The InPig Share Vile Pregnant Fart Stories

Just when I thought I had heard all the gross inpig stories possible what with their placenta consumption, Ravaged Cooter Syndrome™ stories, playing with their stringy discharges, stinky twat tales, and Picnic Pussy Problems™, I have discovered they are also proud of their extra stinky fart problems too as they share WAY TMI, across the globe on the World Wide Web. s


Rotten Eggs
Ew...i mean really ew! I am usually able to discreetly and silently pass gas, and it rarely smells. For the last month or so, my gas has been frequent, loud, and smelly every time. I mean it stinks like rotten eggs, that sulfuric smell. I cant think of anything I have been eating more of lately that would cause it. I am pooping every other day (which is pretty normal for me). I can hardly stand the smell, and it gets really embarrassing in public too.
Am I the only one laying rotten eggs? Lol! "LOL" is hardly an appropriate response nor is this apparent pride they seem to be taking in being gross. That, and that she'd want to share it on the internet and encourage discussion about it is even MORE gross, as is her recitation of her daily shit habits


Blame it on the Old Lady Fart
Oh gosh...a few years back I was in Babies R Us with a prego friend doing her registry and we smelled this nasty rotten egg fart. She acted disgusted and pointed out an elderly woman near us and said "my nose can't take this nasty old lady" and we moved. On the way home I smelled it again. She started laughing hysterically. It was HER! Only this time there was no poor innocent old lady to blame! That's not only gross, but RUDE too down


Peanut Butter Butty-Moo
don't forget peanut butter butty- when your gassy you leave skid marks on the tissue- the smell is horrible when you wipe to- it's all just HORRIBLE! lol! -which is why your mama doesnt mention it to you- you'd never have a baby EeWWWww. Not only does the cow stink up the house, but she leaves, "peanut butter butty" skidmarks AND thinks, "lol!" is an appropriate response to leaving greasy skid marks. I am also left wondering how much time passes between the stinky fart and the wiping of the Peanut Butter Butty(™ pending) .


Passive Aggressive InPig Pooter
I have gas bad all the time and when I let out a big airy fart it feels sooo good! My husband hates the smell, but its so nice....that deflating feeling and seeing how loud you can make it sound. Plus it makes me giggle to see my husband run away from the blast....usually its the other way around. I dont want to have sex, so it also comes in handy. When he tries to get it on I jut let some juicy ones rip and then I can relax again. One time I farted and left the house to meet him at the office, we came back to the house and when he walked in he gagged from the lingering smell. I was so proud! Tell me, do you enjoy your farts as much as I do? I really really enjoy this part of pregnancy, I know you probly think I'm weird, but its so fun! While all of it is absurdly nasty as hell, probably the MOST obnoxious is purposely, with malice and aforethought, stinking up the house before he gets home.


Parachute Pig Pooter
Hah! God this thread is already incredible! Eventually, I came back to bed last night, still farting. The last one I ripped was with such force the sheets rippled up off my butt! The stench woke up dh and he ran out of the room saying, "good lord!" And I'm still farting around this morning. So funny ^.^ If the smell is awful enough to wake someone out of a dead sleep I fail to see how that's funny. Tee hee hee


Oral Sex and the Inpig Fart
My husband and I got frisky one night before bed. I tried my best to be as sexy as possible without looking like an almost eight-months-pregnant beached whale splayed out on the bed. My husband put his face down between my legs to pay some attention to his favorite area. While he was busy down there, I decided it was an opportune time to remove the rest of my undergarments. As I sat up a bit to unclasp my bra, a great big fart escaped from my rear end. My poor husband's face was right in the line of fire. He just paused for a second and then continued on with what he was doing, as if it never happened. This is so wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin.


Birthing a Turd
For many days after my baby's birth, I could not have a bowel movement. I had some vaginal tearing and hemorrhoids, so you can imagine how sore I was. My midwife kept giving me laxatives, but to no avail. Finally, many days later, the time came for my first b.m. I was in tears with the pain and had to call my husband into the bathroom to hold my hand as I pooed. He obliged, stroked my head and told me it was all okay, much like he had done during the birth experience. Having the support of my husband through the MOST undignified time of my entire life was embarrassing, but he still thinks I'm sexy. If that's not love, then I don't know what is! Beyond gross inpig farting and RE-Volting.s


Preggo "Practice" Poop
I have been farting out loud around my DH the last couple weeks and telling him I'm just practicing for when the baby comes. I also go in the bathroom when he's shaving or showering and take a nice dump. Haha just getting him prepared. These women are so vulgar and filthy. I can understand having gas, whether inpig makes no difference since we all fart, but to purposely try to work one up, or worse work up or save up a dump and THEN premeditate it and go into the bathroom where the poor man is a captive audience and SHIT while he's in the shower is repulsive.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I can't imagine why fathers ever leave. eyes2

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

This thread could singlehandedly put Overeaters Anonymous, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, LA Weightloss and every bariatric surgeon alive out of business. I'm actually nauseated.

What I don't understand is why anyone would be proud of this or think it's remotely funny. It's disgusting. These cows have zero dignity.

"Birthing a turd"
Is this what happens after birthing a tard?

Quote
barren4ever
"Birthing a turd"
Is this what happens after birthing a tard?

I'd rather have the turd. You don't get arrested for flushing it.

SO glad I'll never be one of these disgusting pigs who takes such pride in disgusting bodily functions. There are so many other topics I can discuss online and in person with friends before we're down to the fart/poop material.

I've listened to some real gross-hog MEN share stories about farts and shit, but these filthy pigs would gross THEM out! Sometimes I read through BratFree while I'm eating dinner, but I have to be very careful. Some of the stories here are just...................you know.

jbs

Not gonna lie, I have that toilet sense of retard humor so I actually laughed at a few of these. I did NOT laugh at the ones that were premeditated or deliberate, though, as that's just fucking foul. I understand that Shit Happens (lit.), and it's better to laugh it off than to be mortified about it forever, clutching your pearls, but intentionally airing your nastiness to your SO is just a surefire effing way to get him to leave (or cheat).

I don't feel so gross for having been a frat boy now.

.

Maybe they're just trying to live in the lambent light of vove, like a certain islandy dweller. Their husbands just haven't evolved enough to appreciate them and probably don't even recite Beetles lyrics nor fart at romantic moments.

It's disgusting that these women aren't even embarrassed by this and that they take pleasure in being such vile nasty pigs! Gee, I wonder why there are soooooo many single moos?? eyes2

This is sheer proof that the idea that a moo's IQ halves when the placenta comes out is bullshit.

It halves when said inpig moo becomes a true sow.

How can a preggo fart? They don't shut up long enough to build up any pressure!

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

I feel the need to address all of this. I suppose I find it disgustingly fascinating since I *rarely* have gas. Really. Nothing excessive in any case and I'm even *close to* a Vegetarian. I eat reasonably healthy, lots of fruits and veges, not too much junk, meat, or dairy. People say much veges causes gas? I don't think so. Not if you're used to it. IMO it's the junk food eaters who are blasting away. But of course I can't be sure because I only associate with people who have a modicum of *class* and do not gas freely around others, let alone find it funny. Jeez. (I'm not a total stick up the ass, I do find some toilet humor funny.) So, my thoughts on these various gaseous emissions ~

Ew...i mean really ew! I am usually able to discreetly and silently pass gas, and it rarely smells. For the last month or so, my gas has been frequent, loud, and smelly every time. I mean it stinks like rotten eggs, that sulfuric smell. I cant think of anything I have been eating more of lately that would cause it. I am pooping every other day (which is pretty normal for me). I can hardly stand the smell, and it gets really embarrassing in public too.
Am I the only one laying rotten eggs? Lol!

Me personally? I'd be rather concerned here. First of all - you only crap 'every other day'? That doesn't sound good. IMO it should be every day, in the AM, and be a smooth quick move. It probably *would be* if you ate more fiber. And it stinks that bad? I'd either change my diet or if that didn't work - see a Doctor.

Oh gosh...a few years back I was in Babies R Us with a prego friend doing her registry and we smelled this nasty rotten egg fart. She acted disgusted and pointed out an elderly woman near us and said "my nose can't take this nasty old lady" and we moved. On the way home I smelled it again. She started laughing hysterically. It was HER! Only this time there was no poor innocent old lady to blame!

Yes this is gross, and rude, and it's really not all that funny, either. Comes off as more 'passive aggressive'. Notice Farting Moo did it to her "friend" too. Passive aggressive and rude. Cow couldn't blow her horn before she got in the car? Or hold it? Jesus Christ if you're THAT gassy that you're blowing them all the time - again - maybe you might want to consult a Doctor.

don't forget peanut butter butty- when your gassy you leave skid marks on the tissue- the smell is horrible when you wipe to- it's all just HORRIBLE! lol! -which is why your mama doesnt mention it to you- you'd never have a baby

If you are sharting out shit ooze that is the consistency of peanut butter - you really do need to change your diet. You *should have* solid logs easily sliding out in the AM and then you are done for the day. You probably shouldn't even have to fart for the rest of the day. If peanut butter like goo is frothing from your ass much like a soft serve ice cream dispenser every time you fart - you clearly have a very poor diet and you need to correct that. Also - you're blowing this stuff out yer arse and then leaving it there to wipe up later? You must be a very pleasant person to interact with.

I am reminded of a comedian I saw once at a club - I want to guess that it was Bruce Baum. Really don't remember for sure. But I remember the bit ~

It was about "Adult Diapers" and there's two guys on the golf course talking about them. The one guy says to the other - yeah - these are GREAT! I just pinched a loaf on the 14th!

Fix your diet, see a Doc, clean your PB sharts up, or start wearing diapers. Jesus weeps.

I have gas bad all the time and when I let out a big airy fart it feels sooo good! My husband hates the smell, but its so nice....that deflating feeling and seeing how loud you can make it sound. Plus it makes me giggle to see my husband run away from the blast....usually its the other way around. I dont want to have sex, so it also comes in handy. When he tries to get it on I jut let some juicy ones rip and then I can relax again. One time I farted and left the house to meet him at the office, we came back to the house and when he walked in he gagged from the lingering smell. I was so proud! Tell me, do you enjoy your farts as much as I do? I really really enjoy this part of pregnancy, I know you probly think I'm weird, but its so fun!

More passive aggression. Oh and it's funny! And it's a Get Out Of Sex Free card too. If you don't want to have sex, why did you get married? I'm not the most high sexed person either - but if I ever felt repulsed by the thought I'd be *rethinking the entire relationship* / maybe I am with the wrong person. Or, do some serious thinking and if you find you might be asexual - maybe you should be single. Blowing noxious gas to keep your supposed "loved one" away? This isn't funny, it's indicative of some serious underlying issues. Even if you do have such noxious gas - a normal person would either step outside or into a bath room with an exhaust fan. Using it as a weapon and laughing about it's potency to keep people away - yeah. Issues.

Hah! God this thread is already incredible! Eventually, I came back to bed last night, still farting. The last one I ripped was with such force the sheets rippled up off my butt! The stench woke up dh and he ran out of the room saying, "good lord!" And I'm still farting around this morning. So funny ^.^

If you have gas at such a magnitude to move material - again - you probably need to see a Doctor. I mean - I open shook up Pepsi bottles and I don't get such a volume of CO₂ from even that. If you're blowing with such a great force - you might want to go to the Google Doc at the least.

My husband and I got frisky one night before bed. I tried my best to be as sexy as possible without looking like an almost eight-months-pregnant beached whale splayed out on the bed. My husband put his face down between my legs to pay some attention to his favorite area. While he was busy down there, I decided it was an opportune time to remove the rest of my undergarments. As I sat up a bit to unclasp my bra, a great big fart escaped from my rear end. My poor husband's face was right in the line of fire. He just paused for a second and then continued on with what he was doing, as if it never happened.

This is quite possibly THE most disgusting thing I have read, ever. There simply are no words. From the Beached Whale bod to the Lower Blow Hole blasting away - if I were the man in this scenario I'd have probably had a seizure and died.

For many days after my baby's birth, I could not have a bowel movement. I had some vaginal tearing and hemorrhoids, so you can imagine how sore I was. My midwife kept giving me laxatives, but to no avail. Finally, many days later, the time came for my first b.m. I was in tears with the pain and had to call my husband into the bathroom to hold my hand as I pooed. He obliged, stroked my head and told me it was all okay, much like he had done during the birth experience. Having the support of my husband through the MOST undignified time of my entire life was embarrassing, but he still thinks I'm sexy. If that's not love, then I don't know what is!

Can't shit without someone holding your hand? You have GOT to be kidding me! I do understand that this scenario might've been painful - but for the love of Sweet Baby Jesus - why drag some other poor soul into it? And taking a hard shit is nothing in comparison to *working on yourself* after serious surgery. Or other seriously grisly things that Boo Hoo Moo cannot even fathom. Hell - I can tell from this info that this Cow never even had a serious case of the beer shits. Poor guy. And poor All Women - this just spreads the idea (like peanut butter) that women are weak. Thanks for that, Cow.

I have been farting out loud around my DH the last couple weeks and telling him I'm just practicing for when the baby comes. I also go in the bathroom when he's shaving or showering and take a nice dump. Haha just getting him prepared.

More passive aggressive behavior. And she hasn't even shat the loaf yet. I can only imagine how bad it will be once that, the Mother of all crotch BMs happens. Who shits in front of others, either? If it's not an absolute necessity? On purpose? = Passive aggressive behavior. And it's not cute and it's not funny.

I will conclude with something that is cute and funny - a song many of us may remember from child hood. And "here" - there really IS a "Highway 64" ~

Goin down the Highway, Highway 64 ~
Someone blew a gasser - it blew me out the door!
The wheels couldn't take it, the motor fell apart ~
All because of Moo Cow who blew a SUPER SONIC FART!