new, but eventually gain fluffiness and cuteness.

So, we established on another thread placenta-brain prevents mom from throwing it in a dumpster (most of the time). The large head/brain is the reason babies just lie around. The head is trying to catch up with the body or maybe it's the other way around.

I think it's an uncanny valley thing.
We have an expectation of what people are supposed to look like, and swollen-faced, glassy-eyed, drooling, big-headed meat loafs with sausages for limbs aren't quite it.

I was thinking the same thing today as I was on FB and saw about 3 photos of friends with ugly babies. One baby has the biggest schnozz I've ever seen (definitely no question who her dad is since his whole family has got the same nose and none of them have grown into it so there's no chance for her), one baby has the worst bags under her eyes, that only rivals the bags under her mom's eyes, and one has the most bizarrely shaped face I've ever seen. I can't even describe it. All are just beyond hideous. I'm so glad I won't risk one of these in my life.

What most people don't get is that from an evolutionary stand point, a normal, 40 week human gestation produces a baby that is premature. Humans are the only mammals that are born so helpless and for such an extended period of time. My parent friend talks about how babies need "9 months in and 9 months out" to finish growing to an acceptable level. She's right, human babies aren't done cooking yet!

No surprise I'm guessing, but my favorite baby is a chick. The look like fuzzy .50 pieces, but are mostly independant. Keep them warm for a month or so and protect them from preditors, and thats really all you have to do with them!

I find it startling how FAT a lot of babies are nowadays. I'm talking roly poly ROLLS of blubber. My god we're going to have some serious lardasses in the future.

Quote
Chicken Lady
What most people don't get is that from an evolutionary stand point, a normal, 40 week human gestation produces a baby that is premature. Humans are the only mammals that are born so helpless and for such an extended period of time. My parent friend talks about how babies need "9 months in and 9 months out" to finish growing to an acceptable level. She's right, human babies aren't done cooking yet!

No surprise I'm guessing, but my favorite baby is a chick. The look like fuzzy .50 pieces, but are mostly independant. Keep them warm for a month or so and protect them from preditors, and thats really all you have to do with them!

I wuvvvv little baybee chicks! They are so adorable. Some baby birds, like parrots, look pretty ugly when they're freshly hatched, but they grow into beautiful creatures.
I agree that most little kyds look half-baked to begin with. I really don't see the beauty in baybees, especially when they're screaming or their diapers are full...eww!

The "not finished" thing makes sense. They remind me of maggots or larvae,all soft and gooey and grossly squishy looking and leaking vile sticky fluids.Urgh, lol, I really find newborn humans repulsive.

I have often thought also that, as far as nature being a "tricky bitch", maybe the reason preggos get so tired and puke-prone, and exhausted due to lack of sleep and disgusting looking during and post birth is so that they won't abandon the brat .Nature maybe ensures they moo out so that they'll feel too crappy to do much and look so disgusting that no one is going to pay them much positive attention anyway, let alone find them attractive ,so they might as well stay put and bond with their little ball-n-chain.m

Didn't someone on this board say human children are still technically fetuses for the first few YEARS of their lives? That would explain why toddlers creep me the hell out. Walkling, talking fetuses.....eeewwww!

Yes, human babies are butt-ugly and most animal babies are cute. I once saw a picture of a mouse fetus and thought it was cute. Human fetuses look like aliens from the planet Fugly.

That's why I further question the sanity of anyone who thinks babies are cute or beautiful, right after I question their sanity following the birth of said baby. Babies look like chubby, flatulent old men, and they look even uglier when they do that vein-popping screeching that makes their faces all red and coated in drool/snot. There are actual chubby, flatulent old men who are a lot cuter than any baybee.

Babies are not cute and they are not beautiful. They're fucking hideous, and then they get an attitude to match their appearance as they get older.

Don't flame me, but I like babies. Babies. When they're non-ambulatory and you can swaddle them up and hold them in one arm. Most newborn babies do, I agree, look like little Winston Churchills, but after a few days, they look better. However, I don't fawn over strangers' babies, just the ones in my immediate circle of friends and family, which, is very few.

Now, when they're about a year old and into everything, and starting to babble and have sticky hands, then, yea. Get away from me until you're out of pampers. That usually lasts til first grade...

Now this is what I call cute: (Miniature Schnauzer Puppies)

http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1138&bih=485&q=miniature+schnauzer+puppies&gbv=2&aq=1&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=miniature+sc

and they stay cute throughout their whole lifespan:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&biw=1138&bih=485&gbv=2&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=miniature+schnauzers&aq=f&aqi=g6g-m4&aql=&oq=

Human babies pale in comparison, I can agree that kittens are heart melting cute. wink

---

lab mom

What babies look like, ugly as shit (but no offense to Winston Churchill himself)

---

lab mom

Few beings are uglier than the baybee with the too big head thing going on with a shock of carrot red-orange hair and pasty skin. They look like Cabbage Patch dolls. They can grow up to be cute later though, but that first glimpse of them not long after birth can be rather shocking.

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

The schnauzers are cute, but baby pugs are my "squee" factor (as well as baby kittehs):

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=active&biw=1023&bih=494&gbv=2&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=pug+puppies&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

I've heard in biology class that if humans followed the same gestational periods as other mammals did, babies would come out looking like two year olds. Human larve are so useless compared to other animals. Baby horses can walk and run just within a few hours of being born, many other animals not much longer after that. Hell, most baby animals even learn where to discreetly shit within a couple of weeks, unlike humans who have to be wrapped in a shitsack for one or more years just to manage the shit!

Human baybees have never appealed to me. They smell like sewers, cover themselves in snot and spit and wail incessantly until their heads look like radishes. Give me a baby animal any day. At least when baby animals cry, whimper, chirp, or mew, my heart melts and I feel obligated to help them. When I hear a shitling wail, I run the other way

Quote
toxiclove

Human baybees have never appealed to me. They smell like sewers, cover themselves in snot and spit and wail incessantly until their heads look like radishes. Give me a baby animal any day. At least when baby animals cry, whimper, chirp, or mew, my heart melts and I feel obligated to help them. When I hear a shitling wail, I run the other way

larious Exactly. I love animals and freely give my time and money to rehabilitators, but "Save the Children" charities get fuck-all. I'm proud to be an abberation, doing the work that breeders are "too bizee" to do.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Quote
Miss_Hannigan

Quote
toxiclove

Human baybees have never appealed to me. They smell like sewers, cover themselves in snot and spit and wail incessantly until their heads look like radishes. Give me a baby animal any day. At least when baby animals cry, whimper, chirp, or mew, my heart melts and I feel obligated to help them. When I hear a shitling wail, I run the other way

larious Exactly. I love animals and freely give my time and money to rehabilitators, but "Save the Children" charities get fuck-all. I'm proud to be an abberation, doing the work that breeders are "too bizee" to do.

Amen. I get so sick of the "poor starving children" commercials. I saw their parents on the same commercials when I was a kid when they were poor starving children...as my coworker said "well, apparently they have enough energy to fuck and make more poor starving children" (and he is a parent.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

I have a relative that's child-obsessed, and every time there's a commericial with a baby, or a show with a child in trouble, she bellows "AWWWWWW", obviously delighted/pained. I just want to smack her in the mouth hard.

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Quote
navi8orgirl

Quote
Miss_Hannigan

Quote
toxiclove

Human baybees have never appealed to me. They smell like sewers, cover themselves in snot and spit and wail incessantly until their heads look like radishes. Give me a baby animal any day. At least when baby animals cry, whimper, chirp, or mew, my heart melts and I feel obligated to help them. When I hear a shitling wail, I run the other way

larious Exactly. I love animals and freely give my time and money to rehabilitators, but "Save the Children" charities get fuck-all. I'm proud to be an abberation, doing the work that breeders are "too bizee" to do.

Amen. I get so sick of the "poor starving children" commercials. I saw their parents on the same commercials when I was a kid when they were poor starving children...as my coworker said "well, apparently they have enough energy to fuck and make more poor starving children" (and he is a parent.)

Oh God, ME TOO. Yet, there have been starving kid commercials since tv was invented and they are STILL starving, only in greater numbers. WHY do we and other countries keep feeding them just enough to remain fertile while offering NO birth control? The ideal way to truly help a starving nation is to assist them in helping themselves economically. If there is NOTHING in their area to make sustaining life possible due to long term famine, drought, etc.....then they need to fucking move-relocate. They need to use birth control and IF they won't due to some fucked up primitive religious or cultural thing, then their colony can just die off. I think it's cruel to help them self replicate when it's certain that their offspring will starve to death if he doesn't get scarfed up by a lion first.

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

They are ugly because they are not designed efficiently.

http://tuamaegosta.tumblr.com/post/6037589938/my-dad-at-29-me-at-2-weeks-my-dads-first-me

Christ. These two photos are neither beautiful nor touching - they just reminded me of this discussion!

Babies look like blobfish and I'd rather not be around them if I have the choice. They almost appear...melted (in the face).

I'll 2nd that, I raised one of my cats (orphan kitty) bottle feed and all. Any of her poop was equal to her tiny size and when I would wipe her little butt. No little stupid pampers there.

After what 6-8 weeks they are popping and eating more or less on their own and I got alot of satisfaction/joy out of it

Giraffe babies literally get droped to the ground comign out the shute so it's like they hit the ground running.